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thinking about trying an OTC stimulant as a forty year old. stupid. how i feel as a 40 yo druggy

foodcrisis

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Jan 2, 2014
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there was a younger poster a couple months back talking about using an over the counter stimulant that i believe i heard talked about on the internet in my time as a teen in the early 2000's. if i remember correctly, i never bothered to use it because it seemed adderall or coke would always be around and those were probably just stronger drugs. i still had a good time with coffee too. i just wasn't into using stimulants all the time. i didn't need to add an OTC that was probably unhealthy into my repatiore of drugs. i actually don't remember a lot of people recommending the particular OTC stimulant, and don't really see it mentioned on the net too often now days.

i actually had burning piss for months after a session of using dramamine when rotating nights between alcohol, dxm, and then dramamine as a teen. sometimes i'd take nights off to just smoke weed. for some reason after some months of doing this, i woke up after a night of dramamine and it really hurt when i'd urinate after eating and drinking a lot of different things. it was pretty bad.

the current BL poster mentioning the OTC stimulant was taking benadryl, the otc stimulant that had some other purpose i can't remember what it was, and occasionally dxm from what i recall. the poster claimed weed only made them eat chicken nuggets when it was suggested by another poster to replace the more probably detrimental drugs... i don't know. this person's particular drug preferences, like what i remember many people from the past doing, i don't particularly see why i would've even thought to try out this OTC because benadryl is just bad, why would they be using that, but i did look up the stimulant to see if it existed and thought about its potential. i had some different thoughts about what the drug could do, and i would love to write a review for others, but doing so isn't really what i'd consider being in my right mind.

that i thought the drug could either make me breath well or not breath well. that probably if it made me breath well, i would feel loose muscles despite the stimulation. that strong stimulation can get me breathing to where i start to breath in meditative states to overcome or also with the stimulation from the drug and i feel very charged and smooth... that the drug could just be very very bad on the other end of that. that it could hurt my muscles. that i wanted to take the drug to see if it could trigger automative breathing or if it would be a struggle to breath... that dramamine left my heart rate through the roof sometimes, but i couldn't really breath on it and felt fucked up tense. coke made my heart beat just as fast, but i could breath super well... i'd love a smooth feeling high leaving me stimulated and able to breath.

that i wouldn't be surprised if the drug were nauseating while leaving stimulation. idk.., i have no reason to want to be nauseated... that it's funny. benadryl is really bad and does not feel good. cough syrup is a pretty good high to me... i think the young BL poster referencing this OTC stimulant was also huffing different chemicals to get high. i remember the people on the internet giving reviews of this stuff in the early 2000's were always doing stuff that i just assumed to be bad highs. taking an OTC stimulant doesn't and didn't really seem like the thing to do because no one normal seemed to be doing it. it was all a bunch of huffers doing anything possible to get messed that were using it.

with the OP's description of taking this OTC stimulant at school and having a good time in their art class, it really kind of intrigued me. i felt like they must've been breathing properly and in a flow state for the teacher not to assume they were fucked up on drugs. maybe it was an okay drug? if they weren't addicted to benadryl and huffing stuff and actually liked weed, i probably would try the OTC stimulant. lol. ... that it's funny, i never even huffed anything. that i'm going along with propagranda and assuming it's all bad and the people doing it are just going through the motions not even really feeling good... huffing stuff could feel really good. idk. lol. that it's said that they are all short lived highs. that it's not really worth it to me with how detrimental they are, but idk. this young posters description of taking the OTC stimulant and enjoying their art class seemed to kind of make sense. that i'd mildly hurt myself to do some art.

that right now, i don't really have any connects for drugs. because of fentanyl in america and weed being legal where i am, i wouldn't order anything but psychedelics over the dark web, and despite the fact i'm always saying kids should just wait to use a potentially detrimental drug like DXM and use something like mushrooms which they can just grow when they are of age, i actually have very fond memories of the DXM high. shrooms really aren't my favorite high after heavily getting used to the LSD high. i don't really want to use LSD stuff because i don't really want to think about when i want to dose. that if LSD were legal, i'd probably use it occasionally only picking up a tab. i'm still thinking about using shrooms for art at some point, but i don't really care... i don't really feel like i need to use DXM, but i could. that i feel like if a person is gonna try alcohol and hurt themselves with that, that they might as well try DXM. IDK, i'd kind of recommend DXM... i feel like i might be a negative influence on people and some people that have tried it even hate it. pretty cool ime and was apart of my life. everyone has their own drug preferences. i feel like i'm writing on the internet so people of the future can better understand themselves.

did anyone else like having covid? that it really bothered me.. i couldn't smoke a lot of weed because my lungs, so i'd rip a large bowl and then just lay back and wrap myself in blankets. it's like covid is so overwhelmingly bad, but i found if i wrapped myself in a blanket and then sunk into the right part of the bed that it was actually kind of fucking cool. kind of reminded me of bad experiences with drugs. your just stuck.... that i feel like i owe it to the people to test drugs as someone that can sometimes breath well and has nerve damage to see how the different drugs trigger the nerve damage. psychedelic drugs really help a lot. smoking weed is bad directly after toking, but after the very intense first part of the high wears off, it really helps. now that my nerves aren't bad, weed doesn't bother me at all.. i'd like to be apart of a scientific study where i could take drugs in a hospital setting and see how my nerve damage responded to different drugs. that i think i might have some different results as a person that has trained a lot with meditative breathing compared to people with the same injuries that aren't as experienced with drugs and meditative breathing. that i am a person that responds positively to some drugs and am meant to use them.

also my experience boxing as a child really reminds me of getting drunk and using detrimental drugs. that i'm wondering if these types of things are a part of my memory and consciousness and who i am. i don't think it's really the right way to think, but the feeling of my life as a whole really effects me emotionally.

that i'm mostly done with bad experiences with drugs, but i like to write reviews of drugs. that another drug that i wanted to see how it effected my CNS is salvia and i tried that recently because i always thought the trips were cool despite the fact that i had awful body highs that physically did not feel healthy. that i got terrible nerve damage from a car accident years after trying salvia and had not used salvia for several years... i actually tried salvia again because i was on anti-psychotics and wanted to test if it were true that there were no trip killers. that is true ime.. also i wanted to try salvia to see if the intense trip and body high was actually unhealthy involving my nerve damage issues. i wrote trip reports on BL about this and also on reddit... salvia really isn't bad for your CNS. no one has ever claimed that to be so that i know of, but from what it felt like to me before i got hit by a car, i would 100% think that it is not good for you and i was totally anticipating that it would give me the nerve damage pins through out my body/head and also a particular headache that comes from bothering my body. with drawing from alcohol and smoking cigarettes can really bring out these pins.

