Cocaine/Crack: Serious Discussion Only

[drug_wench]

^^^ I'm getting sweaty palms just reading your post.

yes and i imagine a few ppl may b, therefore im actually going to edit it out im sorry

wat we mods hav bn talking about lately is the problem with ppl not reading the first post of these MEGA-threads, therefore not knowing wat theyre really about!

they r for addicts/ex-addicts to share (non-triggering) stories, support each other and advise each other
in this thread there is to b no glorifying crack/cocaine

i believe i was guilty of saying how much id enjoyed crack a few pages back and im sorry if that triggered anyone
that was before us mods discussed our new plan on coming down hard in the MEGA-threads

from here on out any posts seen as triggering or glorifying crack/coke (or the usual - flaming etc) will b removed and the user who posted it will b sent a PM explaining why this was decided

its for the well-being of those who r now clean....remember this is TDS
if u want to glorify drugs there r many forums in which u can do so here at BL!
thank u

btw cornishman - i read how long uve bn clean!
ive bn reading about ur struggles with this drug over the time u joined TDS and although IMO its not clean time that matters most, its how solid ur recovery is (ie. wat ur support systems r in order not to go back to the drug) i believe watever ur doing ur doing it right and i want to acknowledge u with a big congrats!

i wud also like to beg to differ on a couple of things - firstly wat rangrz said about crack not being instantly addictive for evryone
i agree - like i said i can see how ppl end up addicted to it and am glad its rarely seen in my country and hav no hook-ups however i cud hav got more (not saying how as that wud b incriminating) and i chose not to cos i was already a chronic meth/opiate addict and hardly needed something else to add to the list
and u cud say my stuff wasnt gd enough but in fact it was said to b (by an expert crack addict/connoisseur really i knew online) VERY gd stuff
im not fond of the incredible jitteriness of the comedown which almost seemed to last longer than the amazing high (which was, it felt like, 5 mins of extreme pleasure then - wham - panic, anxiety, jitters)
i wasnt addicted on the first puff - neither it seems was rangrz - so i really dont think anyone can go round making generalisations like 'anyone who tries crack will instantly get hooked'
evryones body/brain is diffrent
i was, however, instantly hooked on methamphetamine, but wud never come out and say 'if u try meth ull instantly get hooked'
statements like this r just purely silly - i dont mean to offend but think about the diffrence on brain chemistry
i wont go on too much (or ill try not too - i hav ADHD and im on methadone.....both of which make u talk too much)

secondly cocaine is physically addictive if u use it for long enough
maybe its not for some ppl but it sure was for my friend adrienne, a long-term chronic coke user
it has similar wds to methamphetamine (another drug ppl like to say isnt physically addictive but IME is!)
-fatigue
-itchy/crawly skin
-headaches
-aching muscles
-shaking
-night sweats
then there r a plethora of psychological/mental wds as well
adrienne reported all these symptoms wen detoxing from cocaine in prison

 

[Seanjay]

I wanna stop fuck I've been doing blow all day and I'm Iv'ing atm and I just wanna stop :[ my mental state is absolutely terrible.

Albeit all this I still don't feel compelled to go to rehab. All I can ask is for support I guess.

Super down

 

[Seanjay]

I feel like crying, I haven't cried in months, I've just been dead.

I can't cry though for some reason and it's incredibly depressing, to not be able to cry when you feel terrible, I feel that can make someone suicidal

 

[drug_wench]

i know the feeling of being so depressed u dont feel able to cry seanjay
PM me if u want to talk - no im not the worlds cocaine expert but ive certainly used and abused it and i know about how drugs can fuck up ur life
even talking to someone (anonymous or not) can help

so ur not compelled to go to rehab - not evryone is!
in fact rehab isnt for evryone anyway
some ppl get by on NA/AA/CA alone (CA wud b excellent for u if ur open to just going along and taking in wat u want to get out of it - i hav words of caution wen going into the 12-step society which if ur intrested in the idea of PM me and i will give u those words of caution.....they will save u from getting 'burnt' or finding it too heavy the way NA was for me cos i jumped into it boots and all)
others, like me, go to drug counselling, relapse prevention programs and/or use medication

