well heres the problem . i DONT want the consquences of using but i am pretty sure if i dont have any opiates i am goin to not be able to stay clean. i also dont want to be stuk on the clinic a long time..................im really confused. guess at least i have the subs in case i can wean down to a low dose of meth then wait 2-3 days and use them to attempt to kick , but i dont wanna do that and then not be able to go back to clinic if it doesnt work . so i feel as if im stuck between rock and a hard place.........................
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Update on opiate journey..........
- Thread starter jake99
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Help me please
Bluelighter
^ Okay Jake. Finish the semester of school and then I'll send you a plane ticket to come to my house. You can go CT here and I'll take care of you. The thing is when it's all over with you need to level with your 'rents and tell them what you have been through. Then you need to take control of your life and move out and take responsibility for yourself. Sweeties I just can't get my head wrapped around you being 29 years old. I picture a 14 or 15 year old boy! I'm not trying to be mean to you Jake...you just need to quit allowing your mom and dad to control you and use your annuity/trust fund to make you do shit. I would say that your folks mean well and only do shit for your own good but since they have no clue what you are into then they are doing it to keep you codependent. Make them allow you to grow up Jake!
Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
Oh noozz here comes the suboxone. Jake you are going in circles here so fast you're gonna drill yourself straight to china. What in the world is your rationale now for going to subs? You went dope > subs > methadone and now you want to go back to sub?
What is sub going to do for you now that it obviously couldn't do before?
You seem to keep placing responsibility for your behavoir on whatever drug you take. Like if you're on a certain opiate for a month or 2, and can't stop using, you blame the opiates instead of blaming yourself. Then you wind up convincing yourself its just the opiate you're on, and if you switch to another one its somehow going to get easier.
First off, if you DO even try to switch from meth to sub, you sure as hell better wait at least 48hours minimum otherwise you're in for the worst trip of your life. Drs don't even recommend making that switch untill your down to 30mg, so being as though you're at 55 you'd prob still run into PWDs at 48 hours.
You have tramadol which is your only hope of making that switch as tram doesn't cause PWD with suboxone. And w/out that tram I'd be relatively confident you wouldn't be able to make the switch at all. If you do, stop the meth than take as much tram as you need to get to past 48 hours. I think aiming for 60 would be much smarter as meth has such a freaking long half life I've seen people hit PWD at 72 hours. So the longer the better.
But I have absolutely no idea what 55mg of methadone is = to. Even just 250mg of tram will hold me from a pretty large pod habit, but it might not hold you off the meth, and chances are you're gonna freak out and go right back to the meth.
I hate going from pods to sub and the half life of pods is less than half of methadone, but by the time I'm around hour 48 I'm in pretty bad wds and thats going to be a rough switch for you I think.
I like what HEMP offered & I'd even take a trip with you to do it together, although I really don't see that happening. But if I can't find the will power to get back on a proper taper, I've made up my mind that I'm planning a vacation. And I want to figure it out soon so I can tell my family when I'm leaving. I have no where to go but was planning on finding a local friends place to detox at. Although thats only if I can't taper again like I said.
At any rate bro I have never ever in my life seen someone talk so much about 1 thing, for so long, w/out doing much of anything at all about it. So whats the plan now? Switch to suboxone? NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE. It is NOT going to make 1 ounce of difference, especially if you plan on going to detox. If you planned on tapering I'd say yeh maybe its smart but whats the point if you're going to detox anyway? Or are you not now? Detox is going to give you meds to handle the wds, whether you're on sub or meth imo doesn't matter at all. You have to change your behavoir man, just because tramadol helped AOW does not means its going to help you. I think the only reason you have 60 left still is because you prob haven't even tried any yet, and the second you do bye bye tramadol. If I had tram right now I'd be using it to drop my pod dose because it is an awesome med for tapering with. You can cut your meth right in half, substitute the tram for 2 weeks, cut out the tram and be at half your dose of meth with almost no wds because tram does not delay wds.
But man I have absolutely no idea in the world why you wanna go back to sub now. You're just gonna wind up blowing more money on it and finding an excuse to go back to dope. Just STOP SWITCHING and stick to a plan for once. If you tell me you're getting it because you're using dope right now, and want the sub to stop that, then thats the only thing that would make sense to me, but you still used dope while you were on sub, so in the end its a total waste afaic.
