i lived and breathed NA for over a year, i lived w/ my sponsor, we would hold 'closed' meetings their, or go to them 3 nights at our home group;
spiritual seekers, we, and many others fondly referred to the meeting as
spiritual tweekers heheh. during that time, we never4 spoke of religion, or god, unless we where only in a philosophical sense, alone chatting, not in a meeting..
my higher power when asked to draw it was a snow flake. i couldnt think of anything else to draw, i had that drawing a long time, through some serious shit w/d, realization, clarity, psychosis, the start of a life, and then a rapid relapse that lasted 8 years, i lost that drawing along that road. it ment to me, unique, individual, pristine perfection.
now, i do not go to aa/na, the environment is a major trigger for me now haha, my probation even dropped it for me because they could see i seriously was sick of drink, and am probably too sick to drink any way haha. even now though, as a total atheist i feel christianity was basterdized pagan irish, yet im unsure of their interpretation of things as well, and that all religion is evil, because any god i can imagine created a world and harmony in all forms of life, and nature, as terrible as they are, or glorious, they all are a part of nature; derived and delivered, never truly duplicated, the most awesome force, nature.
imagining the vastness, depth, and beauty of our earth is amazing to me, i imagine animals and others who suffer at the hand of nature, and it makes since, any pain and suffering i have... when i attempt to encompass the great infinite around us, nothing i can say or do matters, nothing anyone can say or do maters. mother nature who gently carries feathers and leafs, pours life giving water, and filtered sun carries radiation, creates suspend towering galaxies, unfathomable heat and cold. the same mother nature that creates lead rain, and lakes of methane on some planets.
before i keep going on and my browser drops, thats my higher power, and a smidge of why.
you should seriously give it a shot, it does work if you work it, as corny as that sounds, its true, and na or aa is not religious, no, ive surely been to around a thousand meetings... and none of them have been preachy, or encroaching with religion what so ever, not once IME.
try it, its only an hour, the first one may not be the greatest, but every 'group ' pr 'meeting' is different in ways, some mayy mostly be traditional step meetings, some may be mostly straight faced and reserved, or their is one in the city i live by thats a 1.5 hour wild tell all group, that reminds me of hre, but you cant really respond in real time with a "hey, thats what its like for me!" but you can and should try and tell them after the meeting maybe, or speak and mention how you relate. im sure you would find a group that would suit you fine sweet P, and possibly save your life, I can promise you that if you look and try.
i still have my first AA book from 15 years ago, the old blue one, lots of marked passages, and dog ears on that old thang.
