Recovery A new me.

[ladyhlove]

Ooh I'm def putting the K-safe on my xmas list this year! What a great idea! I knew such things existed but I had never really considered it before. I'm doing a lot better about not taking my Sun dose, but I could see myself becoming weak from time to time. This past Saturday, for example, I imbibed a bit watching football at a local bar. When I got home that evening I def had the urge to take my sun dose early...but I fought it and won! Boy was I happy to wake up yesterday to find a full methadone bottle in my lock-box. That's such a shitty feeling...getting up on Sunday about to dose and realizing your dumbass took your take home dose early and now you either have to score (which is pretty much pointless..sure it may make the very minor wds go away but it won't get you anywhere even close to "high" or even feeling good) or deal with it (which is what I usually do). It also feels like, when I do that, it takes me a couple of days to readjust to my regular dose...after taking a dose twice what I'm supposed to on Sat and then nothing Sun, my methadone levels are all out of whack in my body and usually I don't feel totally normal again for two or three days after. Glad I don't have to deal with that this week. Im starting to really get the message across to myself that early/double dosing is stupid and not worth it and I've done it hardly at all in recent times, but I still feel like the ksafe would be great for when I have those moments of weakness and say "fuck it, I'm just gonna take all of this shit right now!"...which I'm sure will pop up from time to time because I have terrible self control (but working on it!)

I did it..I officially joined the gym! I paid my activation fee and first and last months' payments and now I'm an official LA fitness member and can use any of their gyms within the US! I really really like this gym a lot and I'm excited to finally have bitten the bullet and joined. This LA fitness is brand new and a lot of really nice features for a gym at it's price. I've been a member of other gyms that were a lot more money a month than LA Fitness and, honestly, I don't see much of a difference between this LA fitness and some of the pricier gyms I've been a member of in the past. Everything is nice and new and clean, they have an abundance of cardio machines (and they're never so full you can't get the machine you want) and a great weight room. The part of town I live in has a pretty large gay population and it seems that a lot of the members of this gym belong to that population, which is REALLY nice because I don't feel like I'm being stared at by all the men there (which is a problem for me at some gyms...I'm well endowed in the upstairs region and no matter how many sports bras I wear, there's some jiggle and it can attract a bit of a crowd at some of the more "meat market" type gyms) and I've run into several of the gay men I'm friends with around town (i love gay guys, total "fag hag" over here). My bf joked that now that I officially signed up, I'm going to stop going..but naw I think I'm hooked now. I even got up this am at 6am (on my own...went to bed at 9pm last night for some reason), went to the clinic, then went to the gym to get a workout in before work, something I don't think I've EVER done. Seeing as I wake up in minor wd pretty much every morning until I get my methadone dose (and then still feel kinda shitty till it kicks in an hour later), I didn't really feel like going to the gym after dosing but i figured I'd feel better once my meds and my natural endoprhins from exercise started kicking in. Nope...not so much. I felt worse and worse as I kept working out. I usually start my cardio by walking for a min to warmup. then jogging at 5.2 mph for as long as I can keep it up to get myself sweating and my heartrate up, and then once I can't jog anymore (I am a smoker and out of shape right now, after all!), I usually spend the remainder of my 30 min walking at about 4-4.3 mph and usually at a 50% incline (so that even though I'm walking, I'm building muscle and still getting a pretty decent workout...similar to climbing a mountain). Today, on the other hand, I started jogging and immediately had to stop after about a min. I spent the rest of the workout walking at a 30% incline at about 4.1 mph and ended up cutting my workout 5 min short (normally I do 30 min and 5 of cool down, I did 22 today plus 5 min cool down). I still felt nauseous the whole way home and had to lay down in my bed for about 30 min to get myself to feel better before jumping in the shower and getting ready for work. I'm disappointed I didn't get a harder work out, but I know better than to push myself. Still, I hope this won't be a common thing when I work out early in the morning bc sometimes I'll need to do an early workout on days where I have events or other things happening during my normal work out time in the evening. That and I just like starting my day that way. We'll try again sometime.

I hope everyone's weekend was good! Mine was great! I finally caught up on all of the house work that had been piling up over the past two weeks. I got all of my laundry done...quite the accomplishment since I have an insane amount of clothes (leading to an insane amount of laundry needed to be done after not really doing it at all for almost three weeks), I got the whole house swept/dusted/cleaned/etc, and I got caught up on everything else (like paying pills, getting my oil changed, etc) that I'd been falling behind on. I'll tell ya, if feels so great today to have all of the things that were bugging me in the back of my mind the past week or two finally taken care of. The bf and I had a nice weekend too together...watched a lot of football Sat at a local bar. The place we went has a nice patio with tvs on it and the weather has been so nice this weekend...finally fall here in Atlanta! My team (tennessee) upset Auburn this weekend so I was pretty excited about that....bf had a bad football day though as UGA got beat by LSU. Falcons win yesterday was def needed...our birds haven't been having the best season thus far. Luckily we won yesterday...we're still in it it seems.

