Recovery A new me.
- Thread starter ladyhlove
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ladyhlove
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Thanks, A.
I'm about to leave work because I'm really upset. This girl and I worked together for about 6 years at a restaurant where we're all still really close (a bit of a family, if you will). I think we're all gonna get together to share good memories tonight. So sad. She was only 32 and had just gotten married a few months ago to her high school sweetheart. I can only imagine what he's going through right now..
I'm about to leave work because I'm really upset. This girl and I worked together for about 6 years at a restaurant where we're all still really close (a bit of a family, if you will). I think we're all gonna get together to share good memories tonight. So sad. She was only 32 and had just gotten married a few months ago to her high school sweetheart. I can only imagine what he's going through right now..
Rio Fantastic
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What a bizarre distinction. The implication is that, what, regular addiction isn't a manifestation of psychological issues?
aihfl
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Bizarre maybe to you but it makes perfect sense to me. My personal experience with addiction therapists is analogous to putting a band-aid on a wound that needs stitches. Although I don't need to detail my medical history to you (of all people), what use is it to try and treat the addiction without dealing with the underlying anxiety, panic, ADHD, OCD and Asperger's that drive it? And yeah, I've met people in treatment centers who just enjoy being fucked up and aren't necessarily self-medicating.
Rio Fantastic
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I didn't ask you to explain your medical history. I didn't ask you to explain anything personal. Perhaps in your experience there are plenty of people who were totally fine, dandy, peachy, functional well-adjusted people who just happen to fall into addiction, but in my experience the people who become addicts become addicted exactly because they're not well-adjusted. I'm not defending addiction therapy, I'm confused about the existence of a class of addicts who don't have any kind of psychological problem. Seems self-evident that addicts have psychological problems or at least the vast majority and that's why they ended up reaching for the bottle/powder/needle in the first place. Functional people can drink or take drugs and have a fantastic time but then the next day will go back on with their lives since regular life is mentally bearable, it's the addicts that find the solution in their DOC and can't stand going back to sobriety, and if drugs are the solution then their regular sober life i.e their psychological issues are the problem. I'd say that addicts with psychological issues aren't the special exceptions, they're the norm.
Rio Fantastic
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Jesus ladyh. If you can come through this sober then you can go through anything. Stay strong.
aihfl
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Are you confused? Or are you just being a dick, as usual?
209, great to see you back around - have been wondering how you are doing.
Rio Fantastic
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How could you have possibly taken any of that personally?! Us addicts are so over-sensitive and hyper-alert in looking for perceived slights!
ladyhlove
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Drew: Oh snap. Makes me DEFINITELY want to watch the things I post, for sure then. I've shared pictures of myself, pretty dumb I guess. Gonna go ahead and delete that, luckily its only in one place. I'm not sure what else I'll need to delete, luckily there's 77 methadone clinics in GA and a lot in the metro area so I'll be alright I think. However, I have lots of proof I've been taking my methadone AS PRESCRIBED for a good while now and am doing well and I tell you guys everything I tell my counselor at the clinic, honestly. So..yeah. I guess I'm not toooo worried about it. Only big problem would be my job, but somehow I really doubt the Koreans will find their way here. I will delete my pic for good measure, though 
Boys boys boys, no fighting. A and Rio def butt heads. Rio you kind of remind me of my bf a bit, he comes across very confrontational and "asshole-ish" (at times, not always) like you do. Maybe that's why I'm still nice to you
My friend, her name was Kate also, passed away late Monday night. It's really tragic. I wouldn't say she was my very best friend, but a good friend for sure. She and I were coworkers for a long time.. I worked at a restaurant in town for 6 years, from age 22-28 and the staff there was (and still is) very close. One of those staffs where people work there for a long long time and never leave and everyone is very close. I'm talking multiple marriages between coworkers (one of my exes of 2 years I met there), babies, lots long time roommates, lifelong friendships...the place is now closed but was open for a long time...over 30 years (lol trying to not give too much info, already deleted what kind of restaurant it is, Drew has me paranoid). We consider ourselves a work family, even still many years after the place (sadly) closed and this is a big hit to us. We knew she was sick, she had a bad heart and had been on a pacemaker since she passed out on her honeymoon (i know...so sad) and she got diagnosed with congenital heart failure. We knew she wouldn't live till a very very old age but she died within 2 years of her diagnosis, at age 32, so it's a shock still. I'm still processing it, honestly. I've lost people close to me, grandparents and whatnot, but this is the closest friend I've lost unexpectedly and it hurts.
