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Harm Reduction ⫸Personal Accounts of Addiction: What's YOUR Story?⫷

Part: 1

As I cycle all threw my mind way(about 16years ago). I can remember my first experience with drug substances was back when I was 12 years old. My cousins and I were sneaking alcohol as my dad was rolling up a extra long joint. It was New Years Eve and as he finished he told all us kids to go into the other room, to watch the ball drop. So we did. I remember smelling the pugent odor of marijuana flow all threw out the house, as we drank are alcohol mixed drinks and watched T.V. Now this is when I can remember first feeling that warm relaxed comfort brought on by the alcohol as it flowed threw my bloodstream after only a couple drinks. Peacefull relaxation as I watched on the T.V. as the ball dropped for New Year's whooo hooo happy New Year, then usually after a couple more hour's my parent's would come wake me up and take me home where i slept like a little baby... ZzzZz

After this time it slowly progressed to me having my friends over to spend the night and wait for my parents to fall asleep so we could sneak our selves some liquor usually vodka. Then we would get wasted and usually go wreck havoc in our neighborhood. This progressed into us all smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol when ever we could. The fine age of 13 brought on a new and life changing drug experience. One night I had one of my friends stay the night and we were waiting for my parents to go to sleep so we could steal a lil bud from my dad. We just thought it was going to be just like cigarettes, boy we were so wrong lol. After we obtained the marijuana next we had to make our selves a home made pop bottle bong. As I lit the marijuana in the homemade bong the thc filled smoke rushed into my lungs, and then of course the blood stream... We were laughing so hard and i remember just feeling so chill, and then really hungry lol we all went inside and ate a bunch of food and watched T.V. instead of going out and wrecking havoc like usual... I was 100% in love with maryjane!

Part 2: I will be covering thru the ages 14-17, and I am writing it as soon as I post this. Due to this is how i have to write this whole story.

Thankyou for reading, questions and comments are welcome.
 
Brief Background

I was a shy kid raised in a home in which my father was a dictator. I grew afraid of him and knew I had to walk on eggshells around him. He wasn't physically abusive, but borderline psychologically abusive. He made my sister and I work for hours doing chores at a time, like modern-day slaves. My sister and I talk about it to this day. If anything wasn't done PERFECTLY and to his liking (missing a simple spot vacuuming the rug), he'd flip out. He would threaten to kick me out if I pissed him off and I grew to be paranoid and antisocial. My anxiety problems started when I was a kid. I was always bored in class and would stand on my chair and start singing in the middle of lecture. However, no matter if I was paying attention or not, if the teacher asked me to tell her what was going on or asked me a question, I always knew the answer. I always got straight A's and they thought I was gifted (and maybe aspergers). I always had nerdy friends until I went to high school. I pretended I was a pot head the first day of high school (in a new town) to get in with the "cool kids". I started working out, got huge, wrestled, and partied my ass off. I always did it to fit in, and to ease my social anxiety. I blacked out more times than I can't remember (see what I did there?). The drug use became drug addiction pretty fast. I no longer "wanted" to do it, but I still did. After countless overdoses, car wrecks, facial reconstruction from car accidents, friends overdosing, etc etc I still had to do it.

Substance(s)

Alcohol, Weed, Acid, Cocaine, Shrooms, 5-meo-dipt, Salvia, DXM (LOOOOOOTS of it) DXM was my best friend. I was smart. I researched every drug before I took it. I knew the acetaminophen in most cough pills were bad, so I found something called Dexalone at publix and stole countless boxes. Each pill had 30 mg DXM and sometimes I would take 40 before bed. I tripped my ass off, but it always severely affected my memory the next day and I hope I didn't do any longterm damage.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

I started drinking at 12 and quit at 20. The rest of the drugs I was addicted from 16-20.

Adverse Effects

Many car wrecks. I alone have totalled 9 cars including the 2 cops I ran into. I was in the right hand lane, driving high and drunk, when out of nowhere 2 cop cars were in the middle of the right lane of the highway, stopped in the middle of the road. I had no time to stop or even press my brakes. I slammed into them. The one cop car had another cop car right in front of it, and a cop was standing in the middle of the two. He got pinned in between the two cars and his leg basically exploded. I felt so bad I wrote him a letter of apology even though I was going to jail. I went to jail for 1 year, 6 months house arrest when I got out, and 5 years probation. I got clean the first day in jail and stayed that way for 7 years, until I got Lyme Disease and I'm not constantly chasing more meds trying to ease my severe and debilitating nerve pain.

