Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

[Cane2theLeft]

^With any drug there is a honeymoon period where everything seems amazing... the duration of this period depends on how frequently you use, various factors in your life, etc... but basically these honeymoon's always end if you use with any regularity.

And yes, you probably are being fooled into addiction without knowing it.

If people felt all the consequences from their use immediately then no one would get addicted. People get addicted because by the time the consequences start building, they are already hooked and begin to rationalize anything and everything to continue their use.

 

[deadhead507461]

^^^ haha that "Not Even Once" ad on meth just sounds ridiculous now.

I find that the tolerance to smoking or snorting builds up so quickly in a binge situation that its not worth it to buy more than what you could do in one sitting. .2 is good for a night, and hits in the morning, then you have to stop because if I try to do more I dont feel it at all...
I guess that's a good thing tho. I know the 2nd time i ever smoked I smoked until the bag was empty, 1 gram in a night which was such a waste of cash. I reached that plateau but I kept trying to go up, and couldn't.
Short Term Tolerance buildup, Short Term Addiction to keep hitting the pipe...

God damn if meth didnt have that short term tolerance it would be extremely bad news and then yes I would believe "Not Even Once".

 

[BananasAndOranges]

I hate Adderall sooo much but I keep taking it. Good thing I only have about half a 30mg xr cap left. I dunno what it is about it. I like it for the first 30 minutes. Two hours later I can't stand it for reasons like non stop pissing,racing thoughts that seem to get groggy and slowed after I take my Valium. After my opiates its better but then it seems to make it worse 2 hours later. It's a love/hate relationship. I like the dextro part of it, but the other salts are just fucking lame. Hopefully I can get on a SMALL dose of Dex soon. I don't want it though but I do Need it at times.

 

[hyroller]

I hate Adderall sooo much but I keep taking it.

I hate fiending, but it appears to be one of the few things that affords my life any sense of purpose.

 

[Sweet P]

I think your problem (psychologically) stems from a poor sense of identity... I dont know if much of it has been lost in the crossfire of living as a transsexual.... I don't know how difficult that could be to confront but you need to seriously get your middle finger pointed right up at all the people who told you you were in any way worthless or undeserving of love as a human being in this life, because by giving in to this disease you're effectively letting them win

Yeah, I think you're right. I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) which causes problems with identity and self-esteem. Even my drug counsellor said there's a huge web of factors behind my addiction.

SP, you're probably already quite set in your beliefs about your addiction and the boundries of what you can accomplish. I don't know you or your exact circumstances, but from reading your posts I feel a strong relation to what you are experiencing. I have struggled for meth addiction on and off since I was 16, but once I experienced a latent schizophrenic episode three months ago, I immediately ceased use and have not used again.

I wouldn't be surprised if that's where I'm heading. I'm getting more and more psychotic while on meth (I'm now prescribed haloperidol for that), and I'm continually in and out of the local psych hospital. I sometimes worry that all the meth I'm using will eventually make me schizophrenic.

Is Meth really all that bad?
or am I being fooled into addiction without knowing it????????

Yes. When I first started using I didn't know why meth was such a taboo, cos to me it was amazing. I kept using more and more, telling myself I could quit whenever the hell I wanted to. But the drug dug its claws into me and soon I found that I was needing larger quantities to get the same high, and whenever I went without it I just couldn't function normally like I used to.

If people felt all the consequences from their use immediately then no one would get addicted. People get addicted because by the time the consequences start building, they are already hooked and begin to rationalize anything and everything to continue their use.

Well said. That's exactly what happened to me.

 

[clay404]

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=461215&highlight=adderall+meth

^ don't forget this thread folks

this is scaring me from doing adderall! only read the 1st post - the rest could have triggers. I dunno.

 

[gorgoroth]

I have used meth probably a dozen times, the last 3 months (ever). It seems to have zero negative effects so far. Its relatively cheap, I can smoke and smoke on just a little amount, it lasts me a good 36 hours every time, I cant stuff my face with food so my stomach seems to be happier since I don't plump up and shit all the time, I am more social and express myself so so much more (use to be hard to), I can workout/hangout longer than ever... Its just all good so far, WHICH REALLY SCARES ME.
When is it going to be to late and I find out that I cant stop.
I buy very small amounts at a time, and keep it to 1 48hr session a week at most. It really doesn't feel addictive, I have money to do it, but I only think of it when I want to do it, I don't feel that urge like I need it.
Each time I do it the comedown gets easier and easier, almost now existent now.
Every adult I know that uses it, like my friends mom, says it is okay to do, but moderation is the key.. Which is starting to make so much sense. Is that true?
Or one day will this habit just bite me in the ass and not let me go.

