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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Update on opiate journey..........

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Jake like I've said twice, it's in your hands brother.

I'm gonna go out and say that if you are anything like me in your opiate addiction the guilt you feel is truly the fact you can't seem to quit period. These are all sub connections to the real issue. Get to the bottom of why you use, sure, if you can - QUIT - and you will be able to appreciate how fresh out door air actually smells different now. You can begin to use the steps you have made in your life and actually apply them. I was stalled for a long ass time brother, and my own worst enemy was of course, myself. I left doors open just enough to creep back in. You need to cut that shit out period, get rid of your sources, more show up - fuck them - it's your life - want it more than opiates and you can have it back, with renewed value and without this guilt. I tell you this because I know for a fact it is possible.
Stay up take the constructive criticism in this thread for your own good - it's on your shoulders, and you are strong enough to end this cycle, do it now, or 30 years from now, how guilty will you feel then ? Do not be the old guy I've seen at detox saying what I just told you. You got it in you to achieve what it is you want, as long as the opiates are not with you.
 
Yes i did IV coke but i dont have an "IV Coke habit" becuse i did it once doesnt make it a habit................and yeah i have been sniffing it. i guess because i wanted something to get high and knew i wouldnt feel the D as much with the methadone blocking it......................
As far as the benzos are concerned i need them for anxiety so im way more worried about getting off opiates first.........Reason i wanted to get off clinic is that i HATE going there every day and i want to be off all opiates so i thought if i got 5 or so subs and waited a few days without takin the methadone i could switch to sub and be on it just long enough to get off it without any terrible withdrawal. yes i know i was on sub before and it didnt work but i didnt really want off opiates and now i do . So Bo just because it didnt work before does not mean its impossible to get off the clinic and then get clean from opiates with sub...................
I want to do that as well as stop the coke and start getting back into N.A. and working with a sponser and all that. Bo I know how messed up my posts sound but really do want to get clean , and that is why i got some subs , and i know longer i stayed on the meth the harder it would end up being to kick it...............i dont wanna be someone stuck on a meth clinic a long time and most ppl who get on meth rarely get off it in less than couple years...........since its only been about a month and a half on the clinic i figured i better get off it before it is too late, and since they are gonna make it take forever to taper down since they want to keep you on , i thought best thing to do is get a few subs, and get off the clinic myself...........also when im on methadone i know i can do dope on top of it , if i take a sub , i know i wont get high on dope that day , so i dont think i will end up that sick after using 5 subs to get clean...............
 
yeah that is why i dont see how stayin on the clinic is gonna be the best thing for me..............
 
I can't deal with you anymore and I'm not.

"So I don't think I will end up that sick after using 5 subs to get clean".

I'm not responding to that sentence with any form of reasoning and I have nothing left to say to you. You're a well intentioned kid but the truth is you are just extremely stupid. You can go to school and get As and Bs but when it comes to common sense it is 100% nonexistent in your life. Good luck getting clean with 5 subs.
 
Jake: after abusing opiates for 2 years it took me FOUR YEARS on Suboxone to get to a place where I was ready to get totally clean. I had nothing like the pattern of abuse and severity of drug use that you have.

You need to understand that getting clean and staying clean is painful and requires a fundamental shift in your approach to existence. From everything you've said in this thread, I don't think you're anywhere near ready to do make this shift. I'm certain you won't be able to do it with '5 Subs'.

You really are all over the place in the way you act and rationalise your drug use which indicates a chronic addiction problem. This isn't something you can beat in a couple of weeks. The point of maintenance isn't to prevent you from getting high - it's so you can get some structure into your life and give yourself a chance to re-evaluate your behaviour without the added stress of hanging out for a high. This is a healing process and not something that an addict can do rapidly with '5 subs'. It's sort of like packing your bags and moving to a third-world country where you don't know anyone. Do you think you could manage that shift in your life in one quick move and without a lot of support?

I appreciate that going to a clinic every day is a pain in the ass. For this reason, Suboxone may be a better idea. However, if you think you can do a quick taper and then somehow stay clean, you are deluding yourself. If you want to switch to Suboxone, do it properly and give yourself time to get some stability in your life. If you don't, I promise you'll end up back in this endless spiral.