However, before the Lyme, for the 7 years I was sober, I went to community college, got my AA with a 4.0 GPA. I then transferred to the University of Florida, and graduated with Computer Science Engineering degree with Summa Cum Laude Honors and a 3.9 GPA. Right before graduation I was bitten by the fucking tick, and now I'm out of work, back on opiates, Valium, 3 muscle relaxers, and anti-antidepressants because the drs here are not giving me enough opiates to deal with the pain. I am suicidal and see no meaning in life anymore.

Warnings and Advice

If you're going to party, be smart about it. Look up the half-lives of everything you take. See the window for addiction (for example, you can take Valium 3 days on, 3 days off without becoming addicted - for most people- stuff like that). Don't fuck your life up just to chase a high. The real high is in achievement. You know how good it felt to graduate with such high honors? You feel proud of yourself. I felt like SHIT when I was using. If distracts you and sucks the motivation right out of you. I will tell you this right know, most addicts still in addiction won't make much of themselves. If you're gonna use, USE SMART. AVOID ADDICTION.
 
PART 2:


The next following sequence of events will be me covering the ages of 14-17, thank you for reading all questions and comments are welcome!


As the sweet age of 14 crept up on me, I was soon to experience a whole new drug, and also a life changing decison... I continued on to keep on smoking weed, drinking alcohol and partying my ass off. I played competitive ice hockey from the ages 12-14 at the age of 14 I decided to quit playing, because all I wanted to do was party get high and chase girls. And so I did unfortunately because I was rather very good at this sport. After this came a new school year and the start as freshman in highschool. My old best friend and I always hung out and chilled with the older kids by choice, because they were druggies and had cars. I remember this new drug that was going around all the older kids were doing it, this substance was called crack cocaine. As my friend explaind to me all you have to pay them is 10$ in gas money, and 10$ for crack, this was (14 years ago) So 20$ total back then. I decided I could easily get this money up and some. So one fine day after school my friend and this older kid we knew came and picked me up, both my friend and I had 30$ extra after we paid him.... Well be right back got to post this way
 
PART 2 cont.



Before we could hit the interstate highway the older kid had to get his 400$ paycheck cashed, so we made a stop at the bank and Were on our way down to the hood/ghetto in no time speading in the fast lane i remember the butterflies as they flew all threw my stomach as a new sensation flowed thru my body. Adrenalin as we arrove and pulled off on the deep down exit off the freeway as we rounded the corner all I remember seeing was homeless junkie bums, boarded up buildings, and burned down houses... Before we turned down the crack spots block all I remember seeing was old nasty prostitutes on every corner of every block then we fastly turned down the block. As we arrived at the crack house we were greeted by older bumy really dirty older men, i remember distinctly shaking one of the older mans hand and having to whipe my hand off afterwords. As we entered the crack house my friend quickly grabbed my t-shirt and pulled me towards him and said "look out" and pointed to a bucket filled to the top with used syringes, also pieces of the floor missing with used syringes all down on the ground that lurked benith the crack house. As the older kid purchased the crack he broke the older crack heads off some and they lit up first as they were all telling me that you do not hit a crack pipe like a weed pipe, so as the pipe made its round to me I had their little technique down. I remember my first hit as energy surge through out my lungs then my blood stream immediately my eyes wideden, my mouth was numb and I felt a new feeling I cannot put in words... Blissfully as i was in a crack induced mind state, my friends were like " you like that, thats mutha fuckin dope". All i can recall is being cracked out. That night I did not sleep at all and the next day my teeth felt all loose and shit was weird, we did this a couple more times and my old bestfriend just got really into it and his mom found out shipped his ass to rehab out in a state about 7States away... But he came home a few months later and thankfully he came home and only wanted to smoke weed and thats all we did, for a very long time untill close to about the age 16 we kind of went are separate ways and unfortunately he got hooked on heroin during the 16-18 stages of his life... Well back to mine all through out my next few ages all i did was smoke weed, drink, and party never touched a pill nothing no crack nothing but weed, and alcohol. Also the upcoming years of 15-17 actually were amazing as I also became the weed man around my area and was making a minimum of 150$ a day at the fine age of 17. I had my own car, cell phone plan, and a wardrobe to wear a pair of jordans and a hat for everyday of the week and weekend. I was the weed man and I loved it all untill I got my mom and dads house raided. At the fine age of 17 :) This was a very unfortunate time for me .... I had to spend a weekend and a day due to some punk ass fake holiday but anyways my parents thankfully bonded me out... I ended up getting 2 years probation and no jail time and if I completed the hyda probation, which I did..

Part 3 will be picking up right where i just ended and will cover the ages 17- to now present time at the age of 28.
 