The fight with my boyfriend seems so minor after all of this. I guess he picked a good week to be a huge dickface to me because I'm already kind of over it. Not that I don't want to use the situation as a major learning experience...we cant have another fight like that again, that's for DAMN sure. I won't stand for it so we need to learn to communicate better. I'm also pumping the brakes majorly on drinking. I had one beer last night with a friend of mine who came over and sat on my porch with me for an hour or two to talk about our friend dying. I will say that I HAVE NOT PURCHASED DOPE OR PILLS OR ABUSED METHADONE OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT. I had a friend who helped me out with my car last night (which I'll talk about in a min here) who gave me a little bit of herb, but smoking it after not smoking for the past couple of days (just bc i've been out and not felt like buying anymore) I got really high, uncomfortably high. So I haven't smoked much more yet. I don't know if I'll give up alcohol forever but I'm definitely not drinking more than one or two for a long time. Luckily, I'm good at keeping beers to one or two...alcohol isn't my DOC at all and being drunk is a feeling I dislike more and more as time goes on. Weed is the one that'll be tougher to give up forever. But anyways, I'm rambling. I'm sorry.
Car is also overheating. Again. Ugh. My mom feels bad for me, considering all the shit I've been going through this week, so she offered to help me fix whatever is going on as long as it wasn't crazy expensive. And..if it is..she's gonna help me get something more reliable. I bought this car for 800 bucks (from my own DAD!), it's a 99 malibu but only had 75k miles on it, but it's just been falling apart. Nothing major yet but a lot of belts, hoses, etc. Something needs to be fixed just about once a month now and it's getting old. I'm gonna take it to the shop on my lunch break (it's overheating but I can get it down the road if I put some water in it first, its got a leak but not pouring out just yet) and hopefully get it done and can pick it up after work. This would normally really stress me out and upset me, but my friend dying makes it seem not so bad. Perspective is funny.
I'm doing ok, considering, guys. Maybe everything will hit me and I'll lose it soon...but right now I'm just trying to cherish the things I do have and the people I love.
How's everyone else's week going?
Boys boys boys, no fighting. A and Rio def butt heads. Rio you kind of remind me of my bf a bit, he comes across very confrontational and "asshole-ish" (at times, not always) like you do. Maybe that's why I'm still nice to you
My friend, her name was Kate also, passed away late Monday night. It's really tragic. I wouldn't say she was my very best friend, but a good friend for sure. She and I were coworkers for a long time.. I worked at a restaurant in town for 6 years, from age 22-28 and the staff there was (and still is) very close. One of those staffs where people work there for a long long time and never leave and everyone is very close. I'm talking multiple marriages between coworkers (one of my exes of 2 years I met there), babies, lots long time roommates, lifelong friendships...the place is now closed but was open for a long time...over 30 years (lol trying to not give too much info, already deleted what kind of restaurant it is, Drew has me paranoid). We consider ourselves a work family, even still many years after the place (sadly) closed and this is a big hit to us. We knew she was sick, she had a bad heart and had been on a pacemaker since she passed out on her honeymoon (i know...so sad) and she got diagnosed with congenital heart failure. We knew she wouldn't live till a very very old age but she died within 2 years of her diagnosis, at age 32, so it's a shock still. I'm still processing it, honestly. I've lost people close to me, grandparents and whatnot, but this is the closest friend I've lost unexpectedly and it hurts.
