Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

[monchi]

hey n3o: glad to see you in here again, we need all the support possible. wishing you all the best with al the changes you are facing coming up. my take: studying and drinking do not mix. but maybe you'll find new inspiration being back at school to ramp up those sober days... sometimes a change in pattern can be a great catalyst, so while im sure you're going to miss your man, it might give you the boost you need to string some sober time together.

BurialAtSea: do you have access to a free counseling service of some kind? it might help to have some one to talk to. also im pretty sure there is a body dysmorphia / eating disorder thread on here some where if you search. it might be helpful to you.

i made it through my first sober day in a couple weeks, and feel a bit anxious, but otherwise ok. lots of work and study this week to occupy me...

 

[welshmick]

My heart goes out to anyone with a real alkie problem.

It's cheap, available and deadly.

Me doctors have got me on a very tight Diazepan reduction, if I want to save some for a rainy day.
I found that a couple of vodkas, will keep me calm or sleeping.

Except the bloody stuff makes me need twice as much diazepan next day.

If any of you really enjoy a beer/lager.
Then I can recommend Becks NON ALCHOHOLIC, tastes like the real thing, keeps you fluid levels up. (Me doc even told me that the lefover Barley/hops is good for me as well.)

I'm drinking a couple of very small glasses of white wine these days.
So far so good, but I must always watch this.

Wish I was happy with just some good smoke.
As I get older I just seem to want more of everything

 

[perfect haze]

Yeah I wish I could cut out booze altogether too sometimes. I just like wine with food and a casual beer or two too much.

 

[-25]

I took two weeks off, and started again about a week ago. I am having constant panic attacks, the only thing to keep them at bay is booze or benzos. I wish i could stop again, but now I am just drinking at seven in the morning, why is it so difficult to stop this?

 

[burn out]

23 months off alcohol today and i think i'd be doing great if i had not gotten addicted to benzos. the cravings have really dissipated for the most part and it feels so good to have no need to drink. unfortunately, the bezno withdrawal is driving me mad and making me consider drinking, not because i want to drink, i don't at all, i am just getting desperate for some relief here.

 

[Cyc]

Best not to keep trading addictions. A benzo taper program will help you stay on the wagon.. Both of them.

 

[burn out]

Best not to keep trading addictions. A benzo taper program will help you stay on the wagon.. Both of them.

lol, i finished my taper seventh months ago and i'm still withdrawing hard. it's the depression of thinking this is permanent or going to last several yearst that is making me consider drinking right now.

 

[phactor]

J
This abstinence from drinking has caused me to lose weight at a rapid pace as well, which I am a bit worried about...I guess I never realized how much of my daily caloric intake amounted to from this shit...bah. I am one gaunt looking motherfucker at the moment.

I have for a while had a body image problem, and was quite anorexic prior to drinking. Drinking kinda opened the floodgates to my other addictions: food, smoking constantly...guess it just negated all/most of my psychological inhibitions

Are you smoking alot? This probably has alot to do with the appetite as well.

You can always take meal replacement drinks to compensate for not wanting to eat. When I'm not drinking or drinking within the recommended limits I notice my appetite going way up.

I'm doing okay, didn't drink monday. had 2 yesterday but was able to getup early and workout. Will probably have one or two tonight while watching the Blackhawks game.

Being able to say no to drinking or the thoughts of "oh just have one more" are getting much easier.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I am having constant panic attacks, the only thing to keep them at bay is booze or benzos.

Hi 25, if I may just take this opportunity to state the bleedingly obvious:
Your alcohol use/abuse is making your panic attacks worse.

Are you seeing a counsellor/therapist about your anxiety?? Are you abusing your benzos or just using them as prescribed?


I didn't drink on Tuesday night or last night, seem to be doing okay with the physical withdrawals/cravings, but having some epic psychological withdrawals, as usual. Like you Cyc, it happens at night after work/uni, when I would normally drink.

My partner and I have had some horrible petty arguments, as we're both withdrawing. Such a shame because he's leaving for a 4-week work trip next week and we want to make the most of the time together, i.e. not fight!! But we also want to be sober during the week. Sometimes it honestly seems like we can't have both...

 

[prayersfor.rain]

I hate that I black out so often now. I'm always embarrassed for days afterward because I have no clue what I said or did.

 

[Cyc]

I didn't drink on Tuesday night or last night, seem to be doing okay with the physical withdrawals/cravings, but having some epic psychological withdrawals, as usual. Like you Cyc, it happens at night after work/uni, when I would normally drink.

Yeah, it's day 3 for me, so aside from a whacked sleeping schedule and being behind on homework, I'm mostly in the clear. The only real physical manifestations I've noticed are sweaty hands/feet, and sporadic tinnitus (ringing and fluttering in ears). These normally subside by day 3, and after that I just get hit by the odd craving.

 

[burn out]

I hate that I black out so often now. I'm always embarrassed for days afterward because I have no clue what I said or did.

why does this happen? when i first started drinking, i would never blackout no matter how drunk i got, even though my tolerance was low. i could drink 9 beers without blacking out though.

after drinking heavily for a while, i could drink more than double that, and yet i would find that i had blacked out after the sixth beer, long before i even felt drunk.

now it has been 23 months and i am considering drinking again. any guess as to where my tolerance will be?

