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24 hours in.. Please help

That's what I'm thinking. So far I'm doing really good today. Just got off work and I'm a little bored because I usually get high. But cant now. Getting off of work is I guess like a trigger because I used the pills to wind down a bit after work. And just space out on the couch for a few hours.
 
Rio Fantastic said:
Things will get easier, trust me. Think about your family, think about the life you can have, don't sacrifice it all for a fleeting high. You've done so well already, don't fuck it all up now.
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gmlifer said:
Hang in there man, do whatever you have to do to get your mind off of it. Don't allow yourself to get sucked back in to it. Stare at a picture of your fiance or read a book go run. Do something to occupy your mind.
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littleevilpills said:
How long does all of this last? I know that it can take a long time but how long until I can kind of return back to normal? Will I always think about crushing up a Percocet and railing it up my fucking nose and spacing out. All I can think about is how much harder a lot less dosage would hit me and fuck me up. Fuck it. I'm going to bed. Here's to sobriety. FUCK YOU OPIATES. That's all for tonight. Here's to waking up and starting day 4.
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You can do this!! Find the willpower that is keeping you sober and keep it up!
This part will go faster than you think.
Good luck!
Erik
 
Bad news guys. I had to go to the er. I can't stand up straight. I have two kidney stones. The only thing that would take away the pain is dilaudid. I know this is going to set me back but I hope not for another 4 days. I will continue to push through. No matter what happens. This isn't my fault. I hope I don't wake up at day 1 tomorrow. So you guys think I will?
 
littleevilpills said:
I just hit day 4, 15 minutes ago. I slept completely through the night. Mafioso, I enjoy singing too. Even though I horribly suck at it. Lol. Yesterday I was cruising around town belting out some old music that I was playing on YouTube for like 2 hours straight. I woke up with a sore throat just now. Lmao.

I woke up with rls but it went away after a few minutes. As soon as I woke up I thought I was going to the bathroom to crush up a pill. Idk if it's instinct from repetitiveness or what lol

I can see a difference already. Normally if I wake up and don't have any pills. I don't sit at the table and have coffee. I sit in the living room under the blankets feeling sorry af for myself. Not communicating.

This morning I woke up. Missed my 1 year old. Walked into the kitchen poured me some coffee and I am chatting with my mom. (i stayed at my mom's house because I didn't have the gas to make it to work from where I live) but I'll slowly get back on my feet. Especially when we get that money next week) I'm still going through hell but it is getting easier. Here's to day 4. I have to work in 3 hours. And I'm actually happy about it. Because I can now make money instead of spend money.
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That's the best part about singing, or even music is that sometimes it isn't being good at it that is rewarding, sometimes it is just simply the act of "playing".

Really though if you want to improve your singing I would say now is probably one of the best times. I'm nowhere near the best singer and I've been at it for over 10 years now. There is always room to improve and practice will always been necessity if I am to improve. Anyways, no idea of your musical background, vocal range or style but if you search on youtube for "beginner singing lessons" or things like doing "lip trills" to a scale(progression of notes, usually ascending then descending in tone) it will be a good place to start. You should also start working on breathing exercises and diaphragmatic breathing techniques as well as stretches that you can incorporate into a sort of "pre-practice" routine.

Another one of the things I love about singing is that it revolves around breath, relaxation, and focus. I like to do stretches that really target the core and incorporate diaphragmatic breathing(or breathing into your stomach put simply) before I do different vocal scales and vowel modification. When you are first learning it can be a bit frustrating and tedious but as you progress(at least for me) it becomes more and more therapeutic and relaxing. I sometimes feel almost high after I am done with about an hour routine, slightly light headed but not in a bad way, its a very relaxing and almost euphoric feeling, like my mind feels ultra=clarity for a brief moment after I finish the routine and before I really tear into anything else.

