Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

[Bella Figura]

Drug overdose, been in hospital for three weeks, walk like an old man, acute kidney injury / rhabdomyolisis/ / Dialysis / extensive muscle loss and nerve damage, miracle I was found dying in my room frothing at the mouth.

Can't even hold a cup or a fork.

BYE DRUGS, THANKS FOR NOTHING!!

 

[Jabberwocky]

fucking hell. so glad you're still with us @Bella Figura .

will it get any better as time passes?

 

[Blankenstein]

Drug overdose, been in hospital for three weeks, walk like an old man, acute kidney injury / rhabdomyolisis/ / Dialysis / extensive muscle loss and nerve damage, miracle I was found dying in my room frothing at the mouth.

Can't even hold a cup or a fork.

BYE DRUGS, THANKS FOR NOTHING!!

Jesus that’s fucking horrible! Are you going to be ok?

 

[Blankenstein]

well done getting back on the antabuse!! i get you about the panic/regret. i had it when i threw my crack pipe out, when i'd not used it in over 6 months. is addictive brain fuckery. not so good about the opiates though, you need to find a way to break this cycle.

i did good not drinking til my parents went away. i was only gonna allow myself to drink one night, and did get very drunk that night. then my boyfriend went out to see a mate and i could tell by how long he was out he'd be really drunk when he got back and have booze. so i started drinking before he even got back.

when we move in together i am going to have to set some firm boundaries about interacting with him when he's drunk. cos he is just annoying, much less so if i'm drunk too though. when were not egging each other on he doesn't drink loads often so it should hopefully not be too much of an issue.

Damn sucks about getting wasted. Yeh those rules like “only once this week” don’t usually work out too well.

Hopefully his drinking occasionally doesn’t hinder your efforts too much.

 

[Bella Figura]

fucking hell. so glad you're still with us @Bella Figura .

will it get any better as time passes?

Alledgedly. Kidney damage could be permanent, need more blood tests. Paralysis and numbness in hands doctor said I have to wait six months to a year before they know if its permanent.

Jesus that’s fucking horrible! Are you going to be ok?

Yeah I'll be fine, I'm slowly getting my strength back, and at least I'm not a vegetable!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Alledgedly. Kidney damage could be permanent, need more blood tests. Paralysis and numbness in hands doctor said I have to wait six months to a year before they know if its permanent.

fuck that's harsh.

incidentally my boyf also currently has numbness in his hand (his fretting hand, so he's pretty upset, i'm sure its similar for you but probably worse) and it in a cast cos he smashed it and he's still waiting for another operation on it. anyway, his doctors told him to try stimulatng it at different pressures and textures, so like prodding it and brushing with a toothbrush. he has full operation of his other hand so can do this but might it be worth trying?

obviously i'm not a doctor and the source of the nerve damage is different but fuck it you're in hospital you gotta be bored to death.

also please please sort out some sort of rehab for whe nyou get out.

 

[Bella Figura]

Yeah my physio told me to squeeze some putty and subject my hands to cold and hot water.

I'll go to rehab when I can dress myself and wipe my ass without being in agony...

 

[tired of crap]

Im sorry to hear things have been rough Bella

SSDD here. I feel silly whining about it, in comparison. But I feel if I dont stop this will eventually kill me. I dont drink THAT much but its the combination of crap food due to my laziness, my sedentary lifestyle (and family history of cancer and heart disease) which I fear will lead to problems eventually. Lack of sleep definitely doesnt help and Ive been having heart palipations upon waking lately.

Its silly but after getting my 2nd vaccine I didnt want to trip. I had a couple weeks sober, tripping and the afterglow got me another couple. I didnt put in any other work so then when the same old life stressors presented themselves... back to the same old coping strategies. But honestly I likely would have been better to just trip as alcohol is also immunosuppressant.

I know it takes time and work and persistence.
Perhaps today will be the day, it is another day after all lol

 

[Blankenstein]

Im sorry to hear things have been rough Bella

SSDD here. I feel silly whining about it, in comparison. But I feel if I dont stop this will eventually kill me. I dont drink THAT much but its the combination of crap food due to my laziness, my sedentary lifestyle (and family history of cancer and heart disease) which I fear will lead to problems eventually. Lack of sleep definitely doesnt help and Ive been having heart palipations upon waking lately.