The fight with my boyfriend seems so minor after all of this. I guess he picked a good week to be a huge dickface to me because I'm already kind of over it. Not that I don't want to use the situation as a major learning experience...we cant have another fight like that again, that's for DAMN sure. I won't stand for it so we need to learn to communicate better. I'm also pumping the brakes majorly on drinking. I had one beer last night with a friend of mine who came over and sat on my porch with me for an hour or two to talk about our friend dying. I will say that I HAVE NOT PURCHASED DOPE OR PILLS OR ABUSED METHADONE OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT. I had a friend who helped me out with my car last night (which I'll talk about in a min here) who gave me a little bit of herb, but smoking it after not smoking for the past couple of days (just bc i've been out and not felt like buying anymore) I got really high, uncomfortably high. So I haven't smoked much more yet. I don't know if I'll give up alcohol forever but I'm definitely not drinking more than one or two for a long time. Luckily, I'm good at keeping beers to one or two...alcohol isn't my DOC at all and being drunk is a feeling I dislike more and more as time goes on. Weed is the one that'll be tougher to give up forever. But anyways, I'm rambling. I'm sorry.
Car is also overheating. Again. Ugh. My mom feels bad for me, considering all the shit I've been going through this week, so she offered to help me fix whatever is going on as long as it wasn't crazy expensive. And..if it is..she's gonna help me get something more reliable. I bought this car for 800 bucks (from my own DAD!), it's a 99 malibu but only had 75k miles on it, but it's just been falling apart. Nothing major yet but a lot of belts, hoses, etc. Something needs to be fixed just about once a month now and it's getting old. I'm gonna take it to the shop on my lunch break (it's overheating but I can get it down the road if I put some water in it first, its got a leak but not pouring out just yet) and hopefully get it done and can pick it up after work. This would normally really stress me out and upset me, but my friend dying makes it seem not so bad. Perspective is funny.
I'm doing ok, considering, guys. Maybe everything will hit me and I'll lose it soon...but right now I'm just trying to cherish the things I do have and the people I love.
How's everyone else's week going?
aihfl
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When I was splitting my time between Ohio and Florida, I bought an old 1989 Chevrolet Corsica from an elderly aunt's estate to leave in Florida for about the same price. It had less than 50k miles on it, but she was a major cheap ass (and loaded, too), and never put any money into maintaining it and I just had to let it go after I was going to have to put into repairs about four times the money that I paid for it. The last straw was it needing a radiator.
I've got a plumbing issue I have to deal with, ugh. The joys of home ownership. The garbage disposal wasn't working and when I looked underneath the sink, I saw water dripping out the bottom of it. No big deal - I've replaced disposals before by myself. But then I noticed that when the dishwasher drains, the dirty dishwater backs up into the sink and leaves behind all the nasty crap that's in the disposal - yuck. So it's a larger problem than a shorted-out garbage disposal and I don't have a good track record when it comes to DIY plumbing, sooooo I'm going to have to call someone. And I just had the house re-plumbed so the last thing I need is another big fat bill.
LHL, have you seen Haunting of Hill House on Netflix? The reason I bring it up is that it was filmed in and around Atlanta. The exterior shots of the house is an old mansion in LaGrange that's now an events space (wedding receptions and the like) and the city shots were filmed in Atlanta. Interesting how Georgia is becoming a filmmaking center. One of the characters is a heroin addict and the transitional housing he's living in at one point is actual transitional housing for homeless addicts in Atlanta. If you haven't seen it, and enjoy haunted house stories, it's worth watching. It is extremely sad at the same time, though, so maybe hold off on seeing it under the present circumstances.
Did anyone else play MegaMillions yesterday? Some lucky bastard in South Carolina won. Me, well, I won't be retiring and taking trips around the world anytime soon.
