Abused as a child? BL'ers have your say...

[Libby]

Aww and yours touched mine to, I have love asnd admiration for you, you have been through some harder times than me. YOU are strong and YOU are special. Mwa mwa! *hugzzzzz*

 

[izzy66]

i'm so sorry, Libby.

i was born addicted. my mother was a heavy user of speed, nembutal, and valium. i was an "accident" and she didn't ever stop using while pregnant w/ me. at least she didn't use alcohol. i always knew she and my father used but they justified it because they got it from the family doc. i didn't know she used while preggers until right before she died.
i had five older brothers and was the youngest and only girl. my father was mentally and physically abusive. he broke bones quite a few times but his words hurt more. my mother turned away; her silence about my father's abuse was the same as approval. my second oldest brother terrorized me with knives, would hide under my bed, was incredibly sick and twisted. FINALLY he got busted for enough sick shit that he has been designated a sexual predator.
when i was 14 i got into a private school and left that house. never went back to the state much less that house.
i have recurrent nightmares directly related to things that happened. i think i got into cutting and other self abuse because i felt filthy and dirty, like something in me asked for the abuse. took a long time but i know now that i have value as a human being and that i did nothing to encourage the abuse. i'm sure the dope my mother did while pregnant screwed some things in my brain but i'm ok because i got away from them and i'm nothing like the abusive bastards.

surviving the surviving isn't easy but it is possible.

 

[Libby]

Don't be sorry sweetheart, we both got away from our parents and grew up to be non abusive. I'm a survivor and you are most definately a survivor too.

 

[claire22]

i am so happy my grandfather died. i feel guilty, but what a fucker. 4 wat he did he shud be tortured..
i love my other grandfather tho.. he has mental probs now from war tho

 

[Web]

I never knew I was abused until I was 17... seems that I'd blocked it out, and never would have known if my father hadn't spilled the beans one night when he was drinking heavily and we were having some emotional "father/son" talk. He beat me from infancy up until my parents divorced when I was 10. Sure explained a lot of things...

 

[Libby]

^ I've heard its actually really common for people who have suffered severe trauma/abuse to block it out. On Oprah I learned some even develop multiple personality disorder as a coping mechanism.

 

[claire22]

yeah i blocked being raped out for about five years..then it hit me like a truck

 

[claire22]

and multiple personality disorder as a coping mechanism - look up sybil dorsett.. she was abused by her schizophrenic mother so badly she was infertile.. she developed 15 different personalities.
scary shit.

 

[drug_wench]

god reading some of this is so awful
*hugs to u all*

 

[Ds]

sup, i dont tell to many people about this. My dad used to beat me, my sis and my handicapped brother. We used to have to hide under the stairs so he wouldn't find us. Lasted for a few years. My mom tried to help sept workn full time as a neonatologist pediatric she works all the fucking time, and since im the youngest, and my oldest is handicapped, and my sister is the same as me. I got into Drugs bad after my dad beat the fuck out of me and I had to go to the Tuscaloosa ICU b/c my jaw was broke and I had internal bleeding. Called DHR on his ass... this was years ago.. 10? Everything s better now, he almost died due to a brain abscess so he knows he coulda lost his family.. as for now I still do drugs to cover up my childhood.. not to mention im a drug addict. wow thanks dad, lol j/k I love you, no matter how hard you hit me.

 

[3dmusic]

Yea but after years of denial and family not wanting to accept it/or pass it off as mundane, it starts eating away.

I think one day I will leave. As the peeps on this earth never gave a fuck anyway

Horrible feeling hopeless

Cheers for the kind words, but why do some get fulfilling lives and others get misery?

You deserve better, believe this, and you will.
Your family are not your friends, make way for friends who really do love you.
You have yet to meet them.
Karmic debts always get paid, you are not paying one, but your abusers will.
I put distance between me and my family and gradually cut them out of my life, as they had no respect for me, I feel better and I wish for you to find reason to in your future life.