How's everyone doing this week?

 

[EPL1]

Hi lady,

I just left you a message on catlady's post too but I wanted to stop by your neck of the woods and tell you how great I think you are and pump you full of sunshine. ; ) You really are you know. You are a very special person who's been through a lot and come out better for it.

Your gym sounds great!!! Nice to see you enjoying things, makes me happy to read about it.


Keep up everything you're doing, it's working for you and really shows!!!

Btw, I laughed when you said it was nice to see my face, because you're one of the few that has actually seen it I suppose. ; )

Much love to you my beautiful friend,
your friend,
Ash.

 

[aihfl]

How was everyone's Tuesday? Took a break from football last weekend since Florida State wasn't playing (Hurricane Michael couldn't have been timed better in that regard). They play Wake Forest this weekend. Am going to the Magic-Heat game tomorrow evening. Should be a good game since both teams are equally lame. In fact, the only teams the Heat have beat in the preseason are us and Atlanta, and they only beat us by 1, 89-90.

I'm glad I went to Refuge Recovery yesterday. We meditated on the following mantras:

- All beings are responsible for their own actions.
- Suffering or happiness is created through one's relationship to experience, not by experience itself.
- The happiness of others is dependent on their actions, not on my wishes for them.

So I left the meeting feeling like I was in a great headspace and then my ex calls and bitches nonstop about a web designer who conned her (she had hired him to redesign the website she has for her side business). Then she got bugged at me because I suggested she consult a lawyer when she views this as open and shut. I asked her if she ever thought about giving meditation a try and then she got really bugged. "I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE PISSED!" Yeah, you do, but the only person who feels bad right now is YOU. The asshole who conned you probably isn't feeling bad. Anyway, I've got to learn how to not let others fuck up my good mojo when I have it going.

Found out one of my friends from agnostic/atheist AA and trivia nights is at a rehab (not an addiction rehab, rehab as in recovery from surgery/physical therapy etc.) about a mile away from me. She is on IV antibiotics and can't leave the facility, so I plan on popping over there a few times a week when I am free since she'll be there about a month.

Still on the clock for a few more hours, so I should probably get back to it before anyone notices.

 

[EPL1]

Your ex sounds like a real piece of um...work aihfl. ; )

Try to limit your availability to her, your piece of mind is probably much more stable and sound,when her added stress that she's so kindly dumping/sharing with you, is not around. Sounds like she has some boundary issues.

Plus you're an awesome guy with so much going for you and you just don't need the negativity.

For exes I pretty much live by this, "the best revenge is living well". ; )

It's cliche, yes, but it's true.

I hope your friend get better quickly and I'm happy to hear you found a new trivia place so close to you!!

Have fun at the game aihfl.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

 

[ladyhlove]

Couldn't agree more with your quote, Ash, it's one I try my best to live by. In my younger years, I took breakups REALLY hard and I often hated to see my exes doing well/moving on/etc. without me and it would put me into the worst of head spaces. In fact, one of the reasons I began using opiates so heavily a couple of years ago was because an ex of mine that I had been with for 7 years had finally moved onto a new relationship...this wasn't soon after or anything either...it was over a year later and I was in another relationship already myself, one that I was completely unhappy in however making the pain of this ex (who I had considered to be the love of my life) moving on even harder. He and I bought his home together (his name only on the mortgage, though, but I split everything financially) and had a dog that he kept during the breakup, so seeing pictures on Facebook of this new chick basically moving into and taking over, what I considered to be, my old life tore me apart. The simple solution of not checking up on his facebook didn't work for me, I checked constantly no matter how much I hated seeing the posts about their relationship...I became slightly obsessed even..not sure why..I think deep down I'm a bit of a masochist. I eventually got over it...he's even married to this girl now, he and I are on excellent terms with one another (not best friends, but we check in here and there and are friendly), and I've run into the two of them at a couple of concerts/events around town over the years and spent a little time chatting with his wife and she's a lovely lady. I haven't had that kind of a reaction since, even after the next boyfriend (the one I was with when the ex got into a new relationship) and I didn't work out after 3 years and he quickly moved on and married and I couldn't have cared less and I don't know if it's because I have matured over the years when it comes to relationships/breakups/new lovers or if I just haven't felt as strongly about anyone since my 7 year relationship. My point of this story is...and there is one I promise lol....being upset about exes only ends up hurting you. I mean, it wasn't my sole reason for using opiates, but it combined with a few other things and discovering a steady connection were the perfect storm. It's clear you don't have any sort of romantic feelings for this ex, A, and I'm not saying that at all. And I get her side of the story..I love to bitch and complain and I hate it when my bf tries to make me see the bright side of things, I'm like "let me just be angry for a minute please!!!"..but it's not your job to be that for her anymore. I suggest that the next time you're feeling good and you see her (or your mother's ) name pop up on that caller ID, let it go to voicemail (unless they keep calling and its clearly an emergency)....call them back whenever you're ready. One thing I've tried telling myself in recovery is that it's time to focus on what I need and what makes me healthy. For far too long, I've only thought about others and it's made me ignore my own needs leading to incredibly poor ways to deal with the stress caused by the situation. Being an addict was selfish of me, I know this, but it's time to be a little selfish in other areas as well for awhile.