 

[RedLeader]

^ If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that your physical tolerance will be close to what it was when you first started (2 years is a long break), but your psychological tolerance is probably permanently elevated. What I mean is that you're so used to what higher BAC levels feel like that you won't feel as "drunk." Learning to do stuff while drunk is in a way like learning to ride a bike; it never really goes away, even though you might get a little bit wobbly after a break If that makes sense.

I must ask, why are you wanting to drink again? If you're worried about lingering anxiety from your benzo days, you probably shouldn't start drinking too often, as too much alcohol's really not good for us who are already prone to anxiety. I'm not going to say don't do it, as many people can use certain drugs responsibly/recreationally, but just do be careful and don't jump back at it over your head.

 

[n3ophy7e]

and sporadic tinnitus (ringing and fluttering in ears).

I had no idea that was a symptom of alcohol withdrawal! Alllll makes sense now!

burn out, if anything that anyone says on here will sway your mind, please reconsider starting drinking again. 23 months of sobriety is an absolutely amazing acheivement that so many people on here could hope to acheive themselves. Remember how horrible the hangovers and withdrawals were? Why do you want to risk going back to square 1?

 

[monchi]

.

My partner and I have had some horrible petty arguments, as we're both withdrawing. Such a shame because he's leaving for a 4-week work trip next week and we want to make the most of the time together, i.e. not fight!! But we also want to be sober during the week. Sometimes it honestly seems like we can't have both...

ive gone through this pattern with my bf. its hard, and can create an excuse to drink again. i find as the week goes on, it gets easier to get along, and then bam! you ruin the whole thing by getting loaded on the weekend and the cycle repeats... plus, sometimes the pressure to get along is enough to make you jump at the slightest imperfection... here's hoping the next few days get better for you both...


im doing ok, school is keeping me occupied. keep getting weird rashes though which is either my liver detoxing, some weird food allergy, or maybe due to some anxiety??

 

[burn out]

I had no idea that was a symptom of alcohol withdrawal! Alllll makes sense now!

burn out, if anything that anyone says on here will sway your mind, please reconsider starting drinking again. 23 months of sobriety is an absolutely amazing acheivement that so many people on here could hope to acheive themselves. Remember how horrible the hangovers and withdrawals were? Why do you want to risk going back to square 1?

yes, i remember how bad it was. it was so bad that i started abusing benzos. honestly, alcohol seems gross to me now, i don't want to drink it anymore, it nearly cost me my life in the past and it is the reason i became addicted to benzos. it took many months for the cravings to subside and they were so intense at times, i didn't think i would ever make it.

the reason i am considering drinking again is because i'm just that desperate for a way to control my benzo withdrawal symptoms. i can go for a longer, and i probably will. yesterday, i just got tempted to pick up a six pack and see if it would make me feel better, curiosity i guess. but i didn't do it. the thing is, my brain feels so fried from the benzos. i can't think and can't feel emotions. i can't socialize. i know that eventually i am going to reach a point where i get sick of this, stop caring and start trying to find ways to make myself feel again.

 

[RedLeader]

I really, really don't suggest you do that, man. You know what the potential cycle is. I know you really hate benzos, but you also really hated alcohol at one point. I really hope you don't get too caught up with wanting to start back on alcohol, but I am with you in that benzo WD can lead one to do desperate things. It's surely not easy.

Have you tried any OTC stress-relief products to try and mitigate the benzo-WD anxiety at all? L-Theanine is a really good one, IMO.

 

[n3ophy7e]

ive gone through this pattern with my bf. its hard, and can create an excuse to drink again. i find as the week goes on, it gets easier to get along, and then bam! you ruin the whole thing by getting loaded on the weekend and the cycle repeats... plus, sometimes the pressure to get along is enough to make you jump at the slightest imperfection... here's hoping the next few days get better for you both...

im doing ok, school is keeping me occupied. keep getting weird rashes though which is either my liver detoxing, some weird food allergy, or maybe due to some anxiety??

Thanks so much for your support hun
It's comforting to know that other couples have gone through the same as us. Sometimes it has us questioning whether we still love each other, which is horrible because we definitely DO still love each other! Very much! Just goes to show how evil alcohol really is.
We are doing much better though, no drinks and no fights all week

That is strange about your rashes. Have you ever gotten them before? If I had to take a guess I'd say it was from stress/anxiety. Is it bothering you enough to get it checked out??

 

[monchi]

^glad the hear your week is going well! :D

as for the rashes, (ew, sounds gross ) ive had it before, and i think you 're right, its probably a stress thing. now that my midterm is over i feel a bit better, so should be no worries.

 

[burn out]

I really, really don't suggest you do that, man. You know what the potential cycle is. I know you really hate benzos, but you also really hated alcohol at one point. I really hope you don't get too caught up with wanting to start back on alcohol, but I am with you in that benzo WD can lead one to do desperate things. It's surely not easy.

Have you tried any OTC stress-relief products to try and mitigate the benzo-WD anxiety at all? L-Theanine is a really good one, IMO.

i don't really have much anxiety, it's brain fog, severe emotional blunting and raging tinnitus i suffer from. i've been eating foods rich in vitamins and minerals to try to help. i know how bad alcohol is, but of course there's always the thinking that i can control it better this time. i am trying to give myself more time to recover from the benzos, it is just so frustrating when i read stories of people 5,6 7 years off benzos and not better and i tell myself i will not put up with that and simply start drinking at some point if it happens to me.