Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

[ziggo]

I think to beat the meth withdrawals you've got to get out of your thoughts, mind, space. What I did was concentrate and gain as much enjoyment out of basic bodily pleasures. H w/ds made me only think about my body and my body hated me so I kept myself quite occupied. This worked for me and my meth w/ds were kinda bad compared to others with me, perhaps from my first drug addiction to amphetamines, I've gained sensitivity to catching the negatives.

 

[Sweet P]

Fuck it, I've managed two days off meth/amphetamines but I can't take any more. All day today I've had a strong feeling of violent rage building up inside me... I've pretty much stayed at home, cos I know I would have gotten into a fight with someone if I ventured out. So I'm probably gonna score a bag of crystal tonight. It almost seems like I'm more sane on meth than off it!

 

[Legerity]

Fuck it, I've managed two days off meth/amphetamines but I can't take any more. All day today I've had a strong feeling of violent rage building up inside me... I've pretty much stayed at home, cos I know I would have gotten into a fight with someone if I ventured out. So I'm probably gonna score a bag of crystal tonight. It almost seems like I'm more sane on meth than off it!

It's OK to feel strong emotions. If we try to suppress the unpleasant ones the pleasant ones get suppressed with them. All the best

 

[Bizkitz]

Fuck it, I've managed two days off meth/amphetamines but I can't take any more. All day today I've had a strong feeling of violent rage building up inside me... I've pretty much stayed at home, cos I know I would have gotten into a fight with someone if I ventured out. So I'm probably gonna score a bag of crystal tonight. It almost seems like I'm more sane on meth than off it!

SweetP... Darling, you made the second post on here. I'm going to say this, and let you know that I'm being a complete and total hypocrite. I'm just too myopic to take my own advice.

I'm in a very similar boat. I need this bitch- Tina- to even function on a day to day basis. I smoke to feel NORMAL. I have a 8ball in 2 day habit I can't afford. And I only started again four months ago. I did, however, achieve sobriety for 2 1/2 years prior.

Getting sober is difficult. You're going to be angry, upset, emotional, scared. You will sleep a lot. You will be weak. Your pain tolerance is going to suck. Forget a sex life for a bit. After a while though, you will suddenly discover a person you forgot existed. Soon after, you may actually like that person too

So here goes... How to make Tina relinquish her hold on you. Reach out. Tell others. Tell those that care for you. Yea, true- The best way I know how to clear out a room of non users is to pull out the pipe and offer hits, but lets face it - Our addictions are far beyond sharing with those that won't buy it themselves. You need to get help. You need to feel loved, cared for, appreciated. You picked up Tea because it helped you solve some fault you felt you had. Sometimes some imagined inadequacy. It filled some void - Gave you confidence and bravado you didn't know you had. Ultimately, it highlighted that flaw, made you weak, left you doubting- Didn't it? Tell someone. Get help. The thought of CMA is reprehensibly repulsive to me... But I'm thinking about it. Sitting in a room full of people talking about our darkest hours? Nooo Thank YOU! But you know what? It might help. Like I said, Darling, I'm a hypocrite. I know my addiction. I am disgusted with my addiction. I know what and who my priority is. Sadly, it's not me. Only we can make ourselves matter. Tell someone. Get some help. Don't be as foolish as I am allowing my addiction to be as I'm writing this. This spin around the clock, at 26, I am going to destruct. I can feel it in my bones. I've always pulled the nose up just before hitting bottom. I was a functioning addict for years. Now I've lost my home, moved cross country with nothing but 2 suit cases and a box I mailed myself. I live with my ex husband, and trust- us homos are enough drama already. I bought myself the oldest, most beat up car I've ever owned..Which I totaled while mostly sober the other week. Lost the job I was hired at when I was given an ultimatum to pee or voluntarily resign.

You still have a soul. You still have desires. Ambitions - You didn't discard them at the door when you walked into Tina's house. So many leave theirs behind... Your inner compass may very well be pointed at magnetic north and not true north, true, but at least you're trying. Keep up the good fight and get some help. Damnit.