PART 3 AND THE HARM REDUCTION OF THIS WHOLE STORY. PLEASE LEARN FROM ALL THIS, AND UNDERSTAND ITS NOT THE WISE PATH. IT'S 2016 YOU CAN DO OR BE ANYTHING YOU WANT EVERYONE KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, IF YOUR STRUGGLING YOU WILL SOON NOT STUGGLE NO MORE LIFE IS A CRAZY PLACE AND FULL OF LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY


PLEASE LEARN FROM ALL THESES PARTS.....

THEN NEXT EVENTS WILL BE SPED UP BASICALLY LONGSTORY SHORT FOR THE AGES 17-28 WHICH IS NOW CURRENTV(2016)




As the years progressed all the way to the age of 22. I was working in a factory 12 hours a day 6 days a week.. Was introduced to a new drug that would change my life never had a pill untill the age of 22 this guy gave me about half a cigarette cellophane half full of double cut white bars. After that day I fell in LOVE with xanax (really benzodiazepines) kept getting them from him and he also got me the yellow ones too all for free because he liked me and he had a lot proscribed to him, and he liked that i was a hard worker!

Well the factory was soon to go out of business so I ended up enrolling into community college. The first year was alright, as my xanax habit wasnt as bad yet, plus lost connections with the guy at the old factory.... DEFF Bummed :/ but lucky for me through the many g.fs I had (because all the girls were taking them too) I found a new better price and pick either yellow or double-cut white bars anytime I wanted to stop buy. So as I was saying I passed and made it through my first year of college. But the next year to come was to bring on a whole bunch of new things and challenges.....


Well the before the next year of college started, I really got into xanax and also started to experience with my biggest downfall ever opiates, which included like we all start out with vikes, roxys, oxys, and morphines

As i was in a early morning college class I had to run to the bathroom because i was so nasues, and I started to throw up a bit from being benzo sick, and finally hit me I was addicted to xanax, i couldn't belive how I felt, and how on earth was I going to get through college.... Well I left that day and as the weekend approached, little did I know soon I would be embarking on a journey with my cousin that was going to TRUELY almost completely RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!

Saturday A.M. can come quick for a benzo seeking college student...
But anyways my cousin came over and came in due to he is family and came to my bedroom and woke me up, hey,"heyy" he was saying as he shook me awake zzZzz. He gets me awake I throw on some clothes and he was like "do you want to go to the hood wit me do a little H" at the moment I was broke I told him he said " I got you cuz, lets get out of here before your parents get up". "Ok I said" due to the fact that I was addicted to now benzos and opiates physically and psychologically.

He was driving my uncles car his pops who was now also a full blown H addict. This is all fine high quality east-coast H btw.
But anyways we hit the interstate highway and were on our way to the hood. We arrived pretty deep in the ghetto, the usual homeless junkies holding signs off the freeway, boarded up buildings, burned down houses, prostitutes, and a whole LOT OF DRUG ACTIVITY?.

We met the H dealer at a run-down gas station, very quick transaction.
We quickly sped off to an abandoned area, where fiens get high because litterly when you looked out-side on the ground were used syringes and empty packs of H. As he quickly tied of he threw me a 10$ pack, while he was injecting I jusy remember opening up the pack, and looking at the powder (thinking that doesnt look bad) I sniffed half, and being so dumb and nieve threw the other half out. As I hurried up and drove us out of there he was falling in and out. But then about 15-30 mins later I felt a feeling I could only describe as a true epithany, my eyes grew to pin points, and felt heavy, basically every worry I had in life just disappeared it was crazy but felt soooo goood.

After this I was off to the races every morning on the way to college instead of going to college I got with some H addicts near my old home town and would instead go to the hood and see the dope man my addiction grew larger and larger, and unfortunately I had access to my parents bank account for college(which I stopped going, but they thought I was still going) and I took about 7 thousand and blew it all mostly on H occasionally Crack and then H.

Then one day I went to the bank with my mom, and she checked both their checking account and the savings account they had, that I had access to use. She flipped and was like IDK what were gunna do she was REALLY pissed, I tried to deny it but she knew, and then I do some really dumb irrationally thinking because I panicked, I ontained a ride got my g.f at the time wife now and decided that me and her were just going to run away and start a new life in California, so I stole more money and ran with her like a dummy. I had near about 4000$. Didnt say anything to anyone, but then went to the hood and scored a very good amount of H that I had her smuggle via plane ride for me. I bought 2 plane tickets for us and in a few hours we would be on our way.