Last night, I did my "Complimentary Evaluation" with a personal trainer at the gym...aka them trying to sell me an expensive personal training package. I'm really bad at saying no to people, so I dreaded it, but I did it..I said no and didn't buy a $300+ a month training package. Their sales tactics are funny...basically after measuring my weight, height, and BMI and seeing what kind of shape I was in by seeing how many pushups, planks, wall sits, etc. I could do...basically I was in the perfect weight/bmi range and I scored on the low side of "average" on most of the exercises...so he, of course, said "you scored a few points above the bottom of the average..we'll just call that 'below average'"...lol, I'm like "no, that's average"...just because I'm on the lower side of the range doesn't mean I'm in a completely different range LMAO. Basically, he was trying to make me feel like I was in a lot worse shape than I am. They also said I needed to lose 3 lbs to be at my goal weight. 3...POUNDS... Yeahhh I think I can probably do that on my own, thank you. He even tried finding out my family's health history and tried pulling the "well if you don't get a personal trainer and commit to our workout plan, you're gonna get heart disease like your family"..let's leave mom and dad out of this please. lol. Honestly, I could use a personal trainer...I just really don't want to pay almost 400 a month for one. With rent, car insurance (almost 300 a month for me), $350 a month at the clinic, gas money, groceries, random car repairs that seem to pop up all the time, etc etc etc my very very lower-middle class salary can't stretch quite that far. I am, however, keeping up with the gym fabulously so far. Basically, every single day I get home from work and put on my gym clothes immediately, take dog out, then head to the gym...I refuse to let myself sit down, lay on my bed, take a "quick nap", all of that because when I sit/lay down, it's all over. I haven't been pushing myself too incredibly hard...I try to do about 10 min of stretches, then get in 30 min of cardio (walk/run on the treadmill) and alternate doing either 20 push ups or 20 sit ups each day. I try to go Mon-Fri and skip weekends (bf time and he hates the gym, sadly). I will increase all of this as I get into better shape. Some days my workouts are easy, others it's a struggle...but I ALWAYS feel great afterwards.

Everything else is going well. Work's fine, social life is fine, relationship is as great as ever. Me and the bf are just so in love these days and he's so happy I'm making such positive changes in my life. I think his trust in me is returning and I don't plan on breaking it ever again.

Things is good, y'all! Hope the same goes for everybody else!

 

[aihfl]

I did the personal trainer thing for a few years at LA Fitness. I did it because even during the times when I dropped weight, my shape basically remained the same. But yeah, you're right about the expense. And honestly, after a while it became apparent that I'm never going to have a six pack because I don't necessarily like to watch what I eat. If I'm craving pizza, Chinese food, fried chicken from Popeye's or a brownie, that's what I'm going to eat. Don't get me wrong - I don't overindulge, but I'm not going to deny myself what I want to eat in the name of looking like a MMA fighter. The classes at LA Fitness I think are the best thing they have to offer. I used to go to yoga regularly (haven't been because the gym closest to me is closed until early next year for renovations) and I used to go to spin, which was enjoyably intense, but it can actually be counterproductive if you're doing strength training because it's so intense the body starts burning muscle instead of fat. Plus, I liked that my yoga instructor was about my age and slightly pudgy and not some stick thin 22 year old hottie who can twist herself into a pretzel.