Where are we gonna be 3 years from now? Are you gonna still be "planning" how you're gonna get clean? Talking about it is not gonna make it any easier, in fact it usually only makes it harder which is precisely the reason I try to shut up about it now. The more you talk about it w/out doing it the more you will learn to be helpless, the exact definition of learned helplessness.
Just stick to something man and go to detox when school is over, I know its hard but its really as hard as you make it... and you are making this shit extremely difficult for yourself.
What is sub going to do for you now that it obviously couldn't do before?
You seem to keep placing responsibility for your behavoir on whatever drug you take. Like if you're on a certain opiate for a month or 2, and can't stop using, you blame the opiates instead of blaming yourself. Then you wind up convincing yourself its just the opiate you're on, and if you switch to another one its somehow going to get easier.
First off, if you DO even try to switch from meth to sub, you sure as hell better wait at least 48hours minimum otherwise you're in for the worst trip of your life. Drs don't even recommend making that switch untill your down to 30mg, so being as though you're at 55 you'd prob still run into PWDs at 48 hours.
You have tramadol which is your only hope of making that switch as tram doesn't cause PWD with suboxone. And w/out that tram I'd be relatively confident you wouldn't be able to make the switch at all. If you do, stop the meth than take as much tram as you need to get to past 48 hours. I think aiming for 60 would be much smarter as meth has such a freaking long half life I've seen people hit PWD at 72 hours. So the longer the better.
But I have absolutely no idea what 55mg of methadone is = to. Even just 250mg of tram will hold me from a pretty large pod habit, but it might not hold you off the meth, and chances are you're gonna freak out and go right back to the meth.
I hate going from pods to sub and the half life of pods is less than half of methadone, but by the time I'm around hour 48 I'm in pretty bad wds and thats going to be a rough switch for you I think.
I like what HEMP offered & I'd even take a trip with you to do it together, although I really don't see that happening. But if I can't find the will power to get back on a proper taper, I've made up my mind that I'm planning a vacation. And I want to figure it out soon so I can tell my family when I'm leaving. I have no where to go but was planning on finding a local friends place to detox at. Although thats only if I can't taper again like I said.
At any rate bro I have never ever in my life seen someone talk so much about 1 thing, for so long, w/out doing much of anything at all about it. So whats the plan now? Switch to suboxone? NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE. It is NOT going to make 1 ounce of difference, especially if you plan on going to detox. If you planned on tapering I'd say yeh maybe its smart but whats the point if you're going to detox anyway? Or are you not now? Detox is going to give you meds to handle the wds, whether you're on sub or meth imo doesn't matter at all. You have to change your behavoir man, just because tramadol helped AOW does not means its going to help you. I think the only reason you have 60 left still is because you prob haven't even tried any yet, and the second you do bye bye tramadol. If I had tram right now I'd be using it to drop my pod dose because it is an awesome med for tapering with. You can cut your meth right in half, substitute the tram for 2 weeks, cut out the tram and be at half your dose of meth with almost no wds because tram does not delay wds.
But man I have absolutely no idea in the world why you wanna go back to sub now. You're just gonna wind up blowing more money on it and finding an excuse to go back to dope. Just STOP SWITCHING and stick to a plan for once. If you tell me you're getting it because you're using dope right now, and want the sub to stop that, then thats the only thing that would make sense to me, but you still used dope while you were on sub, so in the end its a total waste afaic.
Where are we gonna be 3 years from now? Are you gonna still be "planning" how you're gonna get clean? Talking about it is not gonna make it any easier, in fact it usually only makes it harder which is precisely the reason I try to shut up about it now. The more you talk about it w/out doing it the more you will learn to be helpless, the exact definition of learned helplessness.
Just stick to something man and go to detox when school is over, I know its hard but its really as hard as you make it... and you are making this shit extremely difficult for yourself.
villian
Bluelighter
I don't see why you are in such a hurry to get off methadone when you are just going to go right back to dope.. you are doing dope on the methadone why would you stop when you are off?
I think the only way you are ever going to quit is going to an inpatient detox. I've been following your threads the entire time you have been posting on this site and it is plainly obvious you are never going to be able to taper your self. You don't seem like you are anywhere near ready to get clean.
When you first started posting about getting clean you only had opiate habits. Since then you have managed to add a benzo habit and now a coke habit as well. You are doing more drugs then when you first started posting.
