Celibacy

[maxalfie]

I used to enjoy a healthy active sex life with my wife while married. My wife passed away in 2002 and i decided to stay single since then.
I haven't had any one night stands by choice. Now I find that my life has been much simpler without sex in it. I don't even really miss sex anymore, I am 40years old.
Do you think celibacy would work for you or is sex an important part of your life as it used to be for me?

 

[wizekrak]

Sex has always been sporadic at best for me. Though I believe its an integral part of the human experience. I find I'm always happiest and most productive during periods when I'm having sex of some kind regularly with a woman. I've gone years at a time without sex before and I've noticed that I get pretty dark mentally during those periods. While it isn't needed to live it certainly helps you function well.

 

[modern buddha]

I'm still a bit young (22) and have a very difficult time controlling the worst of the urges. I don't have sex very often currently, but I find that if performed in a way that is not to have an orgasm, but to spend time with the person you love and grow close to that person, then it is just another way to show love.

As for your question, OP, yes, I could be celibate and I could control the urges, but I don't see anything wrong with it and use it as a way to keep growing closer to the woman I love. I won't have one night stands with people so if I was single and did not find anyone worth my love and affection in that regard, I would be celibate (assuming masturbation is still okay; the tingling you get blocks out all of your thoughts).

 

[Lysis]

Nooooo way. I don't need sex every day, but after breaking up with someone, I go about a month before really having urges. The longest I've gone was a year, and I was soo freakin horny, I jumped the guy's bones baaaad. 2nd date and the deal was done. lol

 

[LadyLucid]

I am pretty young and I'm very motivated for my future. I have a boyfriend in New Orleans but I'm going to school in New York..this is a less permanent version than yours, so I will give you two answers. I do not have a problem being celibate during the 2,3,4 month period I am away from him at a time because I know what I have waiting for me, but also because I enjoy just focusing on pure work and self-improvement for days on end.

If I made the decision to be celibate for a span of years, no I wouldn't go crazy from urges because I know how to keep myself occupied. I'd just have more time on my hands to become the person I want to be, career-wise, health-wise, and skill-wise. Masturbation would be my best friend, yes. But I am good with overcoming lust because I am severely misanthropic for the most part.X

 

[double ewe]

After college and about 8 straight years of relationships, i took a break from girls for a year and a half. I was happy, spent a lot of time with friends and working out, and really didn't miss sex too badly. It's not something I'm in a hurry to do again, but it was nice to have time to get to know myself and feel confident being alone.

 

[modern buddha]

I am pretty young and I'm very motivated for my future. I have a boyfriend in New Orleans but I'm going to school in New York..this is a less permanent version than yours, so I will give you two answers. I do not have a problem being celibate during the 2,3,4 month period I am away from him at a time because I know what I have waiting for me, but also because I enjoy just focusing on pure work and self-improvement for days on end.

If I made the decision to be celibate for a span of years, no I wouldn't go crazy from urges because I know how to keep myself occupied. I'd just have more time on my hands to become the person I want to be, career-wise, health-wise, and skill-wise. Masturbation would be my best friend, yes. But I am good with overcoming lust because I am severely misanthropic for the most part.X

Ah, yes. I had a long distance relationship for over a year also. We would see each other about once every three months. Waiting in between then was not a problem because of masturbation. That is all.

 

[munki]

When I was pregnant with my son, and for about a year and a half after he was born I went through a period of celibacy, maybe two years total. Even when I broke the celibacy, I really wasn't having sex that often for another year and a half, mainly because I had almost no libido, and I wasn't really into the person I was dating.

Being sexual felt like the furthest thing from my mind and I actually was a little disgusted by it to witness it in others. I rarely even masturbated during this time also. What's interesting is that I was able to channel some of that latent sexual energy into my dancing which improved greatly. For me, dancing is this really pure form of primal energy that lasts way longer than any orgasm. Sex can be really draining and distracting, in addition to the vulnerability and intense intimacy that occurs when you share yourself with another person.

While I am glad I went through that time because it was extremely important to focus more on my son and myself, I am relieved that my sex drive has come back. It was such a big part of myself that when I had no libido it felt like a part of me had died. Having a libido is much more fun, and now I appreciate and get titillated by others' escapades rather than be disgusted.

 

[Cat-N-Da-Hat]

sex is a bit overrated imo, if i for some reason had to stop i wouldn't be too sad.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I enjoy sex too much to not have it, but at the same time, I would have to at least masturbate if I was single.

I can completely understand choosing to be celibate if you are most comfortable that way though.

 

[Noodle]

I'm confused, as I view celibacy as a choice to not have sex for other reasons than a lack of interest or physical drive.

Is life more simple and easier to navigate without sex thrown into the mix? It can be. But, where is the fun in that?