Its silly but after getting my 2nd vaccine I didnt want to trip. I had a couple weeks sober, tripping and the afterglow got me another couple. I didnt put in any other work so then when the same old life stressors presented themselves... back to the same old coping strategies. But honestly I likely would have been better to just trip as alcohol is also immunosuppressant.

I know it takes time and work and persistence.
Perhaps today will be the day, it is another day after all lol

Yeh it’s so easy when things go wrong and you get stressed to resort to substances if that’s what you’ve taught your self to do.

how often are you drinking at now?

 

[tired of crap]

Every other day, but it’s only twice in 3 or 4 weeks. I just know how it progresses for me quickly to almost every night. So I Wanna nip it sooner than later

 

[Jabberwocky]

not proud of myself. because i'm still not succeeding on getting my boyf on board with not drinking at all when we move into our house, when we will be trying for a baby and alcohol is completely contraindicated for me, i did not tell him i'm actually trying to stop already.

so we go to this market type thing for lunch yesterday and while i'm queueing for the food he is like 'do you want a cocktail' and instead of 'no thanks' what came out of my mouth was 'get me an old fashioned or a negroni' and so obvously once i'd had one i then got a long island iced tea, and then beers for when we went back to his.

this isn't even the bit i'm pissed about. i'm just chuffed i can easily get multiple days back to back completely clean.

what i'm pissed about is that his mum always has solpadeine- a mix of codeine and paracetamol, and my back is killng me recently. so i took a load. probably no more than 100mg codeine in total but its enough to cause me problems cos my opioid receptors are fucked. it didn't even help with my back pain. so i have been feeling pretty unwell today.

and my back still kills!! i dunno if i've injured myself or what.

also, i've been trying to diet for 2 weeks and have gained 4lbs. i literally do not understand how that is possible. i've not been counting calories but i know i have consistently eaten less than i was previously.

 

[stardust10]

Day 1 detox. Spewed three of my tablets back up. Feel like shit. Can't sleep or eat really. Feel like I'm going to die/like I'm losing it but I know it's probably anxiety. Keep going to the kitchen to pour a drink then panic. Worried because I was sick that I should maybe take more librium but also don't wanna take too much and get in trouble lol. Keep getting waves of feeling ok then like I'm a vulnerable kid again and want my mum lol. Trying to laugh it off but then I get all anxious again and think I might die. Still have palpitations, nausea and the shakes... Anyone had a detox before can you tell me if I should have any shakes day one and unable to sleep? I thought I'd be in my bed by this time.

 

[stardust10]

Thank you

So I took an extra 60mg and I feel better!

 

[n3ophy7e]

Day 1 detox. Spewed three of my tablets back up. Feel like shit. Can't sleep or eat really. Feel like I'm going to die/like I'm losing it but I know it's probably anxiety. Keep going to the kitchen to pour a drink then panic. Worried because I was sick that I should maybe take more librium but also don't wanna take too much and get in trouble lol. Keep getting waves of feeling ok then like I'm a vulnerable kid again and want my mum lol. Trying to laugh it off but then I get all anxious again and think I might die. Still have palpitations, nausea and the shakes... Anyone had a detox before can you tell me if I should have any shakes day one and unable to sleep? I thought I'd be in my bed by this time.

Good on you for detoxing hun, I know how hard it is. Is this from alcohol? Anything else? Days 1, 2 and 3 are going to suck but it gets significantly better after that, I promise

what i'm pissed about is that his mum always has solpadeine- a mix of codeine and paracetamol, and my back is killng me recently. so i took a load. probably no more than 100mg codeine in total but its enough to cause me problems cos my opioid receptors are fucked. it didn't even help with my back pain. so i have been feeling pretty unwell today.

Ohhh that absolutely sucks babe!!! Hopefully you'll be feeling fine by tomorrow

 

[stardust10]

@n3ophy7e day two! Yeah alcohol only. Hardly slept a wink and just found out I took too much meds lol ooopsadaisy. Got a bit of a row but just means I have less to taper off at end of the week...thankGod I did though since I was rattling hard. I don't think she believed me that I was sick after taking them and that's why I took extra.
Cravings still through the roof but can think a bit better and less intrusive thoughts plus can actually fathom eating something today which is a start.
Thanks for the encouragement! It's really good to hear from someone that's been through it and that it gets better cause I dunno how long I can do this. But if I can get today done it's another step closer to having an actual life and not destroying my body and mind. Plus fuck doing this again.
Did you have quite high blood pressure and did it correct itself? Apparently mines is really high.
My first detox wasn't anywhere near as bad as this. But it turns out I've been having wd's in the morning and putting it down to stress cause I wasn't getting too shaky and stuff til later in the day no wonder I was in hospital earlier in the year with a resting BPM of 180. Fuck alcohol man it's not worth it for me - as I type all of me wants to go get pissed but not gonna.

