Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

[SteeleyJ]

No opioids for a 8 days today. Feeling burnt out still. Don't know if it's PAWS or the residual toxicity and crash from the other thing. I feel that pull in my mind.....strangely tho not entirely just tword the opioids. So I have to be aware of that..... the stimulants would destroy body and mind if I went that way and stayed like that.. Good call Chin-up. I get what you were saying before. I'm not an NA guy.... but I do like thier" one day at a time" phrase.

EDIT : actually 9 days. Last Sunday I did last morph

 

[Jabberwocky]

oh for sure it takes longer than 8 days to feel straight. and that lethargy at the end is the worst cos it last so long and you've already been so good getting through the shite beforhand so you just deserve a break. urgh. just get through it. stimulants will make you feel worse the second you come down from them.

sometime early september last year was the last time i lapsed on smack and crack. i enjoyed some of the crack but the smack did not do what i'd wanted. so ultimately it helped me let go. not exactly been squeaky clean for this year but i've not craved hard drugs at all.

 

[neversickanymore]

A recent hospital stay showed fat development in my liver. That being known I stopped all alcohol and acetaminophen intake at that time. It’s been 11 days and I’m feeling great. It’s weird liver function was tested and shown to be great in the hospital and then a recheck post discharge showed significant elevated level that indicated liver dysfunction?? I’m thinking the levels are just going to be temporary due to stress of illness etc.

Just passed eight years opiate and benzo free

 

[n3ophy7e]

A recent hospital stay showed fat development in my liver. That being known I stopped all alcohol and acetaminophen intake at that time. It’s been 11 days and I’m feeling great. It’s weird liver function was tested and shown to be great in the hospital and then a recheck post discharge showed significant elevated level that indicated liver dysfunction?? I’m thinking the levels are just going to be temporary due to stress of illness etc.

Just passed eight years opiate and benzo free

That is excellent about the alcohol and apap cessation dude. At my last hospital detox for alcoholism they found a small patch of cirrhosis forming on my liver and that scared the absolute living FUCK outta me. After nearly 20 years of alcoholism, that was the thing that scared me enough for me to finally stop drinking. I've been sober ever since (over 6 months now).

 

[Blankenstein]

So it's now Saturday. Still no opioids except kratom one time. I just want to add to this thread if you read my first post that this is a potentially dangerous idea and I would advise not to do it. Very hard on body. I slept 4 to 6 hours since Monday mornjng... 3 of them last night. I also think I came very close to serious medical problems. Had chest pain.... short breath . . Dizzy. . And spots in vision last night on top of the madness and anxiety from it. After sleep food water gabapentin baclofen and aspirin...... I still have the chest pain 8 hours later. Will see.

Positive.... no opioids still, feel kinda okay today. Mild symptoms that come in waves and GI problems. This better get me off them, I looked into the abyss on this one I think...

Chest pains sound kind of serious, how are you going @SteeleyJ

hope you’re all good mate.

@chinup good stuff about not letting alcohol being the focal point of you’re day to day anymore, but yeh the switching addiction things is always tricky.


No booze for me for 3 days. Back on the Antabuse. Feeling relatively good mentally. Gone to the gym past 3 days as well. Actually went twice yesterday as I couldn’t sleep due to racing thoughts so went and did a bunch of cardio stuff at 10pm.

the mine site place I’m staying at for this week has a gym so I’m taking full advantage. I also find running on the treadmill doesn’t aggravate my knee as much as running around the neighbourhood/bush/etc… so I’m pretty pumped about that.

See how long I can keep this sobriety ball rolling for. Was getting a bit down about it all recently.

 

[Blankenstein]

Oh shit sorry didn’t realise there was another page… I’m a goose.

@SteeleyJ keep going man.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Something in the Energy drinks crosses the bbb. So I am obsessed with it also.

It's literally a shitload of caffeine and sugar hun! That's pretty much it. A nice big old whack of caffeine and sugar at the same time. Highly addictive and the sugar content is very bad for you. It's also got taurine, ginseng, guarana and B vitamins, which may have a bit of an effect, but it's definitely mainly the big hit of sugar and caffeine.

 

[stardust10]

^ I can pure relate! I feel similar recently (got some e's and am gonna go picking soon but I'm worried I'll pick up a drink again because of comedown or something which is annoying). I can't go through that again though, that detox there scared me too much.
Is there anything else that you can take for a buzz or that can produce a different state that can combat the boredom without reverting back to binging on your doc's? I've been thinking a lot about this because it's good to have plans in place.
What about something that will give you an adrenaline rush like extreme sport which could help to break the monotony and that you can look forward to and get excited about. I have been considering something involving heights as I'm shit scared of them lol it's mental, need some excitement even if the only way to get it is to get scared shirtless hahah! I want it now though so...
Keeping busy is important and beneficial I find cause i can't just go skydiving for example everytime I have an overwhelming urge to escape lol.
I hear helping others makes you feel good and can help to stay motivated yourself. I dunno if you would be in to that/already are etc.