Part of me just wants to smash the pipe, delete my connect's number and be done with it all together. But I am not finding enough negative effects to give me a reason to.

Is Meth really all that bad?
or am I being fooled into addiction without knowing it????????

@ Sweetp I sort of know your situation as I talks to ya on msn
Godamn it's rough, and for me, to paraphrase Kiekergaard, "nothing in life worth doing is easy" that helped me get to where I am today but in acute w/d and hard times it was certainly far from my mind.
Please feel free to hit me up @ msn anytime ya knows ya can

@ deadhead
Hey man, well SOME people could use a drug like Meth in moderation,but the fact that you're having doubts and questions to me sounds like you're not one of them right now eh?
You should do the bold because it sounds like a 'honeymoon phase' type deal to me, brother.
Be careful, because the negative effecs WLL happen and they ARE horrendous, even unexplainable...


~ Fritz

 

[deadhead507461]

@ deadhead
Hey man, well SOME people could use a drug like Meth in moderation,but the fact that you're having doubts and questions to me sounds like you're not one of them right now eh?
You should do the bold because it sounds like a 'honeymoon phase' type deal to me, brother.
Be careful, because the negative effecs WLL happen and they ARE horrendous, even unexplainable...


~ Fritz

One of my old best friends randomly showed up at my door a few hours ago. I hadnt seen him in months. He said he heard from someone else that me and my friend were fucking around with meth and he was sooo concerned. He told me how bad it is for me and that he doesnt want to see me get addicted and go down. Out of nowhere he showed up and said this and was concerned for me.
Right then I broke my pipe in front of him and had him erase my contact.
I promised him I wont touch that shit anymore. It was like an angel just came to slap me in the face and tell me that I need to stop...
Him coming over and saying that really shocked me and made me realize I had to stop..
So I am now two days into my quitting phase.
I think I was starting to slip into addiction, 3 times I had done it in the last 2 weeks

As of today I am not going to touch that White Devil..
Thank God that he came over and showed me the light :D
I am so thankful

 

[Sweet P]

^ Wow, that's awesome! It's great that you've got some good, caring friends.

 

[benzoheadplus44]

okay so ive gotten my usage from amps down considerably... i use to be big on abusing dexedrine sometimes going to an amount of 150mg a day, i was binging and all the other stuff related... that lasted maybe 6-8 months maybe. Before that I took Adderall (I was prescribed to all this shit) with a rx'ed dose of 25mg 3x daily of the immediate release shit... that i did take "as prescribed" for the most part because I had enough of it where that was good enough for me.

at the very end of when I was taking it back in 2008 I would often run out of my dexedrine early then take some of my moms adderall XR for myself to help make it to the next prescription. I got the shit every two weeks, 60 of the 15mg dex capsules. Anyways, yeah I started taking 4 30mg Adderall XR capsules at once sometimes... but the thing is I was able to sleep and eat through all of this... unless I chose to redose of course. July 2008 was the end mainly due to not seeing that doctor anymore.

Ok so I did take adderall on a couple occassions in the year following nothing much though.

2009 - july... I get a script again but to Vyvanse this time instead and of course tried abusing it by taking 4 of the 50mg caps right off the back... only difference this time is it was never enjoyable this time around... last month I got upped to the 70mg caps... I progressively have been taking less at once and so on but I was still binging. I am only prescribed to one a day and that does honestly not come close to how long it should last (remember I was rx'ed 75mg adderall a day in the past). I have a vyvanse card I got from filling out some paper the doc gave me and I am granted 12- 30 capsule prescriptions for free... I do not pay for it... but that also fucks me because I can't get any higher of a dose.

Now here I am I sleep every night, I stopped binging, I eat for the most part... except today there is nothing in the house to eat and i dont want fast food as I'm trying to eat better. Anyways I do take more than the "one capsule by mouth once daily". I take one to start then a couple/few (depending) hours later I take a second one. I use to be prescribed to that same amount a little over two years ago... I was prescribed this shit for two months before switching to dexedrine.

I would like to know since I do feel mainly negative effects such as high anxiety (My set and setting has been completely changed, I mainly hang out alone a lot because I'm on probation and I've finally quit doing everything else especially smoking weed - for RANDOM drug test reasons, and I don't want to assiociate with all the people I know just because I do not want to get in trouble any further... so I stay at home or go out and play disc golf. I do see some of my good influence friends... one which i work with so I'm not completely in isolation...

so sorry about this long post but my concern is how bad can this be? how bad can taking these TWO capsules a day? I've gotten myself to at least take a regular amount every day... thats even if I take it every single day because sometimes i don't.

