Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

[WSB15]

3+ years on Suboxone, haven't gotten high on opiates since. I take 0.5 mg bupe now.

 

[Tangerinescream]

Subutex. Methadone

I don't know why but I had bad panic attacks on methadone and afterr a year got off. Now after heroin relapsing 2-3 gram habit I'm on subutex 16 mg dAy. But I'm having similar panic attacks. It bites because it seems replacement therApy is not for me but I do not survive at all using dope.

 

[WSB15]

Unfortunately your panic attacks are probably separate from opioids if you have them on methadone or suboxone. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is actually pretty good for controlling panic attacks. Medication is effective, but your choices are either SSRIs, which kind of suck, and benzos, which are addictive.

 

[cire113]

i cant decide if i want to just go into in patient treatment again for the 8th time and admit to my family i fucked up again quit cold turkey... OR

Try to start taking suboxone.......

IMO suboxone is just the same shit... I know its not as desctructive but its still An opoid

 

[Carl Landrover]

Close to normal (again). I'm not sure how many times I've either relapsed or gone from daily useage to clean on this thread. Several for each.

Over 3 days since I last took anything, only twice in the last 7 days. I think this'll be the 5th time I've gotten off suboxone now.

If I ever actually take all the time and energy that's gone into purchasing, using, being fucked up on, being messed up from, and getting clean from drugs, I'd probably have done something more memorable at this point.


Kind of sucks at this point having so many memories of just not being in a good head-space. Too many days wasted feelin' shitty. That was the old decade though, this is the new.

 

[lightsabersteez]

Hi all,

Hope I will do this the right way and not bother or offend anyone or cite anything innappropriate. Ive been addicted to heroin for about 5 years now, and given how young I am its a very frustrating ordeal. Ive watched it destroy my life and my family and everything I care about, but somehow cant bring myself to stay clean. Over the last 6 months I have kicked multiple times, but each time I seem to stay away a shorter period of time. I have some pretty serious health problems, including and not limited to systemic lupus and hepatitis C (which I am currently on interferon treatment for, which makes my body feel pretty icky). Over the last 3 months specifically I have become very reclusive, choosing not to talk to anyone and barely ever leaving my house. I am having a difficult time finding anything that motivates me to do anything but sit in my house at this point. I am hoping that in the next few weeks I will finally bring myself to kick again ( I usually assist myself with a weeks or so worth of suboxone).

 

[WSB15]

i cant decide if i want to just go into in patient treatment again for the 8th time and admit to my family i fucked up again quit cold turkey... OR

Try to start taking suboxone.......

IMO suboxone is just the same shit... I know its not as desctructive but its still An opoid

I think Suboxone is different in that you aren't getting high anymore. You aren't craving. You don't have to withdraw. And it prevents the worst parts of opioid addiction which are mainly a result of the illegality of drugs. You know you won't end up in jail/prison for drug charges or charges relating to getting drugs (stealing). With heroin you never completely know what dosage/purity you're getting, which causes some ODs. You're also not going to get robbed or shot or ripped off while scoring.

You're right though. Its still an opioid, and you'll still withdraw when you stop taking it. But it at least gives you time to get ready for it so you have a fighting chance to stay clean when you get off it.

 

[Lifeandtimes]

So many movies are made on Heroin, i always wondered what a Heroin high was like but till this day no one has been able to give me a good description of it. Can someone please describe what it feels life, in detail please? I would really love to know. Heroin always seemed mysterious to me

 

[MarkRenton]

So many movies are made on Heroin, i always wondered what a Heroin high was like but till this day no one has been able to give me a good description of it. Can someone please describe what it feels life, in detail please? I would really love to know. Heroin always seemed mysterious to me

To put it simply, "take the best orgasm you've ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it". If you want detail descriptions go to Erowid experiences but honestly the beautiful times are mostly just the first few uses. It gets slowly less and less every time you use. As for me I'm currently on day 13 of no opiates or marijuana and despite random times of depression and misery overall I am feeling a lot better about life in general.

 

[WSB15]

I am hoping that in the next few weeks I will finally bring myself to kick again ( I usually assist myself with a weeks or so worth of suboxone).

Have you tried a Suboxone or Methadone program? Not a detox program, but an opioid replacement program.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Has anyone tried using suboxone or a slightly less addictive opiate to help get over PAWS and after-effects?

