I had a crazy dream last night. I think it had some root in walking on an overpass yesterday; I was walking on the right side and looking over my left shoulder to see if the bus was coming and if I had to run to the stop but every time I looked I would sort of lose my balance just a little bit and move a little bit closer to traffic. The railing on my right was low as well and on the other side was a 50 drop onto a 6 lane freeway. It was really weird, I don't know if it was vertigo, fear of the railing or whatnot but I felt really wonky and not quite all there. I don't know if this means thought of suicide, but the thought came into my head about what it would be like to jump off this railing. It's really easy to do, just climb up and step over, I wonder what that would feel like down there. Again, I'm not suicidal, just a strange though.
Anyways in the dream I had I was on a rock over the water (a rock I knew) and for whatever reason could not keep my balance to stay on the rock. Below this rock in the water is another rock that could kill if you hit your head on it. So I lose my balance and fall from the top of the rock but I manage to grab the edge with my hand, knowing the danger of falling onto the rock below in the water. I know if I can't pull myself up I have to push myself away from the rock as hard as I can when I let go so I can clear the rock below and land in the deep water. As my hand is slipping I doubt my ability to push myself out that far, but it keeps slipping further and as it lets go I push off. As I'm in the air I'm thinking 50/50 rock or water; and then I feel the water surround me as my body plunges into the deep part.
In a state of relief and comfort of the soft liquid enveloping my body I swim my way back to shore.
In real life I'm a wreck with the worst common cold I have ever had. No social life, strung out, tired, lots of work to do, and it all feels like I'm about to crash. Hopefully I don't.