I understand I have an addiction towards it - major addiction in general... I also understand this is not the same as immediate release shit or what not. I don't enjoy feeling "Tweaked" anymore, and the low amount doesnt do that to me I just get the initial pep feeling somewhat but mainly a lot of anxiety. When I get this tension it causes muscles to twitch and stuff, my legs and sometimes my pecs and upper back muscles. I have good hygeine and shit as well. Why does this feel so damaging? It's almost like I think to myself "how did I handle so much dexedrine, etc.." when I can't handle two fucking vyvanse? They DO help me, they DO give me this fucked up sense that allows me to make right desicions (like not associating with the wrong crowd... not doing other drugs... etc) but am I just justifying all this shit? I don't understand. Again this is just from vyvanse at a PREVIOUSLY prescribed dose... its not like I'm smoking crystal or anything.

I just don't understand. but yes im addicted.

sorry for this. I just needed to post this and get someones advice because not being able to do that at all... no computer at home, nothing just cable TV, no texting on my phone. nothing.

this almost makes me feel a lot better to get it all out of me... out of my mind for you to read.

edit:
I do run out early of course. 30 pills is only two weeks worth so i am getting sobriety time from it as well. im not on it EVERY day. nor would i want to be... I am glad I don't have lots of it like I use to.

i have been diagnosed with ADD mainly with impulsivity... when i take this shit like i said and not aim to get high (but yet like the nice small feeling... or at least try to like it) this shit gives me inhibitions so-to-speak. I forgot to mention why im on it. okay, should be good now, no more editing...

 

[Sweet P]

^ Do you feel that it's a problem? I think that's the main question to ask youself... whether or not taking two capsules a day is causing difficulties in your life, and whether or not you want to change it. It sounds to me like you're not doing too badly. You're getting some clean time when you run out, and you say you wouldn't want to be doing it every day. That's a good thing.

 

[Sweet P]

Yesterday was my judgement day in court. I fucked up by appearing after going 2 days without food or sleep, so I was looking and feeling like total shit. Hadn't bothered to dress smartly or anything. The judge noticed this and said "clearly the defendant is a raging drug addict" which really upset me... so much that I had to spend several hours in a cell afterwards. I was sentenced to 9 months intensive supervision (probation, where I have to report in frequently and I'm forced to continue drug treatment) and 9 months disqualified from driving.

 

[tattooblake81]

its as simple as truly wanting to quit not because u "have to quit" but want to,i havent touched dope in 5 years i used to bang it daily also u HAVE to switch addictions but dont become obsessed with one thing spread it out,for me im now a professional tatto artist got a lot of toys and with my old lady,and my evil cat!

I have used meth probably a dozen times, the last 3 months (ever). It seems to have zero negative effects so far. Its relatively cheap, I can smoke and smoke on just a little amount, it lasts me a good 36 hours every time, I cant stuff my face with food so my stomach seems to be happier since I don't plump up and shit all the time, I am more social and express myself so so much more (use to be hard to), I can workout/hangout longer than ever... Its just all good so far, WHICH REALLY SCARES ME.
When is it going to be to late and I find out that I cant stop.
I buy very small amounts at a time, and keep it to 1 48hr session a week at most. It really doesn't feel addictive, I have money to do it, but I only think of it when I want to do it, I don't feel that urge like I need it.
Each time I do it the comedown gets easier and easier, almost now existent now.
Every adult I know that uses it, like my friends mom, says it is okay to do, but moderation is the key.. Which is starting to make so much sense. Is that true?
Or one day will this habit just bite me in the ass and not let me go.

Part of me just wants to smash the pipe, delete my connect's number and be done with it all together. But I am not finding enough negative effects to give me a reason to.

