LostWife is back again... Ugghhh

[Bojangles69]

Also, to everyone saying to leave him, what kind of bullshit is that to encourage? Ending a marriage where he treats her well except for a drug "problem"? Gtfo.

Edit just read some more of the thread. If you left him over that, then I see you as a person who followed the wrong advice. Your left your husband, who you promised when marrying him that you'd support him no matter what because he feels like he has to lie to you for some reason. If he is an addict (which from reading, I doubt) you should support him thru it no matter what. Or support him thru it for the rest of his life. He's probably going to spiral even worse out of control. Love is about caring about a person and doing whats best for them. If leaving him would have helped him, then it was out of love. But that is not helping him, he's going to loose it all, good job.

"treats her well"?! I'm not going to say "no offense" because theres no other way to tell someone they're retarded.. but you sir are an idiot.

He's a compuslive liar, he's deceptive and unwilling to own up to a single thing he does to her. Hes arrogant, acting narccissitic/high and righteous, and most of all completely naive at how hes handling the situation and a wife who obviously doesn't fucking tolerate drug abuse. The fact alone that she DOES NOT tolerate it is all that needs to be said in favor of her leaving.

And OMG "if he's an addict you should support him no matter what" how old are you? 12? You know what happens when you support an addict? You ENABLE THEM. They use your house to sleep and get high, they leech off of everyone the can, they wind up stealing your money to get high when the sober person busts their ass to pay rent.
Hes not working, hes getting high, and being an overall dispicable person. Are you mad that you parents didn't support your addiction and kicked your ass out? I can't possibly understand what personal experience you must have gone through to warp your logic as severely as is right now.

I also can't believe how many things you just justified in your post due to the fact that "hes an addict" and she should just love him no matter what. She obviously DOES love him number 1, but loving someone is NO REASON IN THE WORLD to tolerate the amount of crap that HE is forcing HER to endure. And she should just love him you say?
Did you think about a single word you wrote? HE MADE VOWS too numbnuts. And hes not holding up his vows as a husband. A husband is suppose to be loyal and honest... supportive and responsible... but she has to tolerate his shit because he's an "addict" because you say so? haha. NO WAY. Did you ever consider the fact that 100% of the reason why he's doing what he is doing to her is because she TOLERATES it?
You telling her to tolerate it more is the same as telling her husband to keep using drugs, not working, and continuing to lie everyday that goes buy. You ARE TELLING HER TO ENABLE HIM. I feel so sorry if you ever have to deal with an addicted family member. I can see you right now setting up their own room with a water bed and plasma tv because just so they can feel comfortable when they're shooting dope. That is the most assinine logic in the world.

Think about this. How is it reaslitically any harder for him to stop using than it is for her to kick him out? They are married for godsake the bond she has with her husband is 100times harder for her to break than it is for him to drop a worthless friggn adderal habit and start telling the truth.
Its the adderal habit and lying thats ruining the marriage, NOT HER. She has every right in the world to leave this guy as he's not showing the leastest bit of effort to change himself.

SO NO she shouldn't just support him through a lifetime of lying, cheating and outright disrespect. If he had even an ounce of respect for this woman he would have at least made some sort of attempt to straighten himself out. He gets no sympathy card as that was already given to him and he kept fucking things up. There is a point you draw the line and he has clearly crossed it. And please do not give advice to people that essentially translates to "be a tool". They ALWAYS get taken advantage of you're basically ok with that which makes me fucking sick. Telling an angry, scorned wife that she should just "tolerate it", you sir genuinely sound like you have a much bigger problem than her husband does if thats how your logic is working right now.

 

[boltfan909]

You must be trolling, take the hint: your advice is total shit and absolutely incorrect.

On the mere fact alone that you suggest she, a non-drug user, "smoke some pot" with him is mind blowingly stupid enough.

But keep talking, you're just making yourself look even more stupid.

I agree and this is NOT the place to be trolling. This is clearly a serious post/matter and she does not need your skewed ass input. It's OFF and there is NO reason to make her come CLOSE to second guessing what she is doing.

