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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Update on opiate journey..........

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Bojangles69 said:
What I don't know however, is what possible excuse you will devise for when 2weeks pass and people are expecting you to go to detox. Whats the excuse then? You might as well just tell us now. Maybe your insurance will run out the day before? Maybe you'll get this fear out of nowhere that your parents might find out? Whatever it is, I just do not see you walking into detox and admitting yourself. Because detox = no more drugs
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You just did exactly as I predicted because once again you are absolutely full of shit.
You don't want to get clean and I'm getting soooo tired of your sorry excuses. The majority of detoxes DO accept 'real insurance' call Carrier Clinic in NJ right now and find out for yourself.


jake99 said:
i tried goin to a detox in the hospital and they only would take ppl on medicaid not ppl with real insurance...........
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You did NOT "try". Youve been writing about detox for how long now? Crunch time comes and once again you sliver your way out because you refuse to hold yourself accountable for the situation you're in.
You ALWAYS refuse to hold yourself accountable. I've told you this before THAT is your problem.

People who want to get clean GET CLEAN.
I believe that you hate your life, I believe you're self aware of what drugs are doing to you, but I also believe you enjoy getting high WAYYY more than you enjoy any remote possibility of getting clean... and thats not "wanting to get clean".

That is why you keep polluting this forum with nonsense and the same reason why almost everyone I know who use to post in your older threads no longer posts. I am starting a petition against your threads. People on this forum need help and all you do is bicker/bitch/whine like a 7 year old about "poor me" and take attention off those people with absolutely no intention EVER of helping yourself.
I knew damn well you weren't going to detox ever since you started mutter bs about it. And I also know even if helpme paid for a plane ticket theres no way in hell you would do it. You are also completely incapable of changing any of your behavoir and doing a taper.

You need to stop these worthless threads and go live the life of an addict like you have been for the last however many years. Tell me I'm being a dick because you prob think your parents are gonna be dicks once they cut you off and I HOPE TO GOD that they do. People being polite and courteous to you in these threads has only enabled you to keep stonewalling their advice and doing w/e the fuck you want in the long run anyway.
I am repulsed by your behavoir, I'm not being sensitive to your needs because all you give a shit about is Jake Jake Jake & drug drugs drugs.

You are lucky this is a forum that bans people for flaming because you would have been ran off this board years ago for what you are doing right now. Someone has to draw the line somewhere it has nothing to do with you making threads but with you wasting valuable resources and taking focus off people who DO need help and are WILLING to help themself.
While Lolie is here wasting countless hours "helping" you, there are 10 other people she could be helping who actually WANT to get clean.

This thread is a disgrace, your behavoir is appaling, and I hope your parents cut you off very soon once and for good.
 
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jake99 said:
Well i was gonna just get off clinic and try kicking with 5 subs i have but i think i better at least wait until after i finish finals next week so i dont mess up school or my other option is i can piss dirty and they would admin detox me like 2 mg a day but that would take awhile anyway ? the prob with goin to rehab is havin to come clean with my family and getting cut off and also not being able to afford it since my insurance only covers 70 percent leaving it very expensive.......i tried goin to a detox in the hospital and they only would take ppl on medicaid not ppl with real insurance...........
but if im only on 55 mg maybe i can just wean down 5 mg every week or so and be off it in a couple months ? i have a feeling giong to subs wont work since i only got 5 and will wanna get high after theyre done............
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Is this your roundabout way of telling us that you're rejecting Help me please's generous offer?
 
Bo I just told you i am staying on the clinic and i thought reason you were so mad was that i was going to try to go off it.............? I decided it is best to stay on , i thought you would agree with me on that................I DID try to get into a detox bo , i swear to god. They only would take ppl with Medicaid . This was about a month ago . And what i am saying is my insurance only covers 70 percent meaning i have to pay the other 30 percent which can be about 200 bucks a day at a place like Seabrook or Lighthouse................Bo i have never seen anyone so mad at someone else like you are, I am starting to think you have some real anger issues..........You sound a lot like A lot of the people in n.a. that look down on others who cant get clean and tell them how terrible they are. You are the one who needs to grow up.
And to Lolie, i never said that...........I have been talking to Help me Please and told her i am considering taking up her offer .................
 
jake becuz bein on the clinic is different than being on dope, you know that man. the goal is to STOP ABUSING HEROIN AND COKE AND OTHER DRUGS THAT YOU ABUSE AND GOT PROBLEMS WITH, NOT to be 100% off all substances period. You can make that your goal later, but for right now you need to take it one step at a time.

you aint gonna succeed takin that shit too fast rushin it all at once.

