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Any long time opiate users ?

:!I think like anything else it takes time clean. Ive been fighting that fight for going on 7 years now. Fucking dope and every pill known to man, and all the other drugs to... 2cB was fun. anyways, Opiates suck, theyre the worst double edged sword ever, if i could i would feel like that every 2nd of everyday. a Wake up shot up Oxycodone to get me up and running, chased by a chase of a fentanyl patch, snort a Opana, then do a nice shot of good Dope, pop a few bars, light up the joints hit the hot wax and chill. GoD DAMN that sounds fun. But no more, been thru the detoxes and rehabs, jails and mental facilities, fuck all that. IM soo tired, so i pulled up the boot straps tight and kicked with pins and bars its been 10 days since any opiate, thats the minimum you have to be clean to get the big shot Vivitrol or the Naltrexone suspension shot. In me for 30 days, nothing i can do to get past it, hopefully i can finally live a normal life and not be thinking about how i can get high in the next 30 mins...=D
 
REPLY TO BOJANGLES69
1 Making it hard so i will have an exscuse to use ? Why do i need an exscuse ? If i want to use i will and that is only reason , because i want to

Just think about this logically. WHAT are you saying is difficult? Living life sober?
Yes living life sober is diffictult. Living life using is difficult too.
The only easier thing about life when you are on opiates is that you are numbing your feelings but when you are sick or dealing with the problems your using has made, obviously it isnt easy..........

What do you mean i cant say i have depression if i never start using again ? I cant have depression when i am clean ?

You are talking about that it is "normal" to be depressed , well i dont know what "normal" is but i dont think that everyone is depressed and I dont think the majority of people are depressed most of their lives....................

I agree with you that the happiness I felt on opiates was not a "real " happiness or being content with my life, but it sure is easy to trick yourself into believing that is is ............
Yes i did have over a year clean and was still depressed, i am not sure why , i was on anti depressants at the time , I honestly dont know if my depression is chemical or situational , or what came first , chicken or egg , I started using drugs around same time i started gettin depression which was also same time that parents were divorced , etc. around 14

I agree with you that I need some purpose to life , and that at moment not being in school or working is not helpin me feel any better. But i have put in about 99 job apps and only heard back from one or two . It sucks having 5 felonies on your record................

I agree that i need some type of career , and thats why i went to cooking school but now after losing multiple cooking jobs i kinda realized maybe that isnt the career for me. At least i got an associates degree so i could keep going to school and use those credits towards another degree hopefully .

I dont "expect to be happy for no reason " as you said.............I hope over time i can Build a life that i am happy with and maybe having some type of life that i enjoy or people in my life that i have good relationships with then i will have some kind of happiness.

Bo i appreciate your reply but i always feel as if you are attacking me in some way .

I know we are friends , and you mean well , and you do have good advice , but sometimes i just wonder if you know so much how come you are still struggling ? (not saying that in a mean way or to put you down , i just really wonder)
 
Look bro if you think I'm attacking you then its no big deal just to not post in your threads anymore, really.
EVERYONE on this forum is "struggling". Are you? Thats why you're here right? Can you find one person on here whos not struggling?
Would you rather someone who thought "this shit is easy" gave you advice? Someone who wasn't struggling?

Look man my main point was this. When you feel depression I don't sense at all that you ever try fighting it, its almost like you don't know what that means cause you're so use to just accepting it.
It doesn't matter if you have a biological problem causing it. Because its a common fact of psychology that if you think positively, and engage in activities that are anti-depression, you can change your biology over time.
Also, there are people with depressed biologies that DON'T FEEL depression. Just because your seretonin is low does not mean you will automatically be depressed. Its HOW YOU THINK. Its always how you think imo. The longer you feel depression, and think depression, the more deep seeded it will become, and the harder to fight.
You can't think your way out of bipolar or schizophrenia, but I very much believe depression is a disorder of thought.

2 types of people
1 FEELS depressed, wonders "will I ever not be depressed"? wonders "why can't I just be happy?" they try to think themselves out of depression by focusing more and more on it, doesn't work that way. I asked what you are doing because its more important now than ever that you get into a productive routine, do NA, socialize and meet sober friends, get a job, get a routine, get some hobbies, work out, and stop sitting around all day wondering when the depressions going to lift.