Perhaps he is the Husband? That's the only logical guess I can come up with here...

"I feel bad for the guy"...Jesus Christ!

 

[LostWife]

oh no, empathy! I am not trolling, I am 100% serious, you ex-junkies just persuaded this woman to leave her husband based on YOUR assumptions. Some fucked up individuals.

It's not an assumption..

Last weekend my husband FREAKED on his mom.. He was cursing at her swearing calling her a fucking bitch, this that and the other thing. She called up my brother in law (The one whose been helping me) and told him she was sick of his drug use and she was DONE helping him in any way.. Done with him till he gets help...

His poor mother is a widow, who works her ASS off to keep her house, and feed his younger siblings. She told me after all of that how she's an idiot because she's enabled My husband his whole life with his drug issues.. His dad had ALS (Lou Gerhigs Diseas) and was on alot of pain meds and such towards the end of his life... She said that he's been taking meds from his sick dad for as long as she knew before he passed away..

When his dad died the first thing my husband did break into his dads med cabinent and get all Fucked up on who knows what.

My husband has alot of pain in his life and this is how he deals with things, it's not right. He needs counselling and help, not drugs.

I knew about some of his prior drug issues before we got married, but i NEVER thought that they were as bad as it is (It's all starting to come out from his family now that this is out in the open) I asked them why the heck they never told me about it, warned me, SOMETHING and they said they thought i knew.... i was just telling my brother in law how much of an IDIOT i feel because when i found out he was using before (when dating) i was stupid enough to believe him that he had just "tried that" or whatever... I honestly believed that he was clean when we were married, and he wasnt.. Now that i'm learning so much, and realizing his behavior is due to the fact that he's high all the time, everything is starting to make SO much sense about the past and i'm just wowed that i didnt see it before.. Maybe i did, but didnt want to believe it and was that niave.. idk..

If that history (And this is just a tid bit) doesnt point towards addiction, i dont know what else to tell you... And the fact that he's lieing, broke, taking money from me, sneaking behind my back, has friends that he wont let me meet, has two phones, and never seems to be in his right mind, refuses to take drug tests (I asked him once when we were dating to take one too) it can go on and on....

Not that i have to prove myself to you, because i dont, but dont go saying these people are "assuming" and being biased because they arent. They have been MORE than kind, taking time out of their lives to listen to me and understand and give advice.

Maybe you're just like him, so you think you have to stick up for him... I feel bad for you.

 

[edgewise1]

Let the troll have its say and simply ignore it. If you don't respond it will go elsewhere. Seen it many times on different forums.

 

[LostWife]

Let the troll have his say and simply ignore it. If you don't respond it will go elsewhere. Seen it many times on different forums.

Oh okay.. haha i'm still a little new to this

 

[Z Y G G Y]

I know this is all painful and stuff but I think it is really good that you found out about it now as opposed to when you guys have children. It will be much easier to deal with it now, whether you guys fix it and stay together or break up because there are no children involved.

Stick to your guns and stay strong and hopefully he understands what he is doing wrong and decides to take action to change his behavior. I really think he could benefit from rehab to fix his negative behaviors. Rehab is not just for those who totally hit rock bottom and lost everything but also for those who are possibly facing that in the future and want to prevent it. I am sure he won't listen to anything about rehab now, but maybe in the future someone can talk to him about it, like maybe Joel.

I admire your strength and the ability to stand up for yourself. Even thou we all don't know you we have come to respect the person that you are and we will continue trying to help you by giving you the best advice that we can. I also respect you for the fact that you are willing to take advice from people who are drug users as many people would simply dismiss out advice and call us junkies who's opinions don't matter, like for example one of the posters has already done multiple times. So its great that your are willing to look at all possible angles and not just advice that seems to fit your mood at the moment. So I definitely applaud you for being open minded.

I wish you luck. I know this is probbaly one of the most difficult sitatuions you have ever had to deal with. But you are handling it very well by not just going on your emotions but using reason to deal with things. Many people can't do that because its hard but you seem to have very little problems with that.