 

[Jabberwocky]

well done @iTry91!!

eating something will defnitely be a big help.

alcohol is known for being really bad for kindling, which is why your current detox is worse. i'm having similar due to a stupidly miniscule amount of opiates, not fun.

i can't comment on any of the health stuff cos i never took my alcohol use so far but those cravings and intrusive thoughts are pretty universal. try not to feed them, when you think 'i'd like a drink' just tell yourself you won't do that and move onto the next thought, letting yourself go along with that thought makes it so much harder and more painful. its tiring and difficult when you are getting those thoughts almost continuously- i've been through it, it feels like it will never end at times. but eventually it does, as long as you don't use.

 

[n3ophy7e]

@n3ophy7e day two! Yeah alcohol only. Hardly slept a wink and just found out I took too much meds lol ooopsadaisy. Got a bit of a row but just means I have less to taper off at end of the week...thankGod I did though since I was rattling hard. I don't think she believed me that I was sick after taking them and that's why I took extra.
Cravings still through the roof but can think a bit better and less intrusive thoughts plus can actually fathom eating something today which is a start.
Thanks for the encouragement! It's really good to hear from someone that's been through it and that it gets better cause I dunno how long I can do this. But if I can get today done it's another step closer to having an actual life and not destroying my body and mind. Plus fuck doing this again.
Did you have quite high blood pressure and did it correct itself? Apparently mines is really high.
My first detox wasn't anywhere near as bad as this. But it turns out I've been having wd's in the morning and putting it down to stress cause I wasn't getting too shaky and stuff til later in the day no wonder I was in hospital earlier in the year with a resting BPM of 180. Fuck alcohol man it's not worth it for me - as I type all of me wants to go get pissed but not gonna.

Good on you hun, I know how hard it is. Please keep going, in a few days you will feel so much better and it will all be worth it. The psychological cravings take much longer to subside so you will need to remain vigilant about that, but physically you will begin to feel better soon. Just think, in the grand scheme of your whole life, a few days of struggling and feeling like death is worth it, to be free from the shackles of alcohol.
High blood pressure is common in acute alcohol withdrawals and yes it should correct itself. Try to drink plenty of water if you can keep it down. If you still have high BP in a week, please go and get it checked.
Keep us updated with how you're going okay? Thinking of you.

Oh and yes as chinup said, alcohol withdrawals get much worse each time you quit, so please try and remember that next time you're tempted to drink. You really truly do not want to go through this, even worse, again.

 

[stardust10]

Thanks @chinup and @n3ophy7e

Great to know I'm not alone and not losing it haha. Yesterday was hell. Cravings still here but gonna distract myself as much as I can and when I feel totally overwhelmed and unable to think of anything else etc I'll take some deep breaths and got the TV on in the background to help take the edge off the fear. Gonna get some brunch soon hopefully I'll manage some soup and bread! I'll let you's know how I get on xo

P.s. you've got this too @chinup

 

[Jabberwocky]

how you getting on @iTry91? getting some not too heavy TV is definitely required at this point!!

just had my first argument with my mum since getting back home. she's pissed off that i didn't do something that she didn't ask me to do and said some pretty nasty stuff. just wanna get fucked up but can't even do that. well i could but then i'll be annoyed with myself.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

how you getting on @iTry91? getting some not too heavy TV is definitely required at this point!!

just had my first argument with my mum since getting back home. she's pissed off that i didn't do something that she didn't ask me to do and said some pretty nasty stuff. just wanna get fucked up but can't even do that. well i could but then i'll be annoyed with myself.

My Mom can be a big trigger for me too. I mean we know our Moms love us but they can be so patronizing. They think just because at one point we had substance abuse issues that we are still 12 years old and not adults with feelings. I know we put our Mom's through hell with our addictions but they sure don't let a chance go by to rub it in our faces. It's tough to take when you are stone cold sober. Just realize that she loves you and probably is already sorry that she got upset with you.