• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

Status
Not open for further replies.
Drugs reveal to us an unnatural state of mind that is unsustainable. If we mistakenly see that state of mind as being natural, we risk comparing it to our true natural emotional life, which can be devastating to a realistic view of how we should feel.
 
i seriously need to get off this rollercoaster. i beat everyday drinking and was feeling so good for so long, but have now gotten into the habit of a few weeks sober, and then one messy night. the last couple of times i have blacked out, and this seems to be happening more and more frequently :(.

my drinking and inappropriate behavior has come under the scrutiny of my friends more and more, and i have constant feelings of guilt and shame about my inability to control my drinking, and myself, when drunk.

i know that i have to quit for a really long period of time, but i am scared to say forever.
 
just went through a fairly severe month. way too much going on socially, so i ended up going out nearly every night for one reason or another. nothing heinous behavior-wise, but it's easy to let six drinks on monday become ten drinks on wednesday and then it's more or less a fifth by the weekend.

regulatory mechanisms are kicking in now, so i really haven't been drinking a lot the last few days. but it's always amazing to me how quickly things can escalate. too much scotch. not enough weed.
 
monchi said:
i know that i have to quit for a really long period of time, but i am scared to say forever.
Click to expand...

You don't have to say "forever" though hun, that is a really daunting prospect for a lot of addicts. Too daunting in fact, so that you will feel more pressure to succeed, and more likely relapse.

Instead, just say "for as long as I can, this time", and take it one day at a time. At the end of today, you can say you didn't have a drink, and that's it, you've reached your goal for that day and you can feel good about yourself.

Then tomorrow it's the same thing.

Baby steps <3
 
Went out both nights last weekend, realized I just simply cannot drink like I used too. I'm noticing that even if I am not hungover physically the next day I still have some anxiety. Problem is this anxiety still exists in the morning when I wake up even if I haven't drank, its just lessened.

Anyways I am sick today, just have a head cold and whatnot. Not fun. Going to have to take a decongestant... ephiderine yechhh!!!!

I've been nicotine free for awhile though!
 
n3ophy7e said:
You don't have to say "forever" though hun, that is a really daunting prospect for a lot of addicts. Too daunting in fact, so that you will feel more pressure to succeed, and more likely relapse.

Instead, just say "for as long as I can, this time", and take it one day at a time. At the end of today, you can say you didn't have a drink, and that's it, you've reached your goal for that day and you can feel good about yourself.

Then tomorrow it's the same thing.

Baby steps <3
Click to expand...

this is good advice. the way i quit was actually sort of like this. i told myself i would quit for one year. the first 8 months were very difficult with daily cravings but then something special happrened around the 8 month mark where the desire to drink let up and i began to realize life without alcohol was a possibility. before that, i could see no reason to be sober and my ONLY reason for stopping drinking was my rapidly deteriorating health. i began to realize there are people out there, who aren't suffering from alcohol related health problems and actually choose not to drink because they don't find it worth the hangover and other negatives. when i got to the one year mark, i realized it would be easy to go even longer. in fact, drinking wasn't even at the forefront of my mind anymore.
 
thanks burn out, this gives me a bit of hope... how did you deal with social situations though? it seems like at least once a month all my friends get together for dinner and drinks for someone's birthday or holiday or the like...

dealing with some anxiety and cravings, but otherwise im doing ok. how is everyone else holding up?
 
social situations weren't easy but my alcohol addiction was literally killing me, so at the time i considered surviving to be more important than fitting in. i also had a friend who didn't drink (she's 23 soon and has never been drunk and is not religious or anything) and i thought, if she can do it, why can't i do it? even seeing posts on bluelight from people who don't drink (not necessarily former alcoholics, just people who don't care for alcohol or drinking) who seemed to have no issues regarding this helped me realize that alcohol isn't necessary to lead a satisfactory life.
 
^ It's probably easier for her becuase she's never been drunk. She does not know how quick and easy society's legal drug is for us in our weak moments...

My sister's also 23 and she got drunk for the first time 2 months ago. Hated it, but yet keeps talking about wanting to do it again.

I think we all at times get jealous of those who have never drank AND don't feel tempted. Sure would make life a ton easier.
 
Fuckit, I need to vent... I am having a strong urge to drink right now, even knowing it will put me back to where I was in the first place. I have been sober for about a month and a half now, and my life is still shit (surely this is my fault I know that, but I can't seem to motivate myself enough to change).