I think your only chance is to detox and maybe when you have a little clean time under your belt it will be easier for you. You are so terrified of being dope sick though until you have some clean time under your belt you are going to keep using. People can predict your posts before you even make them man..
I think the only way you are ever going to quit is going to an inpatient detox. I've been following your threads the entire time you have been posting on this site and it is plainly obvious you are never going to be able to taper your self. You don't seem like you are anywhere near ready to get clean.
When you first started posting about getting clean you only had opiate habits. Since then you have managed to add a benzo habit and now a coke habit as well. You are doing more drugs then when you first started posting.
I think your only chance is to detox and maybe when you have a little clean time under your belt it will be easier for you. You are so terrified of being dope sick though until you have some clean time under your belt you are going to keep using. People can predict your posts before you even make them man..
you aint just gonna magically end up on the clinic for 50 years yo. You do actually have a choice of getting off.
For it to WORK, you need to be on it as long as necessary to stabilize your shit.
Once your life is in order you start to taper down if you want to get off.
Personally i dont see a damn thing wrong with bein on methadone forever. Shit dont bother me. It works for me, I like it. Im happy on it. So im cool with bein on it.
Its always somethin else to be scared of yo, now its that you diont wanna be on the clinic forever. You aint gotta be. the shit is up to YOU yo. it aint just gonna take over you and force you at gunpoint to stay on it. you are way too worried about all the "wat ifs".
You didnt seem to be too worried about the shit that might happen when you used everyday and you didnt say "oh well i dont wanna do dope becuz wat if i get addicted?if i get in trouble? etc."
but now that you gettin clean, you on some wat if shit all over the place. And its all stuff to keep you from gettitn clean. all these reasons and excuses of oh well wat if my dad finds out wat if i stay oin it too long wat if this wat if that....
you are making obstacles in your own path yo...
For it to WORK, you need to be on it as long as necessary to stabilize your shit.
Once your life is in order you start to taper down if you want to get off.
Personally i dont see a damn thing wrong with bein on methadone forever. Shit dont bother me. It works for me, I like it. Im happy on it. So im cool with bein on it.
Its always somethin else to be scared of yo, now its that you diont wanna be on the clinic forever. You aint gotta be. the shit is up to YOU yo. it aint just gonna take over you and force you at gunpoint to stay on it. you are way too worried about all the "wat ifs".
You didnt seem to be too worried about the shit that might happen when you used everyday and you didnt say "oh well i dont wanna do dope becuz wat if i get addicted?if i get in trouble? etc."
but now that you gettin clean, you on some wat if shit all over the place. And its all stuff to keep you from gettitn clean. all these reasons and excuses of oh well wat if my dad finds out wat if i stay oin it too long wat if this wat if that....
you are making obstacles in your own path yo...
Lolie
Bluelighter
^^^
My perception is that Jake's looking for some kind of holy grail which will ensure that not only doesn't he suffer any physical discomfort getting clean, but that he never has the desire to get high again once he's clean.
If his only issue was opiate use then medium term residential rehab and a naltrexone implant night be an option which gave him time to stabilise his life and make the changes which staying clean requires, but as things stand right now I suspect that the psychological desire to get high on something is likely to over-ride everything else no matter how well controlled his physical dependence is.
Finishing college is also going to leave you with more free time Jake - you're the one who's going to have to choose whether you spend that free time getting away from drugs and the people who enable your use or getting sucked further into the vortex.
My perception is that Jake's looking for some kind of holy grail which will ensure that not only doesn't he suffer any physical discomfort getting clean, but that he never has the desire to get high again once he's clean.
If his only issue was opiate use then medium term residential rehab and a naltrexone implant night be an option which gave him time to stabilise his life and make the changes which staying clean requires, but as things stand right now I suspect that the psychological desire to get high on something is likely to over-ride everything else no matter how well controlled his physical dependence is.
Finishing college is also going to leave you with more free time Jake - you're the one who's going to have to choose whether you spend that free time getting away from drugs and the people who enable your use or getting sucked further into the vortex.
