Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

[claire22]

Thank-you You've helped more than you know Lydia. Everyone here has helped. I am gonna look up NA meetings and look into rehab. I've done okay but it's not enough if I wanna 100% stop.

 

[drug_wench]

well claire, being open to advice is the first step towards recovery
NA will seem a little weird at first esp if uve never bn a spiritual person, and u wont get on with evryone there - but ull find plenty of nice ppl with an excellent message
u can choose to take watever advice seems worthy of listening to and ignore the ppl who seem all talk
if u go the whole hog and choose a sponsor, work the steps, etc, i encourage u to take it slowly - dont just jump into it....choose that sponsor carefully, one u know ull get on with, who u respect
im glad to know ive helped u in some way claire - ur a gd chick, and u deserve more than the life uve led
take care

 

[clovurr]

physical damage

Do any of you in here have long-lasting/permanent/serious physical damage resulting from meth use? particularly IV meth use?

I am always amazed when someone says they've been using meth for, say, 8 years or something - after using this drug for only a few months, i already feel that it has taken a heavy toll on my body and i cannot imagine what i might feel like down the road. this is one of the biggest reasons i am working on getting out of this lifestyle as soon as i can. . .

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

^i've been snorting meth/coke for five years and i know my septum is shallow and damaged.... but i still HAVE a septum. a friend of mine was only on coke and meth for about nine months (and she wasn't using everyday) and her nose completely caved in, there was a hole the size of a quarter. i guess certain people's bodies handle drugs differently?
other than that, only a lot of heart/blood pressure/dehydration problems. but i've never IVed.

 

[clovurr]

meant to also ask: is lung damage associated with IV use?

 

[claire22]

No ^
I have liver, kidney and bladder damage, terrible damage. They function at the rate of a 40-50 year old woman, doctor ran tests etc. Permanent infections in all of them.

 

[3dmusic]

Do any of you in here have long-lasting/permanent/serious physical damage resulting from meth use? particularly IV meth use?

I am always amazed when someone says they've been using meth for, say, 8 years or something - after using this drug for only a few months, i already feel that it has taken a heavy toll on my body and i cannot imagine what i might feel like down the road. this is one of the biggest reasons i am working on getting out of this lifestyle as soon as i can. . .

I had a backache on the left hand side, just above the waist (I'm female) from use of base.
It didn't occur to me at the time it may have been kidney damage.
I did pills alot too.
When it did occur to me, it could have been kidney damage, I had depression, so it wouldn't have made a difference anyway.
It seems to have gone now.
Due to the depression, I can't be arsed with speed these days, even the strong stuff. I seem to have got either bored with it, or resentful that it was the only thing that maade me feel alive.
I guess I cant hold my water like I used to.

 

[drug_wench]

methamphetamine use is renowned for eating away ur muscles (as do all amphetamines but particularly meth)
if u sleep well, eat well and drink well while ur on it u can get away with abuse of it for a longer time than someone who doesnt take these methods of basic harm reduction
however after 8 yrs yes it will catch up on u to some degree and yes, sometimes the damage is permanent
all organ damage is associated with all types of use although smoking it will damage ur lungs faster than IVing it
however it eats ur organ muscles basically, so even IVing it will fuck ur lungs up in the end
wen i first stopped i had an irregular heartrate for awhile - thankfully that came right quite fast....my lungs were alright miraculously.....it was my kidneys that really suffered - and my bladder
and theyve never fully come right
for months i walked around attached to a catheter in order to pee - i was afraid id never ride my horse again
thank god, now i only hav poor kidneys and frequent infections in my bladder/kidneys
its the bit between my kidneys and bladder thats damaged the worst, so i hav a lot of trouble peeing and i dont filter the crap in my body my kidneys r sposed to filter as efficiently as other ppl
generally wen i drink i need to pee straight afterwards rather than the urine filtering thru my kidneys properly the way it does with most ppl
strangely this hasnt effected me in any negative way that ive noticed - its just a pain cos i always need to go but find it hard to do so.....
at first the organ that was affected the worst was my brain - i had an MRI scan that showed lesions on my brain
later scans hav showed these hav mostly healed as ive taken a lot of fish oil and vitamins and supplements
i spoke with a slur, i had a wobbly gait, i shook all over (my hands r still quite trembly), i completely lost a lot of my short-term memory and i hallucinated for a gd 6 months after ceasing meth use
i hav liver damage too but the doctor said this was most likely due to the hepatitis i caught from sharing a dirty needle not the actual drug
clovurr - meth is a serious drug
im lucky im still on this planet
my mum took out funeral plans for me
dont end up like this - ur decision to do something about ur meth use now is one of the wisest choices u can possibly make