Once we arrived at LAX Airport, I had been to cali before and knew a few spots by Venice beach so we found a hotel and settled in. But we knew we would have to get jobs, so this was the objective. But of course prolly not even 5 days there my wife was home sick and wanted to go home, and I told her because we thought we were going to have warrants(which we didn't)
you do realize if we go back, were going to jail, and she didnt care jusy wanted to go, we had some good times there though but it is very expensive to live in California!!

So we took a greyhound bus home, 5 day trip because it almost seems as the workers are all against you and will just board you on any bus, it should of only been 2-3 bus trip, but thanks too the horrible workers that will not help you it was a 5 day trip. It was nice only part when we got to see all the mountains and all terains which was pretty cool, but we were also H sick so that was rough too...


But we finally made it back home, I had a friend waiting at the station ready to pick us up and go hit up the H house and crack house due that I still had about 450$-500$ and an X-box 360 I sold for like 120$ back then. I got super high and got my girl nice n high, and of course paid my friend.

Well I knew I couldn't go to my parents house, and at the time wasnt aloud in my girls. But i thought one person I spent thousand of dollars would take me in .... WRONG I was straight up homeless no where to go, litterly sleeping out-side. .......... BE RIGHT BACK WILL FINISH RIGHT WHERE I LEFT OFF
 
Part three

PART 3 AND THE HARM REDUCTION OF THIS WHOLE STORY. PLEASE LEARN FROM ALL THIS, AND UNDERSTAND ITS NOT THE WISE PATH. IT'S 2016 YOU CAN DO OR BE ANYTHING YOU WANT EVERYONE KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, IF YOUR STRUGGLING YOU WILL SOON NOT STUGGLE NO MORE LIFE IS A CRAZY PLACE AND FULL OF LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY


PLEASE LEARN FROM ALL THESES PARTS.....

THEN NEXT EVENTS WILL BE SPED UP BASICALLY LONGSTORY SHORT FOR THE AGES 17-28 WHICH IS NOW CURRENTV(2016)




As the years progressed all the way to the age of 22. I was working in a factory 12 hours a day 6 days a week.. Was introduced to a new drug that would change my life never had a pill untill the age of 22 this guy gave me about half a cigarette cellophane half full of double cut white bars. After that day I fell in LOVE with xanax (really benzodiazepines) kept getting them from him and he also got me the yellow ones too all for free because he liked me and he had a lot proscribed to him, and he liked that i was a hard worker!

Well the factory was soon to go out of business so I ended up enrolling into community college. The first year was alright, as my xanax habit wasnt as bad yet, plus lost connections with the guy at the old factory.... DEFF Bummed :/ but lucky for me through the many g.fs I had (because all the girls were taking them too) I found a new better price and pick either yellow or double-cut white bars anytime I wanted to stop buy. So as I was saying I passed and made it through my first year of college. But the next year to come was to bring on a whole bunch of new things and challenges.....


Well the before the next year of college started, I really got into xanax and also started to experience with my biggest downfall ever opiates, which included like we all start out with vikes, roxys, oxys, and morphines

As i was in a early morning college class I had to run to the bathroom because i was so nasues, and I started to throw up a bit from being benzo sick, and finally hit me I was addicted to xanax, i couldn't belive how I felt, and how on earth was I going to get through college.... Well I left that day and as the weekend approached, little did I know soon I would be embarking on a journey with my cousin that was going to TRUELY almost completely RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!

Saturday A.M. can come quick for a benzo seeking college student...
But anyways my cousin came over and came in due to he is family and came to my bedroom and woke me up, hey,"heyy" he was saying as he shook me awake zzZzz. He gets me awake I throw on some clothes and he was like "do you want to go to the hood wit me do a little H" at the moment I was broke I told him he said " I got you cuz, lets get out of here before your parents get up". "Ok I said" due to the fact that I was addicted to now benzos and opiates physically and psychologically.

He was driving my uncles car his pops who was now also a full blown H addict. This is all fine high quality east-coast H btw.
But anyways we hit the interstate highway and were on our way to the hood. We arrived pretty deep in the ghetto, the usual homeless junkies holding signs off the freeway, boarded up buildings, burned down houses, prostitutes, and a whole LOT OF DRUG ACTIVITY?.

We met the H dealer at a run-down gas station, very quick transaction.
We quickly sped off to an abandoned area, where fiens get high because litterly when you looked out-side on the ground were used syringes and empty packs of H. As he quickly tied of he threw me a 10$ pack, while he was injecting I jusy remember opening up the pack, and looking at the powder (thinking that doesnt look bad) I sniffed half, and being so dumb and nieve threw the other half out. As I hurried up and drove us out of there he was falling in and out. But then about 15-30 mins later I felt a feeling I could only describe as a true epithany, my eyes grew to pin points, and felt heavy, basically every worry I had in life just disappeared it was crazy but felt soooo goood.

