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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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Yeah it is, I also have a very busy work week next week (shit its always busy though). Monday I will set the limit at 2, Tuesday 1 and then that is it till next Monday (at least).

Little tip for the beer drinkers by the way:

If you are tapering or cutting back, try buying one of those airplane sized mini bottles or two of some kind of liquor you do not like. Can make it psychologically easier imo. That way you are still addressing your dependency without having to drink 12 ounces of beer (I love beer, not crazy about hard liquor).

Anyways I am having some elevated anxiety today, I'm sure 50 percent of it is work and 50 percent of it is the alcohol working its way out of my system.
 
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I'm not, nor have I ever been a social drinker. I mean, I drink socially, but always with the intention of getting buzzed/drunk, eating a big meal and passing out. If there are friends involved, all the better, but there is no other way of drinking for me.

That said, if I'm busy I can abstain for days at a time. People sometimes ask me, "Why aren't you having a drink?" and I have to explain that I'm not drinking today. That's to say, I have resolved for whatever reason (no time, obligation early the next day, malaise from previous binge) not to start a journey I'm not willing to finish.

Only recently has alcohol affected me negatively in terms of withdrawal and cravings. I used to be a weekend warrior who would stop without a 2nd thought. Now I have to consider whether the party I'm attending that night is going to turn into a 3 or 4 day binge. Eventually I wonder if I'll have to abstain altogether. I seem to have an unhealthy attitude toward drinking.
 
Hi glitterbizkit! It's good to see you posting again, even if it's to receive advice about a possible alcohol problem. My own experience with alcohol is different because often I am a solo/at-home drinker, but when I was drinking super-heavily there exist some e-mails I wish I could take back for sure. Alcohol lowers inhibitions in a lot of people, it's the nature of the drug.

How is the beta-blocker working for you with your anxiety?

I also have trouble eating when I get rebound anxiety. My Valium script keeps that at bay for the most part. I didn't drink last week due to being sick and couldn't keep down my Valium, so my anxiety really skyrocketed.

I'm not having as much trouble keeping it to 1-2 beers, but there was an occasion when I had more. I felt very ashamed about that. It related to receiving some horrendously bad news about a friend (not a BLer) whose career could possibly end after his ex acted in a vengeful way. See my last Blogs post for additional detail if you're in the mood to read something lengthy.

I find that when I take my Valium at the 5 mg level, I am usually able to stave off the cravings. Also, now that I'm not sick, I am able to eat regularly again. I often forget to eat when anxious too. I have rice or a banana usually if I feel nausea (not usually related to hangover - it comes with my panic attacks). Having something in your stomach, even if it is small and bland, is important so that you can maintain proper nutrition.

I now keep a stash of juices, soda (though I'd like to quit drinking soda so much, at least it is diet), and various teas so that I can enjoy tasty non-alcoholic beverages. I know it's kind of gimmicky, but I also buy Smart Water, which is fortified w/electrolytes, fairly often.

I am trying to come around to the idea of abstinence. I may join the February sobriety group and be abstinent for that month; Octsober was overall a very good month for me. In the meantime, I have plenty to do that isn't compatible with using alcohol.

Continued good luck and strength to everyone <3
 
Scott: What benzo are you prescribed, and how much? The benzos should reduce anxiety to a managable level, and you may be on the wrong type, or on a too low dosage. Consider asking your doc to up the dosage for a short time only, and then taper to a low dose, after which you can stop the benzo use.
 
I've been lurking in this thread for a long time, but never posted.

Drinking has (used to) never be a problem for me, although I've drunk my fair share of alcohol. I suffer from social anxiety so it's no surprise it has started to sink its teeth into me. I never drank regularly until becoming dependant on benzos, but I kicked that addiction a little over a year ago. But in the midst of that addiction and becoming clean, I started drinking and drinking more, and more - I started taking and seeking 'downers' alot more.

I've been on valium again for the past couple of months along with a script for dexamphetamine which is helping me massively. Unfortunately these meds get all tied up with my drinking. Been drinking daily for the past couple of months, in the last month it has been 6-12 beers per night unless I take an opiate or smoke weed which allows me to drink less. It fucking pisses me off that a drug like marijuana is illegal when it stops me from drinking too much, yet I can get all the liquor I need from 5 different outlets in a 4km radius - stupid fucking world (I'm drug-tested by the way because I'm prescribed dexamphetamine, I used to smoke weed daily and that cured most of my mental problems). I still smoke weed once a fortnight or something after being a heavy stoner for 6 years and my shrink is very understanding. So occasionally smoking some bud isn't bad in his eyes (thank god for an understanding, realistic psychiatrist).

I generally only drink after 5pm but it's becoming a problem and I feel the need for it every night just to escape all the bullshit, though that usually requires a large amount of alcohol. I just can't take my feelings every day without drugs in my system, it's a depressing and almost terrifying? feeling.

