• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: M!$TER-ED

Celibacy

Simply_Live said:
To each his own experiences, I suppose. However, the reason you're having such bad problems arising during committed relationships is because once we realize the faults in our beloved ones, we place it against them, creating problems that last for the entire relationship. The same happens when we have casual sex with the same person for a while. We see their faults and it makes us angry that we are involving ourselves like that.
Click to expand...

I'm not talking about bad relationships. I've had pretty solid, healthy relationships throughout my life. I was just saying that all the problems you mentioned are just as (if not more) likely to happen in a relationship, where there is generally more sex and stronger feelings involved.
 
attempt4 said:
I didn't think I would need to say "pick up a single girl" as that was implied in the fact that it was a hypothetical situation where no obvious problems may arise.
The condom breaking has absolutely nothing to do with the means by which we begun the sexual relations. That can happen in a long, loving relationship and thus holds no merit over whether a one-night stand is always asking for trouble (yes I understand that you increase your risk by having sex with many partners but that single easily, mostly preventable worry doesn't warrant the comment claiming that any sex outwith a loving relationship is asking for trouble).

A club, in many ways, is essentially a mating ground for single people to meet up, go home and shag then go on their way. No harm, no foul.
The whole point was that you said that those who engage in sex outwith loving, committed relationships are asking for trouble, and this simply isn't true. Where both parties are interested in nothing but no-strings sex with a variety of partners, no trouble may arise from doing so (with regards to moral issues).

Also, I would question the sanity of someone who actually gets truly attached after a single one-night stand, attached to such an extent that they may suffer upon never seeing their disposable sexual partner again!
Click to expand...

You've never gotten one that is just... immature? The one that wants the attention and grabs at it? That is asking for trouble and you have no way of knowing what's on that girl's mind when you engage in sex with someone you hardly know, if at all. You just have no clue what that person wants. Is it REALLY the idea of "no-strings attached" that's going on in the girl's mind? You'll never know. Wait until you get the real quack of a hook-up.

Moreover, "asking for trouble" is not the same as "receiving trouble". Never did I say that you are 100% guaranteed to receive trouble. You're just asking for it. In the words of my friend George Carlin, "it's still 50/50". When you're in a meaningful relationship with someone, you have more of an idea what their life goals are. You know why they want sex, you know how hard, you know what to do and what not to do and you have more connection at your disposal. What could be better than that?

Yes, I am definitely claiming that any sex outside of a meaningful relationship is asking for trouble. It's like breaking the law. If you're not super careful with where and how you break the law, "asking for trouble" turns into "receiving trouble".

double ewe said:
I'm not talking about bad relationships. I've had pretty solid, healthy relationships throughout my life. I was just saying that all the problems you mentioned are just as (if not more) likely to happen in a relationship, where there is generally more sex and stronger feelings involved.
Click to expand...

Have you ever had a bad fight with a friend? You get "sick" of each other and bicker and argue over little things? Yes, of course it's more likely to happen in a relationship. You're seeing the person more often, which gives you more time to get sick of them easier. The more you see someone, the more likely you are to bicker because you know their faults. It can happen in casual sexual relations, also. Let's be realistic; would you rather have sex with someone a few times (FWB) or have a one-night stand for the same number of times with different girls?
 
Last edited:
Simply_Live said:
Have you ever had a bad fight with a friend? You get "sick" of each other and bicker and argue over little things? Yes, of course it's more likely to happen in a relationship. You're seeing the person more often, which gives you more time to get sick of them easier. The more you see someone, the more likely you are to bicker because you know their faults. It can happen in casual sexual relations, also. Let's be realistic; would you rather have sex with someone a few times (FWB) or have a one-night stand for the same number of times with different girls?
Click to expand...

you still haven't gotten my point. i'm not talking about "bickering" . . i'm talking about actual problems. broken condoms, undiagnosed STDs, people moving their lives across the country only to have things fall apart. all of the sex-related problems you cite are MORE LIKELY to happen in a relationship, especially if you use protection. then the only emotional problem you've come up with is basically a girl getting clingy, and i really don't think dodging a couple text messages and going to different bars for a week or two is much of a hardship compared to the shattered hearts, lives and friendships that accompany the implosion of a serious relationship (not to mention the fact that ex-gf's run a far greater risk of social liability than random hookups).

you may have personal/moral/emotional reasons to avoid casual sex, but your blanket statements about risk and negative consequences simply don't hold water.
 
