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Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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started my new job today
got paired w some old fart who fucked up my flow, whatever
but they don't pay daily, i don't get paid til next friday so til then i'm stuck with shitty ass food and junk and no spending shit and worrying about bills until then. i'm not used to this, but its nothing new, it's happened before, i should've never gotten used to a daily paycheck from the other temp agency
honestly it's all giong to be fueled by drugs of some sort, all legal or otc or prescribed
i work, make sandwiches while i drive and stuff them down my throat whole, work work work, work some more, cram more food down my throat, drive around, sleep when i get around to it...fuck this life. but its all about the money, right. well for me it is. i have no choice.

abcdefUCK
 
^ Totally agree! :| soOoO, this is terrible hun, you dont deserve this harrasment... can you bring any legal action against these people or threaten them with such?? There is no way I would let anyone get away with that:!

PendulumAM said:
i've just been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder...one one hand its feels better to know that there is a reason that I have been socially inept my whole life and that maybe my paranoia about everyone thinking im a weird freak is all in my head. and yet its embarassing, i'm a fucking mental case, I feel like everyone looks at me in pity or is creeped out by me because i am just so fucking strange. i feel like i have no personality or interests of my own and whenever i talk to someone or hang out with them, i try to act like them and "mold" myself into their image so that they will like me. i can never have best friends and I prefer to be alone but i crave the friendships that I see other people have. I cant even make friends on the internet. i wish I had better social skills but I feel I cant do anything about it. I always end up pushing people away when they get close to me because I wonder how they can like me or I think they are starting to see how strange or uninteresting I am.
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Oh dear god I can so relate to this!<3 However I have actually changed with the 'moulding' situation- I only get that way when Im having a really bad day/time- it has definitely decreased in frequencey(and I was paralyzed by fear so if I can change anyone can); so hang in there hun things can/do get easier, its a process.
I find that I used to do this because I didnt feel 'good enough' and really worked on self-talk and self-soothing-its difficult at first but I realised that I was neglecting myself in favour of what others wanted-healthy people mirror to a degree, however when you feel you're selling your soul to be accepted- it is so destructive.
Crossing your own boundries and engaging with people when your esteem is low/non existent hurts like hell.
Remember that you can do something about it- sometimes things are slow and sometimes there are set backs but you can build your esteem and experience life outside the confines of feeling like a failure. <3
Have you looked into D.B.T Pendulum?



@N30: Thanks hun <3, Yeah, I tend to be an 'hourly', shape-shifter too; especially when I am trying not to fall back on substances/behaviour!;) ...am so pissed off with the lack of consistincy- and you know what, if things are consistent I seem to get anxious or depressed--where be the middle place?! Time out today, am trying to re-ground myself, better than yest, this hour is anyway.

@Carefree: N3O and Fyasko make a really valid point there.
Have you looked into other Therapies as well-Psychotherapy for eg?
Some Psychiatrists dont 'get' what you are talking about IMO, they are very right of centre. If he is dismissing your concerns, although that is his professional opinion, you have your experiential opinion and it is your life- one doesnt trump the other- just keep your options open and dont let anything stifle you hun. <3
 
zombiesarepeaceful said:
started my new job today
got paired w some old fart who fucked up my flow, whatever
but they don't pay daily, i don't get paid til next friday so til then i'm stuck with shitty ass food and junk and no spending shit and worrying about bills until then. i'm not used to this, but its nothing new, it's happened before, i should've never gotten used to a daily paycheck from the other temp agency
honestly it's all giong to be fueled by drugs of some sort, all legal or otc or prescribed
i work, make sandwiches while i drive and stuff them down my throat whole, work work work, work some more, cram more food down my throat, drive around, sleep when i get around to it...fuck this life. but its all about the money, right. well for me it is. i have no choice.

abcdefUCK
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just try and make the best of it, even if it involves putting up with the "old fart" haha
what kind of job is it?:D
 
Ixchellian said:
Alright, who do I have to track down and apply some enhanced-interrogation techniques to??
<rage>
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count me in.

Sideorder, you're way too kind to be fucked with. Anyone who has issues with you has some serious fucking problems in the head
 
Thank you for the kind words, lovecats.
vmupu0.gif

The scent of testosterone induced responses also always helps! Hahah!
2vt44fa.jpg


For those of you who were wondering what the hell transpired in the first place, an ex-boyfriend from 2008 decided to post a degrading photograph of the two of us on the internet; when this photograph was taken, it was meant as a joke (at least in my then naive eyes). In the photo, my ex-boyfriend's hands were firmly placed directly over my mouth as I was screaming. Meanwhile, he is sitting there looking as though he's getting off on covering my mouth. But wait, there's more! Underneath the image is something that basically stated that I deserved the most traumatic experience of my life (one that came with much talk that I assure you, most could not handle the way I did), and that I should be 'thankful' (this is from the person who said that he would punch me in the stomach if I got pregnant with his child, which I very likely did, and no I did not cheat on him). Mind you, this person has also been associating with my ex-girlfriend/supposed fiancé (a porn actress, and an intravenous heroin addict) for the past two years. Both of these people simply cannot handle the rejection they received from me, and are very, very vindictive because of it. Also, they are quite bitter due to fact that I have grown into a rather respectable young woman whom no one in our old circle(s) of 'friends' can say a single current harsh thing about. I have grown and abided by two things that they do not have—integrity and respect.

