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  • OD Moderators: notsmokeymcpot420 |

Cocaine doing coke alone

streaM Freak said:
It sounded like there was a time where your health and family meant something to you. Has that changed?
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I'm not so worried about my health anymore. A friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer at 48 years old. That just made me think I'm going to enjoy my life because I never know what's around the corner for me. My family mean the world to me though. I just can't seem to stop. Losing my friend to cancer so young has made me dig my heals in with the coke if anything. He never took a drug in his life aside from smoking cigarettes, never drank alcohol. It's scared me to be honest. I keep thinking what if I get cancer young, so I do more coke to forget about things. I know, its ridiculous and pathetic to be honest.

My mom has Alzheimer's so my time with her is limited and if love that time to be clean time to make some more memories. Her symptoms are getting much worse recently though. Add to that my mental health problems and life is pretty shit if I'm honest. It's like the coke is the only thing keeping me going. I just don't know how I'm going to stop doing coke I really wish I had a solid plan and more willpower. I'm hardly eating, so I'm losing a fair bit of weight, I'm hardly sleeping so that's messing with my head, I'm smashing diazepam when I do want to sleep. My life is just chaos. I'm seeing my new drug worker tomorrow and she wants me back in rehab.
 
Oh, I found a lump in my chest a couple weeks ago too and I'm experiencing pain in my armpits on the same side. So, I've convinced myself I've got breast cancer. I'm too scared to even go to the doctors. I think I'd rather not know. I just do more coke and bury my head in the sand. I watched my friend go through 2 years of treatment and all it did was make him extremely unwell for his final 2 years. I'm worried about this lump in my chest but if it turned out to be the worst and it wasnt curable I'd rather just not know and enjoy my life in ignorance. If I ever did get a bad diagnosis I'd just smash coke and heroin until my time came and I've never touched heroin I was addicted to codiene though. Life is a bitch at the moment and shit just keeps getting worse.
 
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