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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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@DV" Imagine yourself lying dead in a coffin. Don't you think (if you could be conscious in there) that at some point you would think of something you would want to do, don't you think you would regret stealing your own future from yourself? "


We all end up in a coffin regardless, i dont regard human life that much tbh and for the last 13 years or so ive wasted mine and spent maybe 90% of my time indoors. I ve even cut off my GF , kids and best friend in the last year or so.
I regard my mental problems as a terminal, permanent illness which i can no longer live with (i do not regard it a "question for the soul") , if i had no arms or legs would people accuse me(not yous) of selfishness etc.. doubtful ,they would more than likely say i dont blame him for doing it.

Why am i on here typing about this, for attention, to get talked out of it? No, but i do not expect many to truly believe this, why would strangers on a forum, from other countrys (however well meaning) have the capabilty of talking me out of something so "serious" and if attention why would i talk about suicide of all things and again why to strangers , who's life i wont effect either way and dont know anything about me?
Could the reason i speak on here be i dont want attention , thats why i dont mention it to people in my life who may have the power to talk me out of it or indeed force me into a psych hospital .
 
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Donnie, Does it matter if someone thinks your posting is for attention? Whatever your reason we are having the discussion. You say you regard your mental illness as terminal. Terminal because you are saying you are done not because it is untreatable but because you are not looking for treatment. Correct? You are going to do what you are going to do. I do feel this plan is likely a "fuck you" to some people more than just being about exhaustion. Nothing is just for a single reason. I bet you in fact have thousands of reasons for wanting to do this. Any reasons, maybe just a few that you would prefer not to?
 
If you do have a terminal illness, AKA depression etc. It's the only terminal illness I'v heard of where you can actually stop it from killing you. I guess I don't understand how not existing is better than an existence with problems. If I were you, I would move, go start a new life somewhere else. If you really have nothing to lose then you have everything to gain. There are 6.5 billion people in this world. How many of them are bothering you? Surely you haven't met all of them. If there's even 1 thing worth living for, then live for that. No matter what it is. It's kinda hard to be happy when you're dead. Want to know what I live for? Here's some things that keep me busy and happy.

-My wife
-My family
-Helping others
-Making music
-Building my Audi 5 cylinder turbo into a race car
-Studying Emergency Medicine
-Meeting new people
-Studying cars

Now this is just a few, but why in the hell would I want to stop doing these things? I have way too many things to get done before I die. Is there a chance the only reason you feel hopeless is because you're convinced you'll always feel that way? And will you admit that you can't see the future and you don't actually know how you'll feel down the road? If you die then you'll never find out. You need a fresh perspective on things. What are your hobbies? Whats on your list?
 
@enki/DV

I take on board your viewpoints but as ive said i enjoy virtually nothing and my emotions are totally numb with the world seeming dream like somewhat ( i believe its called depersonalisation). Ive tried every anti psychotic/anti depressent combo under the sun , with no relief except from the true king of pain blocking, opiates.
Moving wont work for me as my problems are in my head and nothing has changed this, jobs women etc..so ive give up and stay in the house untill desperation breaks my cowardice. I read to commit suicide it only takes that sort of willpower for a few minutes, to jump or in my case shoot lethal doses of H.(i have access to good quality H, allthough dont use anymore).
I speak on here for something to do and sadly, people to talk to (who ive found interseting), i dont regard talking about suicide any different or attention seeking/voyeurism than speaking about ones heroin addiction etc..
Its somewhat a cliche but ive lost myself /soul and i know now what is meant by losing ones mind.
take it easy guys donnie
 
donnie080208 said:
I speak on here for something to do and sadly, people to talk to
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It's not sad that you're communicating and socialising with people on here at all. I have made a lot of truly valueable friendships right here on Bluelight, some of whom I have met in real life, others who I will never have the chance to meet. But Bluelight, and particular The Dark Side, is a support structure for people who need it. You need support donnie, and we are here for you, regardless of where you are in the world or who you are as a person, we are here for you.