 

[ladyhlove]

lol Sounds like an awesome yoga teacher. When is your LA Fitness finishing it's remodel? I know it's a pain in the ass, but at least you'll have a nice new gym to work out at when it's finished. Some of those old LA Fitness's I've been in before are downright depressing. In fact, I'd only been in old, depressing LA Fitness's which is what kept me from ever joining. I was thoroughly impressed with how nice this facility is near my house, but it is only about two years old. I want to start doing classes. I felt kinda weird about it when using a guest pass, I'm not sure why, but now that I'm an official member I think I'm gonna start trying to check out the schedule some. I know they do yoga a few times a week and a few others. There's a total body conditioning bootcamp starting next saturday that's an hour every single Sat. that I'm thinking about joining. I hear ya on the shape thing. Well, I don't stay the same shape, I just lose any shape that I have when I work out. I'm naturally pretty curvy, but when I work out that tends to be most of the weight I lose and I gotta figure out how to make that not happen. lol. When I'm skinny, I don't look right. Though, when I'm skinny I'm usually "skinny-fat".

I now see that you told me when your gym is reopening...just a few more months. I do know how much of a pain in the ass it is to get from one side of town to the other. Fortunately, Atlanta is so damn big we have like 30 of them in the metro area. I go to one about 5 min down the road from me, but there's another about 12 min from me. And another about 17 min away. And another probably 8 that are within 20 min of me, and so on. I kind of want to check out some of the others, but i have a feeling mine is as nice as it gets.

I can't eat healthy to save my life. Literally lol. It will be a problem in the future for me, probably, also because I come from a long line of "skinny fat" people with heart disease and high cholesterol. Both of my parents and my 40 year old sister have heart/cholesterol issues and all three are thin so I know I will be dealing with some of that in a few years...esp. being a smoker. Ugh. getting old sucks. I eat really badly..I crave horrible food, however, I don't eat huge portions. As long as I can abstain from too much alcohol, I can usually stay fairly thin. I know I need to quit smoking and I need to eat better. Two things I struggle with so much. Well ya know that and heroin lol

Speaking of, how's the not drinking going for you, A? I haven't seen any new threads from you on SL and, from your replies here, you sound like you are well. I'm proud of you! I know the last slip was hard for you, but you seem to be doing very well this time around. I can't imagine having major alcohol cravings, it's everywhere!

 

[aihfl]

There's a LA Fitness that's only a few miles further from me than my "home" gym, but I rarely go. It's in Apopka and I guess it's a psychological more than anything, because Apopka always equalled "really fucking far" and "heinous traffic to get there" in my mind. And I know what you mean about some of them being depressing. When I used to spend the summers in New England, I would work out at the one in Springfield, Massachusetts, and the gym itself wasn't bad, but the locker room smelled like ass. Literally. It obviously wasn't cleaned nearly as well as the ones around Orlando.

I shouldn't be smoking either with my high blood pressure and high cholesterol, but they're managed with meds. In fact, last time I had bloodwork done, my good to bad cholesterol ratio was so good the doctor said at those levels, the good cholesterol becomes cardio protective. And my blood pressure has been good enough that I was taken off one of the blood pressure meds (was on two). I know what you mean about skinny-fat people. My ex-father in law is one. He was a marathon and mountain runner (he used to do this crazy race every year UP Mt. Washington, New Hampshire) and he still had a heart attack and stroke. I entertained the idea of trying that race at one time, then I hiked up Mt. Washington and it was so strenuous that it disabused me of any ideas about running up it.

One good habit I've carried over, though, from the personal training days is to eat 4-5 small meals per day, and to stop eating the moment I feel full. That way, one is constantly burning off the calories consumed throughout the day, as opposed to eating a huge meal and having the excess calories converted to fat.

Not drinking isn't that big a deal most of the time. Where I get tripped up is when something happens that's panic-inducing, and it was my go-to for anxiety management for so long. It's difficult to unlearn a behavior pattern that is so ingrained. The Adderall, I believe, has helped immensely in several ways. First of all, it doesn't make me manic like illicit stimulants did - it actually has a calming effect, and second, with the better focus on my work, I'm less prone to making careless mistakes that I get called out on, and that reduces anxiety as well.