A lot of what is going to happen is really not up to you and you can not blame yourself for someone else's actions. The ball as you said is in his court now. You did pretty much all you could, you gave him many chances and are still willing to work with him. You are far from giving up on him. You are simply just trying firmer approaches. It is up to him now to stop lying to you and stop deceiving you. The drug problem I think is a secondary thing here because if he would stop lying to you then you guys could work on these problems to together . I think you would be more than willing to do that if he came to you, told you the whole truth and asked for help.

So just be patient. Let him know that you are sill there for him but you will not accept the lying and the drug use. You will only take him back if he is willing to work on changing that. He doesn't have to right away be a different person, but all he has to do now is show that he wants help. It might take a while. But if you love him then you will give him time to work on this.

It is definitely possible that you guys will stay together. Drug problems are not the end of the world or the definite end of relationships. Me and my SO both had an addiction. He is totally past it now and I am doing really well in recovery and haven't used for a while. We have been together for 6 years. We love each other very much and everyone around us pretty much didn't think we were gonna make ti through the addiction, but we did and I am pregnant now and I know he will never leave me with a kid. So it can work. I used to lie to him and I don't do it now. I have changed a lot so its is possible to. Good luck cuz you will need it.

 

[LostWife]

Thanks ZYGGY thats very encouraging to hear!!

 

[n3ophy7e]

LostWife, I must commend you on the action you've taken so far. You are doing the right thing hun, please remember that, and stay strong

I honestly think posting this in TDS might get some biased answers.

Yes, I agree with you. But those "biased answers" are coming from people who have been in broken family situations like this directly due to drug addictions, lying, cheating, stealing, partners neglecting their real life duties etc. The people who have posted advice in this thread are talking from real personal experience with what LostWife is currently going through. That, to me, is much more valuable advice than from someone who clearly hasn't experienced a difficult situation like this.

 

[2112acid]

You left your husband over ADHD medication or trust issues? Mabye you should have looked at the string of events leading up to this and decide which one it was. Mabye it was going to end this way regardless of drugs or not, especially such a minor one.

 

[LostWife]

You left your husband over ADHD medication or trust issues? Mabye you should have looked at the string of events leading up to this and decide which one it was. Mabye it was going to end this way regardless of drugs or not, especially such a minor one.

As i have said over and over again.... It's not so much the "minor" drug, it's the lying, sneaking around, running out of money, mystery friends etc... Maybe you should have read the whole thread

And as other people here have stated, i will not tolerate drug use, "minor" or not.

(And btw- the string of events leading up to this is EXACTLY why i left him, haha i would never do something so serious as leave my husband for a first offence i have given him many many chances, it was the last straw)

 

[boltfan909]

You left your husband over ADHD medication or trust issues? Mabye you should have looked at the string of events leading up to this and decide which one it was. Mabye it was going to end this way regardless of drugs or not, especially such a minor one.

Did you even read the thread?

 

[Bojangles69]

Yes people PLEASE READ the friggn thread.

Also, HER STANDARDS and HER BOUNDARIES are HER REASONS for leaving her husband, not yours. So its not relevant in any form to question her standards when you're not the one married to the guy.
It should also be obvious that she didn't just leave him for either or (drugs OR lying), its a combination of everything this man has ever put her through. Both the drug use, the lying, and it appears theres also a history working against him as well with his dead father.

Most importantly, abusing adderal could possibly be the furthest thing from "minor" that I can think of.
Adderal is an amphetamine salt, any abused amphetamine salt WILL and DOSE cause brain damage if taken long enough ("long enough" can be as short as 1 year relative to amounts).

Opiates do not cause brain damage, nor do a lot of other drugs. But amphetamines in particular do cause brain damange, and rape the brain in a fashion that permanently can alter a person for life. Adderal IS amphetamines, amphetamines ARE terrible for you, you have NO IDEA how "minor" this problem is NOT (in reference to what 2112acid said).

