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2 Months After MDMA, still feeling messed up...

I actually felt and still do from time to time a lot of these things. And i mean when i read what you wrote i closely related instantly. I am still smoking daily which i bet isn't helping these things how ever i will tell you i have adjusted to them which in contrast has made them lessen. They still do arise occasionally but after a long break from mdma (9 months+) most of it cleared up. I did roll again after that 9 months which doesn't seem to have brought it back but it seems like some of the symptoms were always there, and since rolling i have kind of noticed them again : ( It feels like i have a light detachment from reality and i perceive things kind of differently, note i wasn't using mdma heavily. About once every 1.5 month or more for a year and a half. I think the amount of anxiety attacks and panic attacks i had from weed has a lot to do with it. But with enough time off mdma these things should clear up a lot more, or to the point where you don't give a fuck anymore and want to move on.
 
fedeetz said:
Hey icoma, how long did it take to you to get back to normal? I mean, days, months, years?
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Hi fedeetz, the intensity of the symptoms basically subsided once I accepted that eventually I was going to die (one of worries while feeling the 'impending doom', took a few weeks, basically until I was able to force concentration on other things like girls, laughter, work etc.

Occasionally I will gets bouts of anxiety which is reminiscent of my initial attack but I've been able to detect when these feelings arise and quash them before they turn into a panic attack. Also in response to DevinTheDude, I basically stopped all drugs (other than alcohol) for about 1 year or so, then one night I got on the piss and decided to drop a pill as all my friends were having a blast. Turned out fine and hit it damn hard for about 2 years, stopped again about 6 months ago and haven't really had any problems since.

Sometimes I feel like I haven't been able to feel as happy as before, but I suppose by contrast it's more likely that i'm just less frequently as insanely happy as I was on pills. I think it's just perseverance and changing your mind set to accept whatever happens. At the end of the day we're surrounded by beauty and amazement and we need to step back and remind ourselves how lucky we are (a little hippy-ish I know :P) and with a bit of time, some good friends; and a distraction (which is what seemed to do it for me), I'm confident that the effected will be able to appreciate life again and find the happiness that has been lacking.

Hope you're all doing better :)
 
icoma said:
Hi fedeetz, the intensity of the symptoms basically subsided once I accepted that eventually I was going to die (one of worries while feeling the 'impending doom', took a few weeks, basically until I was able to force concentration on other things like girls, laughter, work etc.

Occasionally I will gets bouts of anxiety which is reminiscent of my initial attack but I've been able to detect when these feelings arise and quash them before they turn into a panic attack. Also in response to DevinTheDude, I basically stopped all drugs (other than alcohol) for about 1 year or so, then one night I got on the piss and decided to drop a pill as all my friends were having a blast. Turned out fine and hit it damn hard for about 2 years, stopped again about 6 months ago and haven't really had any problems since.

Sometimes I feel like I haven't been able to feel as happy as before, but I suppose by contrast it's more likely that i'm just less frequently as insanely happy as I was on pills. I think it's just perseverance and changing your mind set to accept whatever happens. At the end of the day we're surrounded by beauty and amazement and we need to step back and remind ourselves how lucky we are (a little hippy-ish I know :P) and with a bit of time, some good friends; and a distraction (which is what seemed to do it for me), I'm confident that the effected will be able to appreciate life again and find the happiness that has been lacking.

Hope you're all doing better :)
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Thanks for the advice man :) Although possitive thinking hasn't worked for me, and I'm stuck in this situation, this mental state. I think it may be something physical not just pyschological.

I'm thinking about doing exactly the opposite: taking one first and last pill of MDMA. As my problem begun with a marijuana-induced panic attack, I haven't had any problems with MDMA.

And I firmly believe what I have is PTSD after that trumatic night. Everywhere I look it says ecstasy helps people with PTSD, and any kind of pychological trouble in general.

So well, wish me luck with that!
 
I would have to agree with icoma. Once you can accept death or other things that you have deep-seated aversions to contemplating, you suddenly realize that anxiety is nothing but an incredibly realistic figment of your imagination. And that definitely is not belittling it - it's as real as anything else until you are able to surpass and see through it.

For myself, the concept of living eternally has always sent me into extreme panic when I think about it too much - something that is entirely more intense than the "normal" panic attacks I used to have - still can't figure that one out! I think my issue with that topic was that eternal existence seemed to me to be destined to end up in eternal, extreme boredom that sent me over the edge thinking about it. I dunno, but ANYWAY...

This is actually on topic, because I feel like those of you who rolled might have connected with one of these sensitive issues and recoiled from it with the same fervor that I used to about the above topic. Just my experience.
 
Hi, I would just like to say I know what you are going through. On the 11th of this month it makes two months where I have been experiencing the same thing. I'm not a big MDMA user. I took some pills once 3 years ago and then 600 mg of molly on the 9/3 and 300 mg on 9/10. On 9/11 after smoking a blunt with some friends I went through the panic attack and the depression started. For the first two weeks was the worse. I managed to get my appetite back around week 3. I developed sleep maintenance insomnia. I was lucky to get maybe 6 or 7 hours of sleep. I would remind myself about the whole situation at least 20 times a day and though it is slightly easier to deal with it is still waaaay to hard considering it has been 2 months. I do also feel the hazy vision. I also can't smoke weed anymore. It makes me worse.

I tried 5 htp but it didn't help at all. I took three pills a day for a week and then for the 2nd and 3rd week I took 6 pills a day. Nothing really changed. I think I damaged my 5 ht receptors rather than depleted my serotonin. I have been hearing time is the best. I agree everyone's brain is different. I know people that roll once a week and are perfectly fine. It took me only two rolls 7 days apart to fuck up my life. So, I am guessing recovery is the same way.

