Abused as a child? BL'ers have your say...

[DJ25]

^nobody deserves to b physically/sexually or in any other way abused
i doubt u 'deserved wat u got'

Yea but after years of denial and family not wanting to accept it/or pass it off as mundane, it starts eating away.

I think one day I will leave. As the peeps on this earth never gave a fuck anyway

Horrible feeling hopeless

Cheers for the kind words, but why do some get fulfilling lives and others get misery?

 

[drug_wench]

^who knows the answer to that? but i think if we dont let it consume us, from misery grows empathy and ppl who hav suffered often hav more of a depth to them than those whove had life handed to them on a silver platter

 

[swilow]

^FYI, mental abuse can be even more insidious than physical abuse. It can inflict severe and egregious damage on the victim. Bruises fade, broken bones heal. The damage done to your mind and psyche is irreparable, toxic, and forever.

Sexual abuse, at least, doesn't occurr only to your body, but mainly to your mind. I mean how can a child or anyone really come to terms with feeling sexual pleasure in a shocking situation without ending up filled with self-hate, a massive psychological scar...? I've thrown away so much of my life for these old wounds, I don't think they ever heal either....they do scar over though, lose their tenderness and the anger dissipates. Personally, if I hadn't gone crazy multiple times during my childhood/adolescence (and I mean violence or stealing) I would have ended up dead most likely.

 

[swilow]

For all the positive thoughts, sometimes, like NOW, massive anger erupts. Best not to think about anything right now.

 

[feelgoodhit]

i voted "haven't been abused and don't have a drug habit". it's a little more complicated than that, but yeah, pretty much.

 

[spiralza]

I wouldn't go so far to say it was "abuse"...but my dad used to hit me from time to time. I could handle that, but what I hated the most was how much my parents would yell at me, or consider me a failure in light of things that weren't bad at all. I was always a well-behaved child and yet it never seemed good enough to them. They would always ridicule my ideas and imagination and scoff at my ambitions...I'm sorry I don't see the world in black and white like they do.

I feel like their attempts to keep me in the dark forever led to my use. But I can never come to terms with this totally myself...

 

[drug_wench]

^that to me sounds like a form of abuse
my dad was like that towards me in high school
i did fairly poorly anyway as i dont hav academic intelligence (thats not to say im not intelligent) and his constant put-downs made me feel worse about not doing well in school
so yea i consider it a form of abuse!

 

[BrahamCracker]

My parents never spent any time with me. I was always alone. I am Bi-Polar and ADHD. Oh the times I wanted to kill myself...

 

[feelgoodhit]

i guess i have been abused, but it wasn't as a child, and i was already using lots of drugs (in a self-destructive way) when it happened. and i suppose i would say it was a one time thing...

since then, i believe i've stopped using drugs in a self destructive way (not because of the incident).

 

[tigger420]

I was abused physically by my stepfather for years. He was an alcoholic, and beat on my mother and myself regularly. My mother also turned to the bottle and would either hop in on the beatings or run away in fear she'd get smacked. I also took a lot of emotional abuse from my mother and stepfather. As a kid I turned to pot for an escape, dabled in paper and shrooms...typically tiral and error. I still smoke, I do not drink, and my mother and I have mended a severely broken relationship. She is no longer with said stepfather, but he is still "around". I have a lot of anger issues because of the trama I went through, and have been in counceling for quite some time trying to work through it all.
The last time he hit me, I was 19, he had me in a headlock and I had a can of halt (dog mace) in my hand, I sprayed his face and ran for my life. He never touched me again, and I moved out shortly after that and never went back.
I have tried many times to make peace, but I carry so much hate for this man, and fear, and loathing, I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to let go of it. It doesn't consume me on a daily basis, but if something triggers a memory, it's hard for me to get past it.

 

[drug_wench]

^thats exactly how i feel about my father
id luv to make peace but there is still so much anger inside me
he doesnt want to see me anyway cos im a 'junkie methhead loser'
maybe its for the best, i dont know
sometimes i wonder why some ppl bother having kids if theyre gonna treat them like shit.......same goes for marrying into families with kids

 

[DivineMomenT]

I was not abused as a child and I do not believe I have a drug habit. I use drugs from time to time, but only recreationally at the time.

 

[tigger420]

^thats exactly how i feel about my father
id luv to make peace but there is still so much anger inside me
he doesnt want to see me anyway cos im a 'junkie methhead loser'
maybe its for the best, i dont know
sometimes i wonder why some ppl bother having kids if theyre gonna treat them like shit.......same goes for marrying into families with kids

I'm sorry you are experienceing that with your birth father. If he wants nothing to do with you, than it's up to you to try and find peace in your own life with that decision HE has made. Don't let that decision HE has made destroy you or drive you to your "drugs".

 

[banksy]

I was targeted in a childrens home by a predatory paedophile. He eventually got 12 months in prison, not much in relation to the damge he caused to alot of our lives. I did get a call from a solicitor this week who wants to take the original social services department to court for compensation. I dont know if I want to go down that road.
Was it a direct link to my life of drugs, I still dont know, it certainly played a pivotal role.

 

[**hAyzzZZ**]

I hate my broken family. And i can't ever most past it. Parents have no fucking what it can do to a child 11- almost 12 years down that track.

 

[drug_wench]

I'm sorry you are experienceing that with your birth father. If he wants nothing to do with you, than it's up to you to try and find peace in your own life with that decision HE has made. Don't let that decision HE has made destroy you or drive you to your "drugs".

thank u for ur words, tigger
as an update, its not all hopeless
my dad has got back on his bipolar meds and is starting to act more rational about evrything
he and i hav corresponded via letter and oneday i believe we will meet up and maybe heal the relationship that i hav craved to hav healed all my life
i still feel angry about the way he treated me - esp physically, as a helpless kid, but i am aware that he has an illness that made it hard for him to act the way a parent shud act (he didnt even believe he had bipolar then)
i hope wounds heal oneday for u too

 

[ellie]

Yes abused..was an opiate addict until a year ago.

 

[drug_wench]

no, im quite the opposite - i remember it all vividly (god i even hav nightmares about it) and ive never even questioned whether it was abuse or not tbh
letting go and forgiving him has bn the most important part of my recovery from the trauma IME

 

[squidhead]

I was targeted in a childrens home by a predatory paedophile. He eventually got 12 months in prison, not much in relation to the damge he caused to alot of our lives.

And a dude with 6 cannabis plants on his porch would get 10 times that.

Hmm, let's see....6 harmless plants = 10 years in prison.
Fondling little kids in a children's home = 1 year in prison. 8)

Oh yeah...makes perfect sense.

 

[**hAyzzZZ**]

Does anyone else have "recovered memories"? .

Yeah. And thing's im just recently finding out about from my sister, triggered memories i must have forgotten or chose to forget.

And im still fucking angry about it to this day.

But it's a lost hope. Why fucking care anymore, so I don't.

I channel my energy into things that can get me far far away from here, and just know that in a few years I will be on my own feet with something that will let me travel far away from anyone here I detest.