After this I was off to the races every morning on the way to college instead of going to college I got with some H addicts near my old home town and would instead go to the hood and see the dope man my addiction grew larger and larger, and unfortunately I had access to my parents bank account for college(which I stopped going, but they thought I was still going) and I took about 7 thousand and blew it all mostly on H occasionally Crack and then H.

Then one day I went to the bank with my mom, and she checked both their checking account and the savings account they had, that I had access to use. She flipped and was like IDK what were gunna do she was REALLY pissed, I tried to deny it but she knew, and then I do some really dumb irrationally thinking because I panicked, I ontained a ride got my g.f at the time wife now and decided that me and her were just going to run away and start a new life in California, so I stole more money and ran with her like a dummy. I had near about 4000$. Didnt say anything to anyone, but then went to the hood and scored a very good amount of H that I had her smuggle via plane ride for me. I bought 2 plane tickets for us and in a few hours we would be on our way.

Once we arrived at LAX Airport, I had been to cali before and knew a few spots by Venice beach so we found a hotel and settled in. But we knew we would have to get jobs, so this was the objective. But of course prolly not even 5 days there my wife was home sick and wanted to go home, and I told her because we thought we were going to have warrants(which we didn't)
you do realize if we go back, were going to jail, and she didnt care jusy wanted to go, we had some good times there though but it is very expensive to live in California!!

So we took a greyhound bus home, 5 day trip because it almost seems as the workers are all against you and will just board you on any bus, it should of only been 2-3 bus trip, but thanks too the horrible workers that will not help you it was a 5 day trip. It was nice only part when we got to see all the mountains and all terains which was pretty cool, but we were also H sick so that was rough too...


But we finally made it back home, I had a friend waiting at the station ready to pick us up and go hit up the H house and crack house due that I still had about 450$-500$ and an X-box 360 I sold for like 120$ back then. I got super high and got my girl nice n high, and of course paid my friend.

Well I knew I couldn't go to my parents house, and at the time wasnt aloud in my girls. But i thought one person I spent thousand of dollars would take me in .... WRONG I was straight up homeless no where to go, litterly sleeping out-side. .......... BE RIGHT BACK WILL FINISH RIGHT WHERE I LEFT OFF
 
Well as I cont. To sleep out-side, only about 3 days, my wife pointed out an abandoned house in our neighborhood, so that night I went over there and sure as shit the door just opened up, now I never stole anything from the house, in fact there was nothing to steal anyways. But it still had running water which was rather nice got to shower n get clean after 3days of sleeping on the streets. So I had her come over that night and she brought me some food, we both stayed the night in the abandoned house. Well then the next morning came and I tried to tell her to sneak out maybe go the back way, but her being nieve she walked right out the front and as I watched her walk out a woman saw her and maybe me in the window but i hurried and ducked down... But this wasnt enough, I watched her from a view she couldnt see me and she was just staring at the house, obviously looking for movement of any sort. Well she came back the right way through the back yard, after I told her what happened....

Well right around rigin before darktime the police came rolling into the driveway, not thinking I left a couple packs of H inside the abandoned house. We both ran and jumped out the window me first then her and ran as fast as we could, when he said stop taser, I was gone not in their taser distance, but I looked back at my wife and she was in taser distance and obviously wasn't stopping unless I stopped and so I did. I was tired of running from warrants I didnt even have. And being homeless is rough!

So they arrested us both, and took us back to the station and immediately seperated us. I told them bastard cops all the H was mine and she didnt have anything to do with this situation, and I told them send her home, I will take all the wrap! But these dirty son of a bitch cops go in the room where shes at, and told her I was putting it all on her.... So she also got the same charges, which Im still pissed about!! We both were charged at first with poss. of heroin less than a gram, then home invasion.... Now if this wasnt such a small town we never would of got charged with home Invasion, it would of only been a simple tresspassing charge, people squat in all kinds of abandoned homes in the city, and dont get steep charges like we received. But anyways this was both are first time actually going to do jail time. We both got 6months and 2years probation due to the fact these were are first felonies, and they dropped the home invasion charges to B.E. charge for both of us, plus the poss. of heroin.