 

[ladyhlove]

I get it. I really do. I have a friend who's a bad alcoholic currently due to panic attacks and anxiety. He's to the point where he wants to quit, but he can't physically and the thought of it is absolutely terrifying. I've tried to give him small goals like no liquor for a week (beer is fine, which is his drink of choice anyways) and he still can't manage it. I've even set goals like don't BUY liquor or cocaine this week (he can still partake if someone offers him some while at a party or at a bar or whatever, just no buying it himself) and can't do it. He's one of my very best friends but it kills me to see him like this. I'm really worried about his health. But...as an addict, I get it. He's gotta want it bad enough himself to truly succeed..I can't want it bad enough for him to make it work. He doesn't have a whole lot going for himself in life which both depresses him into further drinking and also gives him very little to lose in his addiction. He has no girlfriend, he has a restaurant job thats ok with his drinking, and his friends love him regardless. His basic needs are met and he's managed to avoid any legal problems as a result as well (somehow! he drives wasted all day long) so he hasn't hit any sort of rock bottom. I'm not someone who thinks you need to completely ruin your life to be ready to quit drugs or alcohol, but some sort of eye-opening situation helps from my experience.

Anyways, I'm glad things have been working out better for you, A and I'm glad you're on a set of meds that's working well for you. It can really be a trying experience to get the proper meds/proper amounts of them and whatnot. We're supposed to actually get health insurance here soon so I'm hoping that I can get to a psychiatrist and maybe start on something for my chronic depression. I've been ok lately but I don't want a bad period to lead me back to the opes.

Anyways, 6 more min! Woot! Bf's stupid parents are in Italy so I'm gonna drive down to his part of the state and we're gonna get dinner and hang out a little so it doesn't feel so damn long in between us seeing each other lol. Should be a good night, ya know minus the prob nearly 2 hour commute I'm looking at during rush hour. Yayyyy! :D Enjoy the rest of your Wed, folks!

 

[jasperkent]

Some previous posts got me thinking about a couple of things.

1. To me, "ex" means ex. That's that. My best friend is married to my ex-wife and I'm happy for both of them. They would not have met if not for me and I feel good about that. My ex and I aren't real close but we are friends and talk occasionally. My best friend has been my buddy for 45 years and we still spend time together once or twice a week. Somebody asked me once "Don't you hate them both?" (keep in mind my buddy was not the cause of our divorce). My response: "Why would I? First of all, he's been my best friend since I was 14. It would take a lot more than that to mess up our friendship. Second, at least she chose someone I like and respect. How would it make me look if she dumped me to marry an asshole?"

2. Severe anxiety and panic attacks-- yes, I've definitely been through that. But I've found that sobriety has helped me immensely. I still have anxiety but it's not as bad as it used to be. If I didn't drink 2 to 3 pots of coffee a day I might be totally relaxed! And I've only had one brief panic attack in the last 5 months of sobriety. For me, alcohol, benzos, and opiates cause an overall paradoxical increase in my anxiety. I was only calm if I was utterly wasted.

3. There are a thousand ways to get and stay clean&sober. The bottom line is that you have to want to be clean&sober more than you want to be high/drunk.


Peace&Love,
jasper

​"To not have entirely wasted one's life seems to be a worthy accomplishment." -- Charles Bukowski

 

[EPL1]

You're bang on jasper.

LadyH you are a very good friend and a total sweetheart with a heart of gold, but just like you, he's going to have to have the want to's and he will have to start down the path to sobriety on his own steam. No one can do that for him. But I see from your post above that you know that already. ; )

On another note, I am so happy to see how well you're doing, way to go honey!!!


Much love to you,
your friend,
Ash.


P.S, if you guys could use a laugh, I mistakenly signed my name as ASS yesterday instead of ASH. Thank god I caught that quickly!!! Lol!!

Some previous posts got me thinking about a couple of things.


3. There are a thousand ways to get and stay clean&sober. The bottom line is that you have to want to be clean&sober more than you want to be high/drunk.


Peace&Love,
jasper

​"To not have entirely wasted one's life seems to be a worthy accomplishment." -- Charles Bukowski

 

[aihfl]

WOOOOHOOOOOO!!! MAGIC WIN HOME OPENER FOR THE REGULAR SEASON 104-101!!!!! Will be going to bed tonight in a VERY good mood!!!!

 

[ladyhlove]

NICE A!

Not a big basketball fan, though I do enjoy watching games in person. The Hawks have been consistently disappointing (well except a couple of years ago when they were doing ok) so not too many Atlantan's follow the sport as a result. I love some football though...the Falcons and the Tennessee Vols are my teams (if you guys haven't figured that out already). Being a TN fan can be a difficult life (i believe hik can feel me there, he's a Vols fan too if I remember correctly), but we did have that win against Auburn last week which was hella exciting. Prob. gonna be the highlight of our season hahaha. A, FSU's been having a rough season this year so I know you feel me there. The Falcons are even struggling pretty hard this year, esp. compared to how they've been playing in recent years, but our win against Tampa Bay was encouraging. Idk if you're a Jameis Winston fan, A, being a former 'Nole himself, but I can't stand him and I love to see him lose. Their second string has been playing decent this year, I wish they would just can his sorry ass. Unfortunately football skills take precedence over not being a rapist I guess. Sad world we live in these days.