i was very far away from it, but the thought crossed my mind to try to OTC stimulant the young BL poster was mentioning. i'd like to be able to say, "yes, you know you are definitely getting off on damaging your CNS" if that were the case. i'm not about to be a test dummy, but part of me would love to try some more drugs after getting nerve damage... that maybe the drug would be good is why i was kind of curious. that i'm having particularly good memories of DXM. with how much i like the body high of the LSD analogue eth-lad, i actually kind of even believe i probably enjoy some of the bizarre stimulation from DXM.... i have no idea. that recalling fond memories of DXM and the young poster talking about taking the OTC stimulant in art class really made me kind of tempted to try this OTC... that i hate MDMA. that so many people like MDMA. i also don't really like opiates. that you just never know how a person is gonna respond to a drug. that i could like the OTC stimulant. idk. DXM really isn't that bad. i wrote the OTC stimulants and research chemical stimulants off as a teen, but who the fuck knows. lol.

i was in a thread about coke wondering about RC's that could be laced in coke. i know there were some RC stimulants. i'm interested in new ones. that i don't really want to be a guinea pig trying new drugs, but if there were some new analogues of RC's that were out and people on the net were doing a ton of the older stuff, i'd probably want some of the stuff... IDK. it's kind of fucked up. i'm pretty content just using pot and listening to ASMR. ASMR is fucking really intense for me. i want to get fucked up and make art though. kind of immature, but whose to say you have to be healthy and live along time.

i talk a lot about how i'm some type of christ like figure in the cosmos history where spirits span infinite in time. that i always talk about issac newton predicting 2060 and the mayans predicting 2012. that i was born in 1985. that there is supposedly a curse about rock stars and artists dying at 27. i think there is some psychic premonition in 2012, 2060 and the rock stars dying at 27 involving the year i was born and what people deserve. that i found i could've recorded all the music that i've contributed to the internet by the age of 27. i was good enough to do everything i needed to do as a teenager. that i never really got better. i just spent all this time having fun doing different stuff. like the famous rock stars, i could've recorded everything all at once and just killed myself.. idk, this is kind of bizarre and i'm not gonna describe this in great detail, but i was supposed to be 27 in 2012 which was the year the mayans predicted would be a strong point in history long ago. that i'm so connected to kurt cobain, janis jopelin and the 27 club in my spiritual ways that it has vibrated across the universe sending infomation back in time to the mayans and issac newton. i could've contributed all the same stuff to art and died at 27, but i'm going to live on issac newtons prediction of 2060 where i will live to be 85. that successful cool people deserve to live long lives... that this isn't really for this part of BL, but i think i have a birth right and should probably stay away from detrimental drugs. that i really believe history as a whole where time doesn't exist is calling me to keep making art and music until 2060... sometimes i think my friends that are the same age are supposed to find my death though and create the art in my name till 2060, but i'll try to live till 85 resilient as hell with spinal arthritis.... i'm mostly on a health kick. my cholesterol and blood sugar levels are always perfect. i always think about going on eating binges and shit. i'm mostly trying to stay alive. sometimes i have dumb thoughts though.

anyways, not really looking for you to critique my mental health and give me advice saying i need to get my head checked cause i think i'm telepathically communicating in the sands of time with issac newton and the mayans. i don't know if i ever described the being born in 1985 thing on BL though. i always talk about the mayans and issac newton and a secret CIA conspiracy about documenting the internet for people of the future. lol

some of the BL users are probably gonna say that huffing shit and OTC is shit highs too, but i always find the occassional BL posters saying it actually feels cool.

that it's sad a lot of younger people don't feel like they are gonna have the opportunity to have kids and just write off that could happen and they destroy their bodies. some people end up having kids after using a lot of drugs and their bodies aren't really as healthy and maybe the kids don't turn out as healthy as they could be... like i'm seriously just writing this because i think i'm getting gang stalked by the CIA and i want to say, that hey the average soccer mom might want to kick back with some cough syrup instead of going for the couple glasses of wine. .. that i don't really think it's right that young people are opting out of life and taking years off their life before they even know exactly how they feel. maybe they do know how they feel and have no hope. that they are taking drugs and slowing their mind around the ages where they should be staying sharp and trying to have fun driving. like driving is kind of fun. you have to stay safe. these people are not doing good procedure. idk. i actually gave up driving when i got heavily involved in psychedelics. there are things other than drugs.. idk. i make a lot of art that people could be like "That's not that good." that my art is objectively good and some people just don't get it and it's funny someone could see my art and think they are making good art when they are not because they don't get my art. that often happens wtih minimalist art and bizarre types of music.. IDK. personally taking drugs was a part of my quest. i don't think i should be done with psychedelics. maybe i shouldn't hurt myself with poison drugs. maybe i should've never taken drugs that hurt me.. idk. drugs are a part of who i am though.. that a big part of this post is that "covid is interesting" and i'm not sure if people have the right to take drugs if they are going to be bringing kids into the world. that maybe drugs are for people after they have kids. idk. i've thought a lot about this... i think psychedelics are mostly fine for young people to take. they should make better public transportation so people can get heavily involved in psychedelics at young ages. that weed supposedly makes semen swin in bizarre ways. that i don't really see why it's legal. mushrooms don't really do that as far people know. it's probably time to legalize mushrooms and acid.

but for the time being this is kind of a post about cough syrup being cool






you know, back to the OTC stimulant that i was contemplating taking for a very brief moment. let me break it down for you why a forty year old would contemplate taking an OTC that they wouldn't've even cared to take back in high school... that let's put it this way, i 100% don't drink alcohol anymore. if i had no extra money i probably would drink a 6 pack of beer or a few shots in a period of time to get drunk if you offered me a thousand dollars to do so, BUT i happen to have 20,000 dollars saved. if you were to offer me 1000 dollars to do a drinking session, i would fucking pass with the money i have saved. it just doesn't matter. i don't need the money. i know i don't like alcohol from my memories with it.

DXM is another drug that is no longer used in my life... i will go on to say that i am so curious to try DXM again, and i have fond memories of DXM where if you offered me 1000 dollars to take 350mgs of dxm which is a pretty heavy dose for me, i would in fact gladly accept the 1000$.... i think it could be worth it to do the DXM, it could be fun to do a painting. it could be fun to chill in bed. there is no reason to do alchohol.

that this is really funny to me as DXM is a drug that is stigmatized by society. plenty of people get in really bad spots because of alcohol. like i don't keep using DXM as an adult because i've always had LSD, LSD analogues or mushrooms around. like why take DXM, which is potentially unhealthy, when you can just use psychedelics??? well, i have a BL thread about dosing LSD several times a week by upping the doses. during this time i had found blood in my stool. i think it was related to heavy shitting during this time period due to LSD analogues effecting the serotonin in my stomach.

i was taking a lot of acid. i actually stopped taking it entirely after the blood persisted to be in my stool for a couple of months. the blood went away a few weeks after stopping the LSD analogues. the acid was definitely doing something to my stomach... i would shit incredibly on days when i was using the LSD, and despite what i ate on the days where i was tripping and shitting a lot, the next days with out the drugs i would be very constipated.

i stopped using LSD and the analogues. using it frequently would really dull the negative effects of my nerve damage.

i have a problem continuing using LSD infrequently. i have a problem where i don't think i can get a sheet and use it occassionally. that if i get some i will use it all the time and i don't want to have to start picking up LSD all the time.

i've thought about using DXM in the form of robitussin with DXM as the active ingredient. that when i move into smoke free housing and can only take a hit of weed through the smoke buddy carbon filter every so often, i know i'm going to be vaguely tempted to use dxm because it did me well so many times as a teen on nights when i only had a hit of weed.


that how DXM is kind of cool made me think about this... this post is kind of long winded and boring. sorry about that, but it's kind of me going deep in my head thinking about addiction... i use BL hoping the CIA is watching me like i always say.


i'll probably just stick to pot and ASMR.
 
