💀 The Abyss 💀 (Open 24hrs)

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I'm the only person I know who could laugh at Whitney's death and think "yeah I'll go out like that, I wouldn't mind".... I heard it was really awful for the first responders

That might, *MIGHT* make me a bad person to want to leave a gnarly scene for some doggo to have to clean up but it's a sick death wish and someone's got to do it.
 
Shady's Fox said:
Cap, lemme ask you something.

Have you ever traveled? Did you saw the world?
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yes I have gone on about a dozen vacations as an adult, some before then w/ fam

I don't need to see any more of it. People don't interest me. The earth does. I've seen enough of it. I've chosen a death bed. I'm ready to die in it.

The average uninitiated person sees death as something to fear. It's exhilarating. Like riding a scary roller coaster but you'll be glad you got to experience it. Death is just the beginning to life.
 
I dunno maybe you were a PTSD researcher last life and you wanted to know how it really felt, bc afaik after talking with my father in law who was a nurse in Viet Nam, there is no way I could possibly comprehend how living with PTSD could be unless I experience it. Maybe Rick doblin loaded his consciousnesd into your body just to experience PTSD and then try and help others. I unno.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
yes I have gone on about a dozen vacations as an adult, some before then w/ fam

I don't need to see any more of it. People don't interest me. The earth does. I've seen enough of it. I've chosen a death bed. I'm ready to die in it.

The average uninitiated person sees death as something to fear. It's exhilarating. Like riding a scary roller coaster but you'll be glad you got to experience it. Death is just the beginning to life.
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I also don't understand travel junkies.

Although, there is some rly cool shit out there.
 
DopeM said:
I dunno maybe you were a PTSD researcher last life and you wanted to know how it really felt, bc afaik after talking with my father in law who was a nurse in Viet Nam, there is no way I could possibly comprehend how living with PTSD could be unless I experience it. Maybe Rick doblin loaded his consciousnesd into your body just to experience PTSD and then try and help others. I unno.
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Yeah it's possible. I used to think I could "help others". They have to find their own path though and I may or may not be a catalyst. Normally I can't be because I'm all sorts of crazy toxic and no one believes my KRAZINESS with a capital K anyways. *shrugs*

I plain gave up. I had like a short list of peeps I wanted to help. Most of the IRL peeps are like on their own path/journey and I can't help now, namely because of predeterminism.

I helped myself I don't know what else I'm here to do, and unless it's FUCKING PAINFUL ONE I really don't care.

OR MADNESS I'LL SUCK MADNESS DICK madness baby please come to me............................................ LET'S HAVE A 3 WAY WITH PAINFUL 1 PLEASE MADNESS
 
Shady's Fox said:
Is your family still alive? If so, are you in good terms with them?
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I experienced some deaths in the family; the ones that are left are highly disappointed with my druggie lifestyle and think lowly of my shit self. And I don't want to stick around and watch them go too, so...

We're on OK terms. They don't like me. I love them. Morality is a macro illusion and if they understood this they'd kick me like a bad habit. But love keeps us together. I authentically love them. They pretend to love me. But that's OK with me because they'll learn it one day, I hope. I think my mom authentically loves me. She really does. And so does one of my siblings. The others tolerate me, at best, pity me at worst.

The other fam members who authentically loved me are dead/dying and it is crushing my soul because they were my whole world for so long.
 
SS373dOH said:
I now have a boring life in the siberia of the great Lakes. Although it has been a mild winter. Whatever! Dont ruin my dreams of sunshine !
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You'd probably do alright as a boardwalk hustler out there. Lord knows I'd donate dollar or 40 to the cause. But I'm a sucker for a good magic trick. Especially when it involves making beer disappear
 
DopeM said:
I also don't understand travel junkies.

Although, there is some rly cool shit out there.
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Traveling is fun honestly like there's a few vacations I'd recommend but yeah, having a home and a homestead and working it up is half the right-side dream. It's a beautiful dream. <3

Thank you for talking some sense into me DOPEM. You've gotta be the world's best dad because no one else in the whole world would ever care to try to talk sense into me.

