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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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^ small hiccough n3o; not worth berating yourself over. Besides October isn't until tomorrow =D

I only had around 600ml of wine last night; pretty good by my standards :) (but I did have a sneaky couple of cones)
 
^^ Yeah, I'm angry at my dad too for not listening to me and for not respecting my "no" answer :!

What's your stance on sneaky cones during Octsober belarki? Are you going to allow it? Or does Octsober mean Octsober?
I'd love to indulge in a few cones every now and then but it makes me so depressed for the whole week afterwards :(
 
Thanks Trancegirl. Tomorrow is day 40! Still going strong. Today, I have no desire to drink. Geeez...I feel like I'm in an AA meeting...like "Hi..I'm dragonslayer and I'm an alcoholic" - "Hi Dragonslayer!" :-)

And, what the hell is a 'cone?'
 
n3o...tough one...don't beat yourself up...I can't remember from previous posts...have you talked to your family about your soberness?

Oh, I'm not ruling out a bowl or cone during the month...just don't want to trade one buzz for another...of course they do different things for me.

Belarki...thanks for sharing my humor...

Dragonslayer...way to go that is really awesome!

I'm going to have a practice day for Octsober tomorrow. I'm ready to dry out!
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ Yeah, I'm angry at my dad too for not listening to me and for not respecting my "no" answer :!

What's your stance on sneaky cones during Octsober belarki? Are you going to allow it? Or does Octsober mean Octsober?
I'd love to indulge in a few cones every now and then but it makes me so depressed for the whole week afterwards :(
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I'm not sure yet. I smoke weed very rarely because it makes me extremely anxious and paranoid. For Octsober I'm aiming for 100% sober on weeknights and hoping to keep weekends to a little codeine and a couple of drinks to wash it down. Smoking once or twice might end up being a backup plan if week nights are too much to handle ;) I have no benzos at the moment and I'm on no anti-deps so it's all kind of touch-and-go....

Congratulations on 40 days dragonslayer!
 
n3ophy7e said:
I am so fucking angry, last night we went to my parents' place for a quiet dinner for my brother's birthday (he's doing his thesis at the moment so didn't want a big shindig). We got there and Dad offered me some sparkling wine, as usual. I said no thanks because I'd been having stomach pains all day (true). He said something to the effect of "Oh that's no good!" and proceeded to pour me a glass and handed it to me.

FUCK!! :!

What the fuck was I supposed to do, with my substance of addiction literally shoved in my face, pour it down the sink?! I'm only human!

So I drank it, resentfully and regretfully. Then drank the glass of red wine he poured me for dinner.

Ridiculous. This morning I feel like I've been hit by a bus but I think it's more psychological than anything.

Lucky Octsober hasn't officially started yet ay 8)

Back on board the sober train!!
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I've been in similar situations a lot; I really, really hate it when that happens. At the moment I detest it when someone who knows about my drinking issues asks me if I want a drink. This happened to me when I was out last night. I want to shout, "of course I fucking want a drink, but for the last time I can't, OK?" but I know the friend in question had probably just temporarily forgotten, as over the years he's so used to me drinking. So I just seethed inwardly, and declined as politely as possible. Makes me want to stay at home. :(

When they pour it for me as well I stand no chance! So don't beat yourself up, especially since it was only a small amount.
 
Spurs_1882 said:
^ Have you always got anxious when hungover or is it quite recent? And are you noticing it get worse over time? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then you're probably suffering from rebound anxiety. This can be an early warning sign for physical alcohol dependence, so you should certainly watch your drinking and consider cutting down either the amount you drink or the frequency of binges.
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i never used to get anxious until one time after my usual saturday night binge i woke up dizzy as fuck, which remained all day. although thats pretty much a usual occurrence for me. and then sunday evening i started to feel weird, anxious, a mild feeling of terror and the curtains had a mild "windy" ripple effect going on even though the window was shut. couldnt sleep very well. woke up monday morning feel weird as fuck, a kind of "dread" feeling was inside of me. it was horrible

it doesn't really get worse though as ive cut down alot on my drinking. ive only had the above effects 4/5 times, usually after getting very very fucked out of my face a few weekends in a row

i now get abit tense and anxious the day after i drink, but no where near as bad as i used to
 