 

[Sweet P]

^ That was a great post... thanks for replying. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I'm no longer a functioning addict either. I'm drifting from place to place, doing what I can to make some cash for my next fix. My physical and mental health have gone way downhill, to the point that my parents will probably outlive me. But crystal meth is my life and my identity. I know it's killing me, but even that isn't a good enough reason for me to quit. I've had drug counselling, gone to NA meetings, and all that jazz, but none of it worked for me. I'm now resigned to the fact that I'll be using meth till the day I die. Live fast and die young, as they say.

 

[Bizkitz]

YEA, BUT THAT'S ON YOU- You're resigned. You've made your mind. That's not just the addiction. That's you succumbing to the addiction. Like I said, I won't take my own advice. I truly think rock bottom is not far off for me... However, I know I will someday break free again. I may have a self destruct mechanism, but I also know I have a passion for survival. You do too or you wouldn't have spent the past two years reaching out on this thread. I am guessing you're very active on it. With that said, my generation (not sure your age) is the generation of "expect," or the "give me generation." The give me while I do the bare minimum. That doesn't fly. Tears, passion and desire are what you need to tap into... Today, do me a favor... Well, two. If you're staying in a messy place - Clean part of it. Let yourself sketch there for a bit. You'll feel accomplished and healthier when you're done... just don't take it too far like some of these gackers that can't conduct themselves... Secondly. Step out side. Sit in the sunshine. You may have to be gacked to do it, but try and remember the little pleasures. Choose to be willingly naive. Go somewhere you can let your guard down. Be child like with wonder. Remember that if you close the blinds ( No Peekertweeker!) the world moves on and rotates with your presence or not. So watch (judge shamelessly) people walking down the street. Remember how much you enjoyed the sun shine on your face. It's not always easy, but that's how I remember that life is a compilation of experiences... And as corny as it is; Life is beautiful- even if it sucks (and mine does).. And if you get nervous/sketch ask your self these two simple questions... Is it logical? Is it rational?

Maybe I sound idyllic. Yes, I am on a fantastic one... But when things get really bad, I try to forget that all my friends are users and liars. I sit in the park, listen to music on my phone and sketch to refusing to sketch. It's like driving- I could keep looking in my mirror freaking out that the car could be a cop behind me - Or, I can pay attention to the destination ahead of me. Make sure I'm driving in compliance with all laws, speeding down the road at a comfortable (3-4 mph) I have nothing to hide pace.

 

[oxymoron310]

Since the beginning of my speed use I've been getting a ringing noise randomly throughout my day while on or off speed. Does anyone know what could be the cause of this?

 

[godlovesugly]

Since the beginning of my speed use I've been getting a ringing noise randomly throughout my day while on or off speed. Does anyone know what could be the cause of this?

using speed can cause ringing in the ears. i still get it every now and then, even when im not using, it comes and goes. for me, i dont think this is something that will go away. im probably gonna have to deal with this forever :/

 

[gavatron@oz]

BIZKITZ-- from the two posts tha youve put up here for sweet p, im certain you still have a way out. And at 26 theres still time and oppurtunity for you to fuck tina off.what you posted takes alot of understanding and sympathy..you sound intelligen.dont take the easy road and give in..

Like you ive falken into the grasp of the monkey that sits on my back everyday..though now its a fucken gorilla..just lost ,or decided to end my engagement-i chose meth over my partner.however , she was not willing to help me through this,and left me in my time of need..what did she think i
would do???6 nights and 7 days straight bender...i hardly let the pipe cool down..SAD - SAD LIFE

SWEET P- stay stront, dont throw your life away.tell people,tell everyone..that way its harde to misbehave..
Take care mate

Chin up to you both, dont give in

Gavatron fro oz

 

[ektamine]

Thanks for sharing this. I have not looked much into it but google has found sources stating that amphetamine and methamphetamine are in fact found in nature. I would be curious as to whether these forms are more gentle, such a coca leaves vs. cocaine.

Methamphetamine occurs naturally in Acacia berlandieri.

The Acacia berlandieri tree contains the following alkaloids:
amphetamine
methamphetamine
N,N-dimethylamphetamine
p-hydroxyamphetamine
p-methoxyamphetamine
DMT
nicotine
mescaline

The trees are native to West Texas.

