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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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chicpoena said:
Have you thought about moving out of Michigan? The economy there has been abysmal for years. Maybe you could scrape together some money for a one-way ticket down south. I know a couple people who've done that and they consider the best decisions of their lives. Michigan is pretty much a dead end road.
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Actually, yeah. You and I have talked before about this, but at the time it just wasn't possible for me, but in the last week some weird shit has happened. I was hanging out with a friend of mine who is also an ex-girlfriend of mine, and I got to meet her cousin. With him, it was one of those situations where the friendship just clicks, you know? Well anyways, he just moved here from California, and I don't know how to explain the rest, but we're leaving Michigan with-in the next year, heading for Cali. It's so hard to explain all of this, but the gist of it is, I think I got something to look forward to in ht next year.

Sorry if none of this was very coherant, I'm a little...intoxicated.
 
Dope boy called yesterday when I had nothing to do. Was in the city and wanted to know if I wanted to throw down.

Told him I'd think about it and never called him back.

Granted, I spent money on coke the night before, but it was less than a [good] night on H and I'm not addicted to coke.


Now just need to get off this blasted suboxone. At least it's been 9 days since I last did any H or any opiate/opioid (aside from sub of course).
 
^^Good on you for not calling him back dude, that's not easy, believe me I know.

However, I also know that having to will yourself through a challenging situation like that will really start to wear you down and eventually one day you will cave. That one time he calls when you're in the midst of a huge craving, emotional distress, etc....believe me it'll eventually happen at the worst possible time.

Change your phone # man, that's all you gotta do :) I just changed mine the other day after getting a few of the same messages...I lack the strength and willpower to say no every time :\ Sucks to have to tell everyone your # is different (again), but it's well worth not having to deal with the alternative and it's consequences.
 
sixpartseven said:
Actually, yeah. You and I have talked before about this, but at the time it just wasn't possible for me, but in the last week some weird shit has happened. I was hanging out with a friend of mine who is also an ex-girlfriend of mine, and I got to meet her cousin. With him, it was one of those situations where the friendship just clicks, you know? Well anyways, he just moved here from California, and I don't know how to explain the rest, but we're leaving Michigan with-in the next year, heading for Cali. It's so hard to explain all of this, but the gist of it is, I think I got something to look forward to in ht next year.

Sorry if none of this was very coherant, I'm a little...intoxicated.
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Yes. This has always been my plan. Get away from it all by moving to the west coast.

Not only do I not have connect out there, but I think the constant sun will improve my mood. Chicago is depressing like 8 months out of the year.

Anyway, today should be my last day getting high until mid-March. I'm not looking forward to the wds since I already got a taste of them the other day when I wasn't able to cop until late but didn't want to take a sub cause I knew I WAS going to get high eventually.

The subs should take care of it, but still. Who ever looks forward to wding??
 
xxkcxx said:
I have probation on the 10th, so my plan is to go through what I bought today (11 bags) and start getting clean no later than the 4th. Then, since I will be done with rehab the first week of march (and I have really been playing with fire since if they drug test me I have no back up plan ATM), I will stay straight until then. Well, I will be using the suboxone, but you know what I mean.
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OMG, now that the day is here...I'm so anxious. I hate the feeling of knowing I just CAN'T use. It's so much worse than just not having the money or the connection to get hooked up.

Things will probably look different after I'm sober a couple days, but right now it feels like I am going to have to use after probation and not hold out until march. :( :( :(
 
u can do it kc - were behind u
remember u can always PM me - id luv to hav someone to talk to going thru a sort of similar situation
gd luck
with all thats going on with my bf being in trouble with the law, im just stressing to the max and even on my 20mg subs im shooting so much sterile water its ridiculous
evry fucking vein i can find
i really just want to go without my next sub dose and score but paul (bf) wud b devastated, and i cudnt do it to him
but the craving is so overwhelming it hurts
methadone counsellor is suggesting upping the dose again but wats that going to achieve really? i want to get high
i want to forget about wat were going thru - get pauls scared face out of my head
feel that warm feeling in my stomach.....that rush.....that blissful nod
i just want it to all go away
 
If I let the thought of how good it would feel to let that needle in my vein in would drive me insane. I know, I've been through it several times. My best bet is to keep myself busy so I don't think about it.

Luckily I have enough work to do in my classes to keep me busy. What do you guys do to keep yourselves busy and out of trouble?
 
midnight_toker08 said:
If I let the thought of how good it would feel to let that needle in my vein in would drive me insane. I know, I've been through it several times. My best bet is to keep myself busy so I don't think about it.

