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Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

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Mariposa said:
The man in my life just pounded a fifth of tequila and repeatedly drunk-texted several of his female friends in my presence. It is not even 9 PM. I am disgusted.

This ride is over. I have witnessed too much selfish behavior in the name of booze, including my own - not tonight, but many other times. I must use alcohol responsibly, or not at all. I can only take ownership of my behavior. I'm calling it an early night and working on my writing.
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Fuck :(

If/Until your partner assumes accountability for his actions, the consequences will only hurt you. You said a lot in very few words, and it shows that you understand very well the sinister effect alcohol has on us; both ourselves and those close to us. My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry to hear that you just experienced this - let alone experienced it at all.

Do you have somewhere to go? You should really remove yourself from that person for the time being... Breathe... and if you need to vent, you know we are here <3
 
Thanks Vaya and S.M.F.G for your considered replies

Well today has been a disaster and i have only been out of bed for 3 hours, my girlfriend has walked out on me again (after only returning home yesterday)

I seem to be in this mindset of i must avoid opaites at all costs so have justified my drinking as a suitable relacement, its just as detrimenatal but i am thing king of self justification

So here i sit at 4.20pm, a bottle of wine and a handful of valium in my system, i just wish i could sleep for the next week and wake up and everything be ok

I am most likely going to sit here and get slaughtered and listen to records, most importantly i must give my girlfriend space as it will serve no positive cause to call her and apologise

I am so greatful for bluelight as a resource as it provides unbiased wisdom and the insight into other peoples issues that i can some relate to, but at the moment i just feel incredibly isolated and any attempt to honestly explain how i am feeling to anyone close to me seesm to develop into a heated discussion that does more harm than good for both me and them

Oh well, i can only hope tomorrow is a better day

I apologise for the self indulgence
 
BN, I was in your shoes just shy of a year ago due to my addiction to methoxetamine. Your situation to the 'T'. The first thing I want to tell you is that I believe you are absolutely correct - it is for the very best that you give her space at this time.

And second - and this is the question I could never face up to myself (which is why I ended up losing my potential fiancee) - What action are you going to take right now to help yourself today?

I apologise for the self indulgence
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Don't. Please.

<3
 
Beat Narrative said:
I am so greatful for bluelight as a resource as it provides unbiased wisdom and the insight into other peoples issues that i can some relate to, but at the moment i just feel incredibly isolated and any attempt to honestly explain how i am feeling to anyone close to me seesm to develop into a heated discussion that does more harm than good for both me and them
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I totally am with you here, literally. I just want to let you know, even though we're continents apart, you are not alone. I hope the channels of communication open up in a healthy, constructive way for your and your s.o. asap!

<3
 
^ We're grateful to have your contributions too, Bear! :) That's one of the ways that BL really works. Perhaps, to a degree, it is the interface of the internet, but people are able to be open, honest, emotional and all the more here, and the peer aspect of that really helps people get through it. Never apologise around here because it's just not right to apologise for helping!

Bear, while you're listening to the records, try something cool out. Try to go as long as you can without opening your eyes, or better yet actually blindfold yourself with something rather opaque. I can guarantee you that it will make that music sound so much better than ever before, than ever the alcohol might have made you think it was better, as long as you give it some time.

Or try something like this - eating blindfolded. I've tried this before, and it really does make you taste the food in new ways. Take a bath with your eyes closed. You guys have girlfriends... And so on.

And then, though I'm not encouraging it, should you happen to have a drink blindfolded, you'll realise that unlike all of these other things, your drunken state feeds off of the external stimuli to really get all of the drunken euphoria.

I'm not trying to really go anywhere profound here, but my general rule is that if the blindfold trick makes something seem better, more rewarding, that's my body's way of telling me that it's a healthy intoxicant. Your music, your food, your intimacy...those are all good intoxicants, and if you don't believe me that they are 'intoxicating,' then "you're doing it wrong." You've heard the song too many times, haven't tried enough spices, have gotten boring in bed, etc. When we start reaching all the time for the pills, the liquids, the powders, etc., because we're driven mad by the stale existence we're otherwise stuck with, it's a sign that we're ignoring aspects of the healthy, good intoxicants that god/allah/Be'al/aliens/etc made essential to our lives.

Another way to interpret this is that recovery and quitting a habit does not have to be about sitting in circles, counting hours/days, and so on, but instead could be just as hedonistic, albeit in less-harmful ways.
 