[source]

Like you ive falken into the grasp of the monkey that sits on my back everyday..though now its a fucken gorilla..just lost ,or decided to end my engagement-i chose meth over my partner.however , she was not willing to help me through this,and left me in my time of need..what did she think i
would do???6 nights and 7 days straight bender...i hardly let the pipe cool down..SAD - SAD LIFE

Hey man, knock it off :D
You might think your life is sad at times but from just speaking with you briefly over the last weeks I think you know thats not entirely the case. You live in a beautiful place, you have passions (boating, the ocean), and you seem like you got a good head on your shoulders.
If your still alive, its not too late, seize the day!

 

[Bizkitz]

BIZKITZ-- from the two posts tha youve put up here for sweet p, im certain you still have a way out. And at 26 theres still time and oppurtunity for you to fuck tina off.what you posted takes alot of understanding and sympathy..you sound intelligen.dont take the easy road and give in..

Like you ive falken into the grasp of the monkey that sits on my back everyday..though now its a fucken gorilla..just lost ,or decided to end my engagement-i chose meth over my partner.however , she was not willing to help me through this,and left me in my time of need..what did she think i
would do???

Yea, I didn't do too bad for a 13 year old that ran away and was a national missing person till after he saw what a fork, light bulb, Table and hydrochloric salts could do at 16/17 y/o. Ahh. Kenfuckingtucky!

And think about how you are on day three. Speaking of, How the hell did I actually get to day three now? I just had a classic Porsche bought for me yesterday... I've been looking up stuff for that

 

[the_void]

First post about myself here...

I've never been one to believe in God, satan, spirits, souls, hell, possession and other things I often heard tweakers talking about. I thought it was some meth psychosis thing. Now though I still don't believe really, I do find myself questioning the possible existence of all of those, and it's disturbing to me.

Now you're going to say, eat something get some sleep it'll be alright. But I've been doing those things, as well as taking breaks of three days to a week. This drug initially felt like speedy ecstasy (only cleaner and more euphoric); now it just feels dark. It can be a euphoric darkness, but it's a darkness nonetheless...though I still lean towards some scientific explanation, much of the time, especially when I use alone and at night, I feel as though I've morphed into an evil version of me. Other times I feel like I'm not me at all, but rather various negative entities being channeled through me through me (these are not hallucinations, or delusions, I know they're not happening but it feels as though they are).

For lack of better word, it does feel as though I'm losing my soul, or at least part of it, to this drug... that part of me, that cared and empathized with others, is gone or dying. The disturbing thing is, sometimes I feel this way completely sober as well, exactly as though I imagine a -sociopath might feel. it feels good sometimes to see others in pain and that's a horrible thing and not who I am. Other times, sober or not, I feel this intense rage in me that I didn't know existed.

Friends I started using with (and whom it hit a lot harder than me, and hell it's only been a couple of months), they're no longer the same people. Some of them even developed have this permanent malicious glow in their eyes that never seems to go away. While I've merely 'felt', very different from my usual self, these former friends gone out and actually done horrible things, mainly just for the thrill of it. It's difficult for me to reconcile who they are now with who they once were. I mourn who they used to be, but they are no longer my friends and I no longer feel safe around them.

After my last use (this morning, that's all I had left), I've taken one step I at least feel good about: thrown my pipes, meth bong, torches, and butane cans. I'm tired of hiding all this paraphernalia (snorting doesn't get me off anymore)... I feel bad enough that I know how to use this stuff, let alone own it. Please don't feel judged fellow meth smokers, certainly there is no judgment from me, I just hated being addicted to such a conspicuous pipe and gear and I feel cleaner with it all gone.

Sorry... just been feeling so down and needed to rant. Thanks for reading.

 

[footscrazy]

^ Meth definitely can change you, in fact it was in part this levelling of emotions that attracted me to this addiction. Feeling nothing can be a very attractive side effect at times...

I'm sure you know that taking 3 days to a week off isn't a reliable indicator of what being off meth feels like. After one week off you'll unlikely have even passed the acute effects of withdrawal. It took 2 months off for me to even be able to start barely functioning as a normal human being, let alone 'recover' completely.

 

[Pegasus]

Methamphetamine occurs naturally in Acacia berlandieri.