TL,DR

shit just doesn't really matter to me. part of me loves getting fucked up, but i don't... that i'm just going on what society considers good procedure... dellusions about issac newton predicting 2060 is keeping me into thinking i'm supposed to live until that time period where i will be 85 years old.
 
Could you just name the OTC stimulant please.

This is HR site, we can tell you the risks and benefits of most things but 3515 words with the conclusion that you won't try the stuff seems like a write-only document.
 
that this is kind of diverging from the drug culture section of the site and i maybe should've just posted this in the "words" section of the site, cause this is a bit philosophical and i am just going on with my thoughts not really in the name of harm reduction. i just think understanding how you feel about drugs is something and i am revealing my thoughts with a method of thinking particularly about breathing and body scans and people can apply that to how they feel about drugs. maybe you've never even noticed that you are breathing differently. maybe breathing patterns will help you make sense about why you like different drugs. what i'm saying very well could trigger a person to be addicted. that you realize you can't breath with out drugs... that it is a struggle for me to breath with out drugs. that pot mostly helps. when i don't have pot, benzos help greatly although i would hate to be addicted to them. pot and stimulants is one of my favorite combinations to get into a breathing flow. it's fine when i just smoke pot. i need a specific amount of it to get by. it usually doesn't require very much. pot is one of the only drugs that i think mostly doesn't hurt people. it's a shame when people can't handle pot and psychedelics and are addicted to more harmful drugs. i'm not sure that it's not a curse.

i'm about to diverge from how i was originally posting this thread in drug culture, and i don't mind if this thread gets moved to "words" or any other section of the site. hell delete it if you want... at least it gets sent through the internet.


that i'm really torn as a 40 year old male because all the girls my age are done breeding in the next couple years or so. that i'm kind of like an old man... that reading about semen swimming the wrong direction as a teenager, i always thought it was bad procedure and that i shouldn't really have kids. i forgot about how semen swims under the influence of cannabis for a while during a period where i had one girlfriend completely forgetting the science that i had read, and we had some sex. our relationship ended because i felt she didn't really get me and i was uncertain whether or not i wanted to have kids. i never really put a lot of effort into persuing females after that. i didn't have any sex.


that as a forty year old, i've been on some anti-psychotics through out the years because of getting in trouble, but mostly my semen is still flowing wildly. maybe it's ruined because of how much weed i smoke.

if weed weren't being legalized and everyone weren't smoking it and using their bizarre swimming semen to have kids, i'd feel kind of right about just giving up, saying that i was an artist and that i chose drugs. that i have drugs. other people have families. that i made some pretty damn good art and music, and there are tons of great starving artists out there. we are really getting nothing for what we've done. that i really feel like i should've been recognized and paid a lot, allowing me to pick any wife i wanted. that i am an eligible bachelor. my mind works as an artist and i'm really hearing a lot of objectively correct guitar tunings that i do with my own ear and with out electric tuners. i do this with drugs. i guess i've taked about this on BL, and i don't think anyone is really having this issue other than me. I CAN'T SEE HOW I DID THE WRONG THING DOING DRUGS BECAUSE OF THE ART I'VE MADE. i've done some really far out stuff that makes sense when going back and checking the notes with a guitar tuner, and i'm doing this all with my drugged out mind. that i get no credit. that the amount of money i used to have to pay for weed and how i was really doing shamanistic shit with art and music and now any average uncultured fool can just go buy weed and it's not even for any reason, i'm not really feeling it. i don't think people deserve it... if i could i would legalize all drugs, but i don't know if people even deserve it. it's fine though.


that i'm on a very low dose of the anti-psychotic haldol. i can jerk off like 3 times in the span of less than two hours. that's about the same as when i was a teen before using drugs. the loads are just as big... i really feel like i should be trying harder to have kids. the being on haldol is making me apprehensive. i could use my semen even being under the small influence of anti-psychotics and probably be able to have it fertilize eggs and it'd be fine. that i'm interested in getting off the anti-psychoitcs and continuing the pot and getting a girlfriend or just like banging chicks in general, maybe in porn in order to have a child...

that i worry a lot about marijuana being so strong now days that it affects the semen and a couple generations down the road, people start to have some serious defects. i don't see why i shouldn't have a sex life though... that if i were to have a healthy kid as a forty year old that has been a heavy smoker since he was a teen, i'd be less apprehensive about young people that have no reason to smoke picking up the habbit. that if i had a kid and it came out with birth defects, i'd probably write about it on the internet and say i was wrong for having a kid and say "maybe you don't want to start using drugs." hell, probably wouldn't even make an impact... i'd have a great sense of relief if i had a kid that came out healthy. maybe it's not that the semen is changing in a negative way with cannabis use. it still works fine. however, it doesn't really seem like proper procedure to just let the public all start smoking with how much stronger the cannabis has gotten over the past couple decades and what they are finding under microscopes.


that i could get on social security for my back injury and get off the anti-psychotics if i wanted. my injury is bad enough where they will pay me with out anti-psychotics.

it's funny though, i thought about this. my girlfriend was my size. i always wanted to have sex with a smaller girl. i heard it can be enjoyable to a dude with the sex... i talk about how i only got the opportunity to try coke one time... if there were some bizarre situation where i could try coke or have sex with a smaller girl (which i've been pretty curious about), i'd probably try the coke and skip the sex.

as a forty year old. it doesn't seem worth it for me to get off weed and try to have kids. i could probably find a girl that would wait tables and live in a shitty apartment and be happy having one kid with me cause i'm so cool and my arts so cool if i didn't use all my disability money for fast food, art supplies, and getting high all day. like i could try talking to people in public or looking on a dating app. it's not really important to me though. i'm not really feeling it... i don't care. idk. like ASMR is objectively a super intense sensation better than any drug i've tried and it can work for a few hours a day. i go for walks exercising and i feel decent and sometimes even get really good highs getting in a walking or jogging flow. i make cool art and music. right now i can smoke as much as i want, and i'll be able to smoke sometimes in the future. idk. if i could smoke as much as i wanted in the future i'd be less interested in other drugs or even having kids. i want kids though. i'd still be fucked up about having kids even if i could smoke as much weed as i wanted.


i don't know. i really just want to send this across the internet. i don't care what part of BL this gets moved to if it does get moved or if it is even deleted...


i really feel like most of the people that try to get help from this site could get their advice from a therapist, and this site just triggers people to use drugs... in a way, i'm just kind of giving up and saying do what makes you feel best.. i wish i didn't have to move into smoke free housing and could just rip a bong all day instead of just getting a pipe hit through a carbon filter all the time... maybe they will federally legalize cannabis and i'll be able to rip joints eventually to stay 100% fucked up medicated... idk. i'm losing hope and even thinking about binge eating and taking poison drugs i normally wouldn't.. i know this has happened before where government restrictions cause people to use use bad drugs.. i bet there are a lot of people in public housing that can't smoke weed and end up doing fentanyl... terrible. lol
 
Could you just name the OTC stimulant please.