Seeing a psychologist for the first time tomorrow after seeing other psychologists and just thinking ' fuck that' after the first session then never returning. But this time should be different, my psychiatrist has recommended him to me and will be working in conjunction with him. I hope that helps with the alcohol intake as I don't feel physically dependant, just psychologically dependant currently. 12 beers on a monday night by myself can't be good.

Much love to all those suffering <3
 
I realized today that I actually enjoy the process of drinking away my hangover. Granted I would rather not be hungover, but I find I enjoy the whole process of alleviating the hangover. Especially having that 2nd or third drink and realizing "hey I don't feel to bad anymore". I guess I just had to admit that "outloud" because it sounds so bad.


I rarely drink to the point of being hungover anymore (I've stated plenty of times that I am a maintenance drinker, always have been) and this is why. Oh well gotta try with the taper again. October was a great month for me. I still am not drinking all that much but I am effin stuck on having at least one beer a day. Plus now I get hungover on way less booze, I think that its a combo of diminished tolerance and age (late 20s).

Enjoy the superbowl everyone!
 
phactor said:
I realized today that I actually enjoy the process of drinking away my hangover. Granted I would rather not be hungover, but I find I enjoy the whole process of alleviating the hangover. Especially having that 2nd or third drink and realizing "hey I don't feel to bad anymore". I guess I just had to admit that "outloud" because it sounds so bad.
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I'll admit to doing this too. Not recently, but in the past. Hair of the dog and whatnot - what harm could that one Bloody Mary do... and then I wound up drinking the rest of the day, and no good ever really came of that. :\

I've had to watch my drinking very carefully now that I am on Valium. I had a couple bad days not long ago, but the past few days have been mostly sober :) I've gotten a lot done, been well rested, and when I have used alcohol, it's been 1-2 beers over a few hours, with a bottle of water in between.

If/when (hopefully when) I transition into abstinence, the Valium will keep me safe and w/d at bay. I'm not at the point where I'd do any more than a 2 beer to one weeklong taper, and that would be just to be on the safe side.

I am drinking responsibly this Super Bowl as well. Always a challenge, but so far I haven't had any alcohol at all. This will change at halftime but beer only, and 1-2 only.
 
phactor said:
I realized today that I actually enjoy the process of drinking away my hangover. Granted I would rather not be hungover, but I find I enjoy the whole process of alleviating the hangover. Especially having that 2nd or third drink and realizing "hey I don't feel to bad anymore". I guess I just had to admit that "outloud" because it sounds so bad.
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Be very careful, man. I've always considered this to be one of the big steps in a drinker's (downward) progression. I've likened it to changing to a harder ROA for other drugs and such. For years, I was disgusted by the thought of alcohol during a hangover. Then it just...changed once I realized that it could actually make me feel better so easily. It can so easily lead to the all-day, multi-day benders, which are just terrible news.

Once you realize that you can drink away a hangover, it's very hard not to want to do this all the time. You'll find yourself drunk and instead of drinking the last 3 shots in the bottle to get more drunk before passing out, you will SAVE THEM FOR MORNING. Or maybe that was just me, but it's not a good sign!

Good on you for admitting it, though. Be careful, but again it's good that you acknowledge that this isn't the smartest idea at the end of the day.

I hope everyone is doing well this month :)
 
RedLeader said:
Be very careful, man. I've always considered this to be one of the big steps in a drinker's (downward) progression. I've likened it to changing to a harder ROA for other drugs and such. For years, I was disgusted by the thought of alcohol during a hangover. Then it just...changed once I realized that it could actually make me feel better so easily. It can so easily lead to the all-day, multi-day benders, which are just terrible news.

Once you realize that you can drink away a hangover, it's very hard not to want to do this all the time. You'll find yourself drunk and instead of drinking the last 3 shots in the bottle to get more drunk before passing out, you will SAVE THEM FOR MORNING. Or maybe that was just me, but it's not a good sign!

Good on you for admitting it, though. Be careful, but again it's good that you acknowledge that this isn't the smartest idea at the end of the day.

I hope everyone is doing well this month :)
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Oh I totally know. I used to be really bad with the drinking during the day. Now with work I cannot do it that often. Not a good habit to get into and once you realize you an do it then you will always have it in the back of your mind.
 
yep, i did that last weekend. not my proudest moment. :\

for me its always a way to put off feeling those yucky guilty feelings and continue the lighthearted fun. although in the long run i always feel worse and it just drags out the whole thing...

not a good habit indeed.
 
Really feel like I got away with something yesterday. Actually had a pretty decent sleep and do not really feel hungover at all today. The whole damn ritualization of my drinking is pretty silly looking back at it, however at least I am aware of it.

Anyways no more excuses, starting the taper tonight. I will have the house to myself over the weekend. Though I do have to work on Saturday. Oh well it will give me something to do during the day. Don't know what the final goal is this time around. I need to start saving money anyways and am putting a bunch aside so I am going to be pretty broke.