After taking something everyday for a few years, it seems odd to just suddenly stop one day and get upset at a 'relapse'. I'm basically just trying to take longer and longer breaks between uses. I took a miniscule dose of suboxone tonight (.2mg) and I feel a lot better now. I had gone 122 hours between doses. Prior to that it was 60 hours between, and before that it was 39 hours.

Now I'm going to aim for more than 122 hours. I think I need something to reset my head every once in a while. I'd much rather 'relapse' in this way on suboxone over say dope or oxy.

 

[xxkcxx]

Subs will help, but when you get off the subs you will have the same PAWS effects.



Unfortunately, IME the only way to complete get past PAWS is to just wait it out. It took me about 4 months

 

[Mystery Brew]

Hi everybody

^ I wouldnt even want to mess with subs for anything long term just b/c w/d off that would just be aweful. with that in mind I dont see the problem in saving a few subs and eat a 1mg once or twice a week to keep ya up. As long as that doesnt become a habit too.

*sign* 9 days clean as a whistle. Most the sickness is gone. But my legs still feel like gnomes are controling them on overdrive at night and only at night. Its really wierd w/d lasted this long this time around. Had suboxone for first 3 days and sick as a dog till now---9 days total thought most physical aspect is gone by 5, never cease to amaze me

 

[CptSKeen]

clean at last

hi everyone, this is my first ever post although i've been lurking on bluelight for years. i've never really felt the need to share my experiances in the past but now i'm clean i feel i have something to contibute.

to cut a long story short - i relapsed on H again in april/may 09' after 3 years of not touching opiates once. this time was far worse than when i had a habit back in 05' due to a: having more money and b: having free access to much cheaper and stronger gear.

it only took perhaps 5-6 sessions of chasing it before my will power gave in and i was slamming it anywhere between 5 and 15 times a day. i would say that i was on average using perhaps a gram a day but was alot higher on certain days. i was suprised at how quickly it got a grip of me again and how quickly i managed to get myself a massive habit. a few times throughout this cycle i manged to cut down but replacing the H with df's . however after 5 or 6 days with no dope and just df's i convinced myself that i was somehow clean again and would then continue to use H again until i was fucked up and then back on the df's and so the cycle continued until autumn when i gave up trying to behave in anyway and went ever more crazy with the dope. i ended up hitting up in my groin only as it was the fastest and easiest way for me to slam but this only made my habit worse. i managed to cold turkey in october and had no opiates for 11 days, however this was a bit of a false economy so to speak as i was on a very remote island where there was no H and the second i was back in city i had a needle in my leg. shitty times.

just before christmas i woke up one morning rattling like you would not believe despite the fact i had a shot before i went to sleep. i saw at the stage how much the shit was ruling my life i literally could not function without it. everyday i would wake up pouring with sweat, dry wretching and feeling like , well im sure you all have some idea. so i went to my mum and told her what was going on. we tried to access community drug treatment programes but the waiting list was a 12 week minimum and doctors where i am from are very reluctant to help opiate addicts in anyway. so, the only options were to continue using until i got treatment from the community drug programe or go private. the manner in which i was using meant that waiting for the community progame was not realy viable as i was close to causing myself serious damage.


i entered a 5 day detox progame on the 18 of december. im not sure exactly how specific i can be here so i apologise for being a bit vague. basically they knock you out for 3 days on various sleepers and benzos combined with musle relaxants and on the fourt day administer you with oral naltrexone. the 5th day you are given another dose of naltrexone and i also had an implant put in my hip. i must say that the sedation was not as powerful as they claimed it would be , at the end i spoke to the head doc about this and he stated it was difficult to sedate me due to my outrageous benzo abuse. maybe he was talking shit maybe not but i found the 3 days you were basically left like a cripple and half awake but defo not unconcious and vomiting on myself profusely. however although that was grim as fuck it was nothing compared to the state i would have been in if i was going cold turkey so i must send a big thanks to all the staff who helped me through that 72 hours.