This is HR site, we can tell you the risks and benefits of most things but 3515 words with the conclusion that you won't try the stuff seems like a write-only document.
yeah. don't even know. there's other stuff in the writing too though that you can think about..
 
Another 1605 word write-only document.
this is a site where people post mother fucking stash pics and learn how to order GBL... lol


delete my posts. i couldn't give a shit. i'm writing it and sending it through the internet... i know the CIA or NSA reads this website.

ya'll let poster neversickanymore post all that shit on this site anymore.. you really believe he's being harrassed by V2K and this shit is real.. this site is fucking trash to trigger people on the internet... a schizophrenic mod triggering people to believe they are getting harrassed by v2k.. potentially super dangerous..
 
aww... poster 4DQSAR just sticking up for the mods trying to save them some time... probably tried to read some of my shit before and didn't get it. i get that you could have enough of my posting... if you aren't a mod why not just block me or skim by my post.. you are going to say that no one on the internet wants to read my post... plenty of people come to this site that aren't posters.

i was gonna say if 4DQSAR is a mod, you can just delete my post.. i really don't care... shit was sent through the internet. that is enough for me... i'm seeing that poster 4DQSAR is not a mod though... i don't even honestly get why they are posting at me other than to be negative... you don't know what other people choose to read and are going to find a means to passing time.
 
No, not a problem for me. I just set [IGNORE] and never have to read another post by you ever again.

But no hard feelings and good luck!
 
that 100% because of a thought that literally occured in under five minutes i decided to write this whole long spiel that took me several hours. i guarentee it can be read in under ten minutes. it took me a couple hours to write though... it is an incredibly long amount of text for such a fleeting thought... i get how it could be painful to read.



but it was a way to pass time to draw the thought out and put it into words... i'm just thinking. you could choose to think about what i'm thinking about for a few minutes. it could cause you to think and pass time.
No, not a problem for me. I just set [IGNORE] and never have to read another post by you ever again.

But no hard feelings and good luck!
get how you would want to save the mods some time...

bro, that i think thinking is prayer... that honestly, if you read the whole thing, i'm just saying nerve damage is fucked and writing about being a masochist... idk... i feel like someone could be like "i totally get this" while it pains other people to read. i'm not really trying to pain people.

gonzo is my favorite muppet. i like to come across as weird. that writing in a kind of boring way is fun to me. i'm not even trying to be redundant and pain people. idk. like i realize i'm peculiar, but i'm not trying to pain people. like i said, i feel like someone could get it or just dig the flow of my writing. maybe i should've posted it in the "words" section again.

like talking about breathing too. like i like to keep mentioning it. like i've observed my friends and they get in totally different flow states under the influence of drugs. it's cause of breathing effecting the muscles. like that i keep pointing it out every once and a while might cause someone to think about what their body is doing and they never realized it.

i get off on writing for myself, but i try to be entertaining and help people.. i actually proofread what i write several times.. i've been back through some of my longer BL posts several times and sometimes i get brainfucks and will write stuff weird, but i hella try to proof read my stuff and spend hours on it.. might be kind of pathetic.. oh well, not really trying to pain anybody. : /
 
you know i was thinking about poster Q4DSAR mentioning that i have a "write only document". that they must've skimmed my post to find i never posted the name of the stimulant, yet they are saying it's no big deal to them how they are having to deal with me.


idk. that a "write only document" is probably against the BL laws that i agreed to. that poster Q4DSAR mentioning that i had a write only document is some way to disapprove what i'm doing and from a lot of the tone of BL, it is probably meant in a way to put me down. that if "write only documents" are against the rules i don't really even go back in the BL rules to check. i will avoid "write only documents" regardless of the rules. i am mostly familiar with the BL rules. i know that it says posts that come across with a particular level of being incoherent can be deleted, and that's not really tolerated.

that i don't believe this is a "Write only document" from the definition i read,




that if poster Mr. Peabody weren't posting tons of threads through out the site with 50+ articles through out the past couple weeks, i wouldn't've even went on this tangent. i probably would've done a you tube video about my thought process and not linked it with BL because i think i'm getting gang stalked. that i don't write entirely for BL posters like i said all the time. i believe people are watching me and take info about me and survey people around what i'm saying on the internet.

i also wanted to clarify how i felt about the quick anecdote in the other thread about thinking about messing around with a drug that most people would think was foolish to take. that i do not see how there aren't moderators of this site that take notes on the posters to better their experience. that erowid should really just be updated with all the proper information about dosing drugs because this site really is useless about people caring about other posters and not just writing some cliche coping techniques and saying i've been there. i would think posters are mostly just here to find out about new drugs particularly RC's.

this thread is partly about the nostalgia of taking drugs that were even bad for you. that a reply that would bring me joy and make me feel like someone else out there is thinking is "i too have fond memories of things that were detrimental to my health and i spend time thinking about going back to those things, but i don't" that i know i just said that's a useless part of the site, but i still like people. that i wouldn't mind knowing if people enjoy reminiscing about these types of thoughts. that i enjoyed my five minute fleeting thought about doing something that would probably be unjoyable. that maybe someone would respond with "i think doing drugs to write a review isn't the right way to go"if they were to read into my writing as well. i don't know. that i wouldn't be surprised if no one even read this post. that the mods of this section don't even post on the site from what i can tell so i get how they would read this and not respond. idk. really i felt this was no more than a ten minute read that wouldn't hurt anybody like i already said a couple times. that i don't know if anybody is reading poster mr. peabody's 50+ article threads, but i thought maybe someone wants to read about my bizarre thought process if they have a lot of free time to be reading 50+ articles. maybe they are looking for a writing style that is a change of pace. hell people enjoy all different styles of writing... i got paranoid about my response in this thread being confused by the government and i wanted to expound upon what i was saying: https://www.bluelight.org/community...a-poses-with-foodcrisis.953973/#post-16440554

that i speak about how ASMR is more euphoric than any experience that i've ever had. that i really believe that i'm getting gang stalked by the government. i posted a thread with a link to my you tube with me doing meditative breathing, and it was to help people, but i was also interested in if BL would let me keep the post as i'm not a certified guru. that if wim hof breathing that is big across the internet now weren't so objectively wrong and not something that works 100%, i would've never posted this thread: https://www.bluelight.org/community...a-poses-with-foodcrisis.953973/#post-16440554 i appreciate that BL let this thread stay up.

