Opioids 16 year old ex-girlfriend heroin chipping

[TAVOR]

I don't know if this is the right sub, in case its wrong the mods can move it to a more adequate place.

So the title pretty much says it all. I've met a "wonderful" girl, I knew she had past problems with anorexia and addiction (heroin & cocaine) she used to speedball them too.

She overdosed twice at 16, but her parents brought her to a clinic and she was able to get "clean". Once every two months she does a drug test which results negative, I presume because she knows when it takes place and also because she is not a daily user.
About two weeks ago I found out that she had used again heroin, there was a stark mark on her hand and she admitted it. I was frustrated, dissapointed and depressed not because she used it but because she didn't tell me anything about it. I've always tried to be supportive etc...even suggested to use Dihydrocodeine to fight off any urge to use. I know very well that chipping with heroin (even once a month) is playing with fire, especially if you're a 16 year old...

She recently started acting all weird and such and today she dumped me because "she doesn't want anything to do with me in her life" and I'm basically "annoying". She said she was acting weird because she didn't love me anymore (to a certain degree I believe her) but the point is that I want to STILL help her.

The point is not that that she dumped me eventhough I'm really in love with her. I SIMPLY DO NOT WANT her to die from some shitty laced heroin. The problem is that I do not have the parents number, the only thing that I have is the school address and phone number. She also has suicidal tendencies, I have some texts from her as proof etc... Should I call the school and inform them about her problem (the headmaster already knows about her past abuse and is also good friends with her parents).

I don't really know what to do...
Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

 

[gmlifer]

Tough one. No matter what you do the first thing you need to accept is that she is going to hate you for it and she will see you as the bad guy. You are not the bad guy so don't let that part bother you.

Tell the head master that you need to talk to her parents about a surprise party and see if he will give you their number. There is more than one way to skin a cat, you have to decide what you can live with and what you can't.

 

[TAVOR]

Tough one. No matter what you do the first thing you need to accept is that she is going to hate you for it and she will see you as the bad guy. You are not the bad guy so don't let that part bother you.

Yes she honestly made me feel like complete shit, she told me I was too overprotective, she dismissed any type of addiction and told me that I'm also too "controlling". I mean thats whats keeping me from calling the headmaster, but on the other hand I'd feel guilty forever if something bad happened to her.

Some people are telling me to "shrug it off" or that I'm being a "stalker/narc" and just go on, but i'm not that type of person and I know very well she'll hate me for it and I'll never have her back. But better never having her back is better than having her dead....

 

[d1nach]

Dude are you a minor if not you need to back off shes not your daughter and not your problem. I understand im 21 and girls biologically go threw puberty three years before guys. But if you dont stop and disengage your going to ruin your life end up in jail and unemployed labed as a sex offender because the laws dont care if your 20 in a consentual relationship or a 90 year in a van going after babies.

 

[Phil.McKeer]

Not your problem anymore, bro. This will be a tough pill to swallow but no matter what the circumstances, if she dumps you in all instances you should just say "ok, no problem", move on. By the way, the less interest you show the more likely she'll be to miss you and want you back, but this isn't guaranteed. It's worked for me, though.

But anyways, cut your losses and move on. She may go down a spiral, she may not. She's no longer your concern, in any case.

Edit: I get the idea behind calling the school and her parents etc, but I think that's a bad way to go. Put yourself in her shoes. It will be a major betrayal.

 

[subotai]

Dude are you a minor if not you need to back off shes not your daughter and not your problem. I understand im 21 and girls biologically go threw puberty three years before guys. But if you dont stop and disengage your going to ruin your life end up in jail and unemployed labed as a sex offender because the laws dont care if your 20 in a consentual relationship or a 90 year in a van going after babies.

Not your problem anymore, bro. This will be a tough pill to swallow but no matter what the circumstances, if she dumps you in all instances you should just say "ok, no problem", move on. By the way, the less interest you show the more likely she'll be to miss you and want you back, but this isn't guaranteed. It's worked for me, though.

But anyways, cut your losses and move on. She may go down a spiral, she may not. She's no longer your concern, in any case.

Edit: I get the idea behind calling the school and her parents etc, but I think that's a bad way to go. Put yourself in her shoes. It will be a major betrayal.

Both really good points. You just need to fall back for a while. You can't save someone who doesn't want to hear anything. Just tell her to take care of herself and don't keep talking to her. Probably some issues she needs to work out and I'm not sure why you would go out of your way to take on that baggage

 

[TAVOR]

Dude are you a minor if not you need to back off shes not your daughter and not your problem.

I'm 19 and the age of consent is 16 where I live, anyways I guess I won't do anything since it will seem to come off as some sort of "revenge." Not even her friends can help her, only her parents (since they already sent her to a clinic), but even they can help to a certain degree and often without success...