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To HELP me PLEASE- Im assuming your joking about the plane ticket ?
to BO- I havent tried TRamadol because i read taking it on methadone can send you into seizures..................
to Lolie- You are right , i use to self medicate my depression
WEll the plan was to not take my take home today , do like 3 bags of dope , then not go to clinic to dose tmrw and do 3 more bags of D, then the next day try a sub and see if it works.............(that would be 72 hours if i last dosed meth on satrurday , then waited until tuesday to try a sub) But problem is if i miss the clinic monday and tuesday , and the sub doesnt seem to help and i wanna stay on clinic , when i go back on wenesday ill have my dose cut in half for missing 2 days) So i thought about it , and i think what i should do is wait until my finals are over which is only less than 2 weeks , and then if i wanna try gettin off clinic and doin the sub thing i can.............I really just want to be off opiates for good and feel like methadone is worse thing i can do to stay on , but if i could stay away from D i guess it wouldnt be.................
to BO- I havent tried TRamadol because i read taking it on methadone can send you into seizures..................
to Lolie- You are right , i use to self medicate my depression
WEll the plan was to not take my take home today , do like 3 bags of dope , then not go to clinic to dose tmrw and do 3 more bags of D, then the next day try a sub and see if it works.............(that would be 72 hours if i last dosed meth on satrurday , then waited until tuesday to try a sub) But problem is if i miss the clinic monday and tuesday , and the sub doesnt seem to help and i wanna stay on clinic , when i go back on wenesday ill have my dose cut in half for missing 2 days) So i thought about it , and i think what i should do is wait until my finals are over which is only less than 2 weeks , and then if i wanna try gettin off clinic and doin the sub thing i can.............I really just want to be off opiates for good and feel like methadone is worse thing i can do to stay on , but if i could stay away from D i guess it wouldnt be.................
Lolie
Bluelighter
I think waiting until your finals are over to adopt a new plan is the most rational thing to do. Then you can look at your options for getting off opiates altogether and finding other ways to deal with your depression.
Another two weeks on methadone isn't going to make coming off it substantially more difficult, and if you decide to try rapid detoxing with subs after that then at least you're not risking fucking up your finals. Plus it gives you a little extra time to organise the support that you're going to need when you try to kick (it sounds like most of your social contacts are people who also use so it's probably best if you're not around them during the time that you're trying to kick alone).
Another two weeks on methadone isn't going to make coming off it substantially more difficult, and if you decide to try rapid detoxing with subs after that then at least you're not risking fucking up your finals. Plus it gives you a little extra time to organise the support that you're going to need when you try to kick (it sounds like most of your social contacts are people who also use so it's probably best if you're not around them during the time that you're trying to kick alone).
*=Regulator=*
Bluelighter
I 100% agree - it's called rehab!
@Jake: if you've only got a couple of weeks of college left, just stay on the Methadone and then worry about your next step. It really sounds like you want to switch to Suboxone so you can:
1 - Use more dope during the transition from Methadone to Suboxone, which to be blunt, is a fucking terrible idea
2 - Switch things up in the hope of getting a better high out of your maintenance drug
3 - (maybe) make the switch to Suboxone so you can keep using dope every now and then
I went through this shit for four years. I know it's a cliche but nothing worked for me until I really wanted to get my shit together and stop using drugs to cope with my problems. It doesn't sound like you're anywhere near that point yet.
The only real 'solution' I can see for you at the moment is to pick ONE maintenance drug and stay on it until you know you are ready to change things up. Otherwise, I think it will be the same back and forth shit until you bottom out.
All this comes with love and empathy from the point-of-view of someone who's been there before.
Good luck!
villian
Bluelighter
agree wholeheartedly
like everyone else said jake, just stay on the methadone until you are done with school. a couple weeks isn't shit.
you do need to give a lot of thought to what you are going to do after school is done. saying you are going to quit opiates is fine, but do you really see your self living day to day sober next month?
Lolie
Bluelighter
Knocking off the coke would probably be a good idea too. You seem almost determined to talk yourself into having a problem with any drug you discover you like and trading an opiate habit for an IV coke habit sounds like a terrible idea to me.
i know your all right. only other idea i have is this
i dosed methadone sat morning and havent since (its sunday night) , if i skip the clinic tmrw , then tues morning (72 hrs after dosing meth) i could try a sub and see how it feels ...................if it actually helped and i felt like i could possibly use the 5 i have to get wean , then i wont have to stay on methadone ............if i take it and it doesnt feel like it is going to work for me ,you can go back on methadone anytime after taking suboxone so i could go right back to clinic..............honestly i see where you are all coming from , but i dont think anyone is looking at the fact that methadone is probably the HARDEST opiate to get off of , its a real pain having to drive there EVERy morning, and why make it harder and stay on the meth when ive only been on it a short time and could get out now before i become one of these ppl that gets stuk at the meth clinic for years of their life, a slave to it ?