Make the goal to get off dope and coke and stop ABUSING drugs. Bein totally off all drugs completely. right away too fast, is guaranteed to fail , well not guaranteed but i dont see it workin too good for you.

Tell yourself that ITS OKAY TO BE ON METHADONE IF YOU AINT USING DOPE...There aint nothing wrong with it yo, its the tool to help you kick the dope. So instead of bein like oh i wanna get off the clinic AND off dope--you know that aint gonna happen. So just settle efor the clinic and try and actually get off the D first. thats the first step. You aint gonna do both at once yo, you know that aint gonna work for you. Aint nothin wrong with bein on methadone for the period of time thats necessary to get your shit stable.

Wat is this big issue you got with it? for real, is the methadone that bad or is it all these other bullshit reasons like the miles on ur car, the shit ur fam might think, the fear of "being on it" for "too long" etc....? The objective, if i got it right, is that You wanna get off dope. So....stop projecting your thoughts about gettin off dope onto the clinic and makin it seem like the clinic is the problem-- all its doin is givin you excuses to use dope and relapse u feel me?

and trust m e you really dont wanna drop off that shit too quick. the longer ur taper and the easier it is to wd the less likely you are to get back on dope when you done. you rush the shit too quick and make it even a lil painful and you gonna be runnin right for the d to fill in the difference, so dont shoot yourself in the foot man.
 
i hear u lacey.....................when you say what is the issue it is kinda all those things.............the car, my fam, fear of not bein able to get off for long time, and another thing is fact that im not supposed to be on benzos and i gotta find a way to get around that . i aint gonna say but im sure you can figure it out.............it worked so far but dont mean it will forever. worse case scenario is you piss dirty for benzos a few times, and they give u a admin detox which is like 2 mg a day drop i think , which i guess wouldnt be that terrible.........anyway i agree with u , i need to make it my goal for now to just be on the meth and stop usin other stuff. id get off the k pins if i could, but honestly i need them for anxiety. even with them i still have anxiety , just not quite as bad..............
guess i just kinda feel like "man i never thought id end up on a meth clinic" but it beats when i was sitting in prison. and i also kinda feel like im livin this secret life hiding it from my room mate, my fam , n.a., hiding the benzos from clinic.........but i guess i gotta stop having such a guilty conscionce......and really only feel guilty if im doin dope
 
^Jake you are living a secret life. I think your being to hard on your self. And I know you go to school, but it sounds like you have alot of free time. Try and stay as busy as possible and you wont have any time to think of things like this.
 
Jake - I think it's a positive thing that you are staying on maintenance. Build that routine and get some structure into your life. Just don't use anything else other than the Methadone or you'll end up back at square one.
 
Damn lacey took the word rightdown the line. If I ever get myself all balled up again I want lacey to be my sponsor!

Jake do you have any idea how many people are rooting for you? Man oh man if only I had the support and the type of drugs available to me today that you have my life could have been so nuch easier and better so much faster.

Times a wastin' and today truly is the first day of the rest of your life. Now high is as good as life. None.
 
I think its a personal choice. Some people have a harder time getting off Methadone than heroin.

I am not against Methadone for people who know the risks and drawbacks and make an informed decision, but if somebody really does not want to be opiated.....fatigue, stigma, cost, possible cardio-toxicity.....That is something that only the OP can decide. Maybe for one person just getting off heroin is THE one and only goal. For somebody else, maybe they want to tapper off everything.

I would say that it might be worth while to try tapering off with some of these newer shorter acting opiates that are partial agonists. If you try and try and fail on those methods, maybe consider Methadone as a long acting alternative.


Some people can tapper off with with bupe or others just fine, and stay clean......those people might be making a mistake to go on Methadone, because it will be HARDER for them, not easier to get off all opiates later.

Others dont want to be opiate free as much as they just want to be functional and not on heroin....for them, Methadone is the better choice.
 
I say we form an angry mob and imprison jake against his will.. I honestly believe that's his only chance at getting clean.
 
The sad thing is getting clean is the easy part.

Staying clean is where the trouble begins.

I've gotten clean dozens of times.. usually lasts about a week?

How many people do you know who kicked the habit and that was the end of it? I can't think of one and I've known many dope fiends.

It's not like once you get over withdrawals you magically never want to get fucked up again. Quite the opposite, actually.

I hope you realize this is most likely going to be a lifetime struggle for you. After you kick the habit things don't magically get better..

You best move is to tell your parents and get their help - you will *need* their support if you ever want to recover.

Honestly, I'd be surprised if they don't know already.

If you think you can hide kicking dope from them, and then hide PAWS from them you will be in for a surprise.

This is not something you can do on your own.
 
