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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

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fuck cj i'm sorry everything happened all at once. i know its almost impossible not to but please try to encourage your gf to think of a productive way to spend that money. it'll just go, you'll have a bigger habit and heaps of regret, your relationship may not survive you having helped her waste that sum of money, its really not worth it.

yes CH!

hylight i'm sorry you're so low. i hope you find some healthy relief soon.

i'm super tired today for a change, gonna go to bed soon. just wanted to sleep all day.

yesterday got closer to relapsing than seriously any time since i went to rehab. i've been saying here about having broken sleep and being tired. well i was walking home and heard people ordering over the phone literally behind me. i always thought 'take your breath away' was some romantic thing and not a real feeling, but i was actually almost winded. i honestly don't know how i managed not to score. its amazing how all those parts of my brain are still there just as strong after so long.
 
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it's gut wrenching. ya know. wow.
it will pass. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
 
i could barely find this thread. it just vanished.
anyway.
i am going to get up today, wash hair move around. i have to go back and work again. and pick up.
so i am going to have to get up and going sooner or later.
going to try sooner. now i am only getting up when i have and sometimes i even wonder if i can make it at all to go out and to go work.
thats when i have a xannie or an opioid ifyouit ever gets really tough and it did a little of a week ago. so i had to take something to help make it through.
hut so far i have been able to do it.
i didn't even take my doggies on a walk the whole week i was mostly horizontal with the horizon.
maybe i can get them a walk real quick after i wash my hair.
im sick of this and being terrified of it all. i eat too much sugar these days and hope too quit real soon. i can't remember if i staffed at the work meeting on tuesday. the week was another blackout. i have to check the schedule when i go in. of i get too sad. thnx. sori.
here i go !
Going to do this now 👍🏼💓
 
Sugar always gives me the worst red inflamed splotches on my face. It's always a sure sign I've stopped the dopaminergics, since I replace the gaping hole in my life with sweet fatty junk food, and then look like a pepperoni pizza for a few weeks.
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.
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Day 15
 
i washed my hair ! i washed my hair !
the roots the ends and everywhere.

it smell like floweres and perfume.

making life wonderful one petal
at a time.

baby small steps gigantic results ! 🌸
 
CFC said:
Sugar always gives me the worst red inflamed splotches on my face. It's always a sure sign I've stopped the dopaminergics, since I replace the gaping hole in my life with sweet fatty junk food, and then look like a pepperoni pizza for a few weeks.
.
.
.
.
Day 15
Click to expand...
Itll be ok

Im running out of drugs and money. Its a bad feel but im probably better off this way
 
How is everyone doing? I am sorry I haven't done a monthly thread in a while [or if I did a few days ago I have no recollection]; a lot of us are going through major life changes. Lots of <3 to everyone.

I still have... like seven-ish years off bupe/heroin. Never going to do that shit again, so terrible.

Probably 2-3 weeks off speed (I can't recollect the last time I did it).

I've only had one benzo dose in the last two weeks and my brain seems a lot more... balanced out. I have xanax and a hypnotic benzo and I don't want to take them, it's like scary thinking about taking them.

I will still drink but I'm not drinking as much as I was. I feel my brain is getting reset in a lot of ways and I'm losing the desire to dab/smoke weed as often as I used to.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
How is everyone doing? I am sorry I haven't done a monthly thread in a while [or if I did a few days ago I have no recollection]; a lot of us are going through major life changes. Lots of <3 to everyone.

I still have... like seven-ish years off bupe/heroin. Never going to do that shit again, so terrible.

Probably 2-3 weeks off speed (I can't recollect the last time I did it).

I've only had one benzo dose in the last two weeks and my brain seems a lot more... balanced out. I have xanax and a hypnotic benzo and I don't want to take them, it's like scary thinking about taking them.

I will still drink but I'm not drinking as much as I was. I feel my brain is getting reset in a lot of ways and I'm losing the desire to dab/smoke weed as often as I used to.
Click to expand...

That's awesome Cap'n!! I feel quite different after my DMT experience and haven't had a drug craving whatsoever, except a short moment of weakness from only sleeping 1.5hrs in 2.5 days while working that made me crave benzos. It has now been over a week since my little moment of weakness on my 12th day clean, which means I've used once in 3 weeks, other than the mushies and deemsters. I haven't even smoked any pot. I'm still attending meetings when my job allows it and ive been feeling content and hopeful this last week. I'm so happy to be here. There have been many times in my life when I have wished death and tried to expedite the process but not today. Today I love myself and the opportunity to change. See you guys on the other side.
 