 

[3dmusic]

yes, and it didnt affect me for YEARS because i did what every little child will do and blocked it out..but it definitely came back to haunt me
i believ it definitely contributed to my meth addiction, no doubt

my mum was always a bit mean, never showed me any affection, has never told me she loves me
my dad loved me, i was his little angel
when i was six my mothers father sexually abused me, i told mum and she told me never to speak such lies ever again.
so, i didnt. i blocked it out, convinced myself it didnt happen..
something stirred up the memory again when i was about 12, i asked mum about it again.
she accused me of trying to get back at her, how i will never tell anyone ever again because i am ridiculous blah blah.
i wanted to tell dad but i thought he might just say the same thing
i blamed myself 4 it and i knew it wasnt right and i wasnt imagining it
iv never told anyone..
grandfather died last yr and i was bloody ecstatic, for what he did to me he deserved it
i got mixed up with the wrong ppl and got bad depression at 14 cos i kept thinking and thinking and thinking about it
ive never told any of my friends and it makes me tear up even writing about it
but i no heaps of ppl go thru this, im not alone

I hope I am not speaking out of term here, but, maybe he abused your mum, and she has blocked it out. Maybe, she is too scared to feel the pain from it.
I hope you don't think I am being insensitive, I said it because I feel that it may help you feel more validation than your mum was able to give you. It may help you see why she may have been dismissive and cold.
If I am wrong, I am sorry, I just thought I would throw it in to help.

 

[3dmusic]

^ The fact that you made it through that....shit, you have my unmitigated adoration. Bless you, luv...

ditto.
Your parents are the ones who are fucked up.

 

[3dmusic]

They believe that IS treating me well. because they believe I was being bad, and by hitting me they would give me the disciplin I needed and I would become what they believe to be "a good child" and I would have a good happy life therafter if they could just dicaplin me well enough. they thought they were being good people, they believed it was what's best for me.

I've tried many times to explain how it's not good for me, how it hurt me, but they can't understand. Everything was my fault "we didnt want to kick you out, YOU left us no choice" etc. etc.
"he hit me first!" ... "He's your father, that's his job!"

They are scared little children, hiding behind a religion.

 

[Xevro]

parents never toutched me, and i love my E and weed.

 

[claire22]

I hope I am not speaking out of term here, but, maybe he abused your mum, and she has blocked it out. Maybe, she is too scared to feel the pain from it.
I hope you don't think I am being insensitive, I said it because I feel that it may help you feel more validation than your mum was able to give you. It may help you see why she may have been dismissive and cold.
If I am wrong, I am sorry, I just thought I would throw it in to help.

no no ive actually considered that myself, could quite possibly be true when i think about it in depth.

 

[kzorro]

Never been abused, but managed to still pick up a large drug habit. Lucky me!

 

[drug_wench]

no no ive actually considered that myself, could quite possibly be true when i think about it in depth.

it is actually possible, claire
i used to really resent my mum cos she didnt stick up for me wen i was being beaten and emotionally scarred
now shes gotten away from dad she tells me some of the horrific things that went on between them - she was actually scared to leave him cos hes so obsessive and jealous and a restraining order, as evryone knows, does shit-all
now mum and i r so close its awesome
despite it all (and i never went thru wat u went thru so i apologise if this seems insensitive) sometimes forgiveness is the best medicine
i try not to carry grudges against anyone whos hurt me (and i hurt easily so plenty of ppl hav esp dad) cos its usually the one carrying the grudge that ends up the sickest emotionally
bitterness is like a disease
wen u recover from it, u feel so much better

 

[StonyMcDumbass]

i'm a male and i've been abused physically, sexually, mentally, and just about any other way . i don't know if that explains my drug habit but it probably contributed to it.

 

[Libby]

my friends dad would always look at her and say inappropriate things and her mum never stopped it, she said her mum was jelous coz my friend got the attention when she was just getting old and feeling bad and so didnt show any sympathy if my friend tried to complain to her about it, was quite nasty to her because of it my friend told me.

so if in ur case its ur grandfather instead of dad, then it makes sense that he might've used to abuse ur mum and ur mum is jelous of the attention..

i was just thinking, if drug abuse is linked to abuse in childhood, i wonder why my brother and sister dont do drugs. they didnt come out un-scathed however, there was something wrong about the way my family used food im sure because i've been diagnosed with anorexia, and my sister has been with bulimia, and my brother is obese and i dont just mean fat i mean obese, turns sideways to get through doorways.