i dosed methadone sat morning and havent since (its sunday night) , if i skip the clinic tmrw , then tues morning (72 hrs after dosing meth) i could try a sub and see how it feels ...................if it actually helped and i felt like i could possibly use the 5 i have to get wean , then i wont have to stay on methadone ............if i take it and it doesnt feel like it is going to work for me ,you can go back on methadone anytime after taking suboxone so i could go right back to clinic..............honestly i see where you are all coming from , but i dont think anyone is looking at the fact that methadone is probably the HARDEST opiate to get off of , its a real pain having to drive there EVERy morning, and why make it harder and stay on the meth when ive only been on it a short time and could get out now before i become one of these ppl that gets stuk at the meth clinic for years of their life, a slave to it ?
stuckinaloop
Bluelighter
I wish you the best of luck. Just make sure you haven't used H is atleast 24 hours before dosing meth.
The 72 hour wait won't count if you using other opiates.
The 72 hour wait won't count if you using other opiates.
read most of the long 2nd post lacey and i feel u totally . you are right. i dont know what is up with me . i wanna be clean and i aint doin any work for it . if i told u my latest idea youd think im totally nuts so i dont think i will but i am gonna be on later and ill read rest of that post . i appreciate it a lot and i agree with u , im not sure why i am how i am
Lolie
Bluelighter
What is your plan for when you've finished the subs that you have? How are you going to keep the urge to get high at bay then? Are you going to find a sub doctor or are you just going to buy subs on the street when you can afford it and suffer the rest of the time?
The reason people are suggesting some kind of maintenance for the time being is that your life doesn't seem to be currently structured in a way that would support you staying clean, and your previous threads indicate that the mental aspect of not using is a huge obstacle for you.
At least being on a maintenance programme short-term - if you're not going to do rehab now - would allow you time to put in place the things that you're going to need to help you stay sane and clean after you kick. If you're not going to go to rehab, then you need to organise something else which will provide many of the same things which rehab does - strategies for getting past the urge to use, changing your thinking, adopting new behaviours, etc.
The reason people are suggesting some kind of maintenance for the time being is that your life doesn't seem to be currently structured in a way that would support you staying clean, and your previous threads indicate that the mental aspect of not using is a huge obstacle for you.
At least being on a maintenance programme short-term - if you're not going to do rehab now - would allow you time to put in place the things that you're going to need to help you stay sane and clean after you kick. If you're not going to go to rehab, then you need to organise something else which will provide many of the same things which rehab does - strategies for getting past the urge to use, changing your thinking, adopting new behaviours, etc.
Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
"IV coke habit"?! Are you kidding me? When did this happen?
Jake are you slamming coke now? This thread really is a joke I didnt even read that part. Bro you are a drug addict pure and simple and I see absolutely no intention of you stopping any of this shit at any point.
You can want sobriety all you want, you can blow smoke up our asses till the cows come home, but I really do not think a single person in this thread is taking you seriously. Its almost impossible to take anything you say seriously anymore.
How long can this thread really go on for? I don't like putting you on the spot man but if you do not do SOMETHING come the end of school I am asking mods to lock this thread. STOP talking about "weaning" yourself off sub, its NOT happening you ALREADY TRIED THAT did you forget lol? I can't even believe we're back on the weaning sub topic we were just there 6 months ago.
ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE in this attempt of yours to "get clean" is take on not only a benzo habit but now an iv coke habit too (and methadone). You are going in absolute reverse and I have no idea why you are so blind to that fact.
1 year ago you were on sub and doing pretty well as far as I was concerned. You were avoiding dope, and seemed at least somewhat stable.
A year has passed and you have accomplished absolutely nothing.
First it was "I need paxil so I can taper off subs"
Then it was "I also need benzos on top of paxil to taper off subs"
Then it was "I'm on subs/paxil/benzos and can't stop either".
Then it was "Maybe if I start doing dope it'll make it easier to stop subs".
Then it was "Maybe if I just switch to methadone I can stop that".
