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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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Ixchellian said:
you're good with vectors? I wanna see. :)
there's a decent market for graphic/cgi-artists/producers.... the whole world 'round. everyone & everything business is going online, and that means you could go everywhere.
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I'd say tangent is the most important aspect(Or Angle) of vector calculus in vector graphics, but for some reason my reply to you was deleted, so i end the teaching lessons now to this.

Try highschool long mathematics teaching books with computer for more information...

And yes, i could go to anywhere soon now, as to this site too, when parole is over, in next two months...
 
i thought this was about suicide...life seems so meaningless i cant comprehend interpersonal relationships everything in "life" feels like a facade. Im miserable getting high, im miseralbe getting sober, their is no even median. I was hospitized the first time at 8 years old for suicide attenpt. im an iv opiate addict and times a death shot screams appeal. im not at serous risk of completing the controversial deed, however the thoughts haunt more often then they should.. wamted to get those brief thoughts off my chest
 
Hi hedon, this thread is definitely about suicide so you've come to the right place. You can continue to post your thoughts in here or alternatively please feel free to PM me or any of the Dark Side moderators if you wish to discuss what you're going through in private.
Are you currently, or have you ever seen a therapist about your depression? Are you on any medications for it?
There are a lot of people here who have been in the same dark place that you're in so there's a lot of support for you here. Please take care of yourself <3
 
hedon said:
i thought this was about suicide...life seems so meaningless i cant comprehend interpersonal relationships everything in "life" feels like a facade. Im miserable getting high, im miseralbe getting sober, their is no even median. I was hospitized the first time at 8 years old for suicide attenpt. im an iv opiate addict and times a death shot screams appeal. im not at serous risk of completing the controversial deed, however the thoughts haunt more often then they should.. wamted to get those brief thoughts off my chest
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Have you tried maintenance therapy aka opiate replacement therapy?

I am sorry to hear you feel so down and I hope things are looking up for you in the future.
 
thanks for the kind words...n3ophy7e: been to therapy since im 5 stopped a few years ago in my opinion and experience its trusting opinions from a stranger who only has the information given by himself theres no way he can have an informed opinion because he only hears my thoughts, and chances are my thoughts are skewed and will never reveal 100 percent of myself

CaptainHeroin: well, i havent officialy tried it but i do have a fair amount of subutex, however i find it does not curb my gut wrenching physicaly painful cravings to get high, just negates physical ailments, im not sure if there is a solution for me i believe im mildly bi-polar (extreme lows, slight and few manias) as well as dysthymic im sure this is common amongst addicts just feels helpless. thanks for the support guys
 
I know its obvious but the worse your mental health was before/after you started drugs the harder it is to not give in to drug cravings. Every time ive stopped and wdrawn of Heroin i usually become suicidally depressed and think whats the point of staying of drugs when im gonna die soon or the mental agony sober is just too much.
I used to envy people at A.A./N.A. meetings who gave up booze/drugs and could then get on with their lives within a year or so, once the drugs/drink cycle of abuse was taken away ,they were fairly normal + stable got wife , job, etc..Me im suicidal on drugs and hate myself , when im off them about the same just a slightly different form of misery.
 
hedon said:
thanks for the kind words...n3ophy7e: been to therapy since im 5 stopped a few years ago in my opinion and experience its trusting opinions from a stranger who only has the information given by himself theres no way he can have an informed opinion because he only hears my thoughts, and chances are my thoughts are skewed and will never reveal 100 percent of myself

CaptainHeroin: well, i havent officialy tried it but i do have a fair amount of subutex, however i find it does not curb my gut wrenching physicaly painful cravings to get high, just negates physical ailments, im not sure if there is a solution for me i believe im mildly bi-polar (extreme lows, slight and few manias) as well as dysthymic im sure this is common amongst addicts just feels helpless. thanks for the support guys
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Hey Hedon,

May I ask, is your desire to kill yourself directly related to your narcotic addiction? As in - is it the drugs that are the problem? Or is your depression based completely independantly from your opiate addiction - and instead in some personal trauma?

The reason I ask is because if it is the frugs that are causing your suicidal feelings - then I have a lot to say that I think might help - at least as regards your personal self image.

There are some things that I am not ready to expose in an open forum, but if you PM me, I'll try and explain how I see things - I believe it's a healthy perspective.

I am very big on the philosophy that says that Addicts are not bad people, and there is nothing 'wrong' with you because you are one. We should never have to feel small or belittled in the eyes of any other human. We should never have to apologize for being what we are - as long as we conduct ourselves responsibly. No-one should be judged on the chemical makeup of their brians - it is serious discrimination.

TMP
 
DONNIE---my thoughtS ARE extremely similar, i dont get how aa/na is so miraculous for some people and i too envy them, in my opinion (and thats just it) i believe the whole aa thing is based entirely on a belief in false hope, that a higher power is watching over and regulating the world. if you can bring yourself to find truth in that it will work, if not it is worthless
MERRY---thanks you for your concern and attempt however i think you mis-comprehended my post, however if you still would like to PM me i am always open and curious to different philosphies and trains of thought

thanks
 
hedon said:
DONNIE---my thoughtS ARE extremely similar, i dont get how aa/na is so miraculous for some people and i too envy them, in my opinion (and thats just it) i believe the whole aa thing is based entirely on a belief in false hope, that a higher power is watching over and regulating the world. if you can bring yourself to find truth in that it will work, if not it is worthless
MERRY---thanks you for your concern and attempt however i think you mis-comprehended my post, however if you still would like to PM me i am always open and curious to different philosphies and trains of thought

thanks
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I was just jumping in. I didn;t so much misunderstand as was asking for clarification. As for the AA thing (what you said above) - I agree. it's like a religion. Accept Jesus into your heart and he will deliver ye from the darkness and into the light of sobriety...