^ Here is something I just found (a "what not do to") list for one-night stands. From http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-8-rules-for-kissing-off-your-one-night-stand/.

Do Not:

1. Have breakfast. This gets you into dangerous territory where you are spending yet more time with the person and, as a consequence, you may either: a.) start to like him more and want to move past the one-night thing (let’s face it, this rarely comes from both parties) or b.) send the wrong signals that you are feeling lovey-dovey, which can either be creepy or just uncomfortable.

2. Facebook your one-night pal. No! Now you know last names. Great.

3. Ask for phone numbers or emails. If you do happen to have these, post-contact isn’t necessary. If you really, really feel compelled to have closure, a follow-up “thanks for the nice time” text is OK within the first few hours of parting. An email or phone call gets too close.

4. “Leave” something behind. Think this lame attempt to have to revisit is going to get you together again? Unlikely. If you left it, you lost it. So at least make sure it was something inexpensive and replaceable.

5. Keep their crap around. Toss whatever socks or boxers he left. It’ll only come back to haunt you with a new dude. And, see above.

6. If you met through a dating website, no more profile stalking. Having a one-night stand with someone you meet online screams one-night stand more than anything else. Just don’t look at his profile again. (If you can, block him.) What’s worse is a guy who “follows up” through said dating site, which comes off as a gross plea for more sex.

7. Cuddle. Only if this happens organically. A girl who makes a guy spoon her can seem needy (and you know you ain’t gonna get what you need there from your 12-hour rendezvous). If a guy initiates, it can be sweet ... or just irritating.

8. Lastly, try not to vomit on your way out.
Click to expand...

I suppose, if you follow these rules to a T, your chances of having problems arise (mostly the girl getting close to you or vice versa) are quickly diminished. However, what if the girl leaves something at your house, or wants food in the morning, or stalks you, or wants your number, or wants your facebook, or (insert other traces here). How do you going to keep her at arm's length? This is what I mean. If she wants your number, do you say "I don't give out my number to one-nighters"? If she finds you on facebook, you can always just ignore her or block her, but you're just making more work for yourself. If she knows where you live, she might come back.

If you want to keep her away and keep it at a one-night stand, but she doesn't, you're gonna have to explain yourself quite a bit, resulting in frustration or even anger if she lied to you about wanting just a one-night stand. She might also stalk you.

I'm going to avoid those situations, as much as I get horny and just want to have sex with *some*one. It's a bit less complicated for me that way, whether you'll take the advice or not.
 
I've been "needing" sex since the 9th grade. I get dark thoughts when I'm not actively fucking.
 
I go through periods but now, there's no way I could say "I'm not having sex ever again." I've had one night stands in the past, but that's really not who I am. I just end up getting upset and feeling like a whore. I enjoy kissing or making out with people if I'm out having fun, but I dont like having random sex.

I do enjoy having sex with someone I'm in a relationship with, and that's pretty much it. When I first get out of a relationship I find I'm way more horny than a couple months or whatever later. It's like my body adjusts.
 
what it comes down to is personal and social responsibility.
know your partners, know yourself, know your body, etc.
don't be immature about it. sex is to be respected, and so are your partners.
some people can have casual sex and some can not
know yourself and act accordingly
 
married and celibate?

My husband has health problems so our sex life has gone from bad to worse over the last few years. This year it's been no sex at all. It hurts his body.

I resorted to "one and done" dudes willing to give me some dick and leave me alone afterward.

I knew it was wrong but I didn't want to face celibacy for the rest of my life.

I decided it was too wrong, was hurting my karma, and went celibate to be on the same page my husband is on.

I try to be intimate with him but he never feels well enough.

Tonight I tried but I couldn't even get a pretend hug.

I am so lonely. Sex is one of my favorite things. I NEED to have orgasms. I have been masturbating of course.

But I want to press flesh. I want dick. I need to fuck.

I don't want to live wrong forever.

I can't stay lonely like this forever either. I guess I will have people who respond tell me to go to counseling. I hope some Bluelighter here has been this lonely and can tell me the cure.

The cure is not crying. Crying just makes me feel more lonely than ever. My husband is here, but he is gone too and

ah fuck it. fml. fuck my whole fucking life. I want to be faithful.

And I want to be fucked for all I'm worth.

I hate this. I took 4 mg ativan and 8 mg klonopin but I am still wiping away tears and wondering if I can really live the rest of my life without sex. I can give myself orgasms. I can't give myself the warm skin of a naked man who wants to get next to me.