my addictions r opiates (mainly heroin) and methamphetamine
the med i use to help keep me clean from meth is dexamphetamine - i find at a decent dose, 60mg/day i barely crave meth to the same degree anyway (and yes it is prescribed for ADHD but theyre working on prescribing ADHD drugs to meth addicts these days - without the condition - to keep them off meth....and its working)
unfortunately the benzo reduction program im on makes me more likely to hav seizures and the doctor has taken me off dexamphetamine for the time being
therefore ive relapsed on meth and am relying on the relapse prevention program and drug counselling alone - sadly its not working
i know now i need all 3 in combination to make my sobriety work and wen im off benzos and methadone i plan to pay a visit to rehab again for my meth problem

im on methadone for heroin and it works a treat - i function on it, i dont crave heroin....lifes pretty peachy (coming off it isnt something im looking forward to of course)

for cocaine, i hav heard some ppl get success from clonidine strangely enough - possibly as it does raise ur dopamine
maybe the similar amphetamine/methylphenidate treatment theyre using on meth addicts wud work on coke too and u cud ask about this

try asking round about drug counsellors that r decent tho - try and find various support groups like the relapse prevention one i go to
u never know wat might work for u

also finding a diffrent crowd to hang out with helps - no using friends and stay away from old haunts!
find a hobby - i always suggest this cos it worked for me
the more hobbies u hav, the less time u will hav to think about using

i do show-jumping, eventing, dressage, hunting, endurance and other equestrian activities with my crazy but loveable horse
i hunt (deer, rabbits and wild pigs)
i break in ponies and horses for friends and teach foals to b handled for money
i play with my dogs and am getting into obedience training with my young rottweiler
i am an avid metal fan (esp iron maiden, metallica and black sabbath/ozzy - in that order) and go to a lot of concerts (with non-using friends)
i play the electric guitar
i tinker around with old cars
i spend time with my fiance - just 'us' time
and i mod TDS
all worthwhile hobbies
all stop me from using

hang in there seanjay - u can do it.....and remember my PM box is always open if u want to talk about ANYTHING

oh and u earned that praise cornishman *hugs back*

 

[rangrz]

secondly cocaine is physically addictive if u use it for long enough
maybe its not for some ppl but it sure was for my friend adrienne, a long-term chronic coke user
it has similar wds to methamphetamine (another drug ppl like to say isnt physically addictive but IME is!)
-fatigue
-itchy/crawly skin
-headaches
-aching muscles
-shaking
-night sweats
then there r a plethora of psychological/mental wds as well
adrienne reported all these symptoms wen detoxing from cocaine in prison

I bet a big part of that is from dopamines break down into norepinepherine/epinepherine via deydroxilation, and is more properly a prolonged crash then true physical withdrawl in the opi/GABA manner....i.e. at the end, its more excess adrenaline making you feel shitty then a true withdrawl, coupled with depleted dopamine and downregulation of D receptors...sounds like a recepie for fail and epic anxiety, mixed with physical overstimulation.

the mental symptoms I will not deny at all...knowing them only too well.

 

[j-bird]

You love the taste. The funny smell. The texture. The way it looks as you're heating it up on a warm plate and railed up in beautiful lines or on the back of a toilet cistern in a cranking club. You love the power it gives you, in your own brain and socially - all of a sudden, you're the centre of attention, everyone wants you, everyone loves you, they hang on to every word you say. Everything that everyone says makes so much sense. Your heart races, and you feel like you are God.

The last of the bag has since gone. There's nothing left but awkward silence and a deep, dark longing for more. You want more. Doesn't matter how really, but you do. Doesn't look like it's going to show. Time to go. Drive home, sun coming up, sweaty palms on the steering wheel, licking your lips as you taste the familiar bitterness in odd pockets here and there.

Shower is long and hot. You blow most of the shit that's been up in your head out while you're washing up. You think about sucking down what might be coke back into your mouth but the water washes it away before you become that desperate. You laugh to yourself and think "Oh my folks would be so proud". Towel off and sit back in bed, hoping to sleep and face the rest of the day. You need rest.

Who are you fooling?

There's no rest.

 

[drug_wench]

u may b right rangrz as i am no expert on complex matters to do with the brain and i will never pretend to b - i know u, however, know much more than i do and cud partake in advanced drug discussion without getting flamed (unlike me the one time i tried!)
all i know is i hav had to go to detox for meth, adrienne went CT in jail and reported the exact same physical symptoms i had from meth but from coke
technically IMO, no matter wat causes it, if it gives u physical wds, its physically addictive
but we all hav our own opinions

j-bird - beautifully written
almost poetic.....and im sure many can relate
hav u thought about putting this in the words forum? im sure many ppl wud give u positive feedback there too!

