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24 hours in.. Please help

She knows you used to be an addict. I don't mean to be a dick but from everything I read you have the tools to stop this shit and you are coming up with excuses to keep using. What I mean by obsessing is that you think about pills all the time rather than trying to shift your focus.
 
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Hey man keep trying, I just got back from key West it was a great time. It would have been better if I wasn't counting pills in my head the entire time. I am going to have to deal with this sooner or later and will be looking for help just as you have done. I think it's great to have a place like this for support. Few people understand how bad it can be. You have done well so far and set backs happen. I was clean and sober for almost 20 years before being injured and going on pills. I can't afford to have the needed surgery and be out of work and I can't afford to be dope sick at work. I run out all the time and end up rationing for a few days and the mind games are the biggest problem.

Good luck we are with you.
 
not trying to be another cook in the kitchen here. You've been honest about what's going on. You relapsed and you've created a new time table for yourself. The guilt about it won't help. Is there something you can do while you are using to increase your awareness about what is going on? I noticed for example that you stop posting when you are using. This is probably the time when you should be posting the most. It doesn't have to be here on BL (would be nice if you shared with us your plan though). Probably the same reason you don't share this with your soon-to-be wife. We want to support your sobriety and when you are using we can't do that. You can write in a journal and continue to chronicle this. Helps to describe it to yourself as an observer with a commitment to honesty rather than to make judgements. Statements like "Maybe I'm not meant to do this" while it may seem honest has a self-limiting quality to it and lacks big picture understanding. I'm not saying fill your head with warm and fuzzy statements you wish were true, I'm saying write down stuff like "this happened today, I felt XYZ. I noticed my pills usually affect me this way but today I noticed something different like ZYX". You can make conclusions from it but give room for your conclusions to grow along with you. GL and hope you have good vacation.
 
It's been a couple days. How you holding up? Have you been able to control your intake ok? Hope all is going well for you.
 
I'm down to 10mg a day. One when I wake up and one when I go to bed. And lope in between. About 10mg once daily. Sorry I've been packing for vacation. We leave in 7 hours. I'm doing better than what I was. Stuff just really started getting to me. Instill have 11 of the 30 pills left. So that means something right?
 
Take it slow man even though you want to quit you also want to enjoy your trip and you want her to enjoy it as well. If you are focused on pills the whole time nobody wins. I was on the lookout to score in KW a few weeks ago and came up dry. I was in OK shape but a little more would have done me fine. If you are staying at a place with a shuttle that makes the trip down town check out the driver if he looks cool he might be able to set you up or try a cab driver, but choose them carefully. We had this one driver who was nuts and I knew he was my guy. He said he could make the deal and came up dry we only had two days left for vacation and I was in good shape so I just chilled on the idea. There is a guy at every good hotel who can get anything, just need to find that guy start by making friends with the bartender. But don't get yourself busted man. Do what you got to do to enjoy this honeymoon/vacation then get back on track and achieve your original goal.

Good luck man

Ron
 
Thanks for the ideas Ron. I just got to north Carolina. 14 hour trip. Used more of my stash than I intended. I have 1 and 1/2 left. If needed I can always go buy a bottle of lope. That stuff works good for me. We're at a friends house for a few hours before we finish the last couple hours to get to south Carolina/Myrtle Beach.
 
Okay guys. Day 1 almost over... Again... Drinking some at Myrtle Beach. Not feeling crazy horrible right now. Constantly thinking about it. Anxiety and a little on the edge.
 
I think being here on vacation is keeping my mind off of it more than it would be off of it at home. So being at Myrtle Beach is a blessing right now.
 
Maybe a blessing in disguise. You tapered so withdrawl should be slim to none. Enjoy your vacation and wake up everyday knowing that you are in control of your new life. You truly are a lucky man. Your soon to be wife will give you strength that you never knew you had. Congrats on merging on to the road of sobriety.
 
Couldn't deal with the anxiety anymore. Stopped at the er and doctor gave me 10 Valium pills to help me sleep the next few days. I just took one about 30 minutes ago and ibhate the feeling but as soon as my ride gets here sobthe er will discharge me. I'm going to get the best nights sleep I've have during withdrawals ever. Lol
 
I got some great sleep. This is going into day 4. I feel really good. Had to take another Valium last night but don't think I'll need them after tonight. Maybe tonight. Restless legs are a bitch. Mentally feel stable and not getting cold chills anymore. Had a massive headache last night. Took two aspirin and two Tylenol and it helped. Didn't even think about going and getting any narcotic pain pills. I think I got er this time!
 
You can do this, man. I'm currently day 6 from my jump from suboxone and am right here, kinda doing this with u. I can related to how hard it is to quit as I've relapsed twice in the past 3 years. Maybe try to attend a meeting, that's the route I'm trying to take to make this my last jaunt with these fucking atrocious pills. God bless and good luck, fam.
 
Good luck to everyone here this is a tough road and few people understand how hard it can be. I am happy I found this place and when the time comes I'm going to lean on friends on B/L. Hang in guys.
 
Hey guys. I just wanted to give an update. I'm still clean. 6 days today! Sorry I haven't been posting as much as I was the first time. But I've been really busy with vacation and all.
 
Congrats on 6 days baby! Don't let up now. Remember your triggers when you get home and avoid them.
 
I just got home last night. Yeah every bathroom I go in is abfucking trigger. My car is a trigger ... It blows. Still clean though!!
 
Damn, gonna have to go outside for #1 and #2 and walk everywhere lol. You can do it. You're doing so well. Hang in there.
 
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