This all seems so self-indulgent...I am in benzo hell right now, fucking devil's medicine, why the fuck did I ever get prescribed on this shit. I am a nervous wreck even on this stuff, the only semblance of "normality" I can attain is when I take my morning dose, my afternoon dose, my evening dose, etc. blah. Even then, I am having chronic headaches/fuzziness that just will not go away. A recent trip to my psych did not help at all, trying to talk to these doctors/rn's is like trying to spill your soul to an oblivious drunken fool (ironic i know). "No, I don't fucking want to try another batch of SSRI's for the thousandth time, and no I DO NOT want another therapist or another luxurious stay on the ward."

Searching for work after my layoff last month, but I have no job, the bills just keep coming and my savings are nearing nonexistence. One day at a time... I can't seem to handle one goddamn second at a time, let alone a day. I feel like if this is my last day on this doomed planet, I want to go out drunk, oblivious, high as a kite whatever... existence is such a torture. I want to escape this capitalist hellhole, yet I am chained down by fear.

And poor me, yeah I have it so hard when millions of people are just struggling to find shelter for the night and have it so much harder than I.... :|, and yet here I am wallowing in self-pity and depression that was likely brought on for the most part by myself. fuck
 
My drinking has been getting pretty out of hand this last few months and it is starting to fuck up my life, I use alcohol nearly every day often with benzodiazeppines and benzo's on the few days I don't drink.

Lately when I go out I have been mixing benzo's and drinking my ass off to the point of blacking out hardcore. It is really fucked as I have burned some bridges with some of my closest friends, my brother is hardly speaking to me and I managed to get arrested and subsequently hospitalised last weekend at my mothers 50th birthday party.

I am praying that because I got sent to hospital I am not going to recieve a court summons in the mail but the more I think about it the less likely that seems. The really fucked thing is that although my life is spiralling out of control I don't have any genuine desire to stop drinking and I am really not sure why. I know if I continue on this path I am going to lose everything but for some reason I can't even think about facing a life without drugs or alcohol.

Anyway, I just pretty much needed to have a rant so yeah, there it is...
 
i felt the exact same way drug_mentor. I knew exactly what alcohol was doing to me and yet i still had no desire to stop. i've noticed i tend to get that way with drugs, where i care more about using the drug than anything else in the world. you have to stay sober for a long period of time, and then you begin to see the folly in this, in my experience.
 
I feel like i am always falling into the exact same mistake, every night or at best every other night, but more than often it is every single one.

The trap is that i get that thirsty for alcohol feeling after not drinking all day and i decide to have that one beer which sounds so good. That first drink it usually great too, i write or read and it seems to even improve my concentration. The problem is that i am a chain drinker. Once i get that first drink down i just do not feel right without something to sip on for the rest of the night, often until i have drunk myself into utter oblivion.

At times i have been able to control myself and cut it off after one or two drinks, but this is only more deceptive because it gives me an excuse to try it night after night.

Three or four drinks though and it's no mans land.

The other deception is that with every drink i, naturally, become less focused or concerned with the consequences of my actions. So bad decision really feeds more bad decision.

As i said, three drinks and i'm hopeless. I hate most of all that dry burning feeling that accompanies the comedown off of even a few drinks. If moderate alcohol use could just have a smoother transition, i think it would be a lot easier.

There is not much point to this except that every day makes it more clear that i am unable to have even one drink. I suppose this is a pretty common problem, but it sure is frustrating.
 
^ It is frustrating, and what you said about the first drink sparking creativity and ambition I often have/do fine applicable to myself as well. Never comes back really, since it becomes more sloshy and less happy/giddy after a while, but at that point you just don't care.

The cold, hard fact is that some people in this world can do the social drinking thing, or even kick back with a couple of beers alone, and be fine. And do it rather frequently too. And then there are those of us who just get too curious, too tempted, and point-blank too addicted.

It's sad realising that you're in that latter group, but once you can come to terms with it, you can better understand that drinking is NOT working for you. That little bust of creativity is not worth the exchange of getting piss-drunk by the end of the night, not worth the hangover the next day and definitely not worth the stronger cravings the next night. And you have to understand that. In time, after distancing yourself from the drink, you'll find other ways to feel similarly creative.

Tea or coffee does it for me now. When I was drinking really heavily, my body didn't take too well to caffeine, but now a nice cup of tea can motivate me to work. Same goes with getting really into music. I don't know what you like, but I'm obsessed with electronica, and if I let myself go with it for 10-15 minutes, I get into a zone that's an intoxication and yet my phsycial body remains completely sober.

I know it's hard to slow down the drinking. It's really, really hard and all this talk of it being possible to recreate good feelings without alcohol seems kinda foolish, if not irritating. It's just something you gotta put your faith into, because do you really want to be having this pyschological and physical battle with alcohol on a daily basis? That's not fun, knowing you're captive to its lure. It's not worth the fun of the first beer or the numbness of the tenth. It's just not. You deserve better than that.