ITS NOT. You have to fight it. You need to do things. If you are not being productive no shit you're depressed.
I have 2 weeks left before I get off these pods and have been tapering again for 3 1/2. This is not me saying "I am perfect why can't you be like Bo". This is me saying "this is common sense if you don't like depression you fucking fight that shit".

I have a job interview tommorow. Have been doing NA everyday for the last 2 weeks (crazy I know). When I get bored I go to school just to speak to my career adviser. Last thing I want to do is sit home wondering if I'll always be broke too. And guess what? I'm running, working out and eating pretty damn good. Got my sugar under control and pretty soon, really soon am dropping the smokes.

You know what I learned? No I don't enjoy doing this shit. Some days I fucking tear up in my car cause I'm not sure if I can handle this normal wake up everyday and be productive kind of life. But I'd rather be fucking dead if I wasn't doing it. Really. Its been shown people with social lives live longer than people w/out them, as well as generally being happier.
TALK TO PEOPLE AT NA. I'm not yelling at you I'm telling you what you need to do to be happy.

What I'm sensing from you is this.
"Fuck it, I know I'm depressed, but I'm going to just kinda hang out and see if it goes away anytime and then once it does I'll start living my life like I've always wanted to"

Its all about behavoir man. Its the hardest bit about this. You NEED to change behavoir. I'm doing it myself now but nothing like last time. Everyday I wake up I get up early now, eat breakfast, go run/lift. Then I handle my small business and get orders out. Then I work on my resume. Then I go to an NA meeting. Then I grab some coffee and try to stay OUT of my fucking house. Staying couped up in your house all day will make you depressed quicker than anything.

I'm not the virgin mary, I'm not perfect. I'm telling you I do not sense you are fighting the depression. You need to clearly envision yourself 10 years from now how you want yourself to be. If you want to be sitting in your house doing drugs then right now you are technically taking the right steps to make that happen.
If you wanna be married, have somewhere to live, have friends, good relations with your family, you need to WORK ON JAKE.

And ROB NEEDS TO WORK ON ROB.
All I'm saying is do things. Thats all. When I feel depression it makes me so angry I laugh, and then I get up and do whatever I need to to get through that day w/out living in my depression. I'm sure it feels just as debilitating as yours. And I'm sure if I had no goals, no ambitions, or direction in life 5 years from now I'd be depressed too.

Call me an ass. But everytime I ask you "what do you want to do with yourself or your life" you never know anything. You have no plan. At least make one man. Ok so being a cook/chef is out of it. Well get on google and look up jobs, not to apply to but just read about different careers. Are you not into exercise? Can you get a bike and just ride it outside 1 hour a day? Exercise is one of the most important things for fighting depression. Theres not one day where I walk into the gym happy, but trust me when I leave that fucking place I'm usually smiling.

I'm not trying to turn this into an "I'm better than you" or "you're better than me". I'm telling you you're not fighting your depression, and untill you do it will never just go away. Hate me, think I'm attacking you, but what do you really want me to say? Life is not easy. Your 5 felonies weren't easy. Getting clean wasn't easy. Right now won't be any easier. Its easy to isolate, and if thats what you're doing you will never get yourself out of your depression.

G/luck man. But damn I am not attacking you. If after this post you still think I am. I won't post anymore, its not that big a deal.
 
Bojangles, nice post. Everything you've said is stuff I really needed to hear, too. JIC you feel like you are pissing in the wind here...no one ever dares to say those kinds of things to me, so just reading it (even addressed to someone else) makes me feel more optimistic and motivated. Thanks.

Jake, Bojangles is right...despite what his current "using or not" status might be. The days and weeks and years are going to pass no matter what, so in five years you can be celebrating five years clean, your degree and your job/house/family/whatever, or you can be posting on Bluelight about your latest stay at rehab and how you are immobilized and depressed at 20 days clean and five years older...