Paranoia, anxiety, irritability, depression, mania, psychosis, heart problems, damaged blood vessels in the brain, high blood pressure, violence, aggression, anger... the list never ends with amphetamines. And the fact that we have no idea how much he is really using (if its enough to get high its enough to fuck your brain up) makes it that much worse.

Dextroamphetamine and amphetamine in adderal are very close to as toxic as regular methamphetamine is on the brain. And regular meth saturates your brain with SO MUCH dopamine, that the dopamine literally dissovles and corrodes blood vessels in the brain. It can cause a "pulse" like vibrating sensation in your head as you actually can feel the vessels dying off. And it often leads to twitching in the head and other parkisons related twithing as nerve messages begin to get scrambled (because of the dopamine again).

A lot of people don't realize this as I'm a former chemist. But dopamine has nearly the same corrosive properties that ammonia does. Even when the brain secretes tiny amounts, its more than enough to have a profound corrosive effect on essential regions of the brain. I used speed for **2** years of my life and suffered from side effects, psychosis, paranoia and depression for nearly 7 years afterwards. The intense psychosis alone lasted the entire first year and part of the second. Then years and years later I was still dealing with always being irritable and paranoid.

So please.. "ADHD medication"? That "ADHD medication" isn't much safer than rat poison if you knew a single thing it was doing to his brain. In fact anyone taking adderal EVEN responsibly isn't really making a smart decision at all in my opinion. Tiny amounts are enough to make a person extremely depressed in only a matter of months, and over years of using the drug your brain will never respond the same to stimuli. Your adrenal glands become sensitized and you become nervous quicker, your brains functioning changes which causes various personality problems/disorders down the line.

I'd be willing to bet her husbands personality has already done a complete 180 since using the adderal. He obviously has no control over it, is not willing to accept any responsibility as a man, so like I've said before Lost Wife is doing everything exactly the way she should. And if I have to read another peabrained comment about how "minor" HER PROBLEMS are I'm going to shoot myself. The nerve of people to cast judgements like they do. The womans going through sheer hell and people like 2112acid actually have the arrogance to come in this thread and insinuate shes not going through stuff? You couldn't be more ignorant if you tried bro, seriously wtf.

 

[LostWife]

Yes people PLEASE READ the friggn thread.

Also, HER STANDARDS and HER BOUNDARIES are HER REASONS for leaving her husband, not yours. So its not relevant in any form to question her standards when you're not the one married to the guy.
It should also be obvious that she didn't just leave him for either or (drugs OR lying), its a combination of everything this man has ever put her through. Both the drug use, the lying, and it appears theres also a history working against him as well with his dead father.

Most importantly, abusing adderal could possibly be the furthest thing from "minor" that I can think of.
Adderal is an amphetamine salt, any abused amphetamine salt WILL and DOSE cause brain damage if taken long enough ("long enough" can be as short as 1 year relative to amounts).

Opiates do not cause brain damage, nor do a lot of other drugs. But amphetamines in particular do cause brain damange, and rape the brain in a fashion that permanently can alter a person for life. Adderal IS amphetamines, amphetamines ARE terrible for you, you have NO IDEA how "minor" this problem is NOT (in reference to what 2112acid said).

Paranoia, anxiety, irritability, depression, mania, psychosis, heart problems, damaged blood vessels in the brain, high blood pressure, violence, aggression, anger... the list never ends with amphetamines. And the fact that we have no idea how much he is really using (if its enough to get high its enough to fuck your brain up) makes it that much worse.

Dextroamphetamine and amphetamine in adderal are very close to as toxic as regular methamphetamine is on the brain. And regular meth saturates your brain with SO MUCH dopamine, that the dopamine literally dissovles and corrodes blood vessels in the brain. It can cause a "pulse" like vibrating sensation in your head as you actually can feel the vessels dying off. And it often leads to twitching in the head and other parkisons related twithing as nerve messages begin to get scrambled (because of the dopamine again).