Still on my workout kick! I've already gone three days this week, and plan on going again tonight and tomorrow. I've officially lost TWO POUNDS since beginning last Monday, though that could just be a difference in water weight or something (we women's weight fluctuates so much depending on so many factors and can change multiple lbs even in a matter of a few days or even hours sometimes). Some days I feel like I'm making progress already and I can beast through a tough workout, while other days I struggle to do the same workout I did the day before..I wish I knew exactly what makes me workout better some days than others. I'm sure it has to depend on food, amount of sleep, and whatnot, but I'd like to do whatever I can to make my workouts as successful as possible. I usually do a 30 min run/walk (mostly walk, I usually do about 7-8 min of running total...some days...some days I'm too tired to run much) and when I walk, I always make sure to be on a 50% incline so I can actually break a sweat while walking (and build up leg muscles)...but some days it just hurts so bad, while others are easy. Can anyone give me a some tips for making my workouts feel as good as possible? Like, what is it I'm doing to make things easier somedays but not others? I did notice my easiest workout came the day I took some aleve for a headache, but I don't want to take NSAIDs every day because long term use can lead to lots of health problems. I always go around the same time, 6:30/7ish in the evening and I've always eaten lunch each day (and usually a 4pm snack as well). Could it be that I'm going to workout too often? I don't go crazy with weights or do an hour + on the treadmill each day, I don't overexert myself. I have no idea why there's such a difference some days! Gonna check the class schedule today and maybe try and catch some yoga or something. Maybe try and do a body conditioning class or something? idk, the gym is my oyster!!

My counselor had a long talk with me yesterday about how he thinks I should quit everything (weed, alcohol) and I'd be so much happier. I don't doubt that I would find happiness in complete sobriety, I really think it's possible...Idk I just don't want to do it. I don't depend on alcohol for stress relief and I don't have to drink it in social situations to feel comfortable. I actually find that, with my new workout routine, I'm drinking even less than I was before. I no longer stop and grab a 16oz tall boy at the gas station by my house to have on my porch in the evenings....I usually just go to the gym immediately after work and let that post-workout endorphin glow give me the relaxation I need when having my evening porch chill sessions. Last night, I met the bf for dinner in his part of town and I didn't even have a beer or glass of wine with dinner, a rarity for me, since I decided to do a late night workout on my way back into the city (a perk of using LA fitness, i am close to the gym no matter what part of the city/state i'm in!).

I'm excited about this upcoming weekend. There's a little artsy/hipster/hippie part of town called Little 5 Points (ya know, a couple of streets of bars, head shops, "retro" aka overpriced thrift store quality clothing stores, etc etc) that has an annual Halloween parade that I go to with my crew every year. They shut down the streets, allow public drinking, and it's pretty much a shit show/who's who of downtown Atlanta all day where people get drunk and wander around and you see those people you haven't seen in years and won't see again until you run into them in the exact same spot three years from now and it's a good time in general. That's in the midafternoon-evening THEN a buncha my friends and my bf and I are going to see this band Ween at the Tabernacle, which is one of the city's best venues. It's gonna be a hell of a day, but it will be loads of fun and I'm really looking forward to it. Ween is one of my fave bands tho so I want to be fairly sober for their performance so it'll be an exercise in pacing myself that day. Wish me luck.

What's everyone else got going on this weekend? I want to get some hiking and camping going on before the weather drops completely into actual cold weather, but my weekends are so full! October is full of so many events! Anyone got any fun fall plans coming up? Maybe a good ole corn maze or a fall festival of sorts?

EEp, I always forget something.

ASH! Thank you SO MUCH for all your sweetness to me on my posts (and in other's threads)! As always, of course but I feel like I haven't specifically thanked you this week. Your replies always put a smile on my face...you are just the biggest ray of sunshine. How has your pain been treating you? I've asked and maybe you've answered and I've just missed it, but how did your convo go with your doctor? Ya know, the one you were preparing literature and facts and whatnot for? I really wish our two country's would focus more on promoting RECOVERY, preventing addiction from occurring by educating our youth about how dangerous pain pills really are despite coming from a doctor and how pain pill use can escalate to heroin use quickly if one isn't careful, and not giving out pain meds for every bump and scratch.. NOT cutting off people in chronic pain who need it just to live a normal life. I'm sorry you have to go through hoops for your meds, Ash, I really am, you don't deserve it. Though, honestly, everything these days is becoming more and more controlled...i had to show my id to get immodium the other day (but we junkies know why that is lol)

