I kind of like to bake/cook. But like to give food to people, who are pretty much diminishing. I don't have passion for anything, really. I pretty much just like drugs. Not even just using them, I find the concepts interesting, as well. I burnt out after highschool. Hobbies just stress me out. I like to hang out with people.
The pain has always been here. I was suicidal in kindergarten. It's... I dunno man, it's much more than "oh man, I'm having a bad day." Ugh. Whatever, don't worry about it, I feel whiny.
I really wish there was a rainbow symbol.
I understand that you don't have a passion or a drive for anything, or really find doing anything meaningful. However this is not true!!! Everyone has the ability within them to do whatever they set out to do. If you tell yourself that you want to learn the fiddle, then the only thing that is stopping you from becoming a fiddilist (?), is whether or not you tell yourself to do it.
When I was deeply depressed all I did was sit at home on the computer staring at the same old things, not even taking the time to do any readings or research, just stare essentially. When I got out of my depression I realized how much time I spent digressing. There are millions of other kids my age who are continuing to pursue their dreams, hobbies, or mental abilities. I feel so behind. I feel like I could be 2 years above where I am now. I should be able to play piano which would allow my music to increase 10 fold, I should be able to comprhend scholarly intellectual readings with out much problem (I used to be a extremely strong reader for my age), I should be able to be competitive in cycling, etc. However I can't do any of these things to the extent that I want. If I had a second chance and the 20/20 hindsight before hand I would do all that I can to maximize my potential. I don't want to do it to please anyone else but myself. I want to be able to look back at my life and say, "I really worked hard and made my attempt at being the best I can be, and it worked out."
Currently right now I've been trying to catch up the best I can to complete alot of these dreams. I've been riding my bike 5-10 hours a week between a 16-20 mph average pace. I've been working hard on continuing to write music. I've been reading many books instead of watching TV. I've been spending a little bit of my time reading up on organic chemistry before the start of next semester.
If I don't spend this time progressing and maximizing my potential, I wont be able to come near any of my dreams. I won't be able to get my PHD and be able to research new pharmaceuticals (my dream job).
It is up to you to start listening to your innerself and unleash the abilities that you have locked inside of you.
Stop listening to the pain and sorrow, and start listening to girl who wants to be someone happy and successful (with whatever it is you want to do, even if it is mowing the lawn). You can do this at any time. It is all about stopping and forcing yourself into doing whatever you want. I know it is hard. I took me my whole life to do this. I've always scooted by in life with out thinking about myself and what I want to be. I scooted by 17-18 years of my life and that really disappoints me, but I can't worry about that. All I can do is set my future up the way I want it.
Good luck, you have everything you need in your life right now, it is up to you to let them show themselves. By admitting you have problems, you are making the first step towards a beautiful life. It is hard, and it is a long process, but it is well worth it. Please take the time, not for your parents, not for a potential lover, not for any of your friends, please take the time to become your true self for yourself.
(sorry for all the grammatical errors, I didn't feel like proof reading since I'm busy doing multiple things right now)
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Hah, man, trust me, I'm actually quite an achiever. Well, I used to be. Didn't do it for me. Nothing does. I really just like to be with people...