I guess she just needs a slap from reality and thats it, I'm frustrated and depressed because I thought I could have helped her in some way, but I guess I can't

 

[gmlifer]

I don't agree with the fellas above at all. I get their point and understand what they mean but at the same time as a father of 3 (one being eighteen years old) I would want someone to step up so I could get my kid help as quickly as possible.

Do what feels right to you. I just wanted to make sure you hear more than one perspective.

 

[d1nach]

Where i live youd be arrested which i think is crazy. I remember being 18 and avoiding 16 and 17 year olds like the plague. Parents would get pissed at you call the police and you end up as a sex offender. Anyway thats off topic.

You can only help people who want help if shes old enough where you live to consent to whos penis goes in her body shes old enough to choose what chemicals go in her body. Sometimes its hard to let people you care about destroy themselves. But, im glad your able to put your feelings in perspective instead of acting on them. And , i do believe your making the right choice.

 

[d1nach]

When i was 16 or maybe 17 i dont remember i was basically trying to get as f***d up on uppers and downs as possible and one day i was like f*** it im tough sh** and took one blotter of fake lsd that was probably 25i nmobe and incorrectly dosed and instantly went into and was in icu with a tube in every hole for like a week or two and had to learn to walk again. If you tried to tell me slow down your gunna kill yourself i would of flipped you off and laughed then went and did it anyway. And if you told my principle i would just be pissed at you and while suspended use that time to get more trashed. It was only me realizing wait i almost died i seriously messed up not the forced treatment or people lecturing me that made me change my behavior because i realized my choices could end my life and i need to put more thought into my consequences of my actions

 

[TAVOR]

Thanks for the replies, I guess I'll just text her (eventhough she hates me and considers me a dickhead so she probably won't even read the text) and tell her to take care of herself

 

[gmlifer]

Thanks for the replies, I guess I'll just text her (eventhough she hates me and considers me a dickhead so she probably won't even read the text) and tell her to take care of herself

Can you live with that if something bad happens?

 

[d1nach]

Its not his place. I can understand you being a father making you see things differently but i think if shes shooting heroin and coke come on parents already know or will soon enough.

 

[gmlifer]

Its not his place. I can understand you being a father making you see things differently but i think if shes shooting heroin and coke come on parents already know or will soon enough.

I disagree. If not his place then who's place is it? He could save her life or at the very least decades of addiction by simply letting her parents know.

 

[TAVOR]

Can you live with that if something bad happens?

No I can't, but what can I do? I don't know her parents... and her parents think she got clean after rehab. If not I would have informed them immediately that even though she isn't using everyday she is still chipping on it. I simply informed a good friend of her about the situation and she was obviously shocked, so I told her to keep an eye on her.

I also wrote to my ex that its impossible to help people that don't want to be helped, I told her that her family, friends and even myself will always be there to support here if she WANTS to be helped. She thanked me and doesn't seem to be anymore angry towards me, but yeah she still left me and she still needs to realize that she has serious problems....I just hope the best for her and I'll try and text her once in a while just to see how she's doing, thats the best I can do.

 

[gmlifer]

It sounds like you have done all you can do. You at least let someone close to her know the situation so now hopefully that friend can help or let the parents know what's going on.

To me, the drug use is only half of the problem. Who is she hanging out with to get the drugs is the other part of the problem. Both problems are potentially dangerous.

 

[Msk00]

Your hearts in the right place but if she doesn't want help, it can't be forced on her.

 

[tacodude]

Not your problem anymore, bro. This will be a tough pill to swallow but no matter what the circumstances, if she dumps you in all instances you should just say "ok, no problem", move on.

QFT respect her decision as you could have very negative unintended consequences such as chasing her to the fent dope you want her to avoid, which wouldn't be your fault yet the hardest thing to live with.

All you can do is wish her the best, keep her in your memories and heart, and live on.

 

[burn out]

i think its better to respect peoples freedom to make their own choices rather than tattle on them/force them to get treatment. of course if someone ODs and dies you'll wish you had done it but you cant always just assume everyone is gonna die if you dont decide whats best for them.

 

[gmlifer]

i think its better to respect peoples freedom to make their own choices rather than tattle on them/force them to get treatment. of course if someone ODs and dies you'll wish you had done it but you cant always just assume everyone is gonna die if you dont decide whats best for them.

I tend to agree with everything you said except for one point. She is 16 and I think most of everyone here can agree that at 16 we thought we knew about life but we didn't. This girl knows not what she is doing to her young mind that hasn't even fully developed yet. She is not mature enough to make this decision nor is she mature enough to handle the consequences of this decision.

I would hope someone would pull her away from where she is and keep her away from there. Why can't she just smoke pot like every other 16 year old would?