And at some point I missed the excuse for the coke
And now its "Maybe if I do dope it'll help me get off methadone so I can go back on subs".
I'm telling you this once and for all, your problem is not drugs, your problem is you have no idea what the word "accountable" means. I mentioned 1 time 1 week ago that I'm serious about getting clean now. I've managed to get down 35gms, and although I've hit a bit of a wall I realize all I need to do is stablize for a few days so I can resume dropping again. The logic is simple, its not "maybe if I switch to drug x it'll make getting off drug y & z easier", its "stick to drug x and get the fuck OFF it".
I'm glad you didn't try the dope thing because at least you were able to see what a failed idea that was. But all sub is going to do is give you more excuse to use, I already see it right now "I don't know guys I don't like the way sub makes me feel (aka I'm not getting high anymore) I wanna get off this maybe if I do dope it'll help me get off faster". We ALREADY KNOW your next step man.
What I don't know however, is what possible excuse you will devise for when 2weeks pass and people are expecting you to go to detox. Whats the excuse then? You might as well just tell us now. Maybe your insurance will run out the day before? Maybe you'll get this fear out of nowhere that your parents might find out? Whatever it is, I just do not see you walking into detox and admitting yourself. Because detox = no more dope, no more methadone, and likely no more benzos as well because the drs will see no reason for you to be on it (which was the same thing they did to me) and hmmm .. maybe THAT will be your excuse not to sign in. I'm gonna start running raffles on who can guess the next Jake excuse cause I could make a fortune off this randomness you've created.
I really really really hope you go to detox in 2 weeks... I REALLY do. I hope I'm wrong and you don't even come here and post about it but just go walk right through those doors. But being as though I also believe you have no idea what the word accountable means, I think somehow, someway you will find something to blame, a drug, a person, anything but yourself, and that will be your new reason to fail yet another plan.
PLEASE prove me wrong, please please. If I have to come back here in 2 weeks and read another excuse of why you're not getting clean, I'm done posting my thoughts, I'm done giving you advice, and if you think my demeanor towards you now is bad... I'll likely get banned in 2 weeks for what my response is going to be. This is not a threat, its not an ultimadum. This is YOU TELLING US you want to get clean. We've already heard 10 million excuses, and if you DON'T get clean in 2 weeks I'm done with this shit for good. With that, g/luck.
Jake are you slamming coke now? This thread really is a joke I didnt even read that part. Bro you are a drug addict pure and simple and I see absolutely no intention of you stopping any of this shit at any point.
You can want sobriety all you want, you can blow smoke up our asses till the cows come home, but I really do not think a single person in this thread is taking you seriously. Its almost impossible to take anything you say seriously anymore.
How long can this thread really go on for? I don't like putting you on the spot man but if you do not do SOMETHING come the end of school I am asking mods to lock this thread. STOP talking about "weaning" yourself off sub, its NOT happening you ALREADY TRIED THAT did you forget lol? I can't even believe we're back on the weaning sub topic we were just there 6 months ago.
ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE in this attempt of yours to "get clean" is take on not only a benzo habit but now an iv coke habit too (and methadone). You are going in absolute reverse and I have no idea why you are so blind to that fact.
1 year ago you were on sub and doing pretty well as far as I was concerned. You were avoiding dope, and seemed at least somewhat stable.
A year has passed and you have accomplished absolutely nothing.
First it was "I need paxil so I can taper off subs"
Then it was "I also need benzos on top of paxil to taper off subs"
Then it was "I'm on subs/paxil/benzos and can't stop either".
Then it was "Maybe if I start doing dope it'll make it easier to stop subs".
Then it was "Maybe if I just switch to methadone I can stop that".
And at some point I missed the excuse for the coke
And now its "Maybe if I do dope it'll help me get off methadone so I can go back on subs".
I'm telling you this once and for all, your problem is not drugs, your problem is you have no idea what the word "accountable" means. I mentioned 1 time 1 week ago that I'm serious about getting clean now. I've managed to get down 35gms, and although I've hit a bit of a wall I realize all I need to do is stablize for a few days so I can resume dropping again. The logic is simple, its not "maybe if I switch to drug x it'll make getting off drug y & z easier", its "stick to drug x and get the fuck OFF it".