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I have the shakiest hands, a head ache, my body is so damn hot, my hands feel weird from this lack of circulation, dizzy at times and my heart is pounding like crazy... not an OD just starting to feel really run down, but won't let myself crash.

I haven't been sober from this shit for 14 days tomorrow (haven't been totally since December) but I've been sleeping for four or five hours a day with sleeping meds and so was hoping I wouldn't get this run-down.

I was so high and happy today but just got into a huge fight with my roommate after she walked in on my snorting shit this morning and turned right around and slammed the door. Now I'm alone in this apartment and it's depressing as fuck.

I can see I need to stop but I can't even get up tomorrow and go to work if I'm not going to do this shit as soon as I pull the covers off of me. I'm depressed about the current state of my life and using drugs and the eating disorder (no money, roommate hates me and confronted me about drug use, weird thing going on with this boy, friends are annoyed with me and being avoidant, feel disgusting and fat, have fucked up at school already this semester, parents won't speak to me even if I beg my mom, and just that my life is an utter failed mess) to try and deal/forget about all of these things which are CAUSED by the drugs and eating disorder. I SEE that and KNOW this is pointless so WHY has it been five years of yo-yoing with this stuff? WHY can't I just get up tomorrow and not shove this shit up my nose? I hate how damn weak I am, it makes me sick and disgusted that I even take up a space in this world.

 

[drug_wench]

IMO ur not weak, mia
its not about being weak
im a taurus and im fucking strong but it took me 2 yrs of trying to get and stay off meth
oneday wen uve had enough - and that time will come (hopefully ASAP) - ull do anything to get clean
ull go to rehab, counselling, therapy, 12-step meetings, halfway houses, new hobbies, new friends - ull try evrything
and one of those things will work for u
of course u cant go to work on a crash - if u want to give getting clean a go, u will need to take sick leave
i actually had to stop working
i was a riding instructor wen i first detoxed, and i canned in the job to focus on my recovery
i havnt worked since, and im still not ready to work esp since i relapsed on opiates last september (now a month or so clean)
some wud say thats lazy but instead i work my butt off round the house doing all the domestic chores mum wud normally share with me, alone
technically im like a housewife, although i keep myself busy with my equestrian competitions too - riding evryday is very therapeutic for me....it takes my mind off meth which is exactly wat i need!
u need to plan ahead ur recovery regime if uve bn a long-term user who wants to detox and work on staying clean
if u go straight back into the workforce, a lot of ex-addicts burn out, as meth PAWS leaves u very tired, which exposes u to the temptation of using again
if ur serious about getting clean im happy to answer any questions u hav or tell u wat to expect from giving up meth via PM

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Thanks girlie I will. I just feel hopeless about kicking this thing. I mean, I've done rehab three times, been hospitalized/put in treatment centers for my ED 8 times.. and I'll do ok and even think I'm going to be fine, and then it's like BAM, can't deal with the real world as just me and I'm using and starving myself again... almost feel like what's the point in pretending and going through it again?

I feel better today, roommate and I aren't really speaking but I'm not getting any death glares... plus being at work makes me feel like I'm not such a complete waste.