So after we got released we had to deal with 2years probation which included details like a No contact order that we never paid attention to, and she lived at my house. Also no drinking, and or any drugs, and no criminal behavior. Well we both lasted only a few days, and were impacted by the damn peer pressure and started fucking around again with the H. Also right around this time is when we switched from snorting H to the ultimate IVing with a syringe. This is when we got really bad, and to add on to our madness we were both on felony probation. Well one day I did something very stupid, my sister was letting my son play on an older I-phone at my parents house where we were at. One day we were sick and I had no money so I stole the phone and took it to my dope man, and only received a half-gram of H for it, but at that time I didnt care.... Well after about a week, my sister called the house to speak with my mom, and now she wants the I-phone back.... I couldnt belive it, I denied it for the longest time. Finally my sister had enough because on top of stealing the I-phone I was taking my moms car to go get right every morning, NO MATTER WHAT, half the time I would just wake up early and take the keys from her purse and would go get high everyday with my girl(wife now). Well I had heroin parharphnalia tons of empty baggies, a couple syringes and a spoon right under my bed. My sister came over when I was gone scoring heroin, and she wrecked all my new xbox 360 games, then called my probation officer and told him all that. So he sent the cops there(thankfully I was in the hood) the cops came found all my shit and then obviously told my p.o who then violated me.... Then no more than 2 days later on a cold night with warrant in had the cops were pounding on my door.... They eventually found me and halled my ass back to jail, where I was sentenced to 11 months with 180 some days of credit that I didnt have to do.

Then I was released, and when I came home things were all bad my girl was back on IV H and fucking up her probation bad. My mom was taking a very large excess of oxycodone, she used to take 4 OP 80mg pills, and 2 roxy 30mg pills a day and shes like 5'6 130-140 weight... Now shes on methadone but thats another story for another time. But my girl being on IV H and fuckin up probation had severe affects on me, I tried to help in the beginning due to the fact she had a large amount of 4mg suboxone strips. But then my dumbass started taking them, I was a free man, I was on no probation so I thought I could take some. Long story short she went back to jail, and probably not even 2 weeks after she went back I got busted committing another B.E that would of fueled my horrible IV habit. She ended up getting 9months and I got 10months both of us only did county time together too. Both of us completely changed our lives around, found our higher power, and got really healthy, and I got ripped lol. But we both were very healthy mind, body, and spirit upon release. Once I got out, because she got out a few days and a month earlier she moved back into my parents house. Well the first few months were amazing we lived normal lives, did the daily bread, and turned our selves over to our higher power, also worked out and swam alot. Then one day I was having urges to try just a lil methadone, so I waited for the right time and got the methadone and only took a couple sips, the shit was so strong it kept me high for 2days off only a couple sips. So I kept doing this on and off behind everyones back(SO STUPID). Then my mom started to realize that I was dipping in her shit. Then it was put in their safe and no more of that.... Well my addict mind started to get the best of me and instead of getting help, I created a hidden facebook and added all the dopefiens I knew about 2days later I had my first 2 bags of H dropped off to me. I immediately IVed it I'm way passed even thinking about snorting. Well after that, you all already know what happened, eventually I brought my wife back down to using H again with me. But this time we thankfully caught our selves before it was too late, and now both take suboxone daily, and have been H free for almost 2 years now. We both still smoke weed, I dont suggest this if you are trying to recover and get completely clean.

BUT NOW TO THE MAJOR HARM REDUCTION, NOW BECAUSE OF THE CRAZY, EXTREME, LIFESTYLE OF A DRUG ADDICT, AND ALSO GOING THROUGH ALL THE SHIT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH WHEN INCARCERATED. WHEN I CAME HOME I WASNT THE SAME AND STILL TO THIS DAY AM STILL FUCKED UP.

NOW I HAVE A TON OF MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS, ALSO EPILEPSY AND SEIZURES.

SO ON TOP OF THE SUBOXONE I TAKE, I also have to take daily the following prescriptions.

I take for my mental health problems and epilepsy: Phenobarbital 32.4mgs twice daily
Xanax 1mg three times a day
Remeron 15mg once at night
Sometimes seroquel at night rarely
Also have to go to CBT counseling twice a week.

SO THE HARM REDUCTION IS PLEASE NEVER, NEVER TRY HEROIN IT IS A HORRIBLE DRUG THAT WILL RUIN YOU, PLEASE TAKE ALL THIS STORY AS A LEARNING EXP. PLEASE YOU DO NOT WANT TO END UP IN MY SHOES, ALSO YOU DONT WANT TO HAVE TO TAKE MEDICATION JUST TO BE NORMAL, UNLESS YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED IT.
PART 3 AND THE HARM REDUCTION OF THIS WHOLE STORY. PLEASE LEARN FROM ALL THIS, AND UNDERSTAND ITS NOT THE WISE PATH. IT'S 2016 YOU CAN DO OR BE ANYTHING YOU WANT EVERYONE KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, IF YOUR STRUGGLING YOU WILL SOON NOT STUGGLE NO MORE LIFE IS A CRAZY PLACE AND FULL OF LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY


PLEASE LEARN FROM ALL THESES PARTS.....
 