I've got a plumbing issue I have to deal with, ugh. The joys of home ownership. The garbage disposal wasn't working and when I looked underneath the sink, I saw water dripping out the bottom of it. No big deal - I've replaced disposals before by myself. But then I noticed that when the dishwasher drains, the dirty dishwater backs up into the sink and leaves behind all the nasty crap that's in the disposal - yuck. So it's a larger problem than a shorted-out garbage disposal and I don't have a good track record when it comes to DIY plumbing, sooooo I'm going to have to call someone. And I just had the house re-plumbed so the last thing I need is another big fat bill.
LHL, have you seen Haunting of Hill House on Netflix? The reason I bring it up is that it was filmed in and around Atlanta. The exterior shots of the house is an old mansion in LaGrange that's now an events space (wedding receptions and the like) and the city shots were filmed in Atlanta. Interesting how Georgia is becoming a filmmaking center. One of the characters is a heroin addict and the transitional housing he's living in at one point is actual transitional housing for homeless addicts in Atlanta. If you haven't seen it, and enjoy haunted house stories, it's worth watching. It is extremely sad at the same time, though, so maybe hold off on seeing it under the present circumstances.
Did anyone else play MegaMillions yesterday? Some lucky bastard in South Carolina won. Me, well, I won't be retiring and taking trips around the world anytime soon.
Rio Fantastic
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Ladyh - it sounds like you may be growing out of drinking (at least to excess), which is actually really fortunate since at least you won't be replacing opiates with alcohol anytime soon. This sounds heartless or cold, but getting drunk and having an argument is a lot better than getting drunk and your inhibitions coming right down and you relapsing and ending up readdicted/out of recovery/dead. This could end up all being for the best. Such a shame about your friend, knowing it's coming doesn't make it any easier huh?
by the way when you say uncomfortably high on weed, what do you mean? anxiety?
by the way when you say uncomfortably high on weed, what do you mean? anxiety?
Rio Fantastic
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Boys boys boys, no fighting. and Rio def butt heads. Rio you kind of remind me of my bf a bit, he comes across very confrontational and "asshole-ish" (at times, not always) like you do. Maybe that's why I'm still nice to you
Hahaha, I'll take that as a compliment. I have nothing but good will and warmth for aihfl, he reminds me a lot of my great uncle (before he went totally senile) who was the nicest guy and always meant well. I don't think he'll ever forgive me for questioning his use of an off-colour expression, but I hope he holds no malice towards me. Sorry for talking to him directly in your thread and creating distractions, this thread is about you, not me questioning his philosophy on addiction, so I apologize.
ladyhlove
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No worries, Rio. I'm a big girl, I can handle seeing conflict here and there. And lord knows I've derailed some other threads myself, so it's not a big deal if you do it to me. And to answer your question, yes anxiety (when saying "uncomfortably high"). If I take a couple days break (or longer) from smoking weed, the first smoke will make me kinda paranoid a bit (and very introspective and a bit hard on myself...which I need sometimes). It's that same feeling that keeps me from wanting to get dope after I smoke weed so it's a good feeling really. As weird as this sounds, weed actually gives me the "guilt" and "shame" that I NEED when it comes to my drug addictions...sometimes I feel like I make excuses for myself and am not hard enough on myself which is why I used to relapse a lot..but weed kinda gives me that voice that says "hey, using drugs again is a dumb idea, Kate!". I see why states where marijuana is legal have lower opiate rates. When I used opiates, I stopped smoking weed (for the most part) completely, but now that I'm back to it, I find it helps with cravings so much (but I've gone into this a bunch, no need to go on about it more...). And, to comment on your thing about my bf and I's fight (which didn't sound heartless at all, btw...funny, you apologize for one of the least "harsh" things you've said, lol), I totally agree. Fights happen, I know this...but I just hope this will be a learning experience for us so it doesn't happen again. I know from past experience in an unhealthy relationship (where we had lots of yelling, angry "White trash" property destroying cops being called kinda fights) that once a fight happens like this, it can open the gate for the same kind of fights (or worse) to happen. I don't want that. If we can improve our relationship from this awful experience, I'll even say that terrible night was worth it. We love each other way too much, and we've already worked so damn hard this past year, to let this fight break us and to not let it make us stronger in the long run.