that i 100% know that i'm breathing in a way that is relaxing my muscles and wim hoff 100% is not as healthy. i might not have the most advanced breathing on the planet, but i know that what i'm doing is in the direction of healthy. if you have nerve damage wim hoff will be bad for the muscles. having nerve damage and being healthy, the muscles will still be relaxing from the same breathes.

that i know if the CIA is watching me that there are doctors that will know that i'm healthy because of my you tube video claiming to be "ocean breath breathing". that it is true that i am getting outrageously euphoric highs with ASMR. i have a good time with pot and i like coffee. i can use psychedelics if i choose. that i should be all set... that i've talked on this site about how i don't feel right listening to ASMR cause of fentanyl addict women with out kids and people that have to work long hour shit jobs holding in having to go to the bathroom all the time. that i feel like i don't even deserve to feel good. that if the world were perfect, i could bide my time and have a healthy and clear conscious doing healthy things. that this is a social aspect of drugs making this thread fit in the section of "Drug culture". that i think about struggling with breathing being an interesting way to bide time. that i speak of how covid felt interesting. that it was a way to bide time. i'd like to bide time with ASMR and not feel guilty. the women with out kids is what really gets to me. that if they could enjoy ASMR at the level i do, they wouldn't need opiates... that i'd like to know the scientific term for looking for pain not only in the way that you are a masochist, but because you feel empathy for other people. that i don't believe this is a "Write only document" as it deals with why i'm taking drugs and you can understand different people psychogically which makes this dealing with the social aspects of drugs.

that i would probably assume people don't take the time to read my BL stuff and it could waste the mods time in a way that doesn't really bring them joy. like i said many times in the prior post that i'm not trying to pain anybody. that i can't really assume that no one is getting any peace of mind from my writing though. i could see my account being bizarre and someone taking a lot of time with it and getting where i'm coming from and finding it interesting and worth while although they might be left a bit confused, they just don't want to reply to give me any affirmations cause what i'm doing is bizarre.

that my review of drugs seem to be that mdma, opiates, and at this point in my life how i respond to alcohol is so bad that it'd make me wonder about an OTC drug or even inhalants possibly being good cause everyone is having such a unique experience. some people love drugs i can't stand.

i have another long winded post that's going to be posted to BL where i offer that BL deletes a novel i wrote in "the longue" that i requested be moved to the "words" section of this site. that i'm going to write about how i'm really surprised that thread has stayed up, why i want to leave it up, but why it makes sense to take it down.




that i don't know. that drugs are like the type of thing that even when some people get healthy and realize how their body works, there is something about getting screwed up. that it's not even that i don't want to live. i talk on BL about all the things i have to potentially look foward to. it's a lot more than a lot of people. that i really feel bizarre that ASMR is liked THAT INTENSE AND GOOD and i still am thinking about getting blasted on stimulants to have to struggle with breathing.... that it makes me kind of think "why can't i just be sober." that thinking about how i really wouldn't even mind getting blasted with a stimulant that isn't even proper, i almost even have more hope that i can bide time easier for longer periods with out having to smoke when i move to smoke free housing.

that this thread was beneficial for me to keep writing and rereading and think about my experience with drugs. i spend a lot of time with BL with out even responding and just thinking.





PEOPLE WOULD SHELL OUT MAD CASH TO EXPERIENCE THE ASMR THAT I HAVE AND I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT GETTING BLASTED WITH POISON DRUGS... IT'S NOT EVEN CAUSE I WANT TO DIE, BUT IT'S BECAUSE I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT FEELING GOOD.



that i even mentioned to the younger artist poster on BL about how stimulants or OTC's didn't produce the best art for me... some styles of art are just fun though. i didn't have a lot of hope for making good art if i were to try the OTC stimulant. that there are some brush strokes that come from getting fucked up wild unconscious mind though. i know people can master the brush strokes with out drugs. i can't. i really thought to see if i could get in a flow state from a drug that's probably deemed shitty by the majority. idk.


here is a painting i did of someone i went to school with and has been around town for years. this is a painting about being forced to work at wendy's. the kid works at wendy's. it's a psychic painting from god cause wendy's is suppsod to keep running. it is the side profile of him. you can see his moustache. that is really a great side profile painting of the person. i love the brush strokes of the moustahce and the lips. i wish i had the person's picture. that i can't consciously do art like that. i did this painting in one crazy tai chi explosion that only took about a minute. that you can see the grim reaper like character with the cycle. that the curve of the cycle is a really hard brush stroke.. i don't know. that i don't have the ability to draw or make those brush strokes unless i'm using my unconscious mind or maybe it's luck. that i see something about getting blasted on stimulants and trying art. that i wouldn't recommend it for the younger BL poster. that they were talking about making their best paintings under the influence of these drugs. i tend to not even believe the person was doing something objectively that great. they talked about their teachers praising them.. i'm not saying they need to be doing the same brush strokes as me, but the art they uploaded to the internet (people might think my art is shit) with the art the younger BL poster uploaded to the internet, i bet they could go to a community art college and stuff fine, but i don't think it's normal for that person to be hurting themself with drugs. i could see hurting myself with drugs because of what i've done with drugs... that i asked the younger BL artist to upload the photos of the paintings they did under the influence to see if they were good. i may've ignored the poster if they weren't good. i really wanted to see what the poster was all about. they did not post their paintings.


check out the brush stroke of the cycle in this painting. try to do that brush stroke with a swooping tai chi motion. it's not easy at all. it comes from a higher power:









@ this post there is a very good chance i'm gonna start doing mushrooms on occasion as a means of torturing myself and going nuts with art and stay away from poison drugs that might take years off my life despite the fact that i'm finding life to be pretty challenging at points. i listen to ASMR sometimes and it's really healthy for me.
 
here is a drawing i did on LSD in a deep trance:






that this is such a perfect image. that LSD is the best drug. i love LSD and the analogues i've tried. that i wish i weren't addicted to using LSD all the time and it didn't me me shit blood when used excessively. LSD is cheap and adults can use it frequently if it doesn't give them detrimental mental health issues and most people don't have stomach issues like i do. LSD is a great drug some people can take to live a long time and have a great time.

that i feel like getting blasted on stimulants could cause the same psychedelic mind as LSD and a painting could in fact come out good.. i don't know though... that i make such a joke out of my own life that i would hurt myself to see if i can get a particular art flow. i'm pretty far away from doing that... maybe i will start using LSD or analogues again infrequently... i really don't know. sometimes i can't get into a flow with art on LSD. i can always seem to find guitar tunings... that it would be funny to me if i started getting blasted on stimulants and these types of graceful drawings or paintings came out and i couldn't do them on LSD... i wouldn't feel pressured to keep doing the art.