 

[drug_wench]

glad ur feeling better
relapse is very common on meth so dont b discouraged by the multiple relapses uve had
oneday....*click* u wont touch the stuff again
that day will come
tho i wud never let down my guard even if id bn off the shit 15yrs rather than 15 months.....
heres a poem i wrote wen i relapsed that u may identify with

RELAPSE
You think you're clean from crystal's grip
Then you let down your guard
Just one hit can't harm you
But it hits you pretty hard
Before you know, you're back again
It's got you by the hook
This time you'll do anything
You'll even fuck the cook
You don't know why you need it
But you don't know how to stop
You're fucking sick and damn ashamed
And scared your soul will rot
This time you don't get the high
You only get the low
Crystal's grip is killing you
Even if it's slow
You cry out 'God please help me'
You're way out of your depth
But relapse is reality
With drugs like crystal meth

take care hun
ur time will come

 

[wingnutlives]

Wow, meth is quite something bad. I've only done adderall and dexedrine (prescription amphetamines) and they have already made my body feel strung out. I always feel somewhat damaged while on adderall, but even worse off it. Literally can't go a day without it. Meth would be much harder to come off, I'm sure, it takes a lot of bravery.

Keeping that in mind, I was offered crystal for the first time two weeks ago. Turned it down!!

 

[Crankinit]

^ good call.

 

[drug_wench]

^+1
wingnut, u take amphetamines for ADD right?
if u keep to the right doses u shudnt hav too much probs
some ppl just take their meds on days wen they need them for study etc
maybe ur on too high a dosage

try reducing ur dose and only taking the pills wen needed - and always swallow them rather than snorting etc (not saying u do snort etc, just advice) for harm reductions sake
also ull get more therapeutic value out of them then and less of an addictive 'rush'
ideally on the right dose of amphetamine meds for AD(H)D, u dont feel high

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

FUCK THIS DRUG

I KNOW I’m going into meth psychosis but I really just feel like I’m falling into the fucking abyss of insanity. I’ve really lost my mind and I’m never going to get out of this.

I really really want to be done with this shit but I don’t want to quit it at all. But I’m forcing myself to take some self control and pull my shit together, not go to work and just force myself to fucking crash. Drinking tons of water and shoving a bunch of food down my mouth because that’s what everyone always says. And I really don’t even care right now because it must be these hallucinations but I look really thin right now it can't be real but for now I think its ok to eat something.

Then I have to sleep because I want to wake up from this. And then I’m forcing myself to take three days off this shit, stay sober until Sunday at least. And then re-evaluate from there. This has to be stopped.

But how do I do this? I’m not myself right now this not the me making this decision. I’m already not really believing it and I know I’m going to be even less when I wake up. There is nowhere to go, my tweaker friends are too crazy and tweaked and I’m too ashamed to go to my sober friends because I’m a liar and a fake, and I can’t go to my boyfriend because this is happening too early. And I’m not going to hurt my parents again by showing up like this I’ve done enough to them they don’t deserve it. And not going to rehab. I’m not ready I can't do another pointless stay in another program.


So it’s just me, fuck please give me some advice that will help me when I get up.

 

[eon_blue]

FUCK THIS DRUG

I KNOW I’m going into meth psychosis but I really just feel like I’m falling into the fucking abyss of insanity. I’ve really lost my mind and I’m never going to get out of this.

I really really want to be done with this shit but I don’t want to quit it at all. But I’m forcing myself to take some self control and pull my shit together, not go to work and just force myself to fucking crash. Drinking tons of water and shoving a bunch of food down my mouth because that’s what everyone always says. And I really don’t even care right now because it must be these hallucinations but I look really thin right now it can't be real but for now I think its ok to eat something.

Then I have to sleep because I want to wake up from this. And then I’m forcing myself to take three days off this shit, stay sober until Sunday at least. And then re-evaluate from there. This has to be stopped.

But how do I do this? I’m not myself right now this not the me making this decision. I’m already not really believing it and I know I’m going to be even less when I wake up. There is nowhere to go, my tweaker friends are too crazy and tweaked and I’m too ashamed to go to my sober friends because I’m a liar and a fake, and I can’t go to my boyfriend because this is happening too early. And I’m not going to hurt my parents again by showing up like this I’ve done enough to them they don’t deserve it. And not going to rehab. I’m not ready I can't do another pointless stay in another program.


So it’s just me, fuck please give me some advice that will help me when I get up.