The Acacia berlandieri tree contains the following alkaloids:
amphetamine
methamphetamine
N,N-dimethylamphetamine
p-hydroxyamphetamine
p-methoxyamphetamine
DMT
nicotine
mescaline

The trees are native to West Texas.

[source]

This is actually probably a mistake as this is from a single test. It gets spread around quite often as fact, but it really isn't.

I know this really has little to do with the topic at hand but figured I'd comment.

 

[Legerity]

First post about myself here...

I've never been one to believe in God, satan, spirits, souls, hell, possession and other things I often heard tweakers talking about. I thought it was some meth psychosis thing. Now though I still don't believe really, I do find myself questioning the possible existence of all of those, and it's disturbing to me.

Now you're going to say, eat something get some sleep it'll be alright. But I've been doing those things, as well as taking breaks of three days to a week. This drug initially felt like speedy ecstasy (only cleaner and more euphoric); now it just feels dark. It can be a euphoric darkness, but it's a darkness nonetheless...though I still lean towards some scientific explanation, much of the time, especially when I use alone and at night, I feel as though I've morphed into an evil version of me. Other times I feel like I'm not me at all, but rather various negative entities being channeled through me through me (these are not hallucinations, or delusions, I know they're not happening but it feels as though they are).

For lack of better word, it does feel as though I'm losing my soul, or at least part of it, to this drug... that part of me, that cared and empathized with others, is gone or dying. The disturbing thing is, sometimes I feel this way completely sober as well, exactly as though I imagine a -sociopath might feel. it feels good sometimes to see others in pain and that's a horrible thing and not who I am. Other times, sober or not, I feel this intense rage in me that I didn't know existed.

Friends I started using with (and whom it hit a lot harder than me, and hell it's only been a couple of months), they're no longer the same people. Some of them even developed have this permanent malicious glow in their eyes that never seems to go away. While I've merely 'felt', very different from my usual self, these former friends gone out and actually done horrible things, mainly just for the thrill of it. It's difficult for me to reconcile who they are now with who they once were. I mourn who they used to be, but they are no longer my friends and I no longer feel safe around them.

After my last use (this morning, that's all I had left), I've taken one step I at least feel good about: thrown my pipes, meth bong, torches, and butane cans. I'm tired of hiding all this paraphernalia (snorting doesn't get me off anymore)... I feel bad enough that I know how to use this stuff, let alone own it. Please don't feel judged fellow meth smokers, certainly there is no judgment from me, I just hated being addicted to such a conspicuous pipe and gear and I feel cleaner with it all gone.

Sorry... just been feeling so down and needed to rant. Thanks for reading.

Thanks for opening up and it's great that you made the decision to throw everything away. No matter how much you felt you needed meth during that period you now have a choice whether to continue or not. Keep us posted how you are doing

 

[oxymoron310]

First post about myself here...

I've never been one to believe in God, satan, spirits, souls, hell, possession and other things I often heard tweakers talking about. I thought it was some meth psychosis thing. Now though I still don't believe really, I do find myself questioning the possible existence of all of those, and it's disturbing to me.

Now you're going to say, eat something get some sleep it'll be alright. But I've been doing those things, as well as taking breaks of three days to a week. This drug initially felt like speedy ecstasy (only cleaner and more euphoric); now it just feels dark. It can be a euphoric darkness, but it's a darkness nonetheless...though I still lean towards some scientific explanation, much of the time, especially when I use alone and at night, I feel as though I've morphed into an evil version of me. Other times I feel like I'm not me at all, but rather various negative entities being channeled through me through me (these are not hallucinations, or delusions, I know they're not happening but it feels as though they are).

For lack of better word, it does feel as though I'm losing my soul, or at least part of it, to this drug... that part of me, that cared and empathized with others, is gone or dying. The disturbing thing is, sometimes I feel this way completely sober as well, exactly as though I imagine a -sociopath might feel. it feels good sometimes to see others in pain and that's a horrible thing and not who I am. Other times, sober or not, I feel this intense rage in me that I didn't know existed.

Friends I started using with (and whom it hit a lot harder than me, and hell it's only been a couple of months), they're no longer the same people. Some of them even developed have this permanent malicious glow in their eyes that never seems to go away. While I've merely 'felt', very different from my usual self, these former friends gone out and actually done horrible things, mainly just for the thrill of it. It's difficult for me to reconcile who they are now with who they once were. I mourn who they used to be, but they are no longer my friends and I no longer feel safe around them.