ColtDan said:
i never used to get anxious until one time after my usual saturday night binge i woke up dizzy as fuck, which remained all day. although thats pretty much a usual occurrence for me. and then sunday evening i started to feel weird, anxious, a mild feeling of terror and the curtains had a mild "windy" ripple effect going on even though the window was shut. couldnt sleep very well. woke up monday morning feel weird as fuck, a kind of "dread" feeling was inside of me. it was horrible
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Ya, it's what I like to call the "evolution of the hangover." It occurs, as Spurs said, as you becoming physically dependent. You go from just the standard waking up feeling like shit, with the thought of alcohol grossing you out, to waking up still feeling like shit, but the primary concerns being that you feel anxiety/terror and actually want a drink to calm it down. As time progresses, the physical side of a hangover almost begins to feel normal (and isn't often that bad, as the alcohol is less and less a shock to your system), but the anxiety and cravings get worse. And it's truly terrible, makes you wish that you could just wake up, puke, pop a few Tylenol and be on with your day. But no....

I think most alcoholics remember when this transition occurred, and almost gain an intuition about what their hangovers will be like and such. This is when you know it's a problem. You're both killing your body and your mind slowly.

I am glad that you are slowing down and not letting this full-on hit you. I hope you can continue in your progress!
 
thank god so far i don't want more booze on a hangover. i never have, and will never drink in the morning to sort out a hangover no matter how shit i feel

i only drink once/twice a week as well. strangely enough before all this anxiety came about i used to drink almost every day of the week at the age of 18, got gastroenteritis and stopped completely didn't experience anything. yet 2 years down the line, after abusing booze again it messed me up abit. i think its to do with what booze i drink though
 
One day 3 of a taper, will be getting off totally on Friday in order to detox over the weekend. I'm taking the LSAT again in December and really need to be able to study hard for two months. I think I did okay the first go around but I know I can do better. Drinking cuts into this time since I work till 5:00 mon-fri. Only have 2 beers tonight, 1 tomm and then thats it. I have the whole weekend off. This taper has been really easy for me so far. I'm actually sleeping much better then I have been compared to when I was drinking. I think my body is actually saying "finally you are fucking slowing down and getting ready to stop... we need a break damnit!"

This is getting annoying though, I keep tapering off am good for a bit then start drinking again. This go around hasn't been so bad but still a pain in the ass.

I'm going to puff a little bit if I need to but then I will stop that. Herb does give me a bit of anxiety which I used to use alcohol to quell it, I can get away with puffing a small amout. I plan on being totally sober for 30 days at the very least. I may be able to get into the Octsober thing but it will be a day or two late.

Do have to say my job is fucking killing me, I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. I never realized how truly fucked up this world is. I thought I knew, but I didn't.
 
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ColtDan said:
why is your job killing you?
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I am a social worker who deals with the foster care system, so basically I deal with abused and neglected children. The hardest is telling a teenager that his or her family wants nothing to do with them and I have to take them to a shelter/group home. It really is emotionally exhausting and heartbreaking. For example: Last friday I had to pick a kid up from school, tell him his aunt wants nothing to do with him anymore and then take him to a shelter. He went into a trauma state (looks alot like a really bad trip actually) and I then had to take him to the ER, then to the shelter. I then had a 2 hour drive back and had to take the LSAT the next day. Like I said I did okay, but not as good as I could have. I don't think I got back home till 11:00 PM the night before.

This is why I am studying for the LSAT. What I am doing now great experience and I am glad I am doing it but I can't keep it up forever. Anyways the agency I work for offers free counseling that I am going to take up on once I get off of the beer. I'm getting close to the time when most case workers start to burn out and I can feel it.
 