Well, Pep Boys said my thermostat is broken (and cracked and what is slowly leaking fluid out) and it would cost me $670 to fix. Ridiculous. The guy tried to pull one on me and say I needed to do a bunch of more work than I actually did. See, I'm not a mechanic, but I know quite a bit about cars...especially THIS car because I've done most, if not all, of the work "myself" (with the assistance of others who know what they're doing better than I do) and I knew the stuff he said he "needed" to do in addition to replacing the $6 thermostat were complete and totally unnecessary things. So...I've got a friend who can do it and I told him I would give him (well my mom would, since shes helping me this time) $200 if we could do it. He said he is positive he can get it done in 2 hours tonight. Luckily, if I keep the fluids topped off, the leak is so slow I can still drive it so I drove to work today and am going straight there after work. THANK GOD for friends who know about cars. He's saved me SO MUCH money. So, not the worst case scenario with the vehicle. Fingers and toes crossed that this is the last repair for awhile. I've needed 2 new back tires and I can't get them bc I've been repairing this vehicle every 2-3 weeks. Argh! Can't wait till my insurance goes down a bit (too many wrecks in one year last year...long story, it was my old cars fault, basically..) so I can get a newer car. It's nice not having a car payment but tired of breaking down.
The funeral for my friend is this weekend and my old work family is getting together for a few events this upcoming weekend to remember our dear friend. It's been so sad. Still isn't totally real. I will say that I am glad that its bringing friends into town (or out of their reclusive lives) and I get to see a lot of folks I haven't seen in awhile. It'll be a lovely weekend of telling stories, sharing pictures and funny quirks about our friend, and getting to hug on each other and cry a bit. I also really want to give my friend's husband the biggest hug possible. I will say this death has made all of my other problems so insignificant feeling and I've been handling everything (like my car issues and whatnot) a lot more calmly and "adult-like" than usual. I hope this isn't just a one time thing, I need to remember these sort of things are just life annoyances and to treasure all the things I DO have instead of what I don't have (or what I have that's pissing me off) lol. I feel really good mentally right now, despite the problems this week. I feel really strong for not letting all of this drama and trauma wear me down and back into the arms of heroin (and/or booze or whatever other substance i could get my hands on).
Oh, and I'm still going to the gym! Went 4 days first week, 5 days second week, and I'm 2 days in on my third week now. I've lost 5 lbs already! :D Since i only wanted to lose 7, i'm almost at my goal. Though. weight loss isn't why I'm at the gym..i'm there for the endorphins! Going go the gym has gotten me in a great routine...come home, let dog out, straight to gym (before I even sit down lol..if I do, it's over haha), grab dinner otw home, come home and do home stuff then sleep. I can already tell I'm getting stronger and more endurance. I'm super hooked on the gym already, too. I love it so much! I want to quit smoking this winter so I can do even more exercise even!