I don't really plan on getting SSRI's right away. I'll give it another 2 months. If I don't feel I have improved I will go to a psychiatrist and see what he/she recommends.

I wish OP, Daftpunkfan, and myself plenty of luck. Drugs aren't for everyone I suppose. I know I will never take MDMA again. I will not take any hard drug ever again. I'll stick to pain pills, weed, and alcohol.
 
Hi,

I think I'm going through the same thing at the moment, i had way (first time use) too much MD 3 weeks ago this week. 3 Days later, after a joint, i woke with similar symptoms - feel zoned out, sometimes cant concentrate or focus right...

I 'think' its getting better... but i might just be getting used to it :l
 
yeah i have this 3.5 years and going strong after a mdma+meth bomb.

I think it is caused by destruction of the serotonin synapses and axons rather then just simple serotonin depletion, which is why some people dont get better quick.


anyone got any updates.
 
I will not take any hard drug ever again. I'll stick to pain pills, weed, and alcohol.
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Hate to burst your bubble, but MDMA isn't exactly a "hard drug". Your alcohol and pain medication use probably does more damage than MDMA does.
 
to OP - hey man, I feel you, this sounds really horrible... I've had moments of pretty bad depersonalization from smoking weed in the past, but it was mostly when I was going through a really rough time and so i was also quite depressed at the time, and since getting through things and no longer being depressed, i don't get it from smoking weed. I have taken MDMA a handful of times and I've felt a moment or two of depersonalization but it did not last long at all, probably only 2 minutes or so. I do believe that I have panic/anxiety disorder... I get panic attacks from time to time due to high anxiety often due to overwhelming feelings of nothing being real and feeling highly depersonalized. I was prescribed sertraline (an ssri) but due to my stubborn desire to want to keep doing e, I've since gone off it (probably not the best idea...)

Another point I'd like to make is that for quite some time, i've had problems with my ears feeling full, and never being able to clear. I think that I might have some problems with my inner ear/eustachian tube. you might want to look into this as problems with the inner ear are often related to feelings of depersonalization or "brain fog", which I experience more than I'd like to. A visit to an ENS specialist is high up on my health to-do list, as soon as i get some damn health insurance that is...

overall, i'm trying to tell you to look to other places for the cause of your dp. if you are depressed for reasons not related to drugs, have anxiety/panic problems, or quite possibly some kind of ear problem, maybe there are areas (perhaps due to a physical rather than psychological problem) you may want to look into to find some answers.

keep your head up, i assure you you'll get through this, hopefully sooner rather than later but from all reports i've heard of this DOES get better with time and treatment. good luck.
 
drizzydrake said:
thanks for your reply, honestly bro, i wish it was that easy to forget about it... if it was just me worrying about my health im sure i would have already forgotten by now... but its more then that my vision is actually like im constantly in a dream state... its messed up.... feel like im not perceiving life as i should... its hard to explain, unless your experiencing it.... if someone told me the symptoms of what i was experiencing and i haven't experienced it before, i would probably think there over exaggerating.... also its hard to forget something like that when you notice your body and mind is not right....8(

thanks for your imput there.... hopefully i can find someone who has been through whatever im going through.
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I can kind of relate to this, I had i period when I did a little to much speed and when I was clean I was like not aware of what I was doing, for example when I went to the grocery store I wasn't thinking about what I was doing I just walked around and picked ut some stuff I normally eat and then a few minutes later I was on my way out of there. It was like all this happened on auto-pilot and my brain was asleep all the time.
Never reflected about anything, just tried to do it like I would normally, is it like this for you to?

Anyhow after I was clean for a few months I got better, but I can still get a mild version of it when I've done some drugs.
 
^ Don't do it!!

I can't stress how strongly I don't want anyone to ever start on an SSRI. It's such a huge scam by the big phunky pharms to trick people into thinking that depression is something that can be cured with a pill. Far too many of my friends have become slaves forever to these pills. They still aren't happy with the pills, but when they try stop it's almost heroin-withdrawal status. A weird paradox.

Perhaps there's other underlying problems in your life that might need addressing, neglected relationships, working, only you can really figure that out.


The main point I wanna get across here though is please don't start an SSRI. Just read this for discouragement.
 
^ ^
Yep starting SSRI's especially to treat mdma induced depression and anxiety, is a huge no no. It will only make things worse in the long run, in the short term you will be happy but honestly who gives a fuck. Its the long term that you should always be caring about.
 
F1n1shed said:
^ ^
Yep starting SSRI's especially to treat mdma induced depression and anxiety, is a huge no no. It will only make things worse in the long run, in the short term you will be happy but honestly who gives a fuck. Its the long term that you should always be caring about.
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Wait, I thought that was the hole argument against rolling...
 
I had something extremely similair happen to me except it was MDA, not mdma. It only took once. My life is fucking horrible and i have the same dream likes state going on 4 years later. It is NOT going away. SSRIS made it MUCH worse.

Only DEXTROAMPHETAMINE or METHAMPHETAMINE makes me feel normal now and takes the weird state away. Basically anything that RELEASES (not reuptake) serotonin will make you feel better.


Your fucked, im sorry. I sit on the computer and research this shit for thousands of hours trying to fix myself and theres a small percentage of people this happens to maybe 1/200 and theres generally not much improvement EVER.

There is some decent evidence of electroconvulsive therapy working for this sort of thing, but thats pretty drastic.
 
Aswell bben, not to come off offensively, but maybe the fact that you have autism could also effect the recovery rates compared to those of us that do not? If you don't like this post pm me and il delete, but seeing how me, you, and many others have poured our hearts out in hope of some help I'd imagine it's not too bad.
 
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