Well done for getting and staying sober @BenzoBrain^^ as it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination as you will know.
Why did you have to stop? Is there any positives from stopping? Would you regret your decision afterwards if you did binge?
It's hard to keep your composure I've found - really really hard so you deserve a pat on the back if you haven't had one already today.
My brain keeps trying to talk me in to it and it's only been just under 3 weeks since I had my last drink so I'm like wtf brain. When the urges feel unbearable I take it minute by minute untill finally the cravings subside, it's like a battle with a good friend who I would just love to forgive and forget but know if I do they will probably stab me in the back again only twice as hard.

 

[neversickanymore]

About two weeks into quitting alcohol completely and I’m very happy to be sleeping very soundly. I’m dreaming like crazy and think I was preventing healthy sleep function by regularly using liquor before bed. I feel so much better in the a.m.. When you regularly drink waking up hurting just becomes normal and it’s really nice waking up feeling rested and healthy. It’s nice and will get even better. Going to fire back up weight lifting this weekend.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I can't stand being sober. It just feels so boring. All I want to do is binge on meth, opiates, benzos, and alcohol.

i got a lot of work so will reply to everyone else after but i just wanted to say, it gets better.

your brain will be fucked. it needs to heal. its taking back everything drugs gave you.

don't give up. i prefer life clean. even if i'm shit at it lol.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@chinup good stuff about not letting alcohol being the focal point of you’re day to day anymore, but yeh the switching addiction things is always tricky.


No booze for me for 3 days. Back on the Antabuse. Feeling relatively good mentally. Gone to the gym past 3 days as well. Actually went twice yesterday as I couldn’t sleep due to racing thoughts so went and did a bunch of cardio stuff at 10pm.

the mine site place I’m staying at for this week has a gym so I’m taking full advantage. I also find running on the treadmill doesn’t aggravate my knee as much as running around the neighbourhood/bush/etc… so I’m pretty pumped about that.

See how long I can keep this sobriety ball rolling for. Was getting a bit down about it all recently.

thank you!!

and well done for getting back on the antabuse and into the gym. glad you have one there so you have something to do other than drink.

About two weeks into quitting alcohol completely and I’m very happy to be sleeping very soundly. I’m dreaming like crazy and think I was preventing healthy sleep function by regularly using liquor before bed. I feel so much better in the a.m.. When you regularly drink waking up hurting just becomes normal and it’s really nice waking up feeling rested and healthy. It’s nice and will get even better. Going to fire back up weight lifting this weekend.

well done!!! getting sleep back is so huge. before christmas, which feels like 5 mins ago lol i'm old, i had lost the ability to sleep naturally due to alcohol/benzos, but i'm so glad i can now its a massive thing. and well done on your 8 year anniversary off opiates/benzos and getting shot of booze too. its so good when you get those early benefits, makes it much less tempting to go back.

i'm just glad its the weekend. have been a bit shit at work this week cos i've been distracted by my stupid brain but i actually made some decent progress today. having a different task instead of the same thing i've been working on for the past few weeks helped.

 

[SteeleyJ]

Oh shit sorry didn’t realise there was another page… I’m a goose.

@SteeleyJ keep going man.

Forsure. I'm still rolling on without the opis... no uppers for a few days now. Feeling good. I was starting to feel rough on that run....couldn't think straight. And was looking like shit from the withdrawal and pushing my system to the limits.

Yeah there was one day....4 or 5 days into it that I shot at least a half gram in a few hours....plus whatever accumulated in my system from the previous several days.... and immediately could tell I went too far. My chest hurt for 2 or 3 days after that before it went back to normal. Short of breath. Also I was easily confused and shaking. I probably should have took the week off work, I don't know if it's worse to not show up or to show up spun out for 5 days and confused

Back to gym last few days..... eating everything in sight. Trying to convince people that no....I am not bipolar or schizophrenic. Just needed some sleep. Still waking up out of it until I can get myself into gear, takes about a half hour of being out of it before I'm with it. Feel good tho. Only drug right now is this marshmallow og to get me smiling in the morning. So far my weird plan worked but it was not smart or safe by any means. My heart is unhappy with me..... so I will be taking it easy for quite awhile on anything that might tax it.


Feels good to think again tho man.... not be numbed.

 

[neversickanymore]

Rolling into the holiday weekend I’m starting a new painting, actually a new series and I’m excited about that. Going to practice up on the mandolin and get a round of golf in and lift chest, biceps and abs. I’m sure a few drinking friends will hit me up this weekend, so it’s good to be busy doing stuff I enjoy.

 

[neversickanymore]

Weekend went well. Accomplished and enjoyed what I planned.

interesting that this health revelation and resultant quitting of alcohol is happening the same time as a mid life crisis.. it’s adding to discomfort as I’m finding that in a mid life crisis a person is apt to examine their past and contemplate their future. So it’s more difficult to ground in the present.