I'm not judging (cuz who the fuck am I to judge, who sold out 1/4 of my life to drugs?), but there's a lot of wisdom in this thread, and it would do any addict good to listen well.
 
Bo thanks for the post . It was cool to read. You do make a lot of good points.............I wasnt mad at you at all, Im not even sure what i said that made you think i was .............
And i give you a lot of credit , you are doing a lot of good stuff. I do need to start doing some more productive things to feel better, i know that.........I guess I am so used to letting the depression get the best of me that i dont fight it enough . I do go out everyday and go to library and try to make some meetings, but there def is more i could be doing. I am working on the job search all the time just not having any luck..............
Hope to hear back from you .
Jake
 
I've been doing opiates daily for about 3 years (poppy tea) and irregularly since 2005. My tea habit is a very manageable once-a-day thing, but I'd be in trouble if I had access to pharmaceutical or street opiates.

From everything I've seen, short-acting opiates like heroin and most pharmaceuticals cause way more addiction-related problems (constant use, financial trouble, job loss) than longer-acting ones like poppies or methadone. Maybe you could try one of those to prevent withdrawals and stave off depression? They're not as "recreational" as dope, but it beats the hell out of the suicidal depression and opiate cravings of complete sobriety. I used to steal pills from family and friends, lie to doctors and do other crazy things before trying poppy tea. I still loooove pills but don't have such addict-like behaviors because the cravings are gone.

(Not endorsing pods or other drugs here, just sharing my experience. I know people wreck their lives all the time with poppies, so no lectures plz.)
 
I waste so much time everyday thinking about doing things, w/out ever actually doing much of anything. But I have been making small efforts in a lot of ways, and thats so far had a very profound effect on my mood. You got to make an effort
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That is me in the first sentence, sucks. I absolutely need to start being 'active' in my life, instead of well the opposite. I dont know if its still some fucked up long lingering opiate w/d or just me being lazy and unmotivated, hmmm. Probably a little bit of both but that is the price I have to pay for using opiates daily for fucking way to many years. I have just about a year [come Easter] clean off benzos & opiates. I realized things wouldn't get back to normal a long time ago but I only recently realized I dont know what normal is. Things are actually pretty good, I guess.
 
so Howd u get your year clean ? did u go to meetings ? howd u start out gettin clean in beginning ?
 
Thanks guys for being so understanding.

This may sound crazy but its another part of my whole new "be active and do shit" agenda. But I drove over to a local senior care center and fucking volunteered to work there free lol. I had no idea what I was doing but something told me being around a bunch of old people who are near death might become a therapeutic activity for me.

Long story short I started today which was much sooner than I though. And OMFG I can't explain how therapeutic this shit actually is. Its almost like being in rehab due to the amount of activities/seminars/games they do. Well today I spent the whole day in a kiln/pottery room. I'm not only the only guy in the room, but the only person under 55 too lol. And I had these old people show me how to craft "greenware" which is what they call the ceramics they make.

Anyway for 6 hours today all I did was shoot the shit about life, the problems with todays youth (which for the most part was a topic started by them haha) and carve away at still soft ceramics (before they get baked). WOW when I walked out of that building I felt like such a different fucking person.
That is soooo not me to hang out with old people all day but WOW are they some of the nicest/smartest people I've ever met in my life. Its like 100times more therapeutic than NA. I go back tommorow and I'm actually excited as fuck to hang out with these people. And the amount of compliments I get as 99% of them are old women lol is really ego boosting.

This is the first time I ever did volunteer work and it may also open some doors for a career in social work. But I can tell you I'm fucking addicted already. I'm not getting paid but like I said I feel like such a grounded noble person after one day and have already notice my thinking changing for the positive. Old people are a lot more optimistic than you would think. Its one thing having a young person tell you "lifes too short to worry" but they stories some of these people have are so moving you wouldn't believe it. I really think I found an outlet in life thats going to help a lot. And shit I might also partake in volunteering the SPCA too. Can't explain how good I felt today driving home. And because its volunteer its very laid back/stress free so I really recommend it to anyone.
 