 

[aihfl]

It was a good matchup and a real nail biter toward the end. Miami scored 4 out of 4 freethrows in about the last two minutes. Gotta be more careful with the fouls that close to the end. I don't hate the Hawks like I used to when Dwight Howard was there. Yeah, he did ok on the court (probably not as well as he thought he did), but he was toxic and got Stan Van Gundy fired as head coach of the Magic, which I thought was ridiculous because it was under Van Gundy's leadership that they beat Cleveland (and Lebron) in the Eastern Conference Finals and went on to the NBA finals. Plus Howard is just kind of a dumbass and likes to stick his dick in anything that moves or looks his way.

The benefits of the Magic winning yesterday is free salad and breadsticks at Olive Garden (gotta see how long that offer lasts), free Chick Fil A, and half price pizzas from Papa John's. So I'll be ordering a pizza today, lol.

I'll still talk to you in spite of being a Vols fan (I went to Vanderbilt). Yeah, FSU is having a rough season. I can't imagine Willie Taggart will last. Seminoles fans are not used to losing like that. As for Jameis, I think he's a shithead. Not only is he a rapist, but he also got caught stealing from Publix, and then stood on the table in the Student Center shouting misogynistic crap at the top of his lungs. He was an embarrassment to the school. Especially considering when I was living in Tallahassee doing my coursework, Chris Weinke, a real class act, was the QB. The closest NFL team to me is the Buccaneers, but if I'm going to have to drive somewhere to watch football, I'd rather just drive to Tallahassee and see a Florida State game.

It is possible that you're exercising too much. Muscles do need to repair themselves after a strenuous workout. What's your protein intake like? That will help.

I used to live in a part of Orlando like Little Five Points called "The Milk District" since there's a big dairy plant in the area. I have mixed feelings about living there. Being able to walk or ride my bike everywhere I needed to go was a big plus, but street parking for those of us who lived there was a pain in the ass because of all the people that would come there to party, and it was noisy as fucking hell on weekends.

Weekend plans...hmmm...I'm going to the Magic-Hornets game tomorrow night. Also, I ended up with an unexpected day off, so I'm going to visit my friend who is recuperating from her latest hospital stay in a rehab facility (again, not an addiction rehab, one of those physical therapy places). I know she's allowed a cigarette break at 2:30, so I'll time my visit around that. Saturday, I'm going to see Lewis Black - CAN'T WAIT!!! Sunday is a day off and I don't have any plans but sometimes it's nice not to have plans.

 

[Catlady45]

Lady H I am so proud if you!! You are always so full of life!! I hope you always keep that bounce!! I have a daughter your age and we love to go to concerts at the Tabernacle!!

Yes Ash is great isn't she? I can't tell her enough either!! ?

Y'all have a great day!!

Jasper I just keep running into you!! ?

You are so right about exes!! I dont hate mine either. People would waste years and energy hating! Ain't worth it!!!

And 2-3 pots of coffee? Indeed! I do the same thing!! ?

 

[aihfl]

LHL, I'm sorry I never properly responded about your friend. If and when your friend is ready to stop, it really sounds to me like he's going to need some sort of physician-supervised detox, whether it's inpatient or outpatient. And a good detox psychiatrist can really be helpful in prescribing medications that can manage the depression and anxiety so there is no longer a need for booze.

He will eventually get a DUI if he doesn't stop driving drunk. I think it's inevitable. The universe dropped me all kinds of hints that I needed to knock that shit off and I still didn't heed the warning until I was ultimately caught. I honestly can't say that I know for sure that I'll never drink again, but I'll be damned if I end up in the multiple offender DUI class.

Bottom line from what a decade of hard drinking taught me: things can always get worse. When I ended up divorced and alone, close to broke and nearly unemployable, I thought well, at least things can't get any worse. Now that I have some semblance of clarity, sure it could have been worse. I could have totaled my car - someone in the DUI class totaled his <6 months old car and lost a shit ton of money. I could have injured or killed someone else and be in prison. There was someone else in the DUI class who just got released after serving 9 years on a 15 year sentence for killing someone on a motorcycle. Or I could be dead - the ultimate rock bottom. You're right in saying that he's got to want it for himself, but perhaps he might benefit from a gentle nudge from you. If he's feeling like I did (things can't get any worse) perhaps he might benefit from a [diplomatically stated] reality check from you, letting him know that things can always get worse. And let him know he has options. A good psychiatrist and therapist can help him get his mental house in order.

