15th Issue Heroin Discussion v. Be the Death of Me

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I think there's certain substances that are addictive but can still be used in moderation here and there, IMO heroin is the least likely candidate for sustained occasional use, I KNOW for sure that this is true for me and I've seen it be the one drug able to take down many people who could use pretty much everything else in moderation....

I'm prone to get addicted to just about everything but nothing makes me lose control like heroin....I have gotten better at being addicted to it though! I pretty much know from the first bag I buy that I'm starting a habit, I don't even lie to myself anymore, but if you can control it, God bles you and best of luck!
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
Ha. Famous last words man. The idea that one develops "control" after years of using has destroyed many many people.. if you were an addict once.. the chances of you being able to use "occasionally" are slim to none. If you've been at this as long as you say you have, you should know that.

Addiction is progressive.. if you don't stop, it gets worse eventually, not better.

Good luck though, hah. You're going to need it if you keep messing around here and there thinking you've gained some kind of insight or control from using all those years.
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Trust me I know what I'm doing brah! Been in the game for 10 plus years with longer breaks of sobriety in those years some being as long as two years. I take your words and take them to heart and appreciate the look out! But I just had a bundle shoved in my face and turned in down because of work tomorrow. I know you have been in the game for long time as well and I really respect your thoughts feelings and experience regarding the matter and I take it to heart. Like I said if I Fuck up I will be the first to come on here and say ya know what you were right. But taking off completely clean for 16 days in my book is very good and then doing five stamps from BK is a big deal in my book. Probably helps that I don't shoot as well! I take it you shoot? thanks for the kind words!

peace
 
^Why are you so eager to convince yourself and everyone else that you "have it under control"?....It just seems like you're mentally struggling with it, if nothing else.. If you weren't addicted to it at all you wouldn't be thinking about it so much, counting the days, patting yourself on the back for turning it down, etc.

If I were some type of substance abuse counselor, I'd say you were in "denial"! Ive had it said to me countless times!

And occasionally doing it here and there for however long is a far cry from "Being in the game" for ten years....and that's more of a compliment than an insult..

I've seen people who were very strict with themselves about "not crossing the line" with drugs who would take long breaks and only do cocaine twice a month, create rules for themselves, etc.
They tried to do the same thing with dope and eventually it fell apart.....

Is it impossible to use occasionally? absolutely not! Is it extremely rare, I'd say definitely!

I don't think anyone on BL has a vested interest in seeing you fail, but when somebody starts posting about how "in control" they are of their heroin use, it makes a lot of us roll our eyes!
 
LOL Never said I was in TOTAL control was just saying that in ten years which mostly consisted of doing 200 a day habit for at least 5 years straight. That i have been in the game and not just dabbling here and there. Just recently I have been doing that but that's cause I do want to quit. Let me tell you i once sold a Andy Warhol jackie screen print for 60K and went through that in less than three months. I'm not preaching to anyone saying as I have it in total control at all. just trying to maintain. Trust me as I have been in the game and I'm willing to trade war stories with anyone on here. Not to mention my upstate stay in the NY Justice system for 2 years all the while doing dope while being locked up. I appreciate the complement that you gave me as I was just was posting what was on my mind! Sorry if I rattled some cages but I've lived the life style by losing houses, cars, CC'S, family, Close Friends and going to jail. And for me to be so far into my addiction of 10 plus years says alot about who I am and where I've been. And to go 16 days without and 2 weeks before that is a fucking miracle for me! So goodnight and talk to you tomorrow, and if anyone wants to hang out tomorrow in the City hit me up via pm and I'll be hitting the new job hard then copping right after straight from BK. LOVE YA"LL
 
Well, I guess you were in the game! In that case, your chances of not picking up a habit again are extremely slim, IMO! And I would be last person to judge you for that, but if you used that much daily for 5 years, you should really know better than to delude yourself into thinking you can control it.....I'm just sayin man...
 
I get goosebumps just thinking of the taste/smell of alcohol sometimes, usually just before drinking to ease minor opiate withdrawal. Does alcohol trigger goosebumps for anyone else, withdrawal or no withdrawal?

Anyways, I copped some fire from Queens today. Took it easy since I hadn't done dope in a month, but had used some oxy and hydro recently so I had an idea of where my tolerance is. I took about 15-20mg of methadone before copping the dope, then I shot the majority of a bag of dope and sniffed the rest, and probably should have stopped there. I wasn't in dangerous territory after getting into the second bag, but ended up with a wicked headache and puking a tiny bit. The stamp has been around for almost a year that I know of, and it's still some fire, plus this batch of bags was fat too.
 