that the above black and white images is one of the best images in the history of art... if the music in my profile link weren't so objectively good, i wouldn't expect people to believe me... the above image just fucking POPS at the eye though. super eye catching. that people can get to higher art states sober. i think there is something for some people about using drugs.




anyways, i'm probably done with this thread.

i want to get more redundant about my feelings about pot, nicotine, psychedelics and what not as a forty year old because of the title of the thread. that i mostly wanted to talk about my confliction about ASMR making me feel guilty and how it's making me think some really bizarre shit. some people like "into the mind of a mad man" shit.
 
there was a younger poster a couple months back talking about using an over the counter stimulant that i believe i heard talked about on the internet in my time as a teen in the early 2000's. if i remember correctly, i never bothered to use it because it seemed adderall or coke would always be around and those were probably just stronger drugs. i still had a good time with coffee too. i just wasn't into using stimulants all the time. i didn't need to add an OTC that was probably unhealthy into my repatiore of drugs. i actually don't remember a lot of people recommending the particular OTC stimulant, and don't really see it mentioned on the net too often now days.

i actually had burning piss for months after a session of using dramamine when rotating nights between alcohol, dxm, and then dramamine as a teen. sometimes i'd take nights off to just smoke weed. for some reason after some months of doing this, i woke up after a night of dramamine and it really hurt when i'd urinate after eating and drinking a lot of different things. it was pretty bad.

the current BL poster mentioning the OTC stimulant was taking benadryl, the otc stimulant that had some other purpose i can't remember what it was, and occasionally dxm from what i recall. the poster claimed weed only made them eat chicken nuggets when it was suggested by another poster to replace the more probably detrimental drugs... i don't know. this person's particular drug preferences, like what i remember many people from the past doing, i don't particularly see why i would've even thought to try out this OTC because benadryl is just bad, why would they be using that, but i did look up the stimulant to see if it existed and thought about its potential. i had some different thoughts about what the drug could do, and i would love to write a review for others, but doing so isn't really what i'd consider being in my right mind.

that i thought the drug could either make me breath well or not breath well. that probably if it made me breath well, i would feel loose muscles despite the stimulation. that strong stimulation can get me breathing to where i start to breath in meditative states to overcome or also with the stimulation from the drug and i feel very charged and smooth... that the drug could just be very very bad on the other end of that. that it could hurt my muscles. that i wanted to take the drug to see if it could trigger automative breathing or if it would be a struggle to breath... that dramamine left my heart rate through the roof sometimes, but i couldn't really breath on it and felt fucked up tense. coke made my heart beat just as fast, but i could breath super well... i'd love a smooth feeling high leaving me stimulated and able to breath.

that i wouldn't be surprised if the drug were nauseating while leaving stimulation. idk.., i have no reason to want to be nauseated... that it's funny. benadryl is really bad and does not feel good. cough syrup is a pretty good high to me... i think the young BL poster referencing this OTC stimulant was also huffing different chemicals to get high. i remember the people on the internet giving reviews of this stuff in the early 2000's were always doing stuff that i just assumed to be bad highs. taking an OTC stimulant doesn't and didn't really seem like the thing to do because no one normal seemed to be doing it. it was all a bunch of huffers doing anything possible to get messed that were using it.

with the OP's description of taking this OTC stimulant at school and having a good time in their art class, it really kind of intrigued me. i felt like they must've been breathing properly and in a flow state for the teacher not to assume they were fucked up on drugs. maybe it was an okay drug? if they weren't addicted to benadryl and huffing stuff and actually liked weed, i probably would try the OTC stimulant. lol. ... that it's funny, i never even huffed anything. that i'm going along with propagranda and assuming it's all bad and the people doing it are just going through the motions not even really feeling good... huffing stuff could feel really good. idk. lol. that it's said that they are all short lived highs. that it's not really worth it to me with how detrimental they are, but idk. this young posters description of taking the OTC stimulant and enjoying their art class seemed to kind of make sense. that i'd mildly hurt myself to do some art.

that right now, i don't really have any connects for drugs. because of fentanyl in america and weed being legal where i am, i wouldn't order anything but psychedelics over the dark web, and despite the fact i'm always saying kids should just wait to use a potentially detrimental drug like DXM and use something like mushrooms which they can just grow when they are of age, i actually have very fond memories of the DXM high. shrooms really aren't my favorite high after heavily getting used to the LSD high. i don't really want to use LSD stuff because i don't really want to think about when i want to dose. that if LSD were legal, i'd probably use it occasionally only picking up a tab. i'm still thinking about using shrooms for art at some point, but i don't really care... i don't really feel like i need to use DXM, but i could. that i feel like if a person is gonna try alcohol and hurt themselves with that, that they might as well try DXM. IDK, i'd kind of recommend DXM... i feel like i might be a negative influence on people and some people that have tried it even hate it. pretty cool ime and was apart of my life. everyone has their own drug preferences. i feel like i'm writing on the internet so people of the future can better understand themselves.

did anyone else like having covid? that it really bothered me.. i couldn't smoke a lot of weed because my lungs, so i'd rip a large bowl and then just lay back and wrap myself in blankets. it's like covid is so overwhelmingly bad, but i found if i wrapped myself in a blanket and then sunk into the right part of the bed that it was actually kind of fucking cool. kind of reminded me of bad experiences with drugs. your just stuck.... that i feel like i owe it to the people to test drugs as someone that can sometimes breath well and has nerve damage to see how the different drugs trigger the nerve damage. psychedelic drugs really help a lot. smoking weed is bad directly after toking, but after the very intense first part of the high wears off, it really helps. now that my nerves aren't bad, weed doesn't bother me at all.. i'd like to be apart of a scientific study where i could take drugs in a hospital setting and see how my nerve damage responded to different drugs. that i think i might have some different results as a person that has trained a lot with meditative breathing compared to people with the same injuries that aren't as experienced with drugs and meditative breathing. that i am a person that responds positively to some drugs and am meant to use them.

also my experience boxing as a child really reminds me of getting drunk and using detrimental drugs. that i'm wondering if these types of things are a part of my memory and consciousness and who i am. i don't think it's really the right way to think, but the feeling of my life as a whole really effects me emotionally.

that i'm mostly done with bad experiences with drugs, but i like to write reviews of drugs. that another drug that i wanted to see how it effected my CNS is salvia and i tried that recently because i always thought the trips were cool despite the fact that i had awful body highs that physically did not feel healthy. that i got terrible nerve damage from a car accident years after trying salvia and had not used salvia for several years... i actually tried salvia again because i was on anti-psychotics and wanted to test if it were true that there were no trip killers. that is true ime.. also i wanted to try salvia to see if the intense trip and body high was actually unhealthy involving my nerve damage issues. i wrote trip reports on BL about this and also on reddit... salvia really isn't bad for your CNS. no one has ever claimed that to be so that i know of, but from what it felt like to me before i got hit by a car, i would 100% think that it is not good for you and i was totally anticipating that it would give me the nerve damage pins through out my body/head and also a particular headache that comes from bothering my body. with drawing from alcohol and smoking cigarettes can really bring out these pins.