 

[ladyhlove]

Thanks for the response, A. I am an addict, but not an alcoholic so I wasn't sure how to approach the situation really. Ya see, I'm not a fan of the total abstinence approach (but I think I've made that pretty obvious). I know it works well for some people and that some people absolutely need it, but I can never preach it to others without feeling like a hypocrite. I have gently nudged him a number of times (that's why we've made those "no drinking liquor this week" goals and whatnot), but honestly he's scared to death of giving up booze. He's an addict in all shapes a forms, he honestly will do whatever drug is around whether it be heroin, crack, lsd, but alcohol is his DOC (probably due to its availability, same reason as you A). He occasionally buys my old subs off of me (he only eats like 1mg tops), I'm ok with it bc he doesn't drink nearly as much on them, but I'm careful about how much/how often I let him have one...he would totally be an opiate addict if he had a steady connection and is actively a borderline cocaine addict. It's terrible because he is the sweetest man I've ever met, the kind of person who'd help you move to a 3rd floor apt (without an elevator lol), pick you up from your gfs during a fight at 3am, etc and I hate seeing him so fucked up all the time. I can't even be around him when he's really trashed because he becomes incoherent, annoying, and incredibly sensitive/melodranatic (says things like "thats fine i know everyone hates me and i have no friends" if you say you don't wanna hang out tonight or something, just an example). He's had about a million nudges from folks in our friend group but, like I said, it isn't enough to give him that push. He's a smart guy too..he knows he has addiction issues and he knows the root of them, he just won't do anything to change it. You're absolutely right, A, things can ALWAYS get worse (will also try to remember this myself when i'm in the midst of a life shit storm, thank you!)

Anyways, excited that I only have 3.5 hours till the end of the work week. This week has been fine, I'm just ready to see my hunny tonight and get some much needed rest. Tomorrow's shenangigans (halloween parade, big party and a Ween concert) should be a blast.

Anyone doing anything cool in the next few days?

 

[aihfl]

I get what you're saying about total abstinence, but I do believe that most people by far, have to keep away from their DOCs. I'll never be a moderate drinker. If I drink, I'm going to get drunk. And it might last until the next morning, or might last for weeks.

Our cases are similar, just our DOCs are different. You're taking methadone to keep you from getting high on H. I take benzos for panic attacks and acute anxiety, because if I didn't, I'd be at 7-Eleven buying their cheap $4 bottles of swill wine. When a substance is used for a medical reason to prevent you from doing something that would most definitely be bad for you, that does not disqualify you from being abstinent in my book.

 

[KraziKat]

I get what you're saying about total abstinence, but I do believe that most people by far, have to keep away from their DOCs. I'll never be a moderate drinker. If I drink, I'm going to get drunk. And it might last until the next morning, or might last for weeks.

Our cases are similar, just our DOCs are different. You're taking methadone to keep you from getting high on H. I take benzos for panic attacks and acute anxiety, because if I didn't, I'd be at 7-Eleven buying their cheap $4 bottles of swill wine. When a substance is used for a medical reason to prevent you from doing something that would most definitely be bad for you, that does not disqualify you from being abstinent in my book.

Hey Lady, Ai and all my other SL friends. Just thought I'd chime in here – Spot on assessment Ai, and hits home. For me, being a poly-addict of sorts it often comes down to harm reduction. I find I am altering my mood in some way every single day, using whatever is on hand. I'm not happy about it per se, but it is what it is.

Lately, I strung together several months free of my DOC (oxy) and I didn't feel so great about it because I started drinking a lot (on top of the kratom). So then I realize that alcohol is causing me the most harm and will kill me if I drink a pint of vodka a night. So I get my hands on a few days worth of pills, cease alcoholic drinking, and feel at least a little better... but I am still very much addicted.

Then the pills run out, WD kicks in, and there I go justifying drinking again. So some xanax will fall into my lap and I'll string together some days without a drop, all in the name of harm reduction and getting some sleep and having to take care of my life.

I'm not giving up and I'm not through with trying to improve, but the there's a lot of rinse-and-repeat going on. It's allgood. Fall down 7, get up 8 (I hope!) Actually, that's just the thing... I seldom get so faded or hammered... I don't want to. I just want to take the edge off. I never nodded out, just got high. Seldom get blackout drunk -- I know when to stop. I dont even like being very stoned, just a little.

It's been suggested to me that I may be suffering from depression and that's what all this self-medicating is, just that. I don't know.

I love you all. Have a fabulous weekend, SLers.

 

[KraziKat]

Ween!! Nice. Maybe they'll play Roses are Free. I wish I was at Phish this weekend at The Mothership.