A lot of people don't realize this as I'm a former chemist. But dopamine has nearly the same corrosive properties that ammonia does. Even when the brain secretes tiny amounts, its more than enough to have a profound corrosive effect on essential regions of the brain. I used speed for **2** years of my life and suffered from side effects, psychosis, paranoia and depression for nearly 7 years afterwards. The intense psychosis alone lasted the entire first year and part of the second. Then years and years later I was still dealing with always being irritable and paranoid.

So please.. "ADHD medication"? That "ADHD medication" isn't much safer than rat poison if you knew a single thing it was doing to his brain. In fact anyone taking adderal EVEN responsibly isn't really making a smart decision at all in my opinion. Tiny amounts are enough to make a person extremely depressed in only a matter of months, and over years of using the drug your brain will never respond the same to stimuli. Your adrenal glands become sensitized and you become nervous quicker, your brains functioning changes which causes various personality problems/disorders down the line.

I'd be willing to bet her husbands personality has already done a complete 180 since using the adderal. He obviously has no control over it, is not willing to accept any responsibility as a man, so like I've said before Lost Wife is doing everything exactly the way she should. And if I have to read another peabrained comment about how "minor" HER PROBLEMS are I'm going to shoot myself. The nerve of people to cast judgements like they do. The womans going through sheer hell and people like 2112acid actually have the arrogance to come in this thread and insinuate shes not going through stuff? You couldn't be more ignorant if you tried bro, seriously wtf.

Um... WOW! I had no clue about any of those things you just mentioned (Regarding the effects of the drug on a person)

You're right, He has changed..

""Paranoia, anxiety, irritability, depression, mania, psychosis, heart problems, damaged blood vessels in the brain, high blood pressure, violence, aggression, anger... the list never ends with amphetamines.""

He has six of those symptoms that you described, He never used to be like that.. Anxiety, Irritability, heart problems (well not that a DR has said, be he's told me many times that his heart felt funny, once he even freaked out thinking he was having heart attack while driving down the road :-/ ) aggression, anger, high blood pressure... yikes...

My sister in law (his sister) went out to dinner with him last weekend when i was away. She said that he started freaking out that his phone case was missing. She said that he searched the whole restraunt for his stupid phone case (He's usually pretty laid back, normally he'd be like eh, i'll just get a new one) Anyways- she said that she got her food and was waiting for him to give up the search and just come sit down and eat. She finally gave up waiting and finished her food before he finally came and sat down. Then he started accusing her of taking it, she told me that she was like why the heck would i take your stupid phone case?? It's such a bizaar story, when she told me that i had to laugh because of how crazy it sounds.

He's been super mean too. I think i mentioned that he flipped out on his mom, and he flipped out on me last week as well. He has NO motivation to work, yet all the energy in the world to go to the casino and stay up for 50 hours straight... It's just wierd...

Sounds crazy, didnt realize how serious that stuff really is.. A few people have told me it's no big deal, i didnt agree with them, but that makes me look at it 1000 times different..

Scary stuff!

 

[eon_blue]

You left your husband over ADHD medication or trust issues? Mabye you should have looked at the string of events leading up to this and decide which one it was. Mabye it was going to end this way regardless of drugs or not, especially such a minor one.

"Just" ADHD medication? Are you kidding? We're talking about amphetamines dude. I don't care what kind of legitimate use they have, if you abuse them they're going to do your life what abuse of ANY substance will if you allow it to.

Methamphetamine is also and ADHD medication. Heroin is prescribed for pain in Europe. Should all tweakers and junkies be let off the hook because their drugs of choice are simply "prescribed medications" for others?

Get real. The drug at hand is irrellevant, it's his actions stemming from the abuse that are the issue at hand.

LostWife, what's been said on here for the most part has been spot on advice, so I won't repeat anything. But I commend you on your actions thus far, you've shown a great deal of strength that many can't or won't in these situations. He'll come around when the drugs aren't doing for him anymore what he wants them to, however long that might take. But that doesn't mean you should be forced to suffer for it or sit by and watch a trainwreck happen. Love from a distance until he's proven to you that he can be trusted again, that's my advice. You'll know when its time to let go if it comes to that, but for the time being I recommend keeping your distance.