Is Meth really all that bad?
or am I being fooled into addiction without knowing it????????

this is exactly why meth is bad it will trick us into underestimating it and just because it dosnt make u broke its super cheap u can never sleep get all kinds of things done its a progressive drug meaning u WILL either learn to cook make friends with one and either do way more dope cause u have a ridiculous amount or sell it cause wtf why not u say u can make 2 grand in a night easy thats when things get bad in meth ironically is when from a different perspective things are getting good pulling in several hundred a night easy every female wants u ur king of the trailer park screw it t bones on me attitude...u start doing crazy things; in walmart parkinglot u see a guy who owes u twenty dollars,walk up to him and break his jaw right off the bat.Ive beat the breaks off people for less and i was "proud of this"crazy thing is I AM A LAID BACK HIPPY TYPE!so no im not a preacher i believe people should make thier own choices but maby my input can influence in someway...8 years of my life in prison,i had the same attitude u did i was casual for a long time till i saw those dollars pour in and thats hard work so had to be up 24/7 so i did more.well i hate to say it and i dont wish u bad luck but ur in for one hell of a ride u will see and do so much fucked up stuff...then one day u will get sick and tired of being sick and tired

at the same time i fully stand behind all natural marijuana and mushrooms getting off<snip> straight look at meth heads online no teeth dead looking yet another wonderful aspect of medical uses of marijuana use it to detox from REAL drugs!oh AT ALL COSTS STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM OLD FRIENDS WHO STILL SKITZ they will respect this if they are truly friend if they call u a pussy for quitting fuck em another fact of meth EVERYONE GETS CAUGHT SOONER OR LATER!

 

[Rexeh]

I have been scared to ask this since the original topic was started...

Can I seek advice about Methylphenidate here or is there some thread for 'lesser' stimulants like this one for the few lonely people who need help/advice... I just don;t know where to go with my problems so I am trying here, damn medication is always two-sided blegh...

In the midst of a binge posting this at 4:23 AM... I feel ashamed of myself TBH.

-- Peace o/

 

[hyroller]

its as simple as truly wanting to quit not because u "have to quit" but want to,i havent touched dope in 5 years i used to bang it daily also u HAVE to switch addictions but dont become obsessed with one thing spread it out,for me im now a professional tatto artist got a lot of toys and with my old lady,and my evil cat!

I think there comes a point in a depressed person's life, where you don't personally wish to continue living, despite your body's curious way of breathing and functioning (to whatever degree) independent of your mind's wish to stop living, per se.

So when someone pretty much does not want to live but is still, in fact, carrying a pulse, what happens between now & the next life is going to be equally as pained, with or without the drugs.

The drugs might just provide some measure of routine, to bracket one's days, and fill ones thoughts.

I wish this mindset did not so closely mirror my own at this particular point in time, it sure as hell isn't my idea of a good time, especially when at rock bottom there literally appears to be no way out - let alone up

 

[2spun4one]

this is exactly why meth is bad it will trick us into underestimating it and just because it dosnt make u broke its super cheap u can never sleep get all kinds of things done its a progressive drug meaning u WILL either learn to cook make friends with one and either do way more dope cause u have a ridiculous amount or sell it cause wtf why not u say u can make 2 grand in a night easy thats when things get bad in meth ironically is when from a different perspective things are getting good pulling in several hundred a night easy every female wants u ur king of the trailer park screw it t bones on me attitude...u start doing crazy things; in walmart parkinglot u see a guy who owes u twenty dollars,walk up to him and break his jaw right off the bat.Ive beat the breaks off people for less and i was "proud of this"crazy thing is I AM A LAID BACK HIPPY TYPE!so no im not a preacher i believe people should make thier own choices but maby my input can influence in someway...8 years of my life in prison,i had the same attitude u did i was casual for a long time till i saw those dollars pour in and thats hard work so had to be up 24/7 so i did more.well i hate to say it and i dont wish u bad luck but ur in for one hell of a ride u will see and do so much fucked up stuff...then one day u will get sick and tired of being sick and tired

That is so true, it's scary to think how many people are living that same life. And the truth is, no matter how much smarter you think you are, no matter how much you think YOU are the one person how may have just well mastered the ability to be spun 24/7, and no matter if you 'evolved' into someone who thinks that the shit has done nothing but good in your life and for your life, and even if you have much bigger plans for the speed that you wanna do for the rest of your life because after all, that shit makes us who we are, so no matter what, any and all future plans, the one thing you don't realize or believe, is wow, all of the things You read about people telling you how bad it is and how it fucked up their lives is coming true....but still, that's kinda just their bad luck...until suddenly out of nowhere, things really seem to be getting whacked-out..and you realize that those close to you really do look at you differently. And you wonder if you're going through the begining of the first of many 'tore back' stages where you fall into the black hole in the end, or maybe it's just all in your head...or is it? I think its a tough day when you realize your problem may just be that your not too sure if you can trust yourself or your decisions in life anymore. And when "sick and tired of being sick and tired" becomes a phrase you can't get out of your head...and all you really wanna do is go back to the person you once were and the life you once had, suddenly you kinda realize that things have been fucked for awhile...you know you are at a fork in the road, and they are two opposite ways...then what do you do? Then where do you go? I never thought this was the kind of madness I was gonna have to deal with. I"m damn near invincible, only getting better every day, so what's the problem? The problem is...you never want to believe it is responsible for anything but good things. You will basically never figure it out, but you really want off the crazy train, and plan on taking a week or two to try to get off of it...and that is right where I am.