Alright, enough about me. Life is still frustrating, but its getting better. Thanks for all your support and love and good vibes Bluelighters :D
Well, Pep Boys said my thermostat is broken (and cracked and what is slowly leaking fluid out) and it would cost me $670 to fix. Ridiculous. The guy tried to pull one on me and say I needed to do a bunch of more work than I actually did. See, I'm not a mechanic, but I know quite a bit about cars...especially THIS car because I've done most, if not all, of the work "myself" (with the assistance of others who know what they're doing better than I do) and I knew the stuff he said he "needed" to do in addition to replacing the $6 thermostat were complete and totally unnecessary things. So...I've got a friend who can do it and I told him I would give him (well my mom would, since shes helping me this time) $200 if we could do it. He said he is positive he can get it done in 2 hours tonight. Luckily, if I keep the fluids topped off, the leak is so slow I can still drive it so I drove to work today and am going straight there after work. THANK GOD for friends who know about cars. He's saved me SO MUCH money. So, not the worst case scenario with the vehicle. Fingers and toes crossed that this is the last repair for awhile. I've needed 2 new back tires and I can't get them bc I've been repairing this vehicle every 2-3 weeks. Argh! Can't wait till my insurance goes down a bit (too many wrecks in one year last year...long story, it was my old cars fault, basically..) so I can get a newer car. It's nice not having a car payment but tired of breaking down.
The funeral for my friend is this weekend and my old work family is getting together for a few events this upcoming weekend to remember our dear friend. It's been so sad. Still isn't totally real. I will say that I am glad that its bringing friends into town (or out of their reclusive lives) and I get to see a lot of folks I haven't seen in awhile. It'll be a lovely weekend of telling stories, sharing pictures and funny quirks about our friend, and getting to hug on each other and cry a bit. I also really want to give my friend's husband the biggest hug possible. I will say this death has made all of my other problems so insignificant feeling and I've been handling everything (like my car issues and whatnot) a lot more calmly and "adult-like" than usual. I hope this isn't just a one time thing, I need to remember these sort of things are just life annoyances and to treasure all the things I DO have instead of what I don't have (or what I have that's pissing me off) lol. I feel really good mentally right now, despite the problems this week. I feel really strong for not letting all of this drama and trauma wear me down and back into the arms of heroin (and/or booze or whatever other substance i could get my hands on).
Oh, and I'm still going to the gym! Went 4 days first week, 5 days second week, and I'm 2 days in on my third week now. I've lost 5 lbs already! :D Since i only wanted to lose 7, i'm almost at my goal. Though. weight loss isn't why I'm at the gym..i'm there for the endorphins! Going go the gym has gotten me in a great routine...come home, let dog out, straight to gym (before I even sit down lol..if I do, it's over haha), grab dinner otw home, come home and do home stuff then sleep. I can already tell I'm getting stronger and more endurance. I'm super hooked on the gym already, too. I love it so much! I want to quit smoking this winter so I can do even more exercise even!
Alright, enough about me. Life is still frustrating, but its getting better. Thanks for all your support and love and good vibes Bluelighters :D
somnilicious
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Hey LadyH.... I have been following your thread on the occassions I stop on in to bluelight. I just wanted to thank you for sharing so much of yourself. You are definetly a very strong woman and your self awareness is captivating. Im sending you well wishes from CF.
I thought I should introduce myself. I used to be a much more active member and I have been using bluelight since some of the earliest days. I plan to be around much more. I have been a heroin addict for 20yrs, ten of which were spent on and off methadone, mostly on.... I just wanted to say that you are doing a great job. Keep using all the resources at your disposal and updating us on your progress.
Much Love from Somni
I thought I should introduce myself. I used to be a much more active member and I have been using bluelight since some of the earliest days. I plan to be around much more. I have been a heroin addict for 20yrs, ten of which were spent on and off methadone, mostly on.... I just wanted to say that you are doing a great job. Keep using all the resources at your disposal and updating us on your progress.
Much Love from Somni
ladyhlove
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Thanks Somni! I've read your posts as well! You seem like a very driven individual who has a lot of amazing qualities.