They are either "YOU'RE TOXIC" or they're just as toxic as me and unable to try to help. Other than like ONE HUMAN BEING IRL who showed me a modicum of niceness for no reason in particular. Well... they wanted to suck and ride my D so... maybe that was a motivating factor.

There's been maybe half a dozen people who actually tried to help me in life in small ways you feel like 1 of them. It's been my ex who died, and I still cry over his loss, a few other dudes irl, my fam and you. And maybe a few BL'ers too like MAL and madness and what not.

Most other people just plain don't give a fuck because I'm toxic and I can't blame them I know I'm crazy.
 
DopeM said:
The "you're toxic" ppl are literally the worst
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well like.... I would agree tentatively but I reserve the "you're more toxic than....ME/?!?!?!?!?!?!?" line for some bois whose hearts I have to break before they break mine.

Like whorella.

LOL i'M STILL CALING HIM THAT hahahhhahaha. I shouldn't hang out w/ him anymore but he's too cute/ the sex too good not to.

I'm glad I didn't last night and he isn't hitting me up tonight I hope he just drops me like a bad habit.
 
MAYBE I'M SAD BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE AN ASS TO FUCK

the answer is obvious.... install grindr again

but I don't like that it's too toxic like everyone has a sexual hang up or headgame going on and are selfish lovers and I can't vibe w/ that right

LOL .... I don't like when ppl call me toxic... but ya I do the same thing. But I won't say it to their face LOL.... like save that shit for your gal pals AMIRITE hahaha.

Oh god.

Sorry guys I'm all mentally fucked up. My mind was breaking last year and I was very close to a nervous breakdown / suicide attempt. I don't like watching someone I love die let alone like seven loved ones. That fucking hurt. It was like ripping off all the soul bandaids all at once and I'm still screeching in pain.
 
Yea it's fine to realize someone isnt good for you. It's another to just label everything and anyone toxic
 
DopeM said:
Yea it's fine to realize someone isnt good for you. It's another to just label everything and anyone toxic
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Yeah well I'm toxic though so takes 1 to know 1 amirite lol

also I forgave him in my heart/head and have been nothing but nice to him without reason despite my inner borderline self not seeing a need to, I still am because he's just too cute and I like to forgive and forget now it's *so exhilarating* <3

uhhhhhhmmmm but I maybe should trash the relationship because I don't want my heart to grow HEART FEELINGS again

I don't like being IN LOVE with people it's really vulnerable and too many fucking hang ups and shit

I just wanna FUCK is that so hard. And he won't say that to me so I should ignore him I guess.

UGH. I have to go throw these peppers into my taters and MASHMASHMASH and ompomp

i'm still CRAVING calories I legit will run out of food $ and need an EBT card soon.
 
Shady's Fox said:
I've been homeless in the past.. I survived.
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That's probably because you're a good person shady. Keep believing in yourself. <3

I just wish I could get laid tonight and not feel so... alone.

I think that's what my buddy needed too he never told me why he was so upset but then was implying I "cheered him up" maybe he just needed a nice D to suck

sigh

I'll have to jerk off tonight and think about... oh I don't know. Dumb shit stuff. Or maybe think about madness sucking on painful one's tits while I try to suckle the other one but he just growls and hogs both of them, plays w/ them

ok I think I have enough thought material Imma go lay down and try to whack one out.
 
What the fuck? My eyes are bleeding from reading that. What the fuck.

No. I survived because I wanted to. I knew that in a couple of years this will be over and so it was. Now I own two houses, one in the woods where I live and another one in London. It's a mansion. Beautiful family, 3/4 friends. Remember, if you are friend with everybody you are your own enemy. Count them on fingers.

This one where I live, it's very modern. A friend of mine works in the furniture/wood business so he helped me, and when I say help, it's a big fuckin help. Without him I couldn't found these kind of prices.
 
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