i was very far away from it, but the thought crossed my mind to try to OTC stimulant the young BL poster was mentioning. i'd like to be able to say, "yes, you know you are definitely getting off on damaging your CNS" if that were the case. i'm not about to be a test dummy, but part of me would love to try some more drugs after getting nerve damage... that maybe the drug would be good is why i was kind of curious. that i'm having particularly good memories of DXM. with how much i like the body high of the LSD analogue eth-lad, i actually kind of even believe i probably enjoy some of the bizarre stimulation from DXM.... i have no idea. that recalling fond memories of DXM and the young poster talking about taking the OTC stimulant in art class really made me kind of tempted to try this OTC... that i hate MDMA. that so many people like MDMA. i also don't really like opiates. that you just never know how a person is gonna respond to a drug. that i could like the OTC stimulant. idk. DXM really isn't that bad. i wrote the OTC stimulants and research chemical stimulants off as a teen, but who the fuck knows. lol.

i was in a thread about coke wondering about RC's that could be laced in coke. i know there were some RC stimulants. i'm interested in new ones. that i don't really want to be a guinea pig trying new drugs, but if there were some new analogues of RC's that were out and people on the net were doing a ton of the older stuff, i'd probably want some of the stuff... IDK. it's kind of fucked up. i'm pretty content just using pot and listening to ASMR. ASMR is fucking really intense for me. i want to get fucked up and make art though. kind of immature, but whose to say you have to be healthy and live along time.

i talk a lot about how i'm some type of christ like figure in the cosmos history where spirits span infinite in time. that i always talk about issac newton predicting 2060 and the mayans predicting 2012. that i was born in 1985. that there is supposedly a curse about rock stars and artists dying at 27. i think there is some psychic premonition in 2012, 2060 and the rock stars dying at 27 involving the year i was born and what people deserve. that i found i could've recorded all the music that i've contributed to the internet by the age of 27. i was good enough to do everything i needed to do as a teenager. that i never really got better. i just spent all this time having fun doing different stuff. like the famous rock stars, i could've recorded everything all at once and just killed myself.. idk, this is kind of bizarre and i'm not gonna describe this in great detail, but i was supposed to be 27 in 2012 which was the year the mayans predicted would be a strong point in history long ago. that i'm so connected to kurt cobain, janis jopelin and the 27 club in my spiritual ways that it has vibrated across the universe sending infomation back in time to the mayans and issac newton. i could've contributed all the same stuff to art and died at 27, but i'm going to live on issac newtons prediction of 2060 where i will live to be 85. that successful cool people deserve to live long lives... that this isn't really for this part of BL, but i think i have a birth right and should probably stay away from detrimental drugs. that i really believe history as a whole where time doesn't exist is calling me to keep making art and music until 2060... sometimes i think my friends that are the same age are supposed to find my death though and create the art in my name till 2060, but i'll try to live till 85 resilient as hell with spinal arthritis.... i'm mostly on a health kick. my cholesterol and blood sugar levels are always perfect. i always think about going on eating binges and shit. i'm mostly trying to stay alive. sometimes i have dumb thoughts though.

anyways, not really looking for you to critique my mental health and give me advice saying i need to get my head checked cause i think i'm telepathically communicating in the sands of time with issac newton and the mayans. i don't know if i ever described the being born in 1985 thing on BL though. i always talk about the mayans and issac newton and a secret CIA conspiracy about documenting the internet for people of the future. lol

some of the BL users are probably gonna say that huffing shit and OTC is shit highs too, but i always find the occassional BL posters saying it actually feels cool.

that it's sad a lot of younger people don't feel like they are gonna have the opportunity to have kids and just write off that could happen and they destroy their bodies. some people end up having kids after using a lot of drugs and their bodies aren't really as healthy and maybe the kids don't turn out as healthy as they could be... like i'm seriously just writing this because i think i'm getting gang stalked by the CIA and i want to say, that hey the average soccer mom might want to kick back with some cough syrup instead of going for the couple glasses of wine. .. that i don't really think it's right that young people are opting out of life and taking years off their life before they even know exactly how they feel. maybe they do know how they feel and have no hope. that they are taking drugs and slowing their mind around the ages where they should be staying sharp and trying to have fun driving. like driving is kind of fun. you have to stay safe. these people are not doing good procedure. idk. i actually gave up driving when i got heavily involved in psychedelics. there are things other than drugs.. idk. i make a lot of art that people could be like "That's not that good." that my art is objectively good and some people just don't get it and it's funny someone could see my art and think they are making good art when they are not because they don't get my art. that often happens wtih minimalist art and bizarre types of music.. IDK. personally taking drugs was a part of my quest. i don't think i should be done with psychedelics. maybe i shouldn't hurt myself with poison drugs. maybe i should've never taken drugs that hurt me.. idk. drugs are a part of who i am though.. that a big part of this post is that "covid is interesting" and i'm not sure if people have the right to take drugs if they are going to be bringing kids into the world. that maybe drugs are for people after they have kids. idk. i've thought a lot about this... i think psychedelics are mostly fine for young people to take. they should make better public transportation so people can get heavily involved in psychedelics at young ages. that weed supposedly makes semen swin in bizarre ways. that i don't really see why it's legal. mushrooms don't really do that as far people know. it's probably time to legalize mushrooms and acid.

but for the time being this is kind of a post about cough syrup being cool






you know, back to the OTC stimulant that i was contemplating taking for a very brief moment. let me break it down for you why a forty year old would contemplate taking an OTC that they wouldn't've even cared to take back in high school... that let's put it this way, i 100% don't drink alcohol anymore. if i had no extra money i probably would drink a 6 pack of beer or a few shots in a period of time to get drunk if you offered me a thousand dollars to do so, BUT i happen to have 20,000 dollars saved. if you were to offer me 1000 dollars to do a drinking session, i would fucking pass with the money i have saved. it just doesn't matter. i don't need the money. i know i don't like alcohol from my memories with it.

