• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

affection: who shoves it away?

undead

undead

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 23, 2001
Messages
7,845
Location
Ohia, Heartland of Amurca
while posting in another thread (as is always the case) it caused me to think about this so i thought i would share and see who else is this way, out of curiosity.

i've never been an affectionate person. i don't like to say "i love you" i don't like to HEAR "i love you." i'm also not a big fan of physical contact. hugs are alright, holding hands is really even ok, but much more than that... not sure. whenever i see genuine signs of affection towards me, i push it away. friends of mine always say "i'll find you a girlfriend," but i always have to tell them "did you ever think that some people just don't want to be in a relationship?" i find ways to make them fail. it's just not me. :)

aaaand, i'm content with that.

btw, don't take that to mean i don't wanna have sex or make out occasionally, but i don't dwell on it like a lot of people i know.
 
Yeah, some people are more affectionate than others. I'm kinda the opposite to you... I love cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and all that mushy stuff. I think it's just a matter of personality. If you're content not to be in a relationship, then it isn't really a problem. :)
 
I like affectionate and being affectionate but i still push people away.
 
i can be both, depending on my feelings about the person. if i do love them, then kissing, cuddling, physical contact is awesome. if im not into her then having her go on about loving me feels really uncomfortable.
 
I'm strange...I fantasize about being in a relationship regularly, yet I hate holding hands, and always have--heck, PDAs in general. I enjoy porn, but the thought of having sex *myself* disturbs me; in fact, I find the very thought of sleeping next to someone repellent. No space, too much heat, are they fucking asleep or not because I'm not...nah, not for me.
 
^ everything you said rings true with me as well. to other people, i probably seem so lethargic, but it's not that at all. i'm perfectly fine with my ways. it doesn't mean i won't ever be in a relationship that suits me, but for the time being, i can't be bothered to be bogged down in a relationship. i barely have enough time for myself, i couldn't imagine trying to split that 2 ways.
 
versd said:
i can be both, depending on my feelings about the person. if i do love them, then kissing, cuddling, physical contact is awesome. if im not into her then having her go on about loving me feels really uncomfortable.
Click to expand...

word. i'm not a fan of pda but it would be more awkward for me to really love someone and act like im not
 
I'm a pretty affectionate person. my lady and I are constantly fondling each other or kissing one another, mostly due to her than me... but I do let it happen. I love touching and grabbing so I feel inclined to do so with the person I am with.
 
I like spooning and the like. I've been the person that the OP might abhor: grabbing, touching, feeling, hugging and just wanting to merge with the other.

It has been problematic for me in some cases, in some cases it has not.

:)
 
well it's odd, i don't mind it as much when i don't know the girl as well, but the more i get to know them, the less i like to do that. it's like i'm only comfortable with affection BEFORE i know someone very well. the instance i get to know them (cool or not cool) i start becoming more reserved.
 
Noodle said:
I like spooning and the like. I've been the person that the OP might abhor: grabbing, touching, feeling, hugging and just wanting to merge with the other.

It has been problematic for me in some cases, in some cases it has not.

:)
Click to expand...

Nice, I'm exactly the same way :)

Ryan, hunny, I think it's high time you've tried being man-handled for a change ;)
 
^^ that's the same as me. im more affectionate towards 'strangers'. people that i know on the hand, any attempt at affection from them and i push them away.
 
Last edited:
^ hmmmm... glad i'm not the only one! i can't honestly understand why i do it, but it's just the way i am. perhaps is that the adventurousness is gone??? who knows.

haha... jammy, believe me, if i come to that... you'll be one of the firsts on my list. :D

there might be one other bl'er ahead of you (i already promised him a while back, but who knows if he remembers! it's been a while since we've talked).
 
Physical? I'm all for it. Some girls want to be macking 24/7 tho, like even when you're drinking with your group of friends, I'm not down with that. I like just laying closely together and all that. Holding hands? eh..depends on the situation. Waking up in the with someone is always nice.


Emotional affection is a different story. I usually don't let people get very close too me, and end up pushing them away when I feel that is what is happening.
 
I push people away or ignore someone's advances when I feel that they may be trying to manipulate me with their physical affections.

I've had a few more women than men do this to me.
 
I too find it more comfortable to be affectionate to people i dont know as well. The closer people are to me the less i let my guard down, i try to protect myself more, i try to live up to who they think i am based on my past responses to situations. The reason i can show more affection to strangers is because they have no pre- concept of me or how im 'supposed' to act therefore i can be myself, because deep down i know that my true nature is loving, i am affectionate, i do want that closeness but i didnt know i wanted it or how to get it. I grew up in a family who did not show their emotions hence as a child i learnt that to be strong you had to on a brave face, not let anybody see your vulnerability. We didnt talk about emotions. We didnt hug or say i love you. And for a long time i felt uncomfortable with these displays of affection within family, friendships and relationships, and i still do but i'm aware of this and work on it all the time.

I see this as a huge limit in the amount of love that can be let into your life and it would probably do you well to try and see what happens when you allow that affection into your closer relationships. True intimacy is beautiful but it requires you breaking down your walls.
 
"I like spooning and the like. I've been the person that the OP might abhor: grabbing, touching, feeling, hugging and just wanting to merge with the other.

It has been problematic for me in some cases, in some cases it has not."

ditto on both accounts.. i hate people that break up with people / push them away when u get clingy/affectionate.. esp when they do it by starting a fight and making u break up with them or making u do something and then they leave u for it,, ahem kristen.. LUV U NE WAYS!!
 
how many of the hug haters in this thread have ever been madly, retardedly in love? that is what truly turned things around for me. for a long time i was a person who found holding hands, cuddling, etc. quite disagreeable. i don't come from one of those touchy-feely "i love you" families, and it took a super intense relationship for me to get comfortable with physical affection. now that the seal has been broken i give love like it's going out of style, but the gestures seemed meaningless to me until i was in a situation where i really felt it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top