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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

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Pumpkin2021 said:
My Mom can be a big trigger for me too. I mean we know our Moms love us but they can be so patronizing. They think just because at one point we had substance abuse issues that we are still 12 years old and not adults with feelings. I know we put our Mom's through hell with our addictions but they sure don't let a chance go by to rub it in our faces. It's tough to take when you are stone cold sober. Just realize that she loves you and probably is already sorry that she got upset with you.
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you are completely right. particularly with the last sentence. she apologised not long after so we've made up. and she admitted it wasn't me she was actually so upset with.

i get that in her eyes it wasn't long ago that not only could i not look after myself, but that i was actively hurting myself and she was doing vigils when she couldn't wake me up to call an ambulance if i stopped breathing. but i'm not that person now and i genuinely don't believe i ever will be again.
 
Holding in there thanks. Still well confused and fearful i.e. feeling like shit. Gonna hit the hay but I doubt I will sleep but nurse said that's quite normal. Hoping tomorrow will be better and I can get some rest.

I can relate about the mum thing too in a sense. Lol.
Edit:
She's my best friend tbh.
But that's why I love here folk just get it.
 
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hylite said:
I. Should have just said. Recovering and MOANING ! 👍🏼
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Not at all 💛
Have a good moan it's good for you to let it all out! ☺️
I'm developed a deeper connection to a higher power, not religious per say but I've been praying a lot and I feel like it really helps too, not in an artificial way either! I think of all the kind people I've had the pleasure of getting to know/talking to etc and how caring people can be. For example PM's and messages from let's face it, strangers, cheering me on etc brought me to tears yesterday. As cringey as that may sound I feel like I could have caved in because I felt like I was going mad again but something happened from within that gave me the strength. I think the sense of community here certainly helps a lot! I will continue to pray and send positive thoughts to those I have had the pleasure of crossing paths with on here and in real life...and the world in general with all the bad stuff happening. It also helps me appreciate my life more and puts a lot in to perspective.
Thank u @hylite @n3ophy7e @chinup plus everyone else here dealing with their stuff and I hope you's at the very least have a peaceful day ❤️
 
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iTry91 said:
Not at all 💛
Have a good moan it's good for you to let it all out! ☺️
I'm developed a deeper connection to a higher power, not religious per say but I've been praying a lot and I feel like it really helps too, not in an artificial way either! I think of all the kind people I've had the pleasure of getting to know/talking to etc and how caring people can be. For example PM's and messages from let's face it, strangers, cheering me on etc brought me to tears yesterday. As cringey as that may sound I feel like I could have caved in because I felt like I was going mad again but something happened from within that gave me the strength. I think the sense of community here certainly helps a lot! I will continue to pray and send positive thoughts to those I have had the pleasure of crossing paths with on here and in real life...and the world in general with all the bad stuff happening. It also helps me appreciate my life more and puts a lot in to perspective.
Thank u @hylite @n3ophy7e @chinup plus everyone else here dealing with their stuff and I hope you's at the very least have a peaceful day ❤️
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That is so incredibly heart-warming to read hun <3 I'm really proud of you for finding inner strength at a time like this, when you're probably still feeling like shit but when you need to use your inner strength the most. You've got this girl <3
 
Well it happened
Drank all weekend and all this week so far too. Last night I doubled my intake cause frack it, why not.

Well I was still a boozey messy this morning and had to cancel my client. Embarrassing

This needs to end now before it continues to escalate. Been here before, I know what to do. And what will happen if I continue down this path. I feel Silly this keeps happening.

I’ll be 34 next week. Perhaps quitting and resuming a healthy lifestyle will be my birthday gift to myself
 
^
I'm not great at saying the right thing so sorry if this comes across a bit high horsey... but try not to worry about it too much! You slipped up but you have it in you to chuck it again before you're in too deep! As you said you know what to doand give yourself that gift! Go for it, nothing to lose and you deserve it!

Edit: also don't feel silly as it's not easy
 
iTry91 said:
Day 1 detox. Spewed three of my tablets back up. Feel like shit. Can't sleep or eat really. Feel like I'm going to die/like I'm losing it but I know it's probably anxiety. Keep going to the kitchen to pour a drink then panic. Worried because I was sick that I should maybe take more librium but also don't wanna take too much and get in trouble lol. Keep getting waves of feeling ok then like I'm a vulnerable kid again and want my mum lol. Trying to laugh it off but then I get all anxious again and think I might die. Still have palpitations, nausea and the shakes... Anyone had a detox before can you tell me if I should have any shakes day one and unable to sleep? I thought I'd be in my bed by this time.
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First day of detox? Wow, that's amazing but that day gonna count when this week is over and that is next Thursday! You need to eat something, man try because otherwise you will feel even worse at least you know, fry some bacon and and egg with some bread, that's a start from there you can try some rice so you can seal your stomach, some easy non spiced soup, you can add some pepper/salt but that is, a chicken one might be good. For some sweet, you could give yourself some butter biscuits, after this week is over and you start to progress you can eat some other sweet // e.g : pancakes //, try and avoid what's concentrated.
 