- What action are you going to take right now to help yourself today?



I seem to have written off today as a day where i am capable of anything positive, i am going to to attempt to not drink anymore and sit here and write down the feeling of my anxiety and try and work out why the fuck i am incapable of being a decent person to the many people that for some perverse reason seem to care about me.

Music and reading are my healthy intoxicants, maybe turning off my phone and lazying in bed with a good book is in order

Thank you Vaya, i am incredibly greatful for your responses, i am feeling frightened and alone and your responses have subsided those feeling for the time being
 
BN im in much the same situation exept i havnt pissed my woman off enough to walk out on me in a good month or two now and when she did it was for good reason, i was being an asshole, but she always came back the nxt day outta concern for me, Guess im just really lucky that way.
Not done well today the bolognaise ended up with the lesser half of the wine and ive had 2 extra bricks today and yet still feel alert enough.. go fuigure tollerence is a bitch.
Tomorrow WILL be a better day 4 u if you want it to be;)
 
S.M.F.G said:
BN im in much the same situation exept i havnt pissed my woman off enough to walk out on me in a good month or two now and when she did it was for good reason, i was being an asshole, but she always came back the nxt day outta concern for me, Guess im just really lucky that way.
Not done well today the bolognaise ended up with the lesser half of the wine and ive had 2 extra bricks today and yet still feel alert enough.. go fuigure tollerence is a bitch.
Tomorrow WILL be a better day 4 u if you want it to be;)[/QUOTE

It seems that the first moment of waking up is my worst moment, i get this huge feeling of anxiety and start thinking how the fuck will i cope with this without some form of intoxicant, and as today is a saturday she saw that side of me as opposed to coming home a few hours later from work when i have settled down (and probably had a few drinks or benzos) , my girlfiend uses drugs very infrequently and only in social situations, we have been together 8 years and some how has put up with me consuming whatever i can get my hands on for a long time

I love her more than anything, i start TAFE next week and am hoping that the time out of the house and mental stimulation will provide a nice distraction from me trying to avoid or consume alcohol and drugs

For the last 8 years i was working in a very good job at the deptartment of justice, but 80% of the time i was either slightly drunk, high on opiates and or stoned, i convinced myself i was a functional addict, well since quitting my job 8 weeks ago i have realised such a term is a fallacy.

I want to make changes, i guess thats the first step in the right direction but offloading my problems onto my gf is not fair and i have done it to much

Hopefully we will meet tomorrow and i will be more rational

Right now its probably good i am alone as i have so many things i want to say to her but know that they would not be articulated constructivly

Thanks for your concern

I hope you have a good day, the fact that we are taking the time to express our issues demonstrates self awareness and with out that we have no chance of progression

Take care
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Wow...hoping everyone is able to overcome their demons. I know it is a struggle.

This is my fourth day without drinking. Told my bf three days ago that I quit, and of course he is happy. He is going to stop doing molly in solidarity, especially because I told him I would not be able to do it, because doing molly just triggers bender mode for me of wanting to drink beers for 15+ hours straight. Dunno if this is forever, but at least several months, if not longer. I have been drinking tea every day, while not quite as satisfying as beer, it does work as an adequate substitute. Still am thinking about drinking a lot, had a few intense cravings but luckily I was able to push those aside. Surprisingly, I haven't had any sleep disturbances, nor any increased anxiety, but I have been taking kava kava supplements, something I take in the mornings as part of my daily vitamins, but only needed to take extra the first day.

Going out dancing tonight and my sober friend will be coming out too, so we will be each other's support. Still am smoking cannabis, but even that hasn't increased. It being less than a week, I am not going to take the ease of this transition for granted, however. My housemate claims that he already notices a difference in my demeanor, that I look more "glowy". If I am glowy after a few days of no drinking, I will be positively radiant after a month! Just hoping the constant musings on drinking beer will eventually subside. Would rather ruminate on more creative ideas.
 
That's great to hear :) Congratulations on four days sober. Tea was a great coping mechanism when I was quitting weed, it relaxed me and helped me focus at night, and I just feel great when I'm drinking it. It's great that you're able to reach out to your friends for mutual support, that's a great strategy for you to use.