Hey jake,
I havent posted in your thread in alittle while but i always read it.
I think Bo has some pretty good points the main one being how you just keep getting worse and worse with your addictions.
6 months ago you were just trying to kick dope n subs.Now you gotta kick methadone,dope and benzos.
If Help Me,Is really willing to try to help you out why do you even need to think about it?
You know im on your side jake but i really dont understand what you need to consider in this proposal.
Anyways i just wanted to tell you that i think 5 subs is alot and me coming off a 3 bun a day habit was able to get by on less then 1mg a day after the first couple days .I only used around a mg a day for the first few days.
What im sayin is you can really make those 5 subs last if you do it right.
By the way i snort my subs i think thats the only way i can keep to taking my .2mg of sub a day.I dont think that small amount would work SL.
You got alot of ppl rooting for you bro pls make the right decisions......
I also always wanted to tell you that its really cool how you deal with all this shit and still manage to get 2 school n never really ever complain bout that....
Good luck with your degree!!!!
 
sentience the suggestions that me and others been making about this are becuz we know jake and his situation. He is already on methadone and he aint experiencing the negative side effects you are talkin about. his issues come from somewhere else.

I respect the right of everybody to have their thoughts on methadone for addiction treatment (And for pain management too) but I just want to point out that (AFAIK correct me if i am wrong) You aint been on MMT. You been on methadone for PM for a very short time. in that time it seems like you decided you dont like it. Aight thats fine like you said, i agree, everybody is different.

Becuz I been talkin to jake for a very long time and know that he had absolutely zero success with sub i know his situation and the deal here. the suggestions and shit im sayin to him is based on that.

i think that most people at least in TDS accept that it aint for everybody. nobody is arguin that methadone is the best here. just that right now, for the particular situation jakes in at the moment that methadone is. and that jumpin around and always tryna go from one thing to the next is part of the shit thats causin him to keep havin trouble.

I aint disrespectin your point of view or nothin but just sayin. I aint sure that you the best person to be givin advice about methadone to jake considerin that you aint never been on it for MMT and it seems like you aint exactly aware of his situation. seriously, right now the whole "methadone aint for everyone" thing aint the type of shit that its gonna help him to hear becuz he already on it and his plans to get off it are all plans that would cause alot of damage and make his life and addiction harder. i understand where you comin from pretty much but im just sayin, his situation is alot different than yours , and none of the negatives that he is complainin about is shit in your post listed as a negative. the problem here aint methadone is all im sayin so lets not discourage dude even more.....
 
thanks totach and to the last 2 people who put me down , why even post if you are just going to try to make me feel worse ?
 
Thank you lacey . Finally someone sticks up for me..........................Man i cant believe how many ppl are just negative and want to scare you and make you feel worse, at meetings too! Anyway , lacey im doing ok .........trying to just accept the fact that I may be on it a while and that it doesnt mean it has to be long term.
 
It's not about making you feel worse..<snip>You need to realize that you're wasting everyone's time. You refuse to take our advice. Why even post if you're looking to just bitch and moan? Someone offered you more help than most of us have ever had the opportunity to make use of.. and you've already indicated your intention to turn the help down.. <snip>
 
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jake99 said:
thanks totach and to the last 2 people who put me down , why even post if you are just going to try to make me feel worse ?
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I didn't put you down, I'm simply pointing out the facts of the situation which you are either ignorant of or trying to ignore.

Since I have already offended you I'll just go ahead and be blunt:

<snip>
 
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What villian said is rather deep imo. The entire time I was tapering off pods I was like "wow I can't believe none of my family knows something is wrong with me". And then when I was off completely and that paws came around FORGET IT.
I was able to hide the paws for 23 days, but during that time was when my family had really started becoming suspicious. I basically spend 23 days in my house 22 hours a day only leaving to go to class 4 times a week. But its just not normal at all to stay in your house that long. And considering all the shit you're on your paws prob will be as bad if not worse than mine. Your parents are likely to find out either way in the end is my point.
Would you rather them find out while your in active use or clean?
Because once I got clean even if they did find out it was different at that point. I was off, I had made the decision myself to quit, and there wasn't much they could patronize me for.
I think what he said was a great point though.

At any rate though I'm tapering again. And as depressing as what villian said its not always true for everyone. It depends too much on how you get high I think. If you're shooting oxies thats a totally different craving to control then getting off oral methadone. The psychological construct is much more appealing when you're off shooting a drug.
Thats one thing I like about pods is when I was off I wasn't really craving them at all, I was just an utter mess and couldn't keep my life together during paws. Next time with a suitable med I think I will be fine, and I'm definitely not going back to using again no matter how much I fiend. You just gotta be positive bro and realize everyones story is individual and specific, and your situation is still largely unwritten in terms of getting clean/staying clean.
 
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