BlueHues said:
Well, I guess you were in the game! In that case, your chances of not picking up a habit again are extremely slim, IMO! And I would be last person to judge you for that, but if you used that much daily for 5 years, you should really know better than to delude yourself into thinking you can control it.....I'm just sayin man...
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How you been recently Hues? (Changing the subject because theres no point in arguing with people like that, especially when people feel the need to prove how "rough" they had it and how hard they used as if it's like a badge of honor or something even semi-cool. Hah. People are going to do what they're going to do, not worth thinking about. I wish him luck.. ha.)

You still been doin' your thing?
 
I'm pretty fucking hard. I shot 4 bags of NJ dope I got here in Raleigh, with no tolerance, and didn't even nod. The next day I sniffed a whole fucking bun of the same dope & was pretty high.


Or maybe I'm not hard, and that shit just sucked :(. Tear tear...
 
^^ i know bags are pre individually wrapped from NJ n what not makin them more of a pain in the ass to cut but i would wonder about NJ product all the way down in NC maybe bein cut n rebagged carefully or something

i mean if you have taken that much time off n have only been dabblin somethin aint addin up in my mind, i mean trust me i know how quick tolerance comes back, i was clean from all opiates for 18+ months n then the 1st time i had some it was 60mg hydrocodone n i was feelin pretty damn decent, then over 2 months or so w/ only like 8-12 uses n 2 months i couldnt even feel 120mg of Oxy n then got some methadone n 10mg was alright at first not great but i felt it n felt good, then after 3 weeks of daily use i needed 30-35mg of methadone

so i mean i understand tolerance comin back REAL quick, like quicker then i expected but i dunno thats odd to me, ah either way as long as you enjoyed yourself it is what it is
 
SuperDope said:
straight from BK. LOVE YA"LL
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ok now i definately dont believe you

who says ya'll in NYC

im just kidding, i dont doubt your posts but this stood out to me, i have never been to NYC but i have family in Chicago n Ohio n Conn and everytime i have ever visited them i always catch shit for sayin ya'll or aint or fixin to
 
Bob Loblaw said:
I'm pretty fucking hard. I shot 4 bags of NJ dope I got here in Raleigh, with no tolerance, and didn't even nod. The next day I sniffed a whole fucking bun of the same dope & was pretty high.


Or maybe I'm not hard, and that shit just sucked :(. Tear tear...
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Haha. Let it out Bob. Let it out.
 
Tommyboy said:
I need to get back on dope to control my drinking. It's been alright going out to bars and talking to girls while drinking, but then I like to have a few drinks each night to calm me down and it isn't good for me. When I use dope even 2x a week I barely drink, so it's a good compromise. It's when that 2 days a week becomes 3, 4, then everyday that it's no longer fun.
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im not trying to be a dick at all, i am honestly curious but....are you still living on the streets?
 
fuck dude I hate heroin right now and then in like two weeks im gonna be like damn I kind of miss it though like this sucks
 
BlueHues said:
Well, I guess you were in the game! In that case, your chances of not picking up a habit again are extremely slim, IMO! And I would be last person to judge you for that, but if you used that much daily for 5 years, you should really know better than to delude yourself into thinking you can control it.....I'm just sayin man...
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Hi dude!

just wanted to sorry about all of my rants before as I'm sure I came across as a complete asshole! You were totally right and I will take your advice and try to stay as far away as I can from the dope game as I can from now on. It was the addict talking in me and for that I'm truly sorry and hope you can except my deepest apologies. I hope all is well and you have a wonderful day! But for realz you are speaking the truth and I thank you again for beating it into my head is that is what I needed. It saved me today because I thought of your posts and when I get out of work in NYC I didn't head up the subway to Redhook to cop as I thought your words of wizdom the whole way home. So thanks for saving my ass today on my first day of work selling condo's/apartments and houses in NYC. I commend you and your life long experience's! If your ever in NYC I would love to buy you lunch or coffee for the hassle I gave you! Hit me up via pm and much respect and love my man! Peace out and I hope you guys won't be hearing from me anytime soon as I want to at least take another long year break or at the least six months. Maybe when I sell my first house I will celebrate with some blow instead of dope!

thanks again dude and I hope all is water under the bridge!

peace in the middle east!
 
Dope dependance and alcoholism do in fact bounce back and forth in my life as well. I was proud that I wasn't drinking much lately, I made a 12 pack last the entire 3 day weekend. But then I thought about it and yesterday was the first day I haven't done dope in about a month. I was doing so well for a while too, then all of a sudden bam I just realized how much dope I've been doing lately. I've spent about 1.5 times as much on dope this month than all of my other bills combined. Shit's gotta stop.