Hey man thats awesome. Im around my grandmom but it isnt therapeutic because she is neurotic , well i do like helpin her get groceries though . But id like to try some of that stuff (volunteerin at a senior place) and the SPCA would be cool . i saw an ad for a job at a shelter and i wanna apply
I love dogs
yo it would be sweet if we could do some of this stuff together one day . or like make a weekend out of it . I wish i had somewhere to stay in ur area, id come up and hang with ya and do it ....................
 
I KNOW man I keep thinking about that myself just that ride really sucks balls lol.

Either way we should figure something out. There may be something we can both do thats kinda in
between the both of us. But still as far as socializing and shit I don't have any friends I go out and do shit with (just my brothers seldomly) and with spring on its way we NEED to fucking get together.

I think its really just setting something up and doing it one time, then it will prob become more of a regular thing. Thats actually the only thing I've been doing different in my life lately is focusing on doing something one time. It started a couple weeks back when I looked outside at 5:45pm and noticed it was still light outside and I became so discontent out of nowhere. It was like watching the seasons change in one hour and that night I got up and drove to an NA meeting.

I just feel like time passes by, leaves fall, snow falls, it gets warm out and as an addict I really never gave a shit about this stuff. Then working with these elderly they are SO FUCKING interested in life. Its like the one thing I don't care about as an opiate addict. At 94 years old this one lady was so excited about taking a tap dance class tommorow. I kept thinking "wtf... are all these people weird... or am I really the weird one?"
And the answer is I'm the weird one lol. I've burned my receptors out soo much I just don't care about life anymore. But its crazy how infectious life can become once you just get up and do something thats "not you". ALWAYS saying that shit in my head like "oh thats not me I'm too cool for that" blah blah I'm not too cool for anything and I didn't even start living my fucking life yet at 28.

We gotta start doing shit bro and we will. We can talk about work/volunteer ideas when we hang out but I think we should just plan that I either drive there one weekend or you come here and then we just alternate anytime we wanna do something. I get done tommorow at 5 and I'll call you on the way home to see what you're up to. All I know is I absolutely fucking refuse to waste another spring sitting in my house whining about my life, how I'm always high and have no future. Life really is too short to be throwing away like this. And me and you can help each other out a lot I think if we both focus and just do what we're suppose to. ttyl man.
 
Nice thread. I've been on and off bags of dope(sniffed) and pills for twenty years. Just recently kicked a two or three bag per day habit using a percocet taper. Not by choice I might add. My dealer dropped me. I had a delivery service because I WILL NOT score on the street(arrested three times) and getting another is very difficult. I'm over a month clean and loving it. My friends at the bar are responding to my big pupils with warmth and kindness. They never caught me using but they know something has changed. Dope used long term causes walls to go up and distance to form between friends.

I am using high grade pot to give me the electric circus of the mind I require. Not waking up sick and being able to travel is trumping any cravings. What amazes me is that I did'nt hit rock bottom in order to quit. Something is keeping me away from opiates now and I think it's the need for human relationships again. I was charming on dope but with an eerie, pinned pupil look. People could not identify it, but they sensed something was amiss. What a fucking difference now.

So Jake, take it from a complete stranger, being off dope is fun.
 
I thought i'd give my first post in a few years since this is a good thread but in my personal experience I was using opiates for almost 6 years. I thought I was happy during it had some real great times but i've had way more bad shit happen to me more. From starting on popping a few vics here and there to shootin dope in a short period of time. You can always kick a habit you just have to want you. I am 22 now and have been clean for 10 months and currently on methadone. I almost regret going on methadone only because I have a long road ahead of me getting off of it. But the whole being sober lifestyle its real nice. I don't have to worry about the whole addiction lifestyle anymore and was able to turn my life around drastically. Like it was said before you can do it and you might not enjoy it at the beginning but you will in time. Any opiate user can tell you that its not a fun road in terms of getting off it.
 
Oh yeah Jake. I had bigger habits. In the nineties, the dope was twice as strong. Do it for five days strait and you were hooked and looking at three days of serious withdrawal. Do it for a month and forget it. A week in bed. So, thankfully, dope is weaker now and three bags a day equals about 120 mg of oxycontin. But man, I can remember spending sixteen or seventeen weeks in bed per year, constantly kicking habits. I'm built that way. Instead of just staying on it for a year and kicking for a month, I'm always kicking and always chippy as hell.