I don't mean this to sound hopeless, because in fact it is meant to give you all the hope in the world: YOU CANNOT BEAT THIS ALONE

Ask anyone, any one of us that has had an addiction to a severe substance like meth, it is literally impossible to will you're way out of it without any outside help. The beauty of this, though, is that once you are finally able to admit you need outside help and take the initiative to get it, getting clean becomes so much easier.

Not easy, but easier...easier than trying to do it alone.

Please consider getting help.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Yeah, I know.

Scared the shit out myself last night, don't even know what happened. Used way too much meth because I couldn't stop thinking about food. Around eight went into psychosis, rampaging through my apartment and throwing shit everywhere, screaming at one of my neighbors and writing about fifteen pages of complete nonsense....decided to walk 5.5 mile in freezing raining weather in shorts, flip flops and t-shirt to buy a pack of cigarettes.... came back and was convinced my rooommate was going to call the cops on me and they were going to search the apartment if I went to sleep so I hide anything drug-related in random parts of the apartment and now have NO idea where anything is... then around seven was convinced I had gone totally crazy permemantly, took a bunch of xanax after apparently posting here and passed out.

My roommate (we are not close at all and she doesn't drink, do drugs, smoke, anything, and has been pretty much hating me for the past week) woke me up around 1 and had a bunch of food and just sort of sat down and looked at me until I ate it, starting talking about ex-boyfriend and put me in the shower/washed my hair (I feel like shit, dizzy, naeseous, can't stand up myself) and then used her chemistry book to keep my door open, and and has been sitting in the living room watching television until like a half hour ago when she finally went in her room. Weirdest most awkward thing ever, not once did she ask me what was going on or if I was on drugs or not eating or anything, just kept talking about the most random shit possible. I have no idea why she did this but thank god.

Did not wake up wanting to use today. Don't know where I put my shit. Still feel really disoriented, but not wanting to use right now. But I want to use tomorrow. I don't know, I'm scared and I feel like I can't talk to anybody in my life about this because no one (besides my two friends who tweak) know that I relapsed months ago and I've been so good at hidng it. And I really want someone to help me but I'm too scared to have to do what getting help entails. I've been sitting here crying for the past twenty minutes, just feel so fucking alone and trapped and confused. Ah. Fuck this drug, fuck fuck fuck it. And sorry this is more of a journal entry than a post.

 

[8ft-Sativa]

Sounds like you room mate probably had a good idea of what was going on and wanted to help you out.

She sounds like a nice person?

 

[drug_wench]

I don't mean this to sound hopeless, because in fact it is meant to give you all the hope in the world: YOU CANNOT BEAT THIS ALONE

Ask anyone, any one of us that has had an addiction to a severe substance like meth, it is literally impossible to will you're way out of it without any outside help. The beauty of this, though, is that once you are finally able to admit you need outside help and take the initiative to get it, getting clean becomes so much easier.

Not easy, but easier...easier than trying to do it alone.

Please consider getting help.

mia, this is the exact advice i wud give
u want proof from someone whos bn severely addicted to meth that u can get off it?
im not here to dick-size
i hate that
im here to give u hope
-over in NZ we call it 'P' and i started snorting/smoking it at 15, daily, i spose a Q a day at the most (im ADHD and hav a natural fair amp tolerance).......by 20 i was IVing it......had about a $1000 a day habit
-i was a crook....i stole cold pills/methadone (also an opiate addict) from pharmacies, i cooked P, i sold P, so on
-by 22 i started slowly trying to get help.....i tried evrything from rehab to counselling to NA - medical detox know me by sight
-by 23 the problem peaked to 4grams a day (IV), i weighed 36kg, i had physical and mental damage, my dad disowned me, my mum had written out funeral plans for me.....it was change my life or die

i changed my life, i changed my interests
i changed my friends, i went to NA, i went to several diffrent programs, i spent a yr abstinent from all drugs
wen ur absolutely desperate ull do anything
and u name it, i did it
if u hav any further questions, plz PM me
u can conquer meth
its not easy.......but u can do it