Luckily I have enough work to do in my classes to keep me busy. What do you guys do to keep yourselves busy and out of trouble?
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^School for me as well, I'm full-time art school (photography) so I'm constantly either in class or in the lab. I also work part-time (15 hours/week) at a yoga studio.

And yet despite it all, I still find myself fighting the overwhelming urge to go out and score at times. If I didn't have all these things keeping me busy, I sure as hell wouldn't able to do it, guaranteed.
 
I am so desperate right now.

I really, really, really can't use because I HAVE to be clean next Tuesday. But my mind keeps telling me: even if you use today you'll have 6 days left to clean up, it'll be fine.

When I found out my friend probably couldn't take me tonight my mind started thinking about doing it tomorrow and saying: even if you use tomorrow you'll have 5 days left to clean up, it'll be fine.

And while that is possibly true, I have to be absolutely certain, and the only way I will feel that way is if I start to be clean today.

I'm not really even in wds, I'm just anxious as a MoFo cause I really want to score.

I wish I still had my car. I wish I wasn't at work. I wish I had more connections who would deliver and or drive me.
 
^^^
Hey man you've gotta be really careful if you want to ensure that you'll pass your drug test. I wouldn't take any risks. Afterwards you'll be good for a while though, just try to look forward to that I guess?

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone could tell me how long it took for their natural endorphin levels to start to feel comparable to pre-abuse levels? I had about an 8 month sprint of using poppy pods, and even before that I was using kratom daily for a couple months.

It feels so surreal to think about the fact that the last time I really got high was probably about 2 weeks ago now, but I still am not feeling 100% (and I know I shouldn't, one year of abuse is a long time, even if I never got too far out of control). Any of you guys make the transition to being completely clean (no suboxone or maintanence) and knew how long it took to feel normal?
 
^ In my rehabs, I've been told that 3 months in the semi-magic number.

Never made it there myself, but came close, and I was actually feeling pretty good.

IMO, the first month or so sucks, but after that, every day gets a little better, though there are a few sucky days thrown in here and there.
 
midnight_toker08 said:
Luckily I have enough work to do in my classes to keep me busy. What do you guys do to keep yourselves busy and out of trouble?
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-6 classes (I don't think they allow you to take more unless you get special permission)

-Depends on the week (my hours are always different, unless I"m working in the office), but with my school schedule as it is now, between 20-25 hours of work a week. Guaranteed 13hrs, even if there is no jobs at all. (I work at a banquet hall/catering place)

-Girlfriend...don't want to use around her [anymore] and don't think about using around her

-Exercise, mainly running, some core stuff. I really got to start lifting again.


Even with all that I still crave, and the cravings have been strong lately. :\ Just makes it harder to find time to use. It really sucks that where I park for school is literally within a half mile of where I used to park with dope boy to get dope. I wanted it so bad today.
 
Im sure most of us have had this problem before but I just moved to texas and I have no hookups yet and have no clue what to do, im not asking for any sources just some advice cuz I am dope sick and goin CRAZY!!! thanks for the advice in advance
 
Carl Landrover said:
Just makes it harder to find time to use. It really sucks that where I park for school is literally within a half mile of where I used to park with dope boy to get dope. I wanted it so bad today.
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I noticed that you always talk about going with dope boy...is this his connect and he won't share with you?

I'm j/w cause I always used to go down with my friend mainly cause I was scared, as a chick, to go down to that area alone. He was always willing to give me the connect, but he just also preferred I didn't go alone.

Eventually, after maybe 4-6 months, I did though.
 
Kind of, I think he would have given him up, but I always felt I was better off not knowing him. I never even asked. I've had regular connects in the past and that was bad news.

I'm glad I didn't ever ask because so far I definitely would have grabbed something the last 2 times I've been down there.
 
^ It is definitely helpful...but I gotta say, that is a kinda of self-control in its own (not asking).

I've gotten the number of every guy we have ever gone to, whether or not I've gone to him by myself.
 
Clean now for 9+ months, weening off of suboxone slowly now as well. I'm happy and sober for the most part. Been wanting to do coke lately though, don't really know why but I've been having cravings. I've thought about dope but haven't done any nor been around anyone using. So basically all is well for me, hope the rest of you are doing good!

-dp
 
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Been off smack for about 2 weeks but caved in today due to stress.
I'm not too bothered really, and the sigh of relief was huge...
I just need to stop myself from going through 1.75g in 2 days :|
 
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