But not now. Still clean. And happy for you too.
 
Keep in mind that you have to treat the reason why you are addicted, not just the addiction. If you don't you will relapse. The addiction stems from some sort of pain.trama that is hidden that you haven't dealt with. At least that is the case for a majority of people. I don't think I have ever met an addict that didn't have "skeletons" in the closet that they haven't dealt with.

Opiate free over 4 years and I have chronic pain disorder, so if I can do it, then anyone can.

Good Luck
 
/\ I think that is likely true I just was never really sure myself.

Every shrink I've ever seen seems to think 2 years of being molested between 10-12 is the reason I turned to drugs, but I never felt damaged from the experience. And I think a large reason why is because drugs made me feel wayyy more damaged than any traumatic life event could have. Ok well thats not true I just think I got on drugs so quickly and wasn't ever able to feel any pain from that experience.
When I got sober for 5 years, I went to therapy for the sexual abuse, but it never made a difference. I honestly don't believe theres anyway to actually address "skeletons in a closet". They are just experiences that happen and you either live in hell for the rest of your life or forget about it. I forgot about it. And anytime I get sober I don't think about it anymore. So if anything I think drugs actually helped me to chill out a bit in life. Just that now, like chroma said, I really miss have social ties. I miss being friendly and intimate with people. Having a gf by my side to make my day alright when I'm stressed from work or w/e. I need that shit more than I need opiates. And god am I getting close now.

Down to 20gms of pods! Very soon I'll be able to experience sobriety again, and I'm really excited for it this time. I just hope NA and all these volunteer positions can help me stay clean. The only skeletons I need to deal with is a mass lack of responsibility I've had for most my life. And I think as long as I focus on growing up, and handling my responsibilities, hopefully I'll be alright. Guess only time will tell.
 
well, i was abused as a child emotionally and physically by an alcholic father, and I never thought there was anything wrong with me either. Seen tons of shrinks and therapists, I think just realizing that it does afftect your choices and what you do helps. I also believe that whatever happened in the past in absolute facts is not relevant. It is all about how you remember it happening, whether it happened that way or not. That is how it is shaping your current thought pattern. I compare stories with my siblings and they are always different for the same situation. How they remember it is different than how I remember it. Lastly, I feel that its important to forgive, but never forget. I have a good realtionship with my father now. But I have not forgotten what has happen, nor would I change it, it has made me the surviver I am today. But, I can not relate to the sexualy molestion issue, that never happened to me, so I would have no idea how to deal with that.

I have been isolated from other humans (other than work) since september, So I can totally relate to the social withdrawl issue. Even though I would never take another opiate, I am still suffering from the issues of what addicted me and kept me addicted. I still think in the back of my head, wow it would be nice to pop a few norco, just to feel nothing again. But, I know thats just it I will feel nothing. It won't make me happy, just more of nothing.

My ex abused his prescriptions and I asked him to get help many times. He never did. Finally it came down to either go to rehab or leave. He chose to leave. After a little bit over 7 years of being together 24/7, he just packed his car and left. I am 5 hours from any family, and I have no friends where I live.

It is extremely important that if you are trying to get sober that everything you do is for YOU.
 
TINK said:
Keep in mind that you have to treat the reason why you are addicted, not just the addiction. If you don't you will relapse.
Good Luck
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I know people are gonna get mad at me for saying this but this is my opinion. I dont beleive that there really is a reason why we use, I think we use cause we just enjoy getting high and weve made the choice to try the devils food, and now its hard to beat.

Everyone has a messed up l;ife, and everyone has problems, but they dont all turn to dope. I beleive if your gonna go out and try and find "Why your using" like theres one thing that happened in life and now your using cause of it, your never gonna get better. Your gonna find youself in dozons of rehabs, and no one gonna give you the answer. Lets just face the facts, Getting high feels good!!!

Like I said this is my opinion, I use cause its fun, Not cause my dad beat the shit out of me when I was a kid!! thats what I used to say =]
 
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