chinup said:
fuck cj i'm sorry everything happened all at once. i know its almost impossible not to but please try to encourage your gf to think of a productive way to spend that money. it'll just go, you'll have a bigger habit and heaps of regret, your relationship may not survive you having helped her waste that sum of money, its really not worth it.

yes CH!

hylight i'm sorry you're so low. i hope you find some healthy relief soon.

i'm super tired today for a change, gonna go to bed soon. just wanted to sleep all day.

yesterday got closer to relapsing than seriously any time since i went to rehab. i've been saying here about having broken sleep and being tired. well i was walking home and heard people ordering over the phone literally behind me. i always thought 'take your breath away' was some romantic thing and not a real feeling, but i was actually almost winded. i honestly don't know how i managed not to score. its amazing how all those parts of my brain are still there just as strong after so long.
Click to expand...

I hope your feeling alright chinup. I'm thinking about you.
 
When I did IV DMT I slept in like 18 hours afterward, like I was RIDICULOUSLY tired. It seems that whenever I do a top level DMT, or K experience or anything that good that I either get very energized or very tired depending on what my brain/body need? It's a bit odd.

It's probably just what your body needed and I know that "haven't slept in days/need benzos" feeling.

Mostly because I used hypnotics kind of heavily in 2019 and it was a bad idea and now I get sleep every other day on average. Waking up to bad news today after good sleep = not what I needed.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
And honestly half of those days were from withdrawal other days it was sheer pain from having broke two bones and shattered a joint
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Is this recently Captain.CH ?

Or from a long time ago ?

Are you hurt from what happened recently ?

I'm so sorry, if you did mention having broken bones I apologize for not really understanding what had happened ☹ 💔 😭
 
I am so depressed, and yes would'nt even care about dying at this point, and feel quite immortal too, should I mention.

Somehow, I arrived here at the point where I just keep thinking that I really will feel better tomorrow. Oh, yeah right.

I feel like I am addicted to junk food and red bull, because I barely have the strength to get up and cook.

At least once in a while I can get up and handle a few responsibilities, but a few maybe and definitely not too often.

I still have pain that slows me down and frustrates me. That's why I HATE IT.

☹
 
Hylight said:
I am so depressed, and yes would'nt even care about dying at this point, and feel quite immortal too, should I mention.

Somehow, I arrived here at the point where I just keep thinking that I really will feel better tomorrow. Oh, yeah right.

I feel like I am addicted to junk food and red bull, because I barely have the strength to get up and cook.

At least once in a while I can get up and handle a few responsibilities, but a few maybe and definitely not too often.

I still have pain that slows me down and frustrates me. That's why I HATE IT.

☹
Click to expand...
Itll be ok. Hang in there you can feel better <3
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Itll be ok. Hang in there you can feel better <3
Click to expand...
Captain.Heroin said:
Itll be ok. Hang in there you can feel better <3
Click to expand...
Thank you so very much. <3

It seems like it will always be tomorrow but it means so much, really !

At least I finally quit my daily intake of heavy drug usage of xan's and opioid ; that was mostly the opioid ground value of this all.

Your love is so appreciated and helps to reduce the fear in me and anxiety in a great significant proportion.

You do so well at overcoming with amazing strength and perspective. Your potential is so greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time and effort and being able to work with everyone so effectively.

I am glad that you are so strong and able to help others with your intense insights.

Most of all it is so amazing having you here as a part of this all. Please, keeping on being here all of the time that you can.

I don't mean to be annoying but you seem to have a deep understanding and a way of helping learn to lean on each other and to have an open mind to make decisions and learn to think, even through creativity and the arts.

And most of all thank you for your awareness and acceptances of the healing process.

you are the best Captain in the world ! Well can say the whole universe as well !! !

Yes. Anyway thanks so much ☺ again.

Really, I am trying, and you are here and you really do care. 😮
 
Hylight said:
OMG !
and thank you
so many times PO.

so really♡.

anywy, anyone hurd from uh Zonxx
or am i almighty blocked 😁
just sayin

maybe just busy ass stuff. ☆
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I was just wondering about @Zonxx too.
I have not heard from my adopted son recently and the last time I did, I was a bit concerned.

Please check in @Zonxx
because you are loved!

You are doing great @Hylight
Hang in there!
Love you!
❤️
 
Thank you Hylight that means a lot to me. I try to help others feel encouraged in recovery because I know how hard it is. I seem to....struggle with it a lot.

I'm about to run out of anything fun (not meth/heroin/benzos/alcohol, the latter two of which I have and have no desire to use) and cannabis (AHHHHHH) and if I have to quit cannabinoids it'll be the first time in..... 15 years. I know that's terrible.

It's going to hurt. I might lose my mind. I might start hurting myself I don't know what's going to happen.
 
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