Thank you for reading about my lil ole life and the encouragement Always appreciate all the support I get around here, you guys are awesome
Thank you for reading about my lil ole life and the encouragement
Always appreciate all the support I get around here, you guys are awesome
ladyhlove
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Well my buddy changed the thermostat and the leak is gone, but now the thermostat won't even kick on so I'm thinking either the water pump was also shot OR he put the thermostat in wrong (he's not a pro mechanic, just a guy who's really good with cars and does a lot of his own work and helps ppl out). Either way, it was almost free (Said bc it was still broken, I didn't need to pay for anything other than the part..Also, I cleaned his bathroom which he said was good enough payment...It only took an hour to do anyways, not a big waste of time) and I'm still in the same spot I was yesterday. I have it at my mechanic that I trust and have used for many years who's very reasonably priced and does only what NEEDS to be done, doesn't try and add a buncha unnecessary work "just in case", ya know the types. I rarely pay more than 300 for any work with him *knocks on wood* so we'll see what's going on. I'm just sick of car repairs. I'm about at the point where I'm just gonna need to maybe buy a new car because the repairs almost aren't worth it anymore. My mom offered to help out with maybe 3-4k toward something used and somewhat kinda decent (point a to point b car) and I could pay her back over the next year or so. But I'll wait to hear from my mechanic to see what else needs to be fixed and if its worth it. This car is old, a 99 Malibu but with under 100k so that's why I bought it back in Feb from my dad for $800..the car belonged to my younger step brother who used it to get back and forth from class in Athens (a pretty small town) at UGA so it didn't get many miles acquired and he had my dad and stepmom fix it and keep up with it any time anything went remotely wrong so I figured it would be a good buy knowing the owners and whatnot. My mom helped me with it financially at the time because I was broke from being an addict but was getting into treatment and she knew I needed a working vehicle. Atlanta is a terrible town to try and get around without a car..you can do it, but a 20 min drive can be a 3 hour public transit commute here and it's downright miserable. My mom is mad we've had to keep repairing it ever since we got it, she and I both have put a lot of money into it since then...I don't think my dad sold me a car falling apart on purpose but my mother hates my dad (long story, baaaad divorce 16 years ago that they are STILL not over) so she's mad at him and wants me to yell at him for her and get all the money back which just adds to the stress. I'll hear from the mechanic soon..dreading it...
Then my mother told me last night (she was upset and was explaining why she was acting up in the moment on the phone) that she's suddenly had her vision deteriorate over the past month and she's nearly blind right now..they're worried it's something neurological like MS. She usually doesn't like to worry me (especially with everything going on this week with me) so she keeps stuff like that from me, which i hate. We're so close and she's my best friend and means the world to me so she knows if anything happened to her I'd totally lose it. She has a dr. appt to get an mri and stuff in a few weeks and we're praying it's just a complication from a cataract surgery she had a year ago (another possibility). Praying's a funny word...keeping good vibes out in the universe? I'm not religious...shit, if something happens to my mother I may have to become religious...ugh, trying not to worry until I know for sure there's something to def worry about. I just can't right now, too much is going on I'd completely lose it.
Tonight I'm going out with my boyfriend and friends to see a show. I'm not going to drink, I've decided. Too much is going on and I might get emotional. A big show I've been looking forward to for weeks is going on with a few diff local bands I really like. All my friends will be there too and I need to get my mind off stuff for an evening. My friend who passed's husband is having a get together at his/her home to kind of have everyone from our little old work family back together on Saturday night that I'm going to go to and am looking forward to. Her funeral is next weekend and I'm definitely not looking forward to that :/ It's really been a hard week. The car is minor, honestly, the pain from her death has really been taking front and center as far as my feelings go. It will get easier, I know, but grief is necessary for awhile.
I bought a juul (an e-cig) yesterday. I'm gonna try to quit smoking. I'm still finishing my last pack (slowly...my new KSAFE that someone kindly got for me as a sobriety/finally stable gift from BLUELIGHT..thank you so much again awesome person :D ) since everything is stressful still, but I like the juul and I'm gonna try it out for awhile.
Any plans for the weekends, y'all?