How long have you been drinking, man? Have you taken any breaks recently?
 
I've been drinking heavily for only about three years, with a one year break when i become a heroin/methadone addict. In fact a lot of the allure of opiates were that they completely took away my desire to drink. For that whole year i had this bottle of gin up on my shelf and i would just look at it and laugh.

The ironic thing is that after realizing i had to quit opiates (they were doing absolutely nothing for me anymore, only sustaining themselves like some body snatcher organism), i went through such prolonged withdrawals that i began drinking again, a lot. It's been about eight months or so now and i am still drinking to the point of drunkenness every night. It sometimes really makes me wonder if it is smarter to keep the opiate addiction. I know the right answer is that you should not have any addiction, but if it came down between the two, i think alcohol takes more from you, at least day to day.

Before my heavy drinking i had a long period of proper social drinking. I remember that i would scoff the idea of getting addicted to alcohol because i just didn't enjoy it all that much. It just made me tired and slow after a couple of drinks. But i guess i just had a natural tolerance and i had yet to experience proper drunkenness. Once i learned i could kick my consciousness right out of my skull with enough alcohol, it opened a Pandora's box and that's what i became addicted to, the void that i'm sure most alcoholics are striving for.

But lately, as in the past few months, i am no longer seeking that void. I just want to have a couple of drinks which inevitably leads me there.

Yeah and i definitely know about the absolute death of creativity after the first few drinks, which is also frustrating. It seems like i have developed this little piece of solid conscience that won't go away even with drinking, so it sits there and mocks me when i get to that point. It's like, 'look at you, you thought you were so creative and now it wouldn't make a difference if you were in the Bahamas or in prison, you are absolutely gone as is another night and another morning and another sum of money and it's all adding up heavy buddy, everything except what you want to get done.'

Thanks for the response, i definitely need to cultivate some new habits that help me stay sober. It's just that i have a lot of interests and hobbies, but almost all of them, writing, reading, music, seem to go better with a little alcohol, just a little right.
 
I'm doing okay, my use is still pretty low and I am still taking off days. I have quit nicotine except for a few slipups. I am also on day four of no cannabis (not sure how long I am going to not puff, I just feel like not smoking now) so I am allowing myself an extra drink or two. I am getting ready for a really hard month or two bulk before summer and do not want to be drinking much during this time. I've been doing really well with the workouts and proper diet, but I know the alcohol is effecting it to some degree.

Alcohol is by far the most sneaky of all drugs for me. Other things I can just flat out quit when I want to (its not easy always) but alcohol has a way of sneaking up on you. I am glad that I am a "beer guy" though. I've cut out most of my hard alcohol years ago and never really liked it all that much.

Everyone please keep trying. We can do it!

batmanplaybaseball - Your story is a common one and I share a very similar one to yourself. Try to nip it in the bud now. I ended up thinking "well at least I'm not using dope/oc" for like 2 to 3 years and it took about 2 to 3 years to struggle to get to where I am at now and I am still not totally happy (I'm posting in this thread for example). Of course I frequently drank on my opiates but nothing heavy. For a long time I viewed drinking less enough so that I would not be hungover as a good thing, and it was. However I now realize that even that amount was impacting me.

I am drinking a beer right now, allowing myself 4. :\

Has spurs been around recently?
 
Last edited:
im in the military. have alcoholism. i was going to get put in rehab but they decided to let me try on my own with a new roommate. ive been drinking around a 5th(750ml) a night. since i got back from iraq around a year ago.
 
well thank you for your service, and welcome first of all.

second, this doesnt surprise me, the military saving the money on the rehab...

this is going to be one hell of a fight too, but im sure you can focus into the mind set of, this is what needs to be done. its good you know what you need to do, and it doesnt have to be too much of a chalenge, being smart about it, and being safe.

i was drinking around 3 bottles, and tapered fast in 5 days. which may of been too fast but its worked since;)

do you think you could drink 375ml or less for three days?
if so, doing that, and then 150 two nights, and then one last shot or so left after 5 days, which you could dump, or give to your roomie. either way it would be the best drink you never had...!
 
Well I'm signing back into this thread. I did well at the beginning of the year and managed six weeks without a single drop (December - end of January) but am back to drinking 10-15 standard drinks a night :( Every morning I wake up feeling like death and swearing to have a break but every afternoon by 5pm I would sell my soul for a drink and after that first I lose all self control. My flatmate said the other day I drink more than anyone else he knows and he works at a bar :(
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top