Celibacy because the man I married no longer has any interest in sex might not be so bad, but sex is wonderful and nothing is better than a naked man pressed up against me.

fml.
 
Yeah... 15 months. I don't know if i've avoided it because i prefer simplicity or because i'd rather it be with someone im genuinely interested in. I may aswell be celibate lol.. ;)
 
I am celibate right now. My husband is in prison. It's not ideal, but after a while the sex drive starts to atrophy. I don't think about it much anymore. I miss the affection though. I couldn't be celibate for more than a few years, I think, not because of the sex itself, but because I would miss the affection and closeness that goes along with sex.
(I've never been a fan of non-committed 'stranger' sex. Just not how I roll)
 
I can't be the only person who has been married so long that the spouse's health problems stopped the sex the couple used to enjoy. This forum is for younger people, I know that.

I thought maybe a wise one here in BL could give me perspective from years down the road, when sex has been gone for a long time.

I thought maybe the want would leave. I thought if I don't feed the need, the need will die down.

I can't talk to him about this. He has suffered enough.

I am not getting over it. I hoped I would but I still want sex. Not a finger bang or oral. My husband can offer me those when he is not passed out from his meds.

I'm in bed. He's asleep in the other room. I have been busy and staying active. I am starting my life over, starting a completely different career, staying sober, reinventing myself to accomodate this shit economy and my husband's illness.

He is sleeping soundly. I can hear him. I'm trying to fall asleep but tonight is one of those nights when I would dearly love to be embraced passionately, wanted dearly, connected fully with a person.

What happens to us as we become senior citizens and some of us begin to suffer medical problems? Where is the how to book on dealing with profound loneliness?

What happens to us as our spouses become disabled and we ourselves are aged beyond the point of being comfortable with sex with strangers? As if we could get anyone to want us anyway?

Right now I lonely. I feel lonely more than I ever have before. In six months I may be lonelier that I feel now. In a year, will this turn into sorrow? Isn't it already sorrow? Indeed.

In my humble opinion, celibacy under these conditions means horrible loneliness which increases over time, and for which there is no cure.


"I have my books, and my poetry to protect me..." S & G
 
Ugly, lots of <3<3

I can relate in a very minor way. I was living with a man, 39, who couldn't get an erection. It was really unsatisfying, the oral. I learned to love it for what it was but I needed more.

I reacted wrecklessly. After 8 months of that I moved out, and found myself whiskey-drunk in a bar relating this problem to a stranger. Luckily it worked out. It's been about 5 weeks of friends with benefits. It's a little emotional but we know what it's about.

Right now you are exploring the sorrow. From this, something else may come.
 
Last edited:
]^ Celibacy is not exclusive to religion. There are other reasons for it as people are expressing here. Kindly open your mind :)
 
There's 'not having sex' and then there's 'celibacy.' If you're celibate, then you're not having sex, but there is more to being celibate than just not having sex. It's a lifestyle commitment, one made where the (lack of a) physical act of sex is just a small part of it. This all runs parallel to the idea that one can be 'not drinking alcohol' or one can be committed to the whole recovery lifestyle, which only sees not drinking as one part of its recipe.

Anybody who claims to be 'in a period of celibacy,' when in reality it's only because he cannot get sex, is abusing the term (and should be punished by Satan, given more of his 'celibacy' ;)'). But this is like someone who is in jail claiming that just because he has not drank in X years means that he's a 'recovering alcoholic.' It's different, these people would have a drink the very next day, or have sex the very next day, as long as the opportunity presented itself.

If my penis was removed in an encounter with a scorned lover and her knife, yet I did not die in the aftermath, I would probably try and convert to some type of celibacy so that my years left on this planet wouldn't be as painful. I wouldn't want to be the 'dry drunk of the celibate world.' I honestly don't know how I'd even start going about doing this, though. Sexuality is everywhere in our culture, way more so than even alcohol, and it would be extremely difficult to handle all of the triggers. I'd probably try and structure my approach in a way similar to how eating disorders are treated, where one needs to gain a different understanding of how to manage something that is necessary to live (not physical sex, but handling those impure thoughts).
 
wizekrak said:
Sex has always been sporadic at best for me. Though I believe its an integral part of the human experience. I find I'm always happiest and most productive during periods when I'm having sex of some kind regularly with a woman. I've gone years at a time without sex before and I've noticed that I get pretty dark mentally during those periods. While it isn't needed to live it certainly helps you function well.
Click to expand...

pretty much agree with this
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top