 

[modern buddha]

^ Some people prefer simplicity and enjoying the smaller things in life (like watching the wind rustle through the trees for the whole day) than having fun. It's about loving life and if you love your life by having sex, cool. If you love your life by watching it happen, cool.

 

[Noodle]

I'm sure all of those things in life can be enjoyed without being celibate?

I suppose it comes down to ones personal relationships with sex and shame. At least that has always been my impression.

 

[modern buddha]

So you mean to say that if sex is seen as shameful to a person, they might revert to celibacy?

I personally see any sex had without being in a loving and meaningful relationship as just asking for trouble. When you have sex with someone "no strings attached", those strings form anyway and attachment is one of the biggest reasons we suffer.

 

[attempt4]

I personally see any sex had without being in a loving and meaningful relationship as just asking for trouble.

Any sex?

Say I go to a club/pub/party and pick up a girl unknown to me and go back to hers/mine, have fantastic (protected) sex then both happily go our separate ways, surely you can't say that's asking for trouble? I've done this many times as a youngster and no trouble ever arose from it, really!

I'm really not a fan of doing this any more however, as (in keeping with the thread topic) sex doesn't interest me half as much these days. I used to be extremely promiscuous but in the past 6 months or so, I've been focussing back on developing myself and if a relationship arises in the mean time, then that's great I couldn't possibly say whether I could be celibate for life as i'm still rather young. I reckon I could. Whether I want to is another matter.

I must admit, I have never had sex with a girl I've truly been in love with, and that fact saddens me a little. I can't imagine how amazing it must be, to express your love for someone so intensely and with such passion.

 

[modern buddha]

^ Right, but here's the thing. What if she's in a relationship and shit hits the fan? What if the condom breaks and she gets pregnant? And you can still contract viruses even with a condom. It's just less likely. Not to mention, she'll at least want your name if she's smart so she can try to have sex with you again. Or tell all her friends about you. When you share something so deep (no pun intended) and pronounced with someone, you're just better off saving it for someone who will actually give a shit about you the next day. I don't take sex lightly anymore. I used to, but that got me into trouble. I'm just glad it was only drama that I received from it.

 

[double ewe]

^ Right, but here's the thing. What if she's in a relationship and shit hits the fan? What if the condom breaks and she gets pregnant? And you can still contract viruses even with a condom. It's just less likely. Not to mention, she'll at least want your name if she's smart so she can try to have sex with you again. Or tell all her friends about you. When you share something so deep (no pun intended) and pronounced with someone, you're just better off saving it for someone who will actually give a shit about you the next day. I don't take sex lightly anymore. I used to, but that got me into trouble. I'm just glad it was only drama that I received from it.

i have had far more problems arise from committed, loving relationships than casual sex. i prefer to be in a relationship, but it's because love makes me happy, not safe.

 

[modern buddha]

i have had far more problems arise from committed, loving relationships than casual sex. i prefer to be in a relationship, but it's because love makes me happy, not safe.

To each his own experiences, I suppose. However, the reason you're having such bad problems arising during committed relationships is because once we realize the faults in our beloved ones, we place it against them, creating problems that last for the entire relationship. The same happens when we have casual sex with the same person for a while. We see their faults and it makes us angry that we are involving ourselves like that.

 

[attempt4]

^ Right, but here's the thing. What if she's in a relationship and shit hits the fan? What if the condom breaks and she gets pregnant? And you can still contract viruses even with a condom. It's just less likely. Not to mention, she'll at least want your name if she's smart so she can try to have sex with you again. Or tell all her friends about you. When you share something so deep (no pun intended) and pronounced with someone, you're just better off saving it for someone who will actually give a shit about you the next day. I don't take sex lightly anymore. I used to, but that got me into trouble. I'm just glad it was only drama that I received from it.

I didn't think I would need to say "pick up a single girl" as that was implied in the fact that it was a hypothetical situation where no obvious problems may arise.
The condom breaking has absolutely nothing to do with the means by which we begun the sexual relations. That can happen in a long, loving relationship and thus holds no merit over whether a one-night stand is always asking for trouble (yes I understand that you increase your risk by having sex with many partners but that single easily, mostly preventable worry doesn't warrant the comment claiming that any sex outwith a loving relationship is asking for trouble).

A club, in many ways, is essentially a mating ground for single people to meet up, go home and shag then go on their way. No harm, no foul.
The whole point was that you said that those who engage in sex outwith loving, committed relationships are asking for trouble, and this simply isn't true. Where both parties are interested in nothing but no-strings sex with a variety of partners, no trouble may arise from doing so (with regards to moral issues).

Also, I would question the sanity of someone who actually gets truly attached after a single one-night stand, attached to such an extent that they may suffer upon never seeing their disposable sexual partner again!

 

[Bearlove]

Sex / intimacy play such a big role in my life I simply could not be celibate! I enjoy 'no strings sex' (names are not important - just fuck and go etc) - I can enjoy cuddling up with somebody your have shared years of your life with.