Shroom flashback?! Why!
Hello lovelys! I made a post on here a while ago, one day after I made my first decision to use psychedelics. I tried shrooms for the first time (I'm not sure how much I took, but I took them grinded up with tea *bad idea*. They all sunk to the bottom and I had to dig them out with a spoon, yuck.) but anyway! Today I'm back because yesterday I had a traumatic experience with what I THINK is a shroom flashback?
Until yesterday, I hadn't even thought of my horrible shroom trip again... I don't want too and that's why this flashback has scared me so badly.
I smoked 3 bowls of marijuana from a bong and felt great. I was having the most fun conversations with my boyfriend and was super happy, until I got punched in the face by the shroom memories.
Instantly, I started reliving my shroom trip. I felt like my physical self was gone and I became very scared. I got tense and wanted to yell "ITS HAPPENING AGAIN, I'm so scared, it's happening! My shroom trip is back!" But I couldn't. Last time I cried and it made things worse. I tried to endure it - not even knowing flashbacks were possible. All my thoughts started looping - just like they did when I took shrooms. I felt like I had no legs or arms and all that was there were my eyeballs. Just seeing everything. Things looked animated and vibrant again and I felt as if what I could see was a screen. I didn't think I was walking when I was, or laying down when I was. It was JUST my eyes, or as immature and weird as it sounds, my soul. I had to keep convincing myself I was real. I kept telling myself my own name and reminding myself that I was "ok." But another voice in my head told me otherwise. I thought I was dying... Or dead.... But I didn't cause a scene. I just laid quietly with my thoughts trying my hardest to wrap my head around it. At times, even 10 seconds or so I would be overwhelmed with panic, which again, I didn't express. I heard a thought saying "stop! Stop doing this! Go back to living your life how you were." And another voice argued "what life?! This is my life? What am I going back too? What am I afraid of?"
This amongst other things lasted for 2 or 3 hours and went away. I felt depressed and really sad that my mind had gone back to what my shroom trip was like. I felt insane. Questioned if I was psycho or schizophrenic. Although shaken, I was fine. I ended up going home though and was still alright.
Around 8:30, memories kept coming back from earlier in the day. I was sitting with my parents watching tv and got SO overwhelmed, questioning if I was even alive, that I had to go up to bed.
In my room it started HAPPENING AGAIN! Since I was alone, this time I cried, only until I remembered that I shouldn't because it makes it worse. I hadn't smoked anything else, for at least 5 hours now. Maybe more, even! But it still came back. Everything was cartoon and vibrant again and TERRIFYING. I shut my eyes and focused on my breathing but the damn voices were back, like an angel and devil on my shoulder whispering things. I kept my eyes closed and got up to turn off my light - scared of what I would see if I opened my eyes. I crawled into bed and got my blankets around me. The thoughts and voices were super intense now, I kept saying "leave me alone" in my head. (Which really makes me seen schizophrenic.) and I wasn't at ease until I fell asleep.
Even then, it was the first thing into my head in the morning and that's why I'm here.
To any interested in what my shroom trip was like, please look on my page at my trip report!
I need advice though. Should I be afraid? Should I stop smoking weed? I've heard flashbacks are triggered by the use of marijuana. Smoking weed is not worth this feeling. Should I seek medical or professional help? Or only of it happens again? Or even THEN, is there a point too?
I'm scared this will make me even more depressed and anxious and I don't want to be living in fear of this happening again. I'm very shaken up and probably will be but I can't ease my mind and confide in the fact that it won't happen again.
I looked a bit on google and read about HPPD (I think are the initials.) this seemed different, and more visual. My "trip"/flashback was extremely visual, but I feel like it was more mental.
I feel scared and insane and know next to nothing about shrooms and the potential long term effects. I've read flashbacks can happen but most people say they like them/want them to happen, or that they are EXTREMELY rare, which also scares me... Thanks to anyone who submits their input. It's GREATLY appreciated.
Some history on me for those who would like to help, I am 19 and female. I am a very depressed person already, usually able to calm down by smoking weed, but now that scares me knowing I may "open up a world to shrooms" again. I do not intend to do drugs, including smoking weed for a long time - if ever. Shrooms are the only drug I tried, and I went into it very "sketchy". (I'm aware this is why I may have had a bad trip. You don't need to tell me

).