I want to keep track of how much I am spending on booze just during this taper as well. Thats going to be an eye opener.

[later in day] - Noticing I am basically accomplishing nothing at work today. My appetite is kinda screwy and I have a slight panic. Only allowing myself 4 lite beers tonight, which is a starting point. I could probably get away with half of that and be okay, but I'm going to try to make this as comfortable as I can because I have to work all week.

Also I realized I have Monday off which should be a major help.
 
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I've been drinking a lot more recently. Not sure exactly why, but I have to keep an eye on it. I polished off a 1.14L bottle of rum within 4 days. That might not be that bad compared to most people, but for me that's not usual at all. When I have alcohol I drink it constantly. Sometimes when I have it, I have a drink before I even eat anything. At least I don't have any booze right now..
 
^ The trick is eating just enough to create something for your stomach to digest besides alcohol, yet not so much that it's detrimental to your buzz.

Beef jerky works well for this.
 
I've been sober for fourteen years (15 as of October 28, 2010). I've attended a few AA meetings but I'm not a 12-stepper. Reading this thread has brought back a whole lot of memories, including a lot of shit I would just as soon forget.

FWIW, here's what I learned from my addiction.

Sooner or later you're going to hit a point where you can no longer deny you have a drinking problem. From that moment onward drinking will no longer be any fun. The booze will always have that nasty aftertaste of self-loathing, no matter how much you try to tell yourself that this time is going to be different than all those other times before.

That doesn't mean you're going to quit drinking after this. I went on boozing it up for years, but it was never the same. It was no longer funny stories about "Christ, was I wasted." It was "Yep, I'm a complete fucking failure and I know it, and here's a toast to my latest spiral down the bowl." I suspect most of the people posting here know exactly what I'm talking about. The good news is that once you're here you are only a few small steps from getting sober. (Let's face it, what's the sense of doing something if it isn't fun?)

The first few months are really the hardest: I quit for a couple months more times than I can count. Once you get out of the habit of drinking, you start getting into the habit of not drinking. You don't get that "I had every intention of just going to the coffee shop but before I knew what was happening I was in the bar with a pitcher in front of me." You still get cravings now and then, sure, but you have to make a conscious decision to act on them: you lose those body memories of walking to the bar or the convenience store and replace them with body memories of doing something else that doesn't involve booze.

Do I still miss alcohol. Occasionally. I'm a bit of a foodie, so it would be great to have a glass of wine with dinner. And I still think longingly on occasion of a nice microbrew. But I know that if I have that high-end drink today within a few months I'm going to be buying rotgut whiskey just to keep myself numb. And when I think about that, I realize losing out on wine with dinner or a pint of Guinness on a hot day is a small price to pay for living the rest of my life.

Don't get too upset if you slip up: if I had a dime for every time I slipped, I'd own Bluelight. Just because you drank today doesn't mean you have to drink tomorrow. Before long you'll find you are spending more time on the wagon than off it. And even if you never completely kick the alcohol habit, two months on the wagon and one month off has got to be better for your system than continual drinking.

Last but not least: if you are physically addicted to the point where you are starting to get DTs, get medical assistance immediately. Alcohol withdrawal can fuck you up royally and even kill you. I strongly advise against do-it-yourself detox using benzos you bought on the Internet or on the street: some medical situations call for professionals, and alcohol withdrawal is definitely one of them. (If that's not an option, you gotta do what you gotta do - but if at all possible get a competent doctor involved in your detoxification).

To everyone posting here: good luck. Getting sober is going to be a struggle, but if you keep trying sooner or later you're going to make it.
 
^ Very good post Kenaz.

Phactor- I know what you mean about drinking off a hangover. It's beautiful...yet deadly.

Hope everyone is doing ok.
 
puckboy said:
Drinking has (used to) never be a problem for me, although I've drunk my fair share of alcohol. I suffer from social anxiety so it's no surprise it has started to sink its teeth into me.
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I used to drink to quell my social anxieties. Unfortunately, I'm a loudmouthed asshole when I've had a few, so it only helped make me a pariah. My social life improved dramatically after I sobered up. Believe it or not, you're probably a lot more likeable and approachable sober than you are drunk.
 
michael said:
when i was at my worst drinking i never would have believed anyone who told me that my life would be better without booze in it, even though to be honest it sounds like about the most fucking obvious thing ever.
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Ain't that the truth! I was sure that life after booze would be a grey, miserable existence. Turns out I've been having a blast ever since I finally managed to kick that nasty habit.

When I was drinking, my recreation revolved around hanging out with other drunks. Rebuilding your social life after you get sober can be a huge challenge. But it's a worthwhile one: you'll find that people who have interests other than booze are much more interesting than people who live to drink.
 
Kenaz said:
you'll find that people who have interests other than booze are much more interesting than people who live to drink.
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I love how you put this, its so simple but not what you think of at all when you're in that mindset. Its amazing how drugs and alcohol can blind us from such obvious truths.
 
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