Then my mother told me last night (she was upset and was explaining why she was acting up in the moment on the phone) that she's suddenly had her vision deteriorate over the past month and she's nearly blind right now..they're worried it's something neurological like MS. She usually doesn't like to worry me (especially with everything going on this week with me) so she keeps stuff like that from me, which i hate. We're so close and she's my best friend and means the world to me so she knows if anything happened to her I'd totally lose it. She has a dr. appt to get an mri and stuff in a few weeks and we're praying it's just a complication from a cataract surgery she had a year ago (another possibility). Praying's a funny word...keeping good vibes out in the universe? I'm not religious...shit, if something happens to my mother I may have to become religious...ugh, trying not to worry until I know for sure there's something to def worry about. I just can't right now, too much is going on I'd completely lose it.
Tonight I'm going out with my boyfriend and friends to see a show. I'm not going to drink, I've decided. Too much is going on and I might get emotional. A big show I've been looking forward to for weeks is going on with a few diff local bands I really like. All my friends will be there too and I need to get my mind off stuff for an evening. My friend who passed's husband is having a get together at his/her home to kind of have everyone from our little old work family back together on Saturday night that I'm going to go to and am looking forward to. Her funeral is next weekend and I'm definitely not looking forward to that :/ It's really been a hard week. The car is minor, honestly, the pain from her death has really been taking front and center as far as my feelings go. It will get easier, I know, but grief is necessary for awhile.
I bought a juul (an e-cig) yesterday. I'm gonna try to quit smoking. I'm still finishing my last pack (slowly...my new KSAFE that someone kindly got for me as a sobriety/finally stable gift from BLUELIGHT..thank you so much again awesome person :D ) since everything is stressful still, but I like the juul and I'm gonna try it out for awhile.
Any plans for the weekends, y'all?
ladyhlove
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2017
- Messages
- 509
Well mechanic said my buddy changed the thermostat right, just had to flush the system. 100 bucks later, boom, fixed. Or so I thought..was working fine until it overheated AGAIN last night while I was driving back from the city my bf lives in (we went down there to see a play) at 11pm...I had to tow it back to the city, costing me over 200 bucks and with a tow truck driver who didn't arrive for 3 hours so I sat there till like 2am. Ugh. I seriously have a repair to do on this car every 2 weeks at this point and I can't keep doing it. Unfortunately, I could've saved up money for a new(er) car, but I've dumped everything into repairs so IDK. Ugh. FUCK. THIS. My work's getting real tired of it too...
Looks like another fucking fantastic week for me...
Looks like another fucking fantastic week for me...
ladyhlove
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2017
- Messages
- 509
Ha. Yeah, thinking it's the water pump. I've thought that all along, but no one will listen to a woman. I know more about cars than ppl realize (mainly because I've driven beaters since age 16 so I've seen what almost every kind of car trouble looks like), but everyone always wants to give me advice about what they think it could be and it drives me nuts lol. Ppl with no mechanic knowledge think they can diagnose my car bc they once had a car over-heat on them and it was this one particular thing, so that haaaas to be my problem lol.."you're gonna have to replace the radiator. my car overheated 2 years ago and we had to, so you should go ahead and do that too" lmao...it's like, dude, the cooling system has a lot of parts it isn't necessarily the part YOU had wrong with YOUR OWN car. I get people are trying to help...but unless you know cars and are LOOKING AT MY CAR, I don't want your advice.
I'll keep yall posted on how this fucking shit goes...i'm so beyond annoyed...
I'll keep yall posted on how this fucking shit goes...i'm so beyond annoyed...
ladyhlove
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2017
- Messages
- 509
Lol no worries.
The frustrating part of all of this is that I just want it done. Like, fix it, please. This car overheated at first last Tues , so I've almost been going through a week of this shit by now. I keep taking it places...I keep paying people, but my car still acts the same.
The frustrating part of all of this is that I just want it done. Like, fix it, please. This car overheated at first last Tues , so I've almost been going through a week of this shit by now. I keep taking it places...I keep paying people, but my car still acts the same.