 

[Blankenstein]

8 days with no substances. Feeling super clear headed, I think it’s a combo of being sober and working out every day. I still have anxieties and other things going on, but I feel pretty sharp (at least for me haha). This must be the longest I’ve gone in since some stage last year.

Though I am going home after 2 weeks at work. I don’t want to drink and am still taking Antabuse, but I have a couple of scripts to fill so see how I go with the pills.

 

[stardust10]

Keep at it and well done everyone
Had a wobble yesterday, constant torture in my head, convincing myself I could and deserved one session but glad I got through it and sticking with it. I went down the woods and just cried and felt sorry for myself had a bit of a spiritual moment untill it got at least bearable but if it wasn't for my family I would have justified it to myself and gone straight to the shop....
but I need to be strong for them as just lost Dad...if I do end up back to my old drinking habits they would be devastated (so lucky to have caring family). I would end up overwhelmed with guilt and shame at making them worry which is last thing anyone needs just now. I was constantly battling suicidal urges and frustration that I couldn't have 'a few' to take the edge off the pain we are all experiencing just now. I just don't know how long I can keep this up because I don't wanna kill myself, I don't wanna really be here but I have to for family and out of respect for my Dad, he was proud of me doing my best. It's far too soon. It's just because alcohol is so easily accessible but I won't do it. Get that from my Dad I'm determined as fuck. P.s. dogs are amazing

 

[Blankenstein]

Keep at it and well done everyone
Had a wobble yesterday, constant torture in my head, convincing myself I could and deserved one session but glad I got through it and sticking with it. I went down the woods and just cried and felt sorry for myself had a bit of a spiritual moment untill it got at least bearable but if it wasn't for my family I would have justified it to myself and gone straight to the shop....
but I need to be strong for them as just lost Dad...if I do end up back to my old drinking habits they would be devastated (so lucky to have caring family). I would end up overwhelmed with guilt and shame at making them worry which is last thing anyone needs just now. I was constantly battling suicidal urges and frustration that I couldn't have 'a few' to take the edge off the pain we are all experiencing just now. I just don't know how long I can keep this up because I don't wanna kill myself, I don't wanna really be here but I have to for family and out of respect for my Dad, he was proud of me doing my best. It's far too soon. It's just because alcohol is so easily accessible but I won't do it. Get that from my Dad I'm determined as fuck. P.s. dogs are amazing

Keep going bro. Sorry to hear about your dad. Stay strong for your family and even more importantly for yourself.

Ps. Dogs are the bomb. Currently chilling on the couch with mine after being at work for 2 weeks. Damn I love that scamp.

 

[Jabberwocky]

obviously used my time away from my parents to drink excessively and then purge literally nothing cos i also used the opportunity not to eat dinner. it wasn't even fun like wtf.

i hope you guys are doing better than me.

i am exhausted from my excess so will try to get back to people when i feel better.

 

[endlessnameless]

Keep at it and well done everyone
Had a wobble yesterday, constant torture in my head, convincing myself I could and deserved one session but glad I got through it and sticking with it. I went down the woods and just cried and felt sorry for myself had a bit of a spiritual moment untill it got at least bearable but if it wasn't for my family I would have justified it to myself and gone straight to the shop....
but I need to be strong for them as just lost Dad...if I do end up back to my old drinking habits they would be devastated (so lucky to have caring family). I would end up overwhelmed with guilt and shame at making them worry which is last thing anyone needs just now. I was constantly battling suicidal urges and frustration that I couldn't have 'a few' to take the edge off the pain we are all experiencing just now. I just don't know how long I can keep this up because I don't wanna kill myself, I don't wanna really be here but I have to for family and out of respect for my Dad, he was proud of me doing my best. It's far too soon. It's just because alcohol is so easily accessible but I won't do it. Get that from my Dad I'm determined as fuck. P.s. dogs are amazing

My friend we're in the very same boat. I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad, I just lost my father too. Used a few times since his passing and have weaned back down now about as much as I can. Chilling with my German Shepherd Ella here - my father had been breeding them (mainly as show dogs but we sold a few to the police also) since 1972 and Ella will probably be our last one but she serves as a connection to him for me.

Hope you feel better soon - same to you @chinup

 

[stardust10]

My friend we're in the very same boat. I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad, I just lost my father too. Used a few times since his passing and have weaned back down now about as much as I can. Chilling with my German Shepherd Ella here - my father had been breeding them (mainly as show dogs but we sold a few to the police also) since 1972 and Ella will probably be our last one but she serves as a connection to him for me.

Hope you feel better soon - same to you @chinup

Thank you very much.
I'm so sorry for your loss
Hoping you are holding in there and are coping as much as you can, it's so hard.
Good you have your dog Ella. My brother's dog has been a breathe of fresh air for us they are so full of love and more loyal than most people imo.
Take care hope you feel better soon too.

@Blankenstein thanks a lot can't beat couch cuddles lol

@chinup hope you feel better soon. Keep on fighting.