Probably sounds like I am talking about some crazy religion.. but no I just love music and try to encourage others to play and learn instruments. I find that almost everyone I meet says they want to or wish they could play music, like some carnal desire within all of our beings waiting to be tapped into.
 
littleevilpills said:
Bad news guys. I had to go to the er. I can't stand up straight. I have two kidney stones. The only thing that would take away the pain is dilaudid. I know this is going to set me back but I hope not for another 4 days. I will continue to push through. No matter what happens. This isn't my fault. I hope I don't wake up at day 1 tomorrow. So you guys think I will?
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That's some shitty luck right there. You're in control man. Stay focused
 
I felt so sick when I got home from the er. All together in 5 hours there. They gave me 12mg of dilaudid. I didn't even enjoy it. In fact I hated the feeling. When I got home. I threw up 3 times. I love that my tolerance is shit. It is proof that I'm doing good. They sent me home with tramadol for the pain. I'm being very careful with them. Taking Tylenol for pain and I've only taken 1 tramadol for break through pain today. I'm not sure if I can still call this day 5 or if I have to start over on my days. I do know that I have to be careful with the tramadol because it can set me back right?
 
Tramadol can def you get you high. I hate that shit personally. Did you pass the stones already?
 
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Eww, those bastards hurt. Seen people doubled over in pain from them. Tough situation bro.
 
I would take the tramadol as prescribed. You may find that taking then eases your pain and makes it easier to get through the physical withdrawls but damn you need to stay in control. Tramadol can cause seizures if you take to much and it doesn't take much more than the prescribed dosage to do it.
 
I've not taken more than 3 of them in one day. They're 50mg pills. I got 21 and still have 16 left. I don't withdrawal if I don't take one. I don't wake up in withdrawals. I didn't take one for 3 hours this morning after I woke up. Until I couldn't stand up straight.
 
Thanks for chronicling this OP. The drama that explodes in a persons life when quitting an addiction never fails to amaze me. Physically quitting is one thing, but coping with the thoughts and emotions that come up can be all consuming. Notice how when you're feeling anxiety, your thoughts start racing and then the world around and inside you seems to explodes with drama. You've left a great record of this on your postings. You coped with the physical symptoms, you coped with the mental torment and then the horrible anxiety kicked in, you coped with that best you could but things blew up anyways. Kidney stones and it's not your fault!! They give you something that could make you relapse! The irony is palpable. Now you feel like you gotta start over. Well, therein lies the first clue. I'm gonna suggest next time the anxiety sets in you quietly sit down for a few moments and just feel it burning inside, affecting your thoughts, making your heart race and air hard to breath. To replace the racing thoughts with something more affirming then images of drug use occupy your mind with a phrase that you repeat over and over. Choose your own that speaks to you but I'll offer you one that seems appropriate for your situation. "Here now, there then." Keep that thought on auto-replay above all other thoughts. Keep your breath as regular and as continuous as you can while noticing whats happening in your body. Spending just a little time here and there doing this in response to the anxiety may not seem like it is doing much to change things, but it is. You're noticing it and doing the opposite of running for the nearest exit. Then you can go do something you like whether its going for a walk, posting on BL, going to the gym... whatever. There's a whole technology behind this and I've given you the light version because you got so much on your plate right now. If it interests you there's a great book called the "Presence Process" by Michael Brown but I don't want to start by saying "read this book." I'm cheering for you dude and don't be upset with yourself for the stumbles along the way. Get up and do it again. You're exactly right, you're doing this for yourself and not for your family.
 
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Great post levels beyond. So I past my kidney stone last night and I just woke up. Umm I'm in full blown withdrawals. Like its the morning after day 1. Diahrrea. Crawling skin with cold chills. Fuck. I don't have the power to go through this again. My stomach is churning like no other. I only took 6 of the tramadols in 3 days. Maybe use them to taper down to like a 4th of a pill? I mean I don't understand. I barely used them and now I have to endure this again???? FML
 
I'm not sure I can do this again. I get that 6000 dollars tomorrow. I wanted to be done with this by time I get that money so I don't blow it. I even got a new car. A 2009 scion tc TRD. Now I'm going to not be able to enjoy it for another week because of withdrawals. I am seriously mad right now.
 
The physical withdrawls should just about be done. Anyway to make sure you dang have access to that money?
 
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The physical withdrawals are starting back over because had to take tramadols for kidney stone pain. And no I need to have access to the money immediately because I need to pay for my car and some past due bills.
 
Dude I would have thought the tramadol would have helped you through the physical withdrawls not make them worse. You need to find that quite place and get your head in the game bro, your over thinking it.

If you didn't take any oxy then your withdrawl is not starting over. You're still in the hunt bro.
 
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I haven't taken an oxy or Vicodin in a week. Idk what's going on. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed ?? Lol
 
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