Speakin of Librium, been a long time seen I've seen this name, like a few good yrs or so, it was last time on a internet page ahaha. Do they still prescribe this? It just works too slow for WD's managment, why don't you go for something like a diazepam or any other benzo, an ativan for e.g. Hope you're good for now, have you slept any?
 
@Shady's Fox ^^I'm on day 4. Better but still confused. The first night I took 140mg and it's was just too much to describe the withdrawals, just awful. Sleep, got like an hour if lucky. Second day 100mg slept but not long still had no appetite but could at least fathom the thought of eating managed some veg soup and half a piece which I then felt sick after but managed it ok which was a win. Day 2 was bad but day 3 floored me I was so fucking disorientated and felt sick again. Managed to eat blueberries and some yogurt. Now craving super intense still like pull your hair out, tried to leave house thinking it would do me good but I nearly took my cutlery dish out with me (wtf haha it was quite funny though) so I decided I'd patch the small walk. Now I'm getting more emotional like mood swings or something and fear though not as bad, appetite better. Had more blueberries and some coco pops. Confusion much better but still not there

Everything will be good it's the staying off it that I'm worried about but trying no to and taking it one day, get off the librium then I should be cool to go to my meetings as of Monday (my last drink was Sunday early hours. Thanks for asking 👍

Oh and librium is what they prescribe where I live. They also give you a shot of high potency vitamins b and c and it smells like chicken soup lol!

Fuck you've just reminded me to take my tablets!
 
tired of crap said:
Well it happened
Drank all weekend and all this week so far too. Last night I doubled my intake cause frack it, why not.

I’ll be 34 next week. Perhaps quitting and resuming a healthy lifestyle will be my birthday gift to myself
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really sorry you're drinking again and its affected your work. i think that would be a good birthday present to yourself if you can manage it.

what do you think lead you to relapse?

sounds like you're killing it @iTry91 - well done!! you are right that this is just the first step and staying off it is a different kettle of fish. get as much help as you can. i say this to everyone. but its cos its true.

urgh i feel like fate is trying to tell me something. i tried to sign up for an eating disorders forum because i've been completely obsessed the past few days, and from me that means like 100% consumed mentally. but its got some popup error and i never got a validation email. really annoying.
 
@chinup thanks doll 👍💛
And thats really crap. Is there any admins or anything like that that can help?...good on you don't give up!
 
thank you @iTry91 i have e-mailed there admins... no response yet and its been over an hour god i'm so impatient!!!

the annoying thing is cos of the failed login bug and popup i can't read the forum at all.... and cos i tried on my phone too i can't even scroll from there.

maybe i should take up heroin again to control my weight and have a valid problem for here lol
 
iTry91 said:
@Shady's Fox ^^I'm on day 4. Better but still confused. The first night I took 140mg and it's was just too much to describe the withdrawals, just awful. Sleep, got like an hour if lucky. Second day 100mg slept but not long still had no appetite but could at least fathom the thought of eating managed some veg soup and half a piece which I then felt sick after but managed it ok which was a win. Day 2 was bad but day 3 floored me I was so fucking disorientated and felt sick again. Managed to eat blueberries and some yogurt. Now craving super intense still like pull your hair out, tried to leave house thinking it would do me good but I nearly took my cutlery dish out with me (wtf haha it was quite funny though) so I decided I'd patch the small walk. Now I'm getting more emotional like mood swings or something and fear though not as bad, appetite better. Had more blueberries and some coco pops. Confusion much better but still not there

Everything will be good it's the staying off it that I'm worried about but trying no to and taking it one day, get off the librium then I should be cool to go to my meetings as of Monday (my last drink was Sunday early hours. Thanks for asking 👍

Oh and librium is what they prescribe where I live. They also give you a shot of high potency vitamins b and c and it smells like chicken soup lol!

Fuck you've just reminded me to take my tablets!
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Let's hear ourselves with better. You could try if your head doesn't hurt that much, to listen some nature ambient on YouTube, it might help, might.
 
how you getting on @iTry91 - really hope its smoothing out!!

i am feeling a bit better than yesterday but realistically that's cos the scales today gave the least horrible number they've given in a while. still 1.25 lbs higher than before i started to 'diet' again. going out for dinner tonight though which will probably wreck it, but it does give me an extra motivation not to drink.
 
Not great lol. Paranoid and stuff. Well actually not as bad atm because I know the shops shut. What about you? Hope you enjoyed your dinner date 🙂 lol sure that was a programme I've never said that irl lol
 
iTry91 said:
Not great lol. Paranoid and stuff. Well actually not as bad atm because I know the shops shut.
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yeah i can see it being a relief when you know you can't get so you've officially got through the day.

where i was living before i got to my parents there were shops still selling alcohol at like 2am on a sunday. not good!!
iTry91 said:
What about you? Hope you enjoyed your dinner date 🙂 lol sure that was a programme I've never said that irl lol
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dinner was OK. had a salad so not majorly stressful, and then a dessert. weight was down again this morning.... only 3/4lb above what i was when i started weighing myself every day again and trying to eat at a calorie deficit. it sucks that i can't count calories in this situation, but i know from experience its a bad idea.
 
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