 

[rangrz]

I'm using a stricter term for physical WD...your grouping would bring the hangover from acetylaldehyde from alcohol into WD's...


or perhaps lactic acid buildup from over working a muscle, causing a cramp as WD's from exercise?

 

[rangrz]

...I guess if you take far enough, its all physical WD's...every thought or emotion is caused by a neurotransmitter and various synaptic formations.

but in the generally used term, that kind of thing, and toxicity(i.e. metabolites), are not physical withdrawls, nor is malnutrition or sleep deprevation.

 

[Seanjay]

You love the taste. The funny smell. The texture. The way it looks as you're heating it up on a warm plate and railed up in beautiful lines or on the back of a toilet cistern in a cranking club. You love the power it gives you, in your own brain and socially - all of a sudden, you're the centre of attention, everyone wants you, everyone loves you, they hang on to every word you say. Everything that everyone says makes so much sense. Your heart races, and you feel like you are God.

The last of the bag has since gone. There's nothing left but awkward silence and a deep, dark longing for more. You want more. Doesn't matter how really, but you do. Doesn't look like it's going to show. Time to go. Drive home, sun coming up, sweaty palms on the steering wheel, licking your lips as you taste the familiar bitterness in odd pockets here and there.

Shower is long and hot. You blow most of the shit that's been up in your head out while you're washing up. You think about sucking down what might be coke back into your mouth but the water washes it away before you become that desperate. You laugh to yourself and think "Oh my folks would be so proud". Towel off and sit back in bed, hoping to sleep and face the rest of the day. You need rest.

Who are you fooling?

There's no rest.

wow

 

[j-bird]

As DW said, it's quite a lot about finding reasons to stay away from it.

Every time I have an episode, that script I wrote above runs its full course. Every word. And more often than not, I hate myself the next day. The massive hole in my bank account ($300 a g in our fair country). The fog that doesn't quite go away. The guilt. Just all of it.

Funnily enough, I had a great weekend just now and didn't even go near it. Admittedly I'd tipped into 5mg of valium and a little bit of alcohol but I didn't feel the pull of it. Dancing the night away with a lovely girl probably helped too! Odd thing was that I got a parking fine for $189 on the Sunday morning, and I was absolutely livid. I hadn't been that angry at myself for quite some time. The only thing that snapped me out of it was the fact that I wouldn't have hesitated to spend that and more just to get a gram of shithouse coke. What the fuck was I thinking?

This coming weekend will be tough as it's the combined birthday shindig of a good friend and myself, and they want to get on it. I'm not sure if I have the willpower to make it through that weekend, and I haven't the heart to avoid my own damn birthday party.

Guess I'll need to come up with something in the meantime.

 

[panic in paradise]

how have you been seanjay?

i know the explosive highs and lows with coke, especially iv, and how easy it is to forget about the lows.

 

[drug_wench]

but we all hav our own opinions

rangrz - this is for u
how is it helping others by either of us arguing over something so petty?
not just that - i felt my post to u was pretty friendly....i complimented u on ur knowledge and feel in ur first post (in reply) in particular u were pretty sarky
it doesnt help any matters to borderline flame anyone - im probly overreacting cos ive had a shit of a day and u never know who else has wen ur dealing with TDS so its best to b as nice as poss to ppl here
ppl come to TDS cos its the one place u know ur not going to b flamed

im just relaying the fact that there r physical effects to coming off coke - and that i can relate to them, so if ppl hav a heavy coke habit and they start feeling any of these symptoms which can b alarming (esp the crawly/itchy skin - was for me with meth) its just part of the withdrawal

can we leave it at that and go back to helping and supporting others which is wat this threads for?
thanks

seanjay, i was was wondering the same as PIP, how r u? - do u IV coke?
i only tried that once (it hurt so much i actually never did it again - id only just started IVing anything wen i was still using coke......havnt used coke in nearly 5 yrs)
i do remember it being moreish - it was also adriennes method of choice
i know once the needles involved uve reached a whole new level

i know this may sound stupid but it is harm reduction
if u hav to use needles, do as i do occasionally and IV sterile water.....or if u can get it, saline
no its not perfect to b shooting anything of course - but its better than IV coke, which is corrosive on ur veins
and of course try to keep ur needle use to a minimum - if ur using more than once a day (even saline) u really do need help as u must know wat the outcome is of constantly injecting
ulcers, infections, abcesses, even amputation

remember again, i always offer PM service - i like ppl to PM me first rather than the other way (unless theyre in absolute crisis) just cos i believe this shows more motivation on ur part for wanting help
i want to help evryone but if u dont really want help......u cant b helped
and id b wasting my time if i PMd evryone trying to help them to b sadly frank
however if u PM me i will give u all i can as far as help/support/advice goes!
remember ive bn an IV stimulant addict for yrs and still use (as less as poss).....meths not all that diffrent from coke
gd luck mate

