The rules explicitly state that "tough love" is appropriate at times considering the subjects
state of mind. Jakes state of mind is not suicidal and all I'm doing is showing him tough love.
Jake noone is "trashing" you. The same people you think are trashing you now are the same people who have ALWAYS been there to help you from the begining.
Now back on "topic" (whatever the hell that is).
Jake I will tell you one of my fears.
And that is the fear that one day I'm going to get a random phone call from your dad asking
who I am and if I'm aware that Jake overdosed/passed away. Thats why even if I'm being harsh now, and on the edge of being banned, I'd much rather prefer that then sit here and watch you kill yourself while people enable you by being "polite".
But its obvious this thread is triggering you to go defensive on us.
I know that you hate your life and get depressed w/out drugs, but people here are just
alluding to the fact that happiness is something you invest in. You don't really wanna get off drugs AS MUCH as you want to just be happy. Thats why you keep relapsing right?
I think you have got it through your head that theres no way you'll ever be happy on opiates, and if you need 56 threads to do that so be it. But you mentioned a detail that your dad is cutting you off in January, and if that HAPPENS while you are still using that is a situation that can turn ugly fast. You go out and rob someone, get shot, or just get yourself in trouble and go right back to prison for your 3rd time. Sometimes pressure needs to raised when stakes are high, sometimes calculated risks need to be taken.
I see you are at 55mg and I know you've been there since dec 1 or something. You say its gonna take time to sort out helpme/detox. You just need to understand how long this "process" has been going on and where this process is likely to end if you don't start focusing more on your behavoir and less on the irrelevant thoughts that go through your mind. You do a lot of worrying, but it almost seems like you choose to do that in compensating for a lack of behavoir. My entire point is if you focus more on your BEHAVOIR, the worrying will gradually begin to go away. Cause you surely bet I'd be worried too if I was in your position and not doing what I could to stop it. And your worrying often comes off as a sign that your still not making the right decisions, which you sometimes confess too (like doing dope/coke).
Please man, for the sake of your sanity and any future potential you may have in this world to be happy, just start making the right decisions now, and worry about those decisions later (which you won't if they were right is the point). If you relapse don't hide it, but don't expect us to casually ignore it either. The last thing I would do in my position is go out IVn coke. Maybe you broke down, maybe you thought it was some innocent bs but when I SEE YOU sticking needles in your arm, when you never have before, and mods are telling me to "deal with your process", I am bound to flip the script like some other members have. Stay away from coke, you WILL just add on another habit if you don't watch your behavoir like a hawk right now. I understand theres more of an association to dope, and you may relapse from time to time, but I also know your smart and above that bs. And when you use dope I think your secretly asking for a good hard kick in the ass from people who care.
Just continue to do your thing, and I'll try to not get banned so I can see you out of this shithole life a lot of us are going through. later man.