There must be something that brings you even the slightest amount of happiness in your life. I know the depths of depression can cloud your brain and forces you to not remember the reasons why we get up in the morning, but there must be something which you find joy in? <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
It's not sad that you're communicating and socialising with people on here at all. I have made a lot of truly valueable friendships right here on Bluelight, some of whom I have met in real life, others who I will never have the chance to meet. But Bluelight, and particular The Dark Side, is a support structure for people who need it. You need support donnie, and we are here for you, regardless of where you are in the world or who you are as a person, we are here for you.
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N3o is so right; I have met some of the best people ever on Bluelight. This is a great place to hang out with others, and meet new friends. It's not sad at all. :)
 
My comments werent meant as any offense to the BL community, more a comment on my self -loathing. This was the first internet forum ive ever joined and the compassion + intelligence of the vast majority of former or current drug users on here has amazed me. I sometimes wonder how many got involved with shooting H. etc.. in the 1st place.
The vast majority of people i know in "real life" are judgemental,hypocritical arseholes who only look after their selves. I've even turned my back on friends ive known nearly all my life, if you have or dont want anyone in your life, friends or otherwise, i think your better off out of it.
The more ill ive got, the more bitter ive become and i hate myself for hating , if ya know what i mean.
 
donnie080208 said:
The more ill ive got, the more bitter ive become and i hate myself for hating , if ya know what i mean.
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i know exactly what you mean. i've been at points in my life when pretty much everything annoys me. then, i look at myself and wonder why i have to be so over analytical and negative. in general, i'm a pretty negative person as it is but when i get really down i become super hard on myself for being the way i am.

i don't really know what to tell you. i do know that the small moments that make me really happy can go a really long way for people like us. i know that sounds cliche but it's true.

just keep your head up and try to find little things that get you off. IMO, suicide is NEVER the answer. my brother in law are alot alike and we stayed up drinking beers last weekend talking about all sorts of shit. one thing that we agreed on, is that as miserable as we appear to be, we actually really like life for all that it's worth, and that includes all of the bullshit and all of the good shit.

good luck brother.
 
donnie080208 said:
My comments werent meant as any offense to the BL community, more a comment on my self -loathing. This was the first internet forum ive ever joined and the compassion + intelligence of the vast majority of former or current drug users on here has amazed me. I sometimes wonder how many got involved with shooting H. etc.. in the 1st place.
The vast majority of people i know in "real life" are judgemental,hypocritical arseholes who only look after their selves. I've even turned my back on friends ive known nearly all my life, if you have or dont want anyone in your life, friends or otherwise, i think your better off out of it.
The more ill ive got, the more bitter ive become and i hate myself for hating , if ya know what i mean.
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I don't believe anyone was offended by what you said. You just shouldn't have to feel bad about yourself. :)
 
Donnie, you didn't answer my question. Do you realize that you can't see into the future? For all you know, things will get better. Seriously unless your 80 years old, Id say there are many phases left in life for you to go through. This is just a bad one but they all pass. Even if you're miserable 99% of the time, its better than being dead 100% of the time. I just don't understand how death sounds better that life.
 
donnie080208 said:
My comments werent meant as any offense to the BL community, more a comment on my self -loathing.
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Oh no no donnie, you didn't offend anyone! I was just trying to reassure you that even though you've not been here (at BL) for long, there are still a lot of people here who care about you and your wellbeing <3

DarthVador said:
This is just a bad one but they all pass. Even if you're miserable 99% of the time, its better than being dead 100% of the time.
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This is so so true Darth.
 
I agree entactogenial, I've been there myself and it's exhausting. But the feeling of misery won't last forever, it will pass and when it does you'll be glad you stuck through it <3
 
entactogenial said:
i've heard that so many times it has kinda lost all meaning :\
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Mate, that is because there are lot of people who have been right where you are now and have all come out the other side, for the better. It can and it WILL happen. I can understand that you might be at the point where you don't believe you will be happy again, because like I said, I've been there myself. But you will see a brighter day <3
I'll PM you.
 
What an amzing place Bluelight is - it never ceases to astound me how we - the supposed degenrates of society - are in practice some of the most caring and compassionate beings I have ever encountered.

I don't want to sidetrack the importance of what goes on in this thread - but I just found it and had to yet again voice my appreciation of this community.
 
TheMerryPrankster said:
What an amzing place Bluelight is - it never ceases to astound me how we - the supposed degenrates of society - are in practice some of the most caring and compassionate beings I have ever encountered.

I don't want to sidetrack the importance of what goes on in this thread - but I just found it and had to yet again voice my appreciation of this community.
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You are always so concise with your words TMP! Thanks for your insight.
 
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