 

[panic in paradise]

thats the problem with iv coke, you stick over and over again. a good shot of smack, or meth will last a while, but not the yayo, with a pattern of continuous use it really fuels the ritualistic aspect of the whole mind game.

once the needle comes into play you certainly view your DOC differently, but also it seems like your view of the world, and people does as well, it feels like you can look someone in the eyes and tell if they ever have, currently do, or would shoot dope.

 

[blondchic]

i feel like im going to vomit when i think about smoking crack again. i dont miss coughing like i have black lungs either.

I second that one! good riddens to that crap, ruined my life, but ive been clean for 8 years.
due to that drug sometimes i feel like im about 5 years behind the rest of my peers in my age group - financially, career wise, and life experiences, becuase i was high every single day, anything that happened that was a big news story in those years, i had no idea about. its like i lost several years of my life that i dont even remember.

 

[drug_wench]

due to that drug sometimes i feel like im about 5 years behind the rest of my peers in my age group - financially, career wise, and life experiences, becuase i was high every single day, anything that happened that was a big news story in those years, i had no idea about. its like i lost several years of my life that i dont even remember.

i know this feeling - its a typical feeling for anyone whose had or has a drug addiction
once u get clean suddenly u hav to learn things others hav already learnt

some say u stay the age u first started using at until u stop and i can believe this as i started (regularly) using drugs at 15 and i am definitely the emotional age of a 15yo

drugs block negative feelings - the only negative feelings u experience wen using r during the comedown/hanging out/withdrawal period
suddenly wen u clean up, u hav to learn to face negative feelings
this is one of the hardest parts of giving up!
its also why many ppl go thru rehab or hav counselling for their addiction cos they can learn tools there for dealing with wat life throws at evryone

PIP - i agree coke has a fast high so chasing it wud b terribly addictive (if its ur DOC) esp IV (geez i felt like i was coming down within 10mins of booting that gear) but smack and meth to some degree end up doing the same in the end to addicts.....the high lasts shorter and shorter
i will definitely agree never as short as that of cocaine tho, so why i didnt get addicted wen my best friend at school (adrienne) had a plentiful supply and preferred the other 2 ill never know....i certainly used coke (snorted) plenty but never bought it or anything
i used it enough that i remember on my first trip into detox wen they took my urine sample they called me a cocaine addict as well (i patiently explained it was just that a friend - guess who - had bn staying at my place that wk and we had used a hell of a lot of coke but i had no desire to do anymore - that was wen i tried blasting it)

all i know is i can relate to wat u were saying about the whole rigmarole around IVing over and over again cos the highs just not lasting.....cos that was happening to me with other drugs
in the end meth wud last me 2hrs or so before the next shot
tolerance with any drug is a bitch wen u take it via the needle cos u end up with the scars to show for it

 

[Geeno]

yo seanjay im pretty much in a similar boat as you, ive been snorting for a while, went from like november until march and then have had a relapse with a few binges.

It's funny cause I hadn't any desire to do it until I started attending outpatient, then I felt like I "could" because of the window of opportunity between drug tests.

I think I'm going to withdraw from outpatient since I haven't stopped using, and don't want to be kicked out.

I'll be checking out N/A meetings this week to see what that's all about.

I live in NY too, crazy blow culture... though I bet it is everywhere.

 

[blondchic]

^^^ I'm getting sweaty palms just reading your post.

just stick to reading your previous post, in the end, your stuck with that same empty feelings, and then depression, and to top it all off, you dont have any money,
crack was my best friends for about 4 years, but it wasnt a true friend, it stole from me, it changed me, and it was selfish, and it never gave anything back- only took and took and took.

 

[rangrz]

sorry DW...I'm just not very elegant with words. I wasnt trying to snarky, I was trying to explain why you feel like that after. just so people know, sometimes knowing whats happening makes it easier to take, and I though it might help someone.

again, sorry...its just that I'm often a bit brash and corse...I wasnt trying to be mean.

 

[Mystery Brew]

Has Cocaine/crack changed anyone? well let me explain a little. I use to be on the conservative side, like alway saving the drugs, money so I have more later. But after fucking with rocks, my complusion to get fucked up is out the roof..kind of like it brough the addictive personality out of me