I'm 21 and have been using opiates for about 7 years, beginning with oxy. I always liked opiates but I've never developed a daily habit. In fact I was always able to use fairly infrequently - never more than a few days in a row, and I'd often go months in between using. None of the drugs I ever tried, opiates included, really had the level of appeal to me that I could even see myself becoming addicted them. Then about six month ago, I tried IV heroin for the first time, the exact date was December 31 as a matter of fact. I wasn't partying for New Years or anything like that. I was actually at my girlfriend's uncle's/cousin's house for the holiday, when I stumbled upon a bunch of her cousins insulin syringes that she uses for her diabetes medication. I happened to have some heroin with me at the time, so I decided to shoot it up.
I was kind of nervous about it at first, but I had seen people shoot up it movies and documentaries and stuff, so I felt like I had a pretty good idea of how to do it. I snuck into the bathroom as soon as i could, mixed up a shot of dope, drew it up in the syringe, and found a vein and registered with ease. Seconds later the rush hit me. The light-headedness, the instant euphoria, the sense of relaxation, and that "butterflies in your chest" feeling (so to speak) hit me in seconds. Although I didn't realize it at the time, as soon as I was able to look back on the experience in retrospect, I said to myself, "now I see whats so addictive about heroin, now I understand how someone could become addicted to a drug".
To this day I've been able to fend off addiction, but I'm getting worried; for the first time in my life I feel like I'm truly standing on the precipice of addiction, and I feel scared. I probably use about 2 times a week on average, but sometimes I do binge for awhile, and sometimes I go for a little longer without using. However, I've never used any opiate with this kind of frequency. What's worse is that I often think about it when I'm not on it. I think about the experience of prepping a shot and that final burst of euphoria when the plunger goes down and the rush hits me out of nowhere. I wouldn't really say I crave it or anything, and if I use it for more then two days in a row I develop a desire for sobriety, which I think is a good thing. But I often find the thought of using creeping into my mind at the most random times and intruding on my sober experience of the world.
I really don't know what to do at this point. Part of me wants to stop and part of me wants to keep using. On one level it seems so nice, but at the same time I can't ignore the reality that heroin is one hell of a drug, and life-ruining addiction is a real possibility. It's not that I fear a rapid spiral into addiction, even now I don't think that could ever happen to me. But what I do worry about is the possibility of it slowly creeping up on me. Maybe it'll take six months, maybe a year, maybe three, maybe it never will who knows. If someone out there is reading this and they have any advice or commentary please share it. Its so hard when you don't want to stop using but part of you thinks you should.