Anyway, to make a long story short, the man I dated over three years ago is still stooping to excruciatingly low levels to make me as uncomfortable and attacked publicly as humanly possible. This is his nature. Then, the woman whom once 'proposed' to me is now going along with all of this and doing god knows what with him. The last interactions I have had with these people involved me simply ending our interactions altogether in the most respectable way on my part humanly possible. I basically endured quite a bit of cursing and immature behaviour, and instead of responding with such behaviour, I ended it right then and there. It's just a bit frustrating to know that so much time has passed and people are still purposely trying to make me tick—in ways too personal and low to even articulate.
 
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FUck it, going back to the factory I used to work for, they didn't want me to leave anyway.

I did the math and I'm losing over half the money I was making at the other factory...and that's just not right. Sure, my old job involves 12 hr days for as many days a week as I can tolerate and no life, but it involves money and right now...I gotta save thousands of dollars for shit, I can't afford to lose money. Can't shoot me for trying.
 
:! FFS!!
U'd think a 12 yo child would be able to pick a lunch out of 5 different choices without complaining about how she wanted junkfood:! I'm in my room ragein right now, time for nice calm breath and bak out there and laying down the law without shouting or geting pissed off:|
 
zombiesarepeaceful said:
FUck it, going back to the factory I used to work for, they didn't want me to leave anyway.

I did the math and I'm losing over half the money I was making at the other factory...and that's just not right. Sure, my old job involves 12 hr days for as many days a week as I can tolerate and no life, but it involves money and right now...I gotta save thousands of dollars for shit, I can't afford to lose money. Can't shoot me for trying.
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if you think its the best decision for you than do it:)
 
it turned out for the best....I showed I had some balls today and surprised myself. I also made a zillion more parts than 2nd shift and the day shift supervisor was all WTF how the hell...? I'm glad I switched to day shift actually....between the job i worked last night for 8 hrs, getting off there at 1 am and going to this job from 5am to 430pm...i've worked 20hrs in 24 hrs. I guess I gotta say I feel good about myself or something. Now I just gotta convince myself to sleep before I go back to work at 5am...I fear sleep, always have.
 
thats great! im glad its workin out for you:)
maybe you should try some 5htp. when i used to take it i had a much deeper sleep, and i didnt have as many bad dreams as normal.

just out of curiousity did you make a trip report about having some crazy nightmares? or am i confusing you with someone else8)
 
9.5 hours of staring at a computer, scanning in files and labeling them should be illegal.

But I brought it upon myself by leaving two hours early yesterday for a doctor's appointment.

Oh well. 9.5 hours today means only 8.5 tomorrow instead of any longer.
 
Fyasko. said:
thats great! im glad its workin out for you:)
maybe you should try some 5htp. when i used to take it i had a much deeper sleep, and i didnt have as many bad dreams as normal.

just out of curiousity did you make a trip report about having some crazy nightmares? or am i confusing you with someone else8)
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No, I don't believe so
 
Sorry if anyone thought my last rant was about them... I shouldn't have said you I was talking about this stupid guy I know. Not any of you wow I should of thought to specify before posting but I apologize.
 
Well, I'll write it better this time. He annoys the living crap out of me :X and I use to like him a lot but then he turned to an asshole. I don't even know what I did to deserve the way he treats me but whatever. I'm glad we don't talk anymore because he was a waste of my time... I mean I didn't expect anything relationship wise but I actually thought that he was my friend but guess he wasn't, makes me so mad :! I don't understand why I'm even thinking about this again....maybe because I see him everywhere and hear him talk all the time. I just want to duck tape his mouth shut.... That will make me a happy person... Too bad that will never happen though.

Lol whoopsies just got the message that you edited my post but I guess.. I'll just keep this one up too anyways I ended up ranting more.
 
:! My girlfriends been gettin these real bad headaches ova tha last few days, I finaly convinced her to go to the fucking hospital but she got cut, there was nothing more i could do, she maxed out her Pk's and still claims headache... Had ot arrange a lift as i got no car atm and so im sittin here worried as fuck about what the hells wrong or when il see her nxt, last time i went with her i had to take my kid naturaly and we were there for like 5 hrs, i cant do that to my kid again so i feel shitty that im not By her side:!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK:!
 
Well
today my parents took off work so they could go talk to my therapist about me.
i stopped seeing the guy because i have to carpool with my parents if i wanna talk to him (since i cant move out yet) and theyre so fucking akward on the ride back home.
i wouldnt mind skating to it, but he lives an hour away:(
so when my parents get home in 2 1/2 hours ill have to leave the house because i know that they're gonna be super pissed and bitch at me about how i told the therapist how abusive they are etcetc.

im self medicating with this energy pill that contains phenylethylamine and it makes me feel kinda stoned yet kinda tweaked out. ill stick with this until i can get this therapist to prescribe me some wellbutrin (which means i have to see him again :p) i know i shouldnt need drugs but tbh they're the only thing thats kept me going. :(

idk, becoming more and more of a loner, keep bottling up my feelings.
i know this isnt nearly as bad as what some of you are venting about but i just needed to get this off my chest.
 
I actually don't have anything to vent about today.....

Going back to my old job on day shift was for the best...the plant manager came up to me today and is like, "so I've been watching you and you crank out a serious amount of parts...and we need a quality inspector on night shift...would you be interested?"

Well FUCK YES. That would mean I'd get hired in and make more money, and only like 2% of temps that ever work there get hired in. So I must stand out somehow. What's funny is...I left night shift because of the dickhead new supervisor who said he was gonna fire all the temps and bring in people he knows. So I went to day shift. And now the new supervisor can't check his own parts right cause he sucks at life....so I'd be going back for the sole purpose that he sucks at life and needs help....and well..that just makes my fucking day.
 
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