I'm glad you didn't try the dope thing because at least you were able to see what a failed idea that was. But all sub is going to do is give you more excuse to use, I already see it right now "I don't know guys I don't like the way sub makes me feel (aka I'm not getting high anymore) I wanna get off this maybe if I do dope it'll help me get off faster". We ALREADY KNOW your next step man.
What I don't know however, is what possible excuse you will devise for when 2weeks pass and people are expecting you to go to detox. Whats the excuse then? You might as well just tell us now. Maybe your insurance will run out the day before? Maybe you'll get this fear out of nowhere that your parents might find out? Whatever it is, I just do not see you walking into detox and admitting yourself. Because detox = no more dope, no more methadone, and likely no more benzos as well because the drs will see no reason for you to be on it (which was the same thing they did to me) and hmmm .. maybe THAT will be your excuse not to sign in. I'm gonna start running raffles on who can guess the next Jake excuse cause I could make a fortune off this randomness you've created.
I really really really hope you go to detox in 2 weeks... I REALLY do. I hope I'm wrong and you don't even come here and post about it but just go walk right through those doors. But being as though I also believe you have no idea what the word accountable means, I think somehow, someway you will find something to blame, a drug, a person, anything but yourself, and that will be your new reason to fail yet another plan.
PLEASE prove me wrong, please please. If I have to come back here in 2 weeks and read another excuse of why you're not getting clean, I'm done posting my thoughts, I'm done giving you advice, and if you think my demeanor towards you now is bad... I'll likely get banned in 2 weeks for what my response is going to be. This is not a threat, its not an ultimadum. This is YOU TELLING US you want to get clean. We've already heard 10 million excuses, and if you DON'T get clean in 2 weeks I'm done with this shit for good. With that, g/luck.
Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
By "maintenance program" I hope you mean something intensive because I agree that is the ONLY way I see him staying clean.
Even if he goes into detox in 2 weeks the second he gets out he is likely going right back to drugs.
But I also want to mention that he IS on a maintenance program right now, isn't he? The meth clinic? Its obviously doing shit for him and I think the reason why is because he is still on drugs. With all the drugs he's doing his apathy towards life has to be so high that I really don't see him succeeding on a substitute type program like meth or suboxone.
He needs to get off the opiates so he can feel anxiety and discontent, because thats exactly what will motivate him into recovery. But I just do not see him working any type of rehab program while hes still using. I know that for me I'm the type of person who has to detox first, THEN go to rehab. Rehab has to be done for me completely sober otherwise rehab never even happened.
Thats why I agree with the maintenance program, but not the type he's already on. There is no way he's just going to up and change his behavoir while hes still using ANY type of substitue opiate. Every opiate he has ever been on has a wikid association to chaos and dope abuse. And as long as he's on ANY opiate I feel he'll have an excuse to keep fucking up.
I think his only way of succeeding at this is 2 things.
Go to detox in 2 weeks and get off EVERYTHING.
Your last few days at detox a social worker will help you devise what type
of rehab you want to do. Do an intensive outpatient program as I don't see you doing inpatient due to family excuses. Do NA while you're in the program, stay that course for as long as you possibly can and keep your fingers crossed.
But if its any type of maitenance program like sub or methadone thats a recipe for disaster and I do not see him getting clean one bit. Just my opinion on the matter.
Lolie
Bluelighter
From this post in the other thread :
http://bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=9067463&postcount=32
It's Jake himself who says coke is now a problem. It seems to be a "problem" only because he now likes coke and didn't before, which is what I meant about talking himself into having a problem with any drug he tries and likes.
His thread about IVing coke is here.
http://bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=539970
http://bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=9067463&postcount=32
Jake said:
It's Jake himself who says coke is now a problem. It seems to be a "problem" only because he now likes coke and didn't before, which is what I meant about talking himself into having a problem with any drug he tries and likes.
His thread about IVing coke is here.
http://bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=539970
Lolie
Bluelighter
Yeah, I was thinking of something extremely intensive which provides support for many months. Long-term fully residential (such programmes here last from 15 months to 2 years) would be ideal but it ain't going to happen.
Perhaps there's some kind of half-way house option which could be combined with intensive outpatient therapy.
One thing that is certain is that there's no way to get and stay clean without effort. There is no magic sobriety pill.
Perhaps there's some kind of half-way house option which could be combined with intensive outpatient therapy.
One thing that is certain is that there's no way to get and stay clean without effort. There is no magic sobriety pill.
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