Hope all is well with everyone on here :)
 
tonights tactic is to open my bottle of wine just as the bottle shop closes so i don't go buy a 2nd bottle

oh how i love wine but when its gone i crave it like nothing else
 
ha! after making that post i realised the horror of craving wine and went and bought an emergency bottle, so much for my strategy, now comes the will power excercise do i drink the 2nd bottle or not, no prizes for guessing the correct answer
 
Beat Narrative said:
ha! after making that post i realised the horror of craving wine and went and bought an emergency bottle, so much for my strategy, now comes the will power excercise do i drink the 2nd bottle or not, no prizes for guessing the correct answer
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NO! But I don't know you and haven't read many of your posts. Anyway, I really hope you don't.

Willpower is a tough thing to deal with when you're trying to stay "functional" Mine is to wait till 5pm and keep it under a pint of vod. Most days I do but I'm not accomplishing anything much in my life and not a healthy way to live.
 
SubDude said:
NO! But I don't know you and haven't read many of your posts. Anyway, I really hope you don't.

Willpower is a tough thing to deal with when you're trying to stay "functional" Mine is to wait till 5pm and keep it under a pint of vod. Most days I do but I'm not accomplishing anything much in my life and not a healthy way to live.
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Yeah my willpower seems to have taken a leave of absence.

I drank one bottle last night and thankfully fell asleep, i woke at 3am with this real feeling of fear and dread and i was not sure why i felt like that, so at 3am i drank am entire bottle of wine in what must have been record time for me (about 8 minutes), the immediate warmth and comfort soothed me and i listened to some music and fell asleep. Woke at 1.45pm with a horrible hang over and am curing it the only way i know how, beer
I start school tomorrow, which i am nervous about as i am 30 and didn't do to well at school the first time around, the perverse thing is i am studying social work, luckily it will take a few years to get the qualification as i would be of no value to give advice to anyone in a vunerable situation right now
I am glad i will now have a daily routine, i love drinking first thing in the day (well i love drinking at anytime during the day) but my mind is so simple that it associates certain environments with certain behaviour, i am to make sure i am sober the entire time i am at school (sober meaning drug and alcohol free) and hopefully break this dangerous routine i am in
This thread is very beneficial for me, thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read my posts and thanks to those who have replied, i know i have not contributed in a positive way, but at the moment i am not seeing many positives so i am using it to vent more than anything, hopefully when i get my own situation under control i can provide some more constructive posts
I hope everyone out there is well and looking after yourself
 
I just realized a 1.75 liter of vodka equals 60 oz and that lasts me only about 5 days. That's about 6 a month at 17.99 + 7% tax = $19.25 x 6 = $115.50 per month. That doesn't include drinks in bars and parties. Rounding it off to about $200 a month. If I quit drinking I could lease a new car for that. Or else buy the $9.99 bottles and quit drinking at bars.... hmmm I could cut my expense in half and not have to deal with a bunch of drunks like myself :?
 
UGH.

i wouldn't reccomend being a drunk to anyone except similar awful individuals such as myself, as i think life would probably suck even more if i weren't one. i embarrass myself at least twice a week. it's gotten to the point where i ask my roommate not to tell me what i do. this morning he asked "do you remember how last night ended" and i said no, and he said good.
(and no i didnt sleep with him, he wouldn't approach something like that in that manner)
 
SubDude said:
I just realized a 1.75 liter of vodka equals 60 oz and that lasts me only about 5 days. That's about 6 a month at 17.99 + 7% tax = $19.25 x 6 = $115.50 per month. That doesn't include drinks in bars and parties. Rounding it off to about $200 a month.
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Yeah, I am figuring that I will be saving at least $250 a month by not drinking. Was up to a twelve pack of good beer every two to three days at about $18 each time...so that's around $50 a week right there, not even including drinking in bars, and not including the increased rate that I would imbibe every other weekend (at least 18 beers most likely).

Day 6 of sobriety now. Got a kava tincture that is in 98% grain alcohol. Hoping that taking the tincture doesn't violate my decision. Only take a couple dropperfulls at a time and it is in an ounce bottle...so not getting much alcohol in at all for each dose
 
well today was the first day i had gone at least 6 hours of being awake without a drink in the last proabably 7 or 8 months, after such a realisation i thought i would reward myself with a drink, the warped mind of the alcoholic

I almost feel manic today, my first day at school and i felt happy when i left, i had consumed nothing but just felt content, an almost foreign feeling but a positive one, then i thought, sunshine, hapiness, beer. Oh well i am limiting it to no more than 6 today and no wine, small progress is still progresss
 
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