I've done DXM for almost 7 years in a row, 3-4 days per week. It lost it's magic and the amount I would have to take now to get high would just make me sick, and I also can't handle the hangover effects and the toll it takes on my body and brain and my organs in general. It's just poison to me now, but I still miss the feeling and try it once in a blue moon. I'm lucky to get a couple of hours of pleasure but most of the time it's just shitty with a little buzz. I also take klonopin now so that probably dulls the effects. I miss that DXM blissful high.. And I have gone over a year without taking any, and I had to start off at 800mg to get the high I was seeking, when normally it would just be 300 during the good ol' days.

Anyway I really just wanted to ask what the chemical reason is for this "DXM losing it's magic" experience a lot of people have. Is it some saturated channels or something in the brain that is just depleted or burnt out? I am not depressed, I have mild anxiety which I attribute to the 7 year DXM binge. I also have some short term memory issues but they have been improving, which is pretty fucking good. Also some speech issues I didn't have, like a mild stammer on occasion and anxiety and trouble finding the words to say. Definitely from the DXM. I did it way too often, I think it's a greatly useful drug in moderation. Can anyone answer my question about what the DXM burn out is on a chemistry/bio level?
 
I know this is late, but i use kratom (which is legal) to keep from slipping into pain pill dependence. It releaves pain, energizes to do labor work, and eases opiate withdrawls with a very moderate buzz.
 
legaluser said:
Ive quit using substances altogether. Been sober for some time now, life is good, i used to love to drink alcohol and smoke cigs, but im done, I am the master of my own domain. I have control over cigs and alcohol and caffeine (I consider all these drugs i consider a lot of things drugs that maybe some ppl dont). Life feels much better without using.

God bless.
Click to expand...

Your recent posts asking how much kratom to take if you are already on an opiate & benzo suggest otherwise.. dissapointing
 
I had a completely normal cookie cutter american dream life. My best friend introduced me to a giy who would quickly become my boyfriend 7 months ago at 18. I first came in contact with cocaine a few weeks after we started dating, when his roommate broke out a line for himself on the coffee table. The next day boyfriend opened up to me about his history with drug dealing. He told me he was going to start selling again. I told him I didn't care but I wanted no part of it. Shortly therafter, I was investing my money, driving him to pick up and sell, and cutting, weighing, and bagging cocaine up for him. His main product at the time was pain killers and xanax, but now he only deals with coke.
I have taken no more than 5 xans- popped/chewed 2, and put a couple crushed up in drinks. I'm not addicted and don't have any desire to do them again. I've smoked pot many times, but don't enjoy it and always regret it. I only think it's a good idea when I'm drunk or around someone new, in order to fit in. I am addicted to cocaine. I was doing a couple small bumps in the evening a few times a week with friends for fun, and had control. Now I find myself doing at least a gram a day with him, .5 at work, and stealing from him stash and doing it alone in empty parking lots (even though I know he would just give it to me if I asked).
The heavy use started less than 2 months ago. I'm high on it right now, theres at least 16 grams in my apartment, and I know I'll go back for more even though I wish I didn't want to. I guess nothing horrible enough has happened yet to make me want to quit.
I have lost all of my friends, ruined my relationship with my family, and my only social interactions are at work and when he's dealing. I'm going to get fired from my job due to attendance and performance issues (I know they know I'm using). My parents are *thiiiiiis close* to completely cutting me off if I don't leave him. I'm staying in an abusive relationship because I need him to feed me drugs.
My warning to first time users or those who are curious- Just don't do it. Don't surround yourself with people who do it or have any access to it. It's one hell of a drug, it will consume your entire life. If you must do it, limit yourself to weekends, a couple lines, and never by yourself. If you have to choose between coke and your phone bill/food/literally anything mildly important, DON'T CHOOSE COKE.
Eat. Sleep. If you cant remember the last time you ate, pulled an all nighter every night this week, and are even questioning if your addicted, stop now while you can. Get help. Tell someone important who loves you.
Funny how your life can spiral out of control in just 2-3 months.
 
Go home back to your parents, and ask for forgivness, also id advise checking into your local detox center before going home, or go home for a couple days then check your self in. Trust that dude is nooo good for you trust me you arnt in that deep yet... You deff can change if you want. But you have to want it
 
Brief Background

I was very active in all kinds of sports as a kid; ice hockey, baseball, soccer, snowboarding etc. When turning 13, I was already smoking cigs and using alcohol during weekends. When I was 15 I had dropped all hobbies, drank every weekend and started to occasionally smoke cannabis, mostly hash. At 17 I had dropped school, was using amphetamines, extacy, benzos, cannabis was around 24/7. Once I got hold of a Subutex and snorted a line and smoked some hash, I was sold. And soon started IV'ing.


