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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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Just hang in there Cloudburst, and realize that there WILL be better days. Take satisfaction in knowing there can't be any worse day's than what you have already faced and you made it through them! You also hang tough Sweet P. I'm thinking about you both.
 
^ Been seeing counsellors on and off since I was 12. Hasn't helped much.
 
^Sorry to hear that Sweet P. I just found one recently that's working for me. I know its a process finding one that works for you, but keep on trucking and I'm sure you'll find one that workds for you.
 
I am such a hypocrite, I have a lethal dose of my desipramine, plus enough klonopin to put me to sleep forever, and I just feel like taking them and lying down on my bed and peacefully falling asleep, never to be bothered again. I'm not overly sad or morose, I just don't feel like going on with this struggle anymore. I feel overwhelmed with life and coping with the day to day minutiae is becoming harder and harder. I just can't see myself ending this never ending circle to nowhere. I think this might be my last post, and if it is, its been a pleasure chatting with a lot of you, as each of you have given a unique perspective on different topics.
 
^^ J&H, your time is NOT up yet man. I know you've got it in you to keep fighting. Please take care of yourself. Have you got someone you can call or talk to about how you're feeling, just until the suicidal thoughts subside? You know this feeling will pass and you will feel better again. Are you seeing your counsellor sometime soon? Perhaps you could give them a call.

Please hang in there dude, you've got a lot more to offer the world <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ J&H, your time is NOT up yet man. I know you've got it in you to keep fighting. Please take care of yourself. Have you got someone you can call or talk to about how you're feeling, just until the suicidal thoughts subside? You know this feeling will pass and you will feel better again. Are you seeing your counsellor sometime soon? Perhaps you could give them a call.

Please hang in there dude, you've got a lot more to offer the world <3
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Agree! I haven't been a member long, let I have come to like the posting style and wealth of information many of you have. J & H you are one of those I am speaking of. I would hate to see you gone, and I know many others would also.

I've felt the way you are. Wasn't depressed, maybe a tad bit sad, but nothing major. Just felt like all the extra little shit was not worth the trouble, and going out would take all that away. Only thing I can say is that after a couple weeks of this thinking I woke up one morning and was out of that line of thinking. I can't say I did anything special to stop it, it just happened. I would have missed out on a LOT had I gone through with it. You will too! Stay with us bro!
 
IDK, I'm not really thinking about actually committing suicide, but the thoughts are in my head. I just really despise myself.
 
xxkcxx said:
IDK, I'm not really thinking about actually committing suicide, but the thoughts are in my head. I just really despise myself.
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I stay away from this thread because I do not know what to say but in Dec. 09 I tried to hang myself and the support rod in my closet broke.

I still have the opiate addiction I can not escape from that prompted me to do it. Outside life seems to get better but inside I feel the same as I did when I tried to do it.

I can say however I still haven't had to put the few people that actually care about me through a pain I can not imagine. That is about the only positive I can find in not having done it. I have good days and I have bad days. I too hate myself for what I have become and knowing there are people out there that probably refer to me as a piece of shit and wouldn't care if I did it or not doesn't help.

I do not know you but I am in a similar situation as you. If you ever need someone to listen you can PM me and I promise I will read it and reply. That goes out to anyone. Might not be able to reply as fast you would like me to because I do not always get back to people fast but I promise I will. I am holding on to the hope I will not feel this way one day.
 
I have been trying to quit dope lately, and I cannot. It is my medicine. I am psychiatric med non-compliant, and get suicidal when I have no dope in my system. I swear, I am never going to try to quit again. I have been relatively clean for 5 weeks, and am thoroughly miserable as a result. Fuck it. I am just going to spend more than usual so I have continuous access. No more of this self-loathing, planning my death mindset.
 
mrjackjones said:
I have been trying to quit dope lately, and I cannot. It is my medicine. I am psychiatric med non-compliant, and get suicidal when I have no dope in my system. I swear, I am never going to try to quit again. I have been relatively clean for 5 weeks, and am thoroughly miserable as a result. Fuck it. I am just going to spend more than usual so I have continuous access. No more of this self-loathing, planning my death mindset.
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I've been feeling much the same about my meth addiction. Except for the part where you said you've been clean for 5 weeks... I definitely couldn't manage that. You're not alone.
 
xxkcxx said:
IDK, I'm not really thinking about actually committing suicide, but the thoughts are in my head. I just really despise myself.
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Don't let that worry you. It happens to more people than you would think. We all think about things we would do and fantasize about things. But it dosen't mean we are going through with them. I find myself thinking the same shit at times. Just today I was in my truck coming home from school and noticed an 18 wheeler coming down the road at a nice clip. In a split second I thought if I pulled over into the other lane that would take care of the fucking bullshit I am dealing with right know! It was just a split second thought and one I had no intention of acting on, because as soon as I thought it, I reminded myself of the great reasons I had to stay alive. I mean who the fuck wants to die when you still owe the IRS $4000+ in income tax and miss out on that! LOL

But you got to hang with life because when you go out early you miss out on so much that can make your life a rewarding experience. I don't know your age, but I am a 54 year old middle school teacher and if anyone should be stressed enough to pull int that oncoming Semi, it should be me.

Stay in game man. You'll really be glad you did.

As far as beating yourself up for thinking about don't....what the hell good would that do?
 
My turn for feeling low. I just hate being an addict with no life. I'm sick of my situation. I so wish I could turn back the clock.
 
Been drinking heavily and popping diazepam as if they were lollies. Wouldn't be surprised if I wake up in the emergency room.
 
you dont have to turn back the clock, that would leave you with a lot less know how. there is time, as a friend or foe its there, just know that 5 years from now, you may be saying the same thing, and you dont have to.


3 days till the pain clinic; im in w/d and hurting like a mofo from pain & w/d's now.

i am terrified, this can not be happening, happening for ever and progressing... it is...

in a rapid conversation with my dad, he agreed 1/2 fraudulently that my death would in reality be easier for everyone eventually... it would, unless i win the lottery or make it somehow extraordinarily... i want to go to the psychward, but there is nothing they an give me to make me reason with myself.

i dont know if anything will happen at the PC, i have multiple chronic pain diagnosis's, and the most painful undiagnosed, just perpetual since a med reaction... the only thing that helps, are opioids, i use them minimally and responsibly - the same dosage for months now.

i cant tell them that, they wouldnt believe me, and it would just be the last thing i should say.

but im dead serious. i can not stand this, and i can not continue self medicating. i need help in the form of morphine derivatives, so sue me! i wish i could sue remicaid, or at least of never gone in and taken that drug. yeah i want to go back in time and not take that, just decide not to go... and not feel my ribs bubble burst and burn all damn day and night, and organs be yanked by a steel threads and chains etc.

something must come of this.

10 more years i give it, then thats it. who knows what devastation will of been caused in my family by that time; as far as finances and emotions. 10 more years of this, i would hope my family knew it was just obnoxious and cruel by that point. why?!? i think physicians in oregon can perform euthanasia on qualifying people/patients - and by that time i will of been a patient enough.

lovely music, some family, diactyl-morphine drip with ketamine, valium, mmj, and dilauded for 3 days - then the last push off to sleep.
 
^^ pip, that actually brought me to tears.
I only wish the best for you, as does everyone else here. Like I said to you earlier today, you're actually coping really well considering your condition. You're a very strong person and I have full confidence that you will find a solution. Good luck at the PC, let us know how it goes <3
 
400mg diazepam and 20mg clonazepam later, I ended up spending last night in the emergency room.

Was kept under observation and released this morning.
 
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