(I got to page 7 readin every post and i had to make an account and post, i couldnt read all 30, my apologies.)
Wow, so i stumbled onto this site lookin for the LD50 for Prozac. I got a prescription for it the other day, got it filled at 11:12AM and took my first pill at noon. It put me to sleep 2 hrs later.
The reason im saying this is cause i got tired of feeling like shit all the time, i felt like i was losing the my battle for happiness, so i went to the doctor, he gave me the meds, and referred me to a counselor who i talked to, and she also takes/ has taken Prozac. When he asked me if i ever thought about suicide i said ah ha yeah. I chuckled a little cause its like, when do i not. Im sure someone out there knows that feeling. Driving, changing lanes, walkin across a parking lot, crossing the street, anything that would could potentially kill me really. Maybe thats normal, maybe its not. I dont want to say i used to be a cutter, cause like Pillthrill said, your never 100% over it, there its always there, i did it 2 weeks ago for the first time in 3 months maybe. I was at home, it was a saturday, so i was getting drunk i had just got off work(i work nights so it was like 10AM) i felt kinda bad so i was getting drunk to perk my mood, im a happy drunk. Well it wasnt workin, i was in the same mood, just drunk. Then i started to think, which to me is VERY bad. When i think i get depressed and sad. I dont know what happened, but i picked up my razor blade a looked at my wrists. I wanted to SOO bad... but i didnt, i pulled up my pant leg, on the inside of my right ankle, i cut. I gave a sign of relief like a balloon that had to much air, and someone let some air out. At this point i was pretty drunk, so i got up and got another beer, sat back down, and drank it, when i finished i looked at my wrist, and i cut 8 times, not across the veins, i didnt want to kill myself or anything, although ofcourse i thought about it. but on the side of my wrist/forearm.
I started cutting at age 16 or so when i was in HS. Me and my GF(now ex) got in a fight, and i thought, well if it works for them, then it can work for me. So i did it, and it worked i felt better, i dont know why i did, but it was a release i needed. Every since i have cut my arms, then i got the questions. I HATE being questioned about what the cuts are from. I never know what to say, i usually just go along with whatever they suggest happened, fell off a fence, fell on some glass...
When my ex saw it she flipped, threatened to break it off if i did it again. So...i started using sewing needles to pierce the skin, i could pass it off as a bug bite, say"I dont know what happened, but it itches like a mother fucker". That feeling worked, but it was no substitute for the cut of a blade.
So now, age 20, i do it on my ankle, I always wear pants so no one can see. Only 2 people know i cut. Im sure others suspect, but dont know for sure. I was readin you guy, and gals, posts and i was like "YEAH i feel like that too". I dont/didnt do it for attention, i do it for release, kinda like i have control, but more like, if i do it i know i will feel a little better. But after i do it i feel such self loathe, and i feel weak. I know why i do it, but i dont know WHY i do it, you know?
Its kinda why i got on the meds, i dont want to feel like this anymore, i dont want to be ashamed of somthing i do. But at the same time i dont want to take these pills for fear of changing who i am.
@Pillthrill - You seem troubled, im sure you like Yeah No Shit. But its ok, we all are, we all have problems, once again, No Shit. But everyday is a battle.
Someones earlier post said that everything is the same, and nothing makes you happy. I feel the same way. Then i thought to myself, the reason things dont make me happy is cause the things that used to make me happy became routine, receiving a txt from a friend or somthing else. Its routine that seems to make life unhappy. But without a routine you just fumble around till you get it done...Idk im rambling now. One thing i absolutely love is walking out of work, and seeing the sunrise. It doesnt happened everyday, me seeing the sun rise. Its usually still down, or has already risen. So when i see it rising i savor it, and take a deep breath and enjoy it.
So i guess my advice is, look at what you do DAILY, and enjoy it. I know its hard, when its become a routine, its hard to look at what your doing and find joy or happiness. But also enjoy those moments that dont get to see everyday. For all you or i know, it may be the last time you see it.
Ok thats the end. Hell of a first post. You guys might be seeing more of me.
I highly doubt you'd be a burden to your friends by talking about your troubles. A friend in need is a friend indeed. If you're friends can't be there for you in times of crisis then they're not friends worth having. I'm sure everyone here would be happy to talk to you & many would befriend you if they knew you in real life 
Stay safe!