Substance(s)

Listed in somewhat chronological order: Alcohol, nicotine, cannabis, extacy, amphetamines, benzos (alprazolam, clonazepam, diazepam, oxazepam, temazepam, nitrazepam, midazolam, flubromazolam, etizolam, diclazepam), pregabaline, opioids (buprenorphine, codeine, tramadol, oxycodone, morphine, heroine, U47700, fentanyl, hydromorphone), shrooms, LSD, DXM. That's what comes in my mind atm.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

There was about 10 years of somewhat daily usage of everything I got. Then there was a pause for a few years. Then about 4-5yrs of buprenorphine addiction. Atm I'm trying to quit (yet again...)

Adverse Effects

Eventually I lost all my real friends and slowly I became a fiend. Lost all morale and integrity. I lived for drugs, everything else was nothing. I cheated, stole from relatives and friends. Soon I was homeless and crashing where ever I was able. I've had multiple adverse actions, OD's, seizures and such, have been hospitalized many many times. Violence came into play; beatings for not paying dent, some of my friends had guns (which are very, very, very restricted here where I live. I've been attacked with glass bottless (both broken and non-broken), knives, baseballbats, metalpipe, brass knuckles, been pointed with a gun point blank. Eventually I disappeared, left all that shit behind, but also some friends I had known since kids. So I started a new life from scratch.

Warnings and Advice

Be close with your friends and family, safe social network is priceless. If you begin to experiment with drugs, and you have some impulsivity and addict-mind, you will probably end up like the rest of us. Again, don't trade real friends for dope/dopefiends. Keep your freindshisp tight. Last words; kids, don't do drugs at all! :)

Miscellaneous
Be safe and keep your friends close.
 
Help

OK try this again. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. Previous to that I didn't take anything other than the occasional beer. Since then I've had almost every legal narcotic there is. I went a few months ago and asked my oncologist to get me off the oxyconton. I've been taking 5mg hydrocodone for a few months. I got my monthly refill last month and ate 90 of those bad boys in like 20 days. That actually scared the hell outa me, so I have quit taking everything... The welbutrin, Xanax, hydrocodone, everything... It's been 6 very very tough days... Well I did some research on kratom.. I broke down and bought some.. I still have terrible pain, I'm not cancer free, and I refuse to live what maybe my last couple of years as an addict... But I've read this kratom helps with withdrawal, which I am obviously going through. My plan is to get clean off the hydrocodone, and get back to where 2 or 3 5mg a day will do the trick. So, please, is kratom addictive, and how much should I take? I have 10g of indo and 10g of Bali ..
 
Kratom is addictive so be careful.
You dont wanna place one addiction for another, if suggest trying to get clean using Suboxone.... P.m if you need too
 
Thanks for the reply benzo buddy. I have read that, but to be honest I'm looking for something to help me get back to 10 - 15mg of hydrocodone a day. I realized when I ran out this last time and it was a weekend and of course my doctor office was closed that I was highly addicted to the hydrocodone. That's when I decided enough is enough. If you know a lot about kratom I have a lot of questions. Am I just being stupid in thinking I won't get back to taking 6 or 8 hydrocodone a day?? I haven't had anything (including sleep) in 6 days. I took 3 1/2 gram of kratom and I'm feeling great!! My next script refill is the 19th... If I can make it till then, but if I'm taking kratom will it be like before where I need 6 hydrocodone a day? Also, can I mix over the counter sleep aid with kratom?? See I have a lot of questions... This sucks ..
 
Brief Background

Oh, well. I hate this part, I've never been good about it. If you want to know something, ask; I might decide to answer....

Substance(s)

in the past: nicotine, JWH (and the countless variants....), green, amph, hash, coke
Presently: nicotine, weed & coke

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

Well, as far as I can tell I'm only addicted to nicotine (which I couldn't get rid of for more than a week.... I easily go "cold-turkey" with everything else)

Adverse Effects

Let's see.... only thing that really fucked me up was the "legal high". It was a _real_ struggle to get rid of that habit.

Warnings and Advice

In general: as long as you have the willpower to say "NO", you are pretty much safe with anything.
EXCEPTIONS are:
-OPIATES: that is a biiiiiiig NO-GO, unless you want to give up control over your own mind; in which case: "Please, be my guest!"
-"designer" stuff: you NEVER-EVER know what shit is in them.... stay away!
 
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