Take care of yourself and hopefully he'll come around sooner rather than later.

 

[2112acid]

Well fuck, in comparison to the other hundreds of threads in TDS talking about meth, opiate and benzo addictions, yeah?

From my personal use of adderal, dex, concerta, etc i dont see too many negative effects. I also dont see it as a drug that can be addictive, It can be a useful tool but lacks the euphoria/addictive properties that bring people to addiction?

Not like i mentioned that it was wrong for you to leave him, he obviously doesnt deserve your trust anymore.

 

[boltfan909]

Well fuck, in comparison to the other hundreds of threads in TDS talking about meth, opiate and benzo addictions, yeah?

From my personal use of adderal, dex, concerta, etc i dont see too many negative effects. I also dont see it as a drug that can be addictive, It can be a useful tool but lacks the euphoria/addictive properties that bring people to addiction?

Not like i mentioned that it was wrong for you to leave him, he obviously doesnt deserve your trust anymore.

What a joke. This Women just told everyone here how much THEIR lives have been affected negatively do to his drug abuse and you have the nerve to insult her?

EVERYONE is different. The way Adderall affects her Husband clearly is different from the way it affects you.


You have NO right to tell her that he doesn't deserve her trust, what a horrible thing to say.

 

[Dr Pepper]

Well fuck, in comparison to the other hundreds of threads in TDS talking about meth, opiate and benzo addictions, yeah?

From my personal use of adderal, dex, concerta, etc i dont see too many negative effects. I also dont see it as a drug that can be addictive, It can be a useful tool but lacks the euphoria/addictive properties that bring people to addiction?

Not like i mentioned that it was wrong for you to leave him, he obviously doesnt deserve your trust anymore.

The dude already had an addictive personality from opiate abuse, and amphetamines do cause euphoria and probably make him feel like he is motivated and doing something, whereas when abstaining its obvious k her husband lacks drive and energy and finds the answer with amps.

 

[User Name Here]

He won't get better unless HE truly wants it. You can still instill ultimatums in the mean time. A lot of people have to hit rock bottom before they realize they need to change and they want to get better. Sit him down and try to talk to him about it openly. Tell him you won't get mad or chastise him for anything he admits to you so he can feel comfortable being honest. This will help you get more information about his particular issues. I would ask him why he feels the need to do these drugs in the first place and ask him if he wants to stop (among many other things). Just get a feel for where he's at, and THEN decide whether or not you should put your foot down because like I said, sometimes it takes a little tough love for people to come around...

I hope everything works out.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Well fuck, in comparison to the other hundreds of threads in TDS talking about meth, opiate and benzo addictions, yeah?

No.
Absolutely not.
When it comes to addiction, it is futile to "compare" different people's reactions and different substance's addiction potentials. LostWife's husband's addiction is just as severe and just as serious as the next person's full-blown heroin addiction. It is a very personal and subjective thing, and the only way an addiction can be quantified is by how invasive and how disruptive it is to the person's life.

He won't get better unless HE truly wants it. You can still instill ultimatums in the mean time.

I wholeheartedly agree with this.

LostWife, it is important for you to stick to your guns and stay strong with the actions you've made so far. He will either eventually give in and admit that he needs help, or he will decide that he doesn't want to make amends, in which case it is better for you that you've dealt with this now so you can move on and enjoy the rest of your life

 

[edgewise1]

Well fuck, in comparison to the other hundreds of threads in TDS talking about meth, opiate and benzo addictions, yeah?

From my personal use of adderal, dex, concerta, etc i dont see too many negative effects. I also dont see it as a drug that can be addictive, It can be a useful tool but lacks the euphoria/addictive properties that bring people to addiction?

Not like i mentioned that it was wrong for you to leave him, he obviously doesnt deserve your trust anymore.

[save the personal attacks mate - n3o] That's all anyone can say.