4 weeks on i couldn't feel more different. its almost as if the whole thing never happened. i feel no trace of opiate in me whatsoever the only thing i notice is i wake up feeling dehydrated, i think this is something to do with the naltexone implant. i am so glad i put myself through this as life without opiates however shitty it may seem at times is ten fold better than life as a junkie. thats just my opinion but i strongly believe that. having the implant has also helped greatly with my mental cravings as i know that i cant get high ( tried it didn't work ) and knowing that i cant escape shitty day to day life whenever i please has defo been a positive thing for me . i think the escapism that opiates bring is clearly , for me anyway , is one of the greatest attractions - thats what makes it so bitter sweet but in the end living life sober is far better. i'm hanging out with my real friends again, not dope friends, looking after myself properly, not fucking up at work all the time and generally being ok. to everyone trying to get through a Wd right now remember that life IS mundane LIFE is painful LIFE will make you want to jump off a bridge sometimes but life is also beautiful, you are surrounded by loads of amazing people whether you realise it or not. the world is a great big playground full of wonderful things and i dont think you can ever appreciate this as a junkie and realising that is why i am now 4 weeks clean and hopefully ( fingers crossed ) will be for the rest of my days.

pretty long first post hope it was ok. hope everyone going through hell right now gets through it and to everyone who has come through well done and i hope you stay clean. peace.

 

[Lifeandtimes]

To put it simply, "take the best orgasm you've ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it". If you want detail descriptions go to Erowid experiences but honestly the beautiful times are mostly just the first few uses. It gets slowly less and less every time you use. As for me I'm currently on day 13 of no opiates or marijuana and despite random times of depression and misery overall I am feeling a lot better about life in general.

day 13 im so happy for u, im telling u u can make it 13 years, forget the past and move on with whatever u got. Your way tougher than heroin, You can go on and live life. Go all the way man, i swear to god u wont regret it 5 years from now, go all the way, never look back.

 

[paranoid android]

I wouldnt say it's better then a orgasm. Ive had IV dilaudid, IV morphine and IV demerol and neither really come close to sex. Well ok even IV demerol beats lousy sex but thats not what im talking about . Hell a high dose of codeine beats some sex.

But even the ungodly rush of IV dilaudid doesent compare to the best orgasm ive ever had.

 

[lightsabersteez]

Have you tried a Suboxone or Methadone program? Not a detox program, but an opioid replacement program.

Yes, I did methadone maint. program for a good while, actually. Methadone worked pretty well for me, except it actually made me develop gallstones and pancreatitis. Or atleast that what the doctors think it was. I also did suboxone maint. as well, back when i was about 18. The doctor i saw to get it was a total quack, in my opinion. He would Rx me enough 8 mg pills that he told me it was okay to be taking 4 a day if i felt that i had to. Craziness. I was on that for maybe 7 months and after trying to come off it i came to the conclusion that i think i would rather kick heroin cold turkey than suboxone. The withdrawal for me lasted much longer and although perhaps not quite as extremely uncomfortable it was much more annoying and persistant.

 

[MarkRenton]

I wouldnt say it's better then a orgasm. Ive had IV dilaudid, IV morphine and IV demerol and neither really come close to sex. Well ok even IV demerol beats lousy sex but thats not what im talking about . Hell a high dose of codeine beats some sex.

But even the ungodly rush of IV dilaudid doesent compare to the best orgasm ive ever had.

When you combine the emotional aspect with sex as in having a great sexual experience with someone you love I'd say it's better but I have definitely not had a plain old orgasm that beats the rush from heroin. To each his own though.

 

[Lifeandtimes]

When you combine the emotional aspect with sex as in having a great sexual experience with someone you love I'd say it's better but I have definitely not had a plain old orgasm that beats the rush from heroin. To each his own though.

but what is this rush like i really want to know, does anyone have something i can read that explains the rust like a very descriptive trip report that does a good job of describing in detail what it is like. People do a good job of describing an MDMA trip (ex, waves of euphoric rushes, extremely sociable and sensitive to music, etc.) but can someone describe a heroin trip so that i know what it is like, i really want to try it at least once in my lifetime.

 

[eon_blue]

dude, there's nothing magical about it...it's not as sensational as ecstasy is, which is what makes E so easy to describe.

The heroin rush is just an intense, surging feeling of warm relaxation leaving you in a place of physical, mental (and spiritual if you ask me) numbness.

Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" is about the best poetic description of a morphine/heroin high I've ever come across, you may want to check that out if you haven't already.