On a different note, this money you've been getting from your trust fund seems to be a real problem. It's enabling you to live this crazy existence with enough comfort that you haven't had to make really tough decisions like 'do I get high or eat and pay the rent'. I think it's also a large contributor to your anxiety and depression because you are feeling guilty (even if only subconsciously) that you are using this cash to buy drugs. Guilt is a horrible, horrible burden. Maybe you need to talk to your dad in an 'intervention' style setting (possibly with a counsellor) when you finish college? Unless he's a total prick, he'll want you to get healthy and appreciate your honesty. Maybe then you can get rid of the underlying guilt/shame/stress of leading a double life and re-connect with your family? Support from my family has been essential in getting clean - this shit is not trivial and isn't something you can get through without a lot of help.

Good luck.
 
See that is one of the main problems.................my father is a total prick and would cut me off if he had any idea i was on the clinic................that is why i feel i have to get off it ASAP
I am confused how you say that no one ever gets off opiates with a quick kick.................
In rehab they give u subs for a few days and then stop them and ppl make it.................
Im just really scared and confused and dont know whats right or wrong and having to hide it from my family makes it even worse . If i could be honest with him and he was ok with me being on the clinic then i would stay on i think , but that isnt the case......................only way i am goin to have a chance to fix things with him is if i get clean , and that is why i feel like i have to do it and i cant go away to a rehab because he wouldnt help me pay for it either...............
 
I didn't say 'no one ever gets off opiates with a quick kick', I said that I really don't think you will be able to.

Look man, all I've got to go by is what you've posted in this thread and it all screams that you are not ready to stop using drugs. In your case, I really think the best alternative is maintenance so you can dig into the issues that are causing you to use drugs and more importantly get some stability and structure back into your life. You're in a spiral of destruction and you need to get stable and then get clean.
 
In rehab people have a structured environment and lots of support to help them deal with being clean. What are you going to have in place to support you through the urges to get high which will inevitably come?

Your lack of a concrete plan for dealing with that is one of the things which suggests that you haven't really thought this through - the people who succeed at rapid detox tend to have rigid schedules which they maintain for quite some time and strategies in place for dealing with the psychological aspects of no longer getting high.

You don't seem to have planned for dealing with shit without opiates, and you need some strategy for doing that whether it's meetings, counselling, groups, therapy, or something else or you're likely to fall right back into getting high on something as your means of coping the first time things get tough.

You're already about to lose the structure which college provides. It seems like the only other thing which provides any structure at all to your life right now is the clinic, so if you decide to dump it then you need to replace it with something else which gives your day some kind of structure.
 
jake99 said:
meetings ? a job ?
Click to expand...

A plan involves specific actions and times. "Get a job" is just an idea until you break it down into steps and allocate a time to them. Same with meetings - you need to make a detailed plan of how often, where and when.

You also need a plan for not doing some things. For instance you might decide that keeping in contact with people you've met at the clinic will not help you stay clean and cease contact with them. You might make yourself less accessible to people you've used with in the past.

You need a plan to deal with your depression/anxiety too - one which involves more than just taking medication for them. If you can't afford regular therapy for those issues, there are probably support groups in your area which meet regularly.

Most of all what you need to do is acknowledge your own agency regarding the issues in your life. You can't change them until you realise that they're not caused by factors beyond your control - that they are all things which you've created, promoted, or allowed in your life and that the solutions to them are not external.
 
jake99 said:
To HELP me PLEASE- Im assuming your joking about the plane ticket ?
................
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No, I am not joking about it Jake. You think very seriously about this and PM me your phone number if you are interested. You do know I'm old enough to be your mother so this is not a game. The opiates I take are strictly for pain and after 2 years of them I am weaning off and doing very well at it. You won't get so much as a beer in my house!
 
jake99 said:
See that is one of the main problems.................my father is a total prick and would cut me off if he had any idea i was on the clinic................that is why i feel i have to get off it ASAP
I am confused how you say that no one ever gets off opiates with a quick kick.................
In rehab they give u subs for a few days and then stop them and ppl make it.................
Im just really scared and confused and dont know whats right or wrong and having to hide it from my family makes it even worse . If i could be honest with him and he was ok with me being on the clinic then i would stay on i think , but that isnt the case......................only way i am goin to have a chance to fix things with him is if i get clean , and that is why i feel like i have to do it and i cant go away to a rehab because he wouldnt help me pay for it either...............
Click to expand...