 

[deadhead507461]

All the tweakers I have spoken with have started using meth when their life went bad, a tragedy or a break up, just to feel better than they do.
Saddest story is about this girl that first showed me meth, she bought it for us and we had a shot each. She started using after she got in a terrible near fatal car accident at 16. She was in high school and crashed her first car badly one night. Her whole half of her faces got destroyed, tons of stitches, its now deformed over 50% of her face, her eye, her mouth and like half a nose. She dropped out of school to become home schooled because she couldnt face the other kids if they were making fun of her face. She starting using because she felt bad about her appearance and thot meth would cheer her up. She shoots up like crazy now and has traded so much of her possessions to score a bag. Exp. She traded a 250$ telescope her father got for her for Christmas for an extra .2 on top of .4 that made me upset because her family must care for her so much and she just doesnt give a shit about anything.
Its so upsetting to see someone pity themselves so much that they dont care about anything anymore, fuck my life, fuck the world I just want to tweak out and I will do anything to do it.

Meth seems to always turn the most beautiful people into zombies, its a damn shame.

 

[Pillthrill]

I spent all night dreaming about trying to do meth. I say trying because there was always something preventing me, like the cops. I got it but I couldn't do it.
Sucked.
Cause meth is pretty much the last thing I want to be doing. I think it comes from my desire to be less lethargic and get stuff done. Although you aren't productive, you just make mistakes faster.
I did mention it to my bf. I suppose I had to tell someone about it. He hates meth with a passion and wouldn't be with me if I did it. I cut off all my ties so that it would be super super difficult to get it and I certainly couldn't do it without him knowing about it.

 

[benzoheadplus44]

^ Do you feel that it's a problem? I think that's the main question to ask youself... whether or not taking two capsules a day is causing difficulties in your life, and whether or not you want to change it. It sounds to me like you're not doing too badly. You're getting some clean time when you run out, and you say you wouldn't want to be doing it every day. That's a good thing.

The one thing I see as a problem because I do not know what exactly it is.... and I have many different possibilities ranging from magnesium deficiency, to tensing my muscles... but I have these muscle twitches on my left pec and around the left side of my rib-cage to my back (I have others all over my body but these seem to be the most prevalent, nothing too crazy elsewhere), and I'm just hoping that has nothing to do with my heart at all. I don't ever feel any chest pain or any shit like that. They happen on the right side sometimes but generally its the left. I never used to freak out over it and now I just kinda sigh through it and stuff because I get hella anxiety when I'm on them.



Other than that... yes I am not doing anywhere near as bad as I use to. No binging, I eat, and sleep etc. And I do get "down time" when I run out as well yes...

 

[2spun4one]

I've actually made some progress on gettin off the shit...went with none for 3 days, which for me is a world record I think. It did hurt....damn it hurt. by the time I got high again I was really starting to notice how calm everything seemed to be. It was so odd to feel calmed down and relatively mellow verses being high which I was used to considering normal and everyday...so when I got high again I noticed how I started to feel my mental pace speeding up and could really sense the acceleration going through me. I almost felt it was unnecessary to feel so zipped up...but I did like it. Instead of staying high 24/7 as usual, I let things wear off....which took forever!!! I fucking could not sleep would not try, but could feel how tired I was. Where I live there's no need to ever worry about getting shit...it's everywhere, cheap and always super good, so I will never eliminate that giant trigger...but because of that fact it's easier for me to get off the shit cuz I know if I get where I'm really hurtin and need to get high...its as easy as not passing on the next bowl handed toward me. I've been taking really long walks, even if I don't feel like I can. It's been helping. I also went cold turkey on cigarettes for the 3 days I stayed off speed, and now I'm smoking cigarettes again and it helped to do that cuz I don't jones as bad for speed. It's a curious world to me, the world of not being spun. I've gotten high twice in 3 days after 3 days of no nothing....it's working for me!! I am content, not gonna say I succeeded at getting off completely, but these first 6 days have given me a lot of mental confidence....