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lostpunk5545 said:
Being down and out and boozed up is so integral to my personality I'm not sure I can express myself any other way.
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I kinda was the same way when I was younger. But now looking back on it I regret being that way. Just me personally of course.
 
Mariposa said:
This is MUCH LESS and more rapid than the HAMS-recommended 1 beer an hour. Last night was a one-off with spirits and I didn't even get a hangover, so I think I can do it.
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Its kinda crazy how many old school BLers are on the alcohol threads now. I haven't touched a pysch besides MDMA in years and very rarely use anything else. But alcohol is just so easy. And its fun too, one of the hardest things for me during this time is going to be passing on all the Fall based microbrews.. oh well they will be back next year.

The HAMS-recommended taper is a bit hard to understand IMO. I read it more intended for those who drink all day, basically cutting it down to a beer an hour, then a half. It kinda makes it sound like it should be no more then 48 hours.

I could totally be looking at it wrong. Though, the important thing is to figure out what works for you of course. I have Kava extract paste (both full spectrum and kavalactone) to switch to on Friday if I need it. With Alcohol I find the faster tapers tend to work better for me. Also a really big thing for me is the people I live with have agreed to keep alcohol outside of the house for awhile.

I wasn't really drinking more then a beer an hour anyways and only after five except occasionally on Saturdays and Sundays.. The only thing I'm dealing with during my taper is a bit of anxiety in the morning and occasional bouts of depression. I'm taking lots of walks and then will get back to the gym. Basically going to be studying and hitting the gym for two months. Sadly I started smoking again before the last LSAT so I am going to try to kick that but not until I get some time of the beer. I barley smoke when not drinking anyways.

I'm already being way more productive at work. I had no idea how much it was interfering with me just getting shit done. I think I'm more committed to being sober over at least the next 30 days (will probably end up at 60) then I ever have been.

Wow sorry for the multiple posts.
 
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Am i an alcoholic?

I've had a lot of problems in the last year, my Dad was diagnosed and died of cancer, i left my partner.. Lots of problems..

I dont drink in the daytime, only at night. I find myself thinking about it more and more though. When i drink its usually about 3/4s of a bottle of wine, a few beers, some nights whisky. I mix it up, find myself making excuses to leave friends early so i can drink alone. Am i really an alcoholic? I dont know if i can stop or if i even want to stop. Every day i wake up and feel terribly guilty, usually i do things i regret. Life is spinning out of control.

I think i have probably answered my own question here..

What on earth do i do?

Jamie
 
^^^

Are you drinking that much daily? Whether one is an alcoholic is simply up to them. I think the term is overused and quite a few people are actually problem drinkers. A ton of people with heavy drinking habits quit without any type of treatment, you just don't hear about them nor are they counted as statistics. If you feel you have a problem then I would consult your doctor. If you have been drinking that much every day, especially for any type of duration you could be at risk for withdrawal symptoms. If you do decide to quit at the very least taper the amount you are drinking down slowly.

On the other hand lots of people do have problems with alcohol. Its widely use and makes people do alot of really dumb things. Hell the stuff is responsible for how many deaths?

Anyways
 
Yeah, every night. Sometimes less, though i make up for it the next night. Its definitely a problem whatever you call it.
 
yorkjamie said:
What on earth do i do?
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Slow down. If you can. You're drinking a lot, and on a regular basis, so you are physically addicted to the drug (a good first step, even before admitting that you have a problem, is understanding that alcohol is just as serious as most hard drugs in terms of addiction). Some people on here have found success by drinking, say, one less drink a day...going down each week. For example, drink 10 drinks/day this week, 9/day next week, etc. However, though this works for some people, others actually need the help of a medical professional to be able to stop properly. So we're going to suggest that you at least consider the latter if you don't feel as if you are able to manage your drinking. Do you see a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist? If not, would you easily be able to? Look into it; I know it's a hard thing to try if you haven't done it before, but most people definitely come out of the door with a better grasp of their problems than they had upon going in.

I'm sorry about your father. That's terrible.

Edit: Missed that he also died :( I'm extra sorry now.

We all are wishing you well :)
 
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