I've also stopped talking to two of my closest friends this month, and am quickly starting to resent the one that's in this shit with me. She's gone off the deep end again and it's retarded. I don't want to be a part of it. I'm really starting to get sick of just about everything. Sometimes I really hate being alive. Then I remember it's jut the dope that makes me that way. Then I start to think that I can't really stand to live with myself without the dope. What a messy situation. What a horrible evil bitch of a drug. Fuck this noise. What exactly is it that sober people do?

TL;DR: Heroin- the epitome of a love/hate relationship.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
How you been recently Hues? (Changing the subject because theres no point in arguing with people like that, especially when people feel the need to prove how "rough" they had it and how hard they used as if it's like a badge of honor or something even semi-cool. Hah. People are going to do what they're going to do, not worth thinking about. I wish him luck.. ha.)

You still been doin' your thing?
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Yeah man, I went from 1.5 mg of sub to 1 last night, felt pretty rough all day, but I can't go back up....
 
RecklessWOT said:
Dope dependance and alcoholism do in fact bounce back and forth in my life as well. I was proud that I wasn't drinking much lately, I made a 12 pack last the entire 3 day weekend. But then I thought about it and yesterday was the first day I haven't done dope in about a month. I was doing so well for a while too, then all of a sudden bam I just realized how much dope I've been doing lately. I've spent about 1.5 times as much on dope this month than all of my other bills combined. Shit's gotta stop.

I've also stopped talking to two of my closest friends this month, and am quickly starting to resent the one that's in this shit with me. She's gone off the deep end again and it's retarded. I don't want to be a part of it. I'm really starting to get sick of just about everything. Sometimes I really hate being alive. Then I remember it's jut the dope that makes me that way. Then I start to think that I can't really stand to live with myself without the dope. What a messy situation. What a horrible evil bitch of a drug. Fuck this noise. What exactly is it that sober people do?

TL;DR: Heroin- the epitome of a love/hate relationship.
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The last 2 times I completely came off of everything, I went completely manic and started either just living in my car and driving 1000s of miles.....writing, playing music....

going to meetings and having that become my whole life? Well that was 3 times of quitting everything ago and I was 23 then, I didn't go crazy, I really tried to follow the program to a tea! I sponsored people, I chaired meetings....I hung out with a bunch of other people early 20s to 30s and we just hung out and were bored silly watching movies and having sober parties.....clean 3 years until right before my 27th birthday

I was in Florida at that point, and thats when I went and lived with an old friend of mine in California that I'd pretty much call a hippie. From there I started smoking weed again and started playying music out there.....eventually turned into meth and dope....

Pretty much since then, it's been either running from places because I got addicted to dope there or being on dope.....

Despite what anyone says, moving somewhere else can give you a lot of perspective and not make you feel so stuck in being the person everyone thinks you are.....But if you're stupid like I am, you'll eventually see someone you just KNOW can get shit, and boom!
 
MemphisX3 said:
im not trying to be a dick at all, i am honestly curious but....are you still living on the streets?
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Nope. I just showed up back at my house one day about 2 weeks ago. My parents saw I was working all the time so didn't give me a hard time about it.

Speaking of which, my parents had drug tested me before I had gotten kicked out and the lab they sent it to said it tested positive for heroin, which surprised me since I thought that it would just show up as morphine. The results probably bugged my parents out since the results listed all the metabolites, so the 2 drugs I was on seemed like a bunch more.

For the valium I'm scripted it had me positive for diazepam, temazepam, and oxazepam. I don't know why they couldn't just say diazepam since that's all I took, and the others are the metabolites.

Then for the initial positive for opiates the lab listed heroin, morphine, and either codeine or one of those other drugs with codeine in the name like Dihydrocodeine.

So for the two drugs I was on it listed at least 6 drugs. Again, I was surprised that heroin was able to come up positive in my urine since I feel like I've heard that there's only a very small time window to test positive for heroin (I guess it's the 6-MAM that differentiates between a regular morphine positive and a heroin positive) and I thought it could only be done with blood samples shortly after getting high, but I guess I was wrong.

I think that this confirms my suspicions about why I feel heroin and morphine to be very different, and that's because the 6-MAM (which is said to cause most of the additional euphoria when compared to morphine alone) seems to be active in me for a long time which may have been how I was able to test positive for the heroin and not just morphine.

So maybe it's like codeine which has a percentage of people that really like it because they metabolize it differently (not sure if being able to metabolize it slower or faster is the good one) than the majority of people. Perhaps the people that love heroin but don't really care for morphine metabolize the 6-MAM differently than those that find heroin and morphine to be extremely similar.
 
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