Jake I don't know squat about rehab but I do know about family and being a parent! We get pissed at our kids when they fuck up. We get pissed when they drink, smoke, have sex for the first time, break curfew, make messes...etc. I can't remember all the shit because my kids are adults and thankfully they didn't give me a lot of grief. I've held the hands of friends as they went through the drug journey with their kids though.

Jake, you may think that telling your parents the truth will make them hate you or that your dad will cut you off. First off, he cannot take your money simply because he thinks you are being bad!!! He si simply there to invest it! That's all a trustee of an estate does. I know because I was a trust fund baby too. So was my own father!

Jake, your parent sknow something is wrong. I swear to you they do. We give you half our genes and that makes you half your mom and dad. I watch my own kids now and see that they are just like me and my husband. That's why we can feel things about our kids! We're part of each other Jake. They know something is up. That probably is why they act the way they do. Level with them Jake. They will breathe a sigh of relief. If you want to preface it with that they have to lsiten to you, not yell, not make threats, and maybe do it at your shrinks office! I suspect you need a backer :)

You're just going in circles sweetie. You have to stop that now. You have to grow up and make a life for yourself. You have to constantly seek help too in the form of therapists and meetings and changing who you associate with. You gotta a long way to my friend. There's no magic wand to wave or I'd be hitting you on the head with it and then hitting Bo on the ass with one too...

I want to help so badly Jake. We all do! I think your getting sober may be the kick that a bunch of people here need to get and stay clean too. You know...if Jake can do it after all he went through then I can too <3

I gotta sleep now but PM me your number and I'll call you.
 
jake I swear if you take advantage of this generous person offering to help you out of this jam I am personally going to kick your ass.
 
@HelpMePlease: protip - hide your shit securely if this plan goes ahead. I know as an addict that we can sniff out a stash like a dog sniffs out truffles.

No offence intended to anyone with this.
 
Bojangles69 said:
A year has passed and you have accomplished absolutely nothing.
First it was "I need paxil so I can taper off subs"
Then it was "I also need benzos on top of paxil to taper off subs"
Then it was "I'm on subs/paxil/benzos and can't stop either".
Then it was "Maybe if I start doing dope it'll make it easier to stop subs".
Then it was "Maybe if I just switch to methadone I can stop that".
And at some point I missed the excuse for the coke
And now its "Maybe if I do dope it'll help me get off methadone so I can go back on subs".
Click to expand...

Jake - Finish school then go to rehab, seriously. You need to get off all this shit. You are going to HAVE to go through withdrawals and PAWS and it wont be fun. There is no real way to make it that much easier. I think you should get off benzos too. I can just so predict loads of "I need to get off benzos, help" etc threads in the future if you do get off opiates.
Benzos are not meant to be taken long term anyway. Each day you take them you are prolonging the agony of coming off them. I mean do you really wanna be on benzos your whole life?
Getting off methadone is your number 1 priority, as you are right you could easily get stuck on that shit for life.

Seriously though, you remind me of me. And going to rehab was best decision I ever made in my life.
 
Well i was gonna just get off clinic and try kicking with 5 subs i have but i think i better at least wait until after i finish finals next week so i dont mess up school or my other option is i can piss dirty and they would admin detox me like 2 mg a day but that would take awhile anyway ? the prob with goin to rehab is havin to come clean with my family and getting cut off and also not being able to afford it since my insurance only covers 70 percent leaving it very expensive.......i tried goin to a detox in the hospital and they only would take ppl on medicaid not ppl with real insurance...........
but if im only on 55 mg maybe i can just wean down 5 mg every week or so and be off it in a couple months ? i have a feeling giong to subs wont work since i only got 5 and will wanna get high after theyre done............
 
jake if your parents are supporting their 29 year old "child" right now and they haven't cut you off already just because you're supposed to be a grown man nearing age 30.... I don't think they are considered "pricks" and doubt that they'll just leave you to fend for yourself if you tell them you need help cause you have a drug addiction.
Just saying!
 
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