After my last use (this morning, that's all I had left), I've taken one step I at least feel good about: thrown my pipes, meth bong, torches, and butane cans. I'm tired of hiding all this paraphernalia (snorting doesn't get me off anymore)... I feel bad enough that I know how to use this stuff, let alone own it. Please don't feel judged fellow meth smokers, certainly there is no judgment from me, I just hated being addicted to such a conspicuous pipe and gear and I feel cleaner with it all gone.

Sorry... just been feeling so down and needed to rant. Thanks for reading.

I know exactly what you are saying, & how you feel. I just got rid of all my pipes & bongs & drug related paraphernalia today. Religion is a topic that crosses my mind very often for me now, & I noticed it started with my speed use. I care so little what people think of me it's kind of scary.

 

[Sweet P]

SWEET P- stay stront, dont throw your life away.tell people,tell everyone..that way its harde to misbehave..
Take care mate

Everyone in my life knows... my friends, my family, etc.

It's reached the stage that I can't hide my addiction anyway.

 

[Bizkitz]

For lack of better word, it does feel as though I'm losing my soul, or at least part of it, to this drug... that part of me, that cared and empathized with others, is gone or dying. The disturbing thing is, sometimes I feel this way completely sober as well, exactly as though I imagine a -sociopath might feel. it feels good sometimes to see others in pain and that's a horrible thing and not who I am. Other times, sober or not, I feel this intense rage in me that I didn't know existed.

I know exactly how you feel. In my opinion, people do start to lose their soul. It's when the drug begins to take priority in your life. You end up using people any way possible; Some resort to violence. Understand this much - If you're experiencing these emotions, feelings, trepidations - You have a moral compass. Protect that. Admit when you're wrong. I'm a fan of "open sketch. Tell the why, the what and the how... And then ask yourself - Is this Rational, is this logical? It works for SWIM if they're on a bad one and feel uncomfortable. Sometimes you're wrong... Sometimes you're not

Now your chemistry is skewed and off too. Still follow your intuition. Trust yourself. Something you need to know. You're probably an addict. Same as SWIM. Same as most everyone that's posting in this thread. That never, ever changes. If you this attempt to give it up (it's easier to say "I quit" when you're in the spin. It gets a hell of a lot harder as the hours melt into days... Or if you're like SWIM- Minutes melt into hours) . It's something you need to admit to yourself. I have friends that do dope all day long, everyday... They think they're not addicts. Don't be that guy. If it quacks, walks and talks like a gacker; Guess what? It is.

Excuses = Little white lies. If you have a friend with an outstanding memory ( Like myself), they will start to question you and your sincerity. It's hard. Stay naive if you can. End tirade.

 

[godlovesugly]

been an addict for 7 years. recently, ive been doing meth straight for a year. im currently [almost] 3 weeks clean.

with meth, it was like i was losing my soul. my looks, my whole self. everything went downhill SO FAST. things got very dark for me. after a 5 day binge, i looked in the mirror and BAM. omg. it hit me. i looked so ugly, hideous, i didn't recognize myself in the mirror. who is this person? what have i become? after awhile you lose yourself completely, and you become the drug. how i looked physically really made me want to stop meth, but also mentally, i was so messed up. and that really scared me. the way meth effects your mind and emotions, is just too much for me. the fact that all i had done to myself, could eventually become permanent and irreversible, scared the shit out of me too. i wanted to stop. i had almost become disgusted with the drug itself and all the people i knew in the meth world. i just didn't want it anymore.... i'm not gonna say there aren't some days or moments that i still don't want it. right now i'm sick, and ive been sick for over a week now...usually this is the time where a few hits of meth sound good to me. but i just cant do it, i cant go back to it. just one time of using, can fuck up SO much shit in my life. its not worth it.

 

[Mariposa]

Just a note to say that May 17 marked 3 years since I last touched the stuff. It was a couple comparatively brief love affairs and I did not quite "lose my soul", but I live a life free of it now and my life is much better.

I am even now able to use prescribed amphetamines (for ADD) responsibly.

Keep the faith, everyone.