I've got way more out of BlueLight than any reform-yourself-support-groups.

tmp
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I hate to be the bearer of bad news (which is actually good news, you'll just take this as bad news...) but if 3.6g of pseudoephedrine didn't kill you the first time, why do you think it will happen the second time?

I have hypertension so I am sure that amount would kill me (one tablet of pseudoephedrine and my BP is 170+ over 100+) but it's not worth enduring that amount of uncomfortable CNS stimulation, accompanied with the anxiety/erratic nature of stimulants!

Have you tried talking to friends/family about the way you feel? If you are seriously still considering taking the pseudoephedrine, why don't you just check yourself into the hospital for a while?

Please reconsider the value of your own life.
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i did take that 3.6grams of pseudoephedrine nothing happened. i tried talking to friends and family. i guess they are not taking me seriously. i cant find why im suicidal. my friends and fam thinks by having a good job dat pay 85K per year i should have no reason to be feelin this way. recently i went to the hospital due to a caffeine overdose i didn't tell em i tried to kill my self. the doctors said i had a panic attack due to stress. today i took 7g of pseudo i did have some weird heart beating, difficulty urinating, insomia, hungry but wont eat cant explain. idk im gettin tired not too sure what to do. im more frustrated than i was before.
 
retardarse said:
i did take that 3.6grams of pseudoephedrine nothing happened. i tried talking to friends and family. i guess they are not taking me seriously. i cant find why im suicidal. my friends and fam thinks by having a good job dat pay 85K per year i should have no reason to be feelin this way. recently i went to the hospital due to a caffeine overdose i didn't tell em i tried to kill my self. the doctors said i had a panic attack due to stress. today i took 7g of pseudo i did have some weird heart beating, difficulty urinating, insomia, hungry but wont eat cant explain. idk im gettin tired not too sure what to do. im more frustrated than i was before.
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I think it might be worth it to visit a psychiatrist.

I wanted to say congratulations on having a job that pays 85 grand a year though!

I hope you are feeling better later on.
 
Vincent you are not alone, we are all here for you man. You're going to be okay <3
Why are you feeling suicidal? How long have you been feeling like this?
 
The one time I ever seriously attempted suicide, heart stopped, in a coma for a week attempted suicide- it was because a girl I liked told me I should.

The first girl I ever let move in with me (who immediately started fucking all my friends) just raised a very good argument to give it another shot.

can't say i see a whole lot of reason to not let history repeat itself

:*(
 
^Because while you feel that life is shitting on you now- it can all change in an instant.
Things can go for bad to amazing in no time.....and just as you met this last girl who happened to be a dud, you can meet another, who may just be the love of your life.
Don't give up. Life CAN be beautiful. <3
 
Dragonfyr, please don't let girls dictate your life. I know it hurts when you've been betrayed and when you find out things weren't as they seemed. But these feelings will pass and you will find new love and you will be happy. Most people get their hearts stomped on at some point in their lives, but it makes you a stronger person. You WILL feel better with time. Please hang in there <3
 
ocean said:
^Because while you feel that life is shitting on you now- it can all change in an instant.
Things can go for bad to amazing in no time.....and just as you met this last girl who happened to be a dud, you can meet another, who may just be the love of your life.
Don't give up. Life CAN be beautiful. <3[/



And the next will just hurt me more than the last. It's a pattern. Like an exponentially growing roller coaster. The good gets better, the worse sinks deeper. I've met three 'loves of my life'. and here i am. 10 years older and nothing to show for it accept a lot of scars and fear. Life IS beautiful. But our society doesn't grant us all equal access. I'm either gonna go Walden or go to Wal-Mart to buy a shot gun... well that's a lie, I know way too much about drugs to not exit along those lines. My previous shot in the dark with 180 phenobarbitals 40 perc 10's and 45 800mg IBUs sure did the trick, and I didn't know dick then - nembutal martinis for everyone!


really though. I don't know what I'm doing. Whatever happens, you guys are sure to get the full story from 'friends' who are privy
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n3ophy7e said:
Dragonfyr, please don't let girls dictate your life. I know it hurts when you've been betrayed and when you find out things weren't as they seemed. But these feelings will pass and you will find new love and you will be happy. Most people get their hearts stomped on at some point in their lives, but it makes you a stronger person. You WILL feel better with time. Please hang in there <3
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I'm tired of growing 'stronger'. For what? All you would need to grow stronger for is to better handle future failure and betrayal. When does it end?



Girls have always dictated my life. Don't try to act like you don't know you bitches run the world. We are nothing without you.

i quit i think?


She called and told me she secretly had an abortion. I .. I don't even know what to think here. I can't even know for sure if it was mine since she is such a slut, but....... wtf.. She might have killed my kid without even asking what I thought


w.t.F??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I QUIT
 
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