DXM is another drug that is no longer used in my life... i will go on to say that i am so curious to try DXM again, and i have fond memories of DXM where if you offered me 1000 dollars to take 350mgs of dxm which is a pretty heavy dose for me, i would in fact gladly accept the 1000$.... i think it could be worth it to do the DXM, it could be fun to do a painting. it could be fun to chill in bed. there is no reason to do alchohol.

that this is really funny to me as DXM is a drug that is stigmatized by society. plenty of people get in really bad spots because of alcohol. like i don't keep using DXM as an adult because i've always had LSD, LSD analogues or mushrooms around. like why take DXM, which is potentially unhealthy, when you can just use psychedelics??? well, i have a BL thread about dosing LSD several times a week by upping the doses. during this time i had found blood in my stool. i think it was related to heavy shitting during this time period due to LSD analogues effecting the serotonin in my stomach.

i was taking a lot of acid. i actually stopped taking it entirely after the blood persisted to be in my stool for a couple of months. the blood went away a few weeks after stopping the LSD analogues. the acid was definitely doing something to my stomach... i would shit incredibly on days when i was using the LSD, and despite what i ate on the days where i was tripping and shitting a lot, the next days with out the drugs i would be very constipated.

i stopped using LSD and the analogues. using it frequently would really dull the negative effects of my nerve damage.

i have a problem continuing using LSD infrequently. i have a problem where i don't think i can get a sheet and use it occassionally. that if i get some i will use it all the time and i don't want to have to start picking up LSD all the time.

i've thought about using DXM in the form of robitussin with DXM as the active ingredient. that when i move into smoke free housing and can only take a hit of weed through the smoke buddy carbon filter every so often, i know i'm going to be vaguely tempted to use dxm because it did me well so many times as a teen on nights when i only had a hit of weed.


that how DXM is kind of cool made me think about this... this post is kind of long winded and boring. sorry about that, but it's kind of me going deep in my head thinking about addiction... i use BL hoping the CIA is watching me like i always say.


i'll probably just stick to pot and ASMR.
dude dont follow my footsteps
the drug your talking about really fucked with me
i loved it and i let it get too close to me
that doesnt usually happen with drugs for me
dont do it
 
Could you just name the OTC stimulant please.

This is HR site, we can tell you the risks and benefits of most things but 3515 words with the conclusion that you won't try the stuff seems like a write-only document.
propylhexedrine (benzedrex)
hes reffering to me in the post
 
propylhexedrine (benzedrex)
hes reffering to me in the post
hey didn't catch your PM;s if that was you.

don't even want to check them if you are really an underage person cause i don't want to respond to anything that's not something anyone can see on the net.... not really sure what you wrote...

yeah.... i probably won't take that drug...


i really hurt my bladder or prostate with dramamine for a couple months as a teen. that's kind of like benadryl.. who knows the random stuff drugs can do that hurts a person.. even if things aren't that great there should be some drive to be healthy.

i was just doing my physical therapy yoga exercises for about an hour since i last checked BL.. i hadn't smoked weed since like 5 o clock in the evening. it's one in the morning where i am now. i was at peace doing the yoga and it was a while since i had been high.. ...



that i really think drugs might be some type of black magic energy that can create art. i know some people harness the same great spirituality with out drugs. there are a lot of sober artists and musicians that i think do great work... idk. that thinking about this thread made me actually kind of think that i should spend more time on sober art... i was doing art when i was in the psychward for three months sober, and i actually like one of the things i spent a lot of hours on... i feel like i have more patience to put a lot of work in sober, but i don't really enjoy it... idk. psychedelics don't really take years off people's lives. idk. some people can't handle. them mentally. i mostly recommend psychedelics. i'd like to be done with. i love the stimulation of acid. i'd be all about using it still if it were legal.. i don't know. mushrooms are legal in a few towns in my state. i'm thinking about going out to one of the cities on the bus and trying to make friends with some of the locals and doing some improvised psychedelic music if i can find anyone with a basement, or if i can find anyone to give me shrooms, maybe renting out a VFW or knights of columbus club house hall type place every now and then with some other bands... my friends had an organization that put on shows from the same town where shows are legal. i don't really contact the a lot. i don't know if they are really with me. maybe i will find some more people with some shrooms though.. shrooms kind of suck for a body high imo, but if i try to space out and get into the task i'm doing, it can be really fun.
 
propylhexedrine (benzedrex)
hes reffering to me in the post
do you take it by mouth or do you inhale the vapors through your nose more than your supposed to like the recommended way?

i was talking to some old junky dude that used to buy kids alcohol when i was a teen, and i remembered him talking about eating some type of inhaler thing.
 
"benzedrex How it works: It shrinks swollen blood vessels and tissues inside the nose to make breathing easier."


that description is really fucking with me making me want to use... that i'm probably not gonna be homeless and stuck in a shelter so i won't be crazy suicidal to use something like this, but the making it easier to breath sounds cool. if i'm ever stuck in the shelter, i'm gonna panhandle enough to buy some benzedrex and get a bag off weed and just go out in the woods for the night. HAHAHA.. .......

even just as a moderately healthy person now, i kind of want to use it at the recommended dose "Yes, people absolutely notice physical sensations from Benzedrex (propylhexedrine) at the standard, medically recommended dose, though these effects are typically limited to the localized areas of application. When used exactly as directed—two inhalations per nostril—the medication functions primarily as a localized vasoconstrictor. [1, 2]"

coke is also a vasoconstrictor...

bro the funniest shit is i don't want to get strung out around my parents living with them now... if i were able to rip a bong for hours on end when i have to move out and will be on my own and not be limited to only taking a rip of a pipe at a time every couple hours, i'd probably try this shit out from the description just one time... i'm reading it can really physically fuck a person up and even kill, so i wouldn't do a large amount, i could see doing more than recommended though. i'd try a medium dose of it if i were able to just continually rip bong after bong... one time i smoked ten grams of weed on adderall in one day. lol.

that i'm thinking about making friends and calling birds to see if i have a benzedrex art session... if anybody has any dreams about me using benzedrex and doing quality art, message me and i'll go out on a search and try to commune with nature and see if the spirits want me to use benzedrex... i feel like if i can get into a specific breathing flow that i'd be able to do some of the cycle shaped hooks in the red back ground drawing i posted above. it's so satisfying to just go nuts with out trying and get those awesome brush strokes.

that it's terrible i'm an adult talking to an underage person about being a pretty hard drug addict, but i guess that can happen on the internet... that i feel obliged to send my honest thoughts across the internet. i say a lot of bizarre shit that i think i have the freedom of speech in america to say from what i understand. i'm sure i could say some stuff that would get me banned from BL... i've been talking about a lot of crazy shit on you tube for a few days about "ideas for movies," but really think that this stuff could happen in real life situations, or giving my fucked up thoughts and being like "this is what i think IN A MOVIE" that i've been able to express some really fucked up opinions with out getting flagged on you tube.. i'm hoping the government, CIA, NSA or whatever is watching me.

i mention communing with spirits. that i have to say spiritually there is no set path. there are all sorts of energies and ways that a person can run with. if a person finds the universe wants to kill them with drugs, they don't have to take that path.... that i guess that's not really part of this forum "drug discussion," but that my spirituality is making me socialize with the objects of the world maybe... idk. i'm trying to keep this thread related to the description of basic drug discussion. maybe this could be in a thread in the dark side "when spiritually beliefs trigger you to do drugs and hurt you".



hah. i'll probably never take benzedrex in excess, but i might take the recommended dose at some point..

 
bro, this thread is insane. it's the type of thing where i can be like "sorry", but i hella don't mean it, cause it was very entertaining for me to go through the motions of creating it. that the many times proofreading my words through out writing it and thinking about my experience was some fucked recollection of many of my experiences with drugs that made me feel ill beyond what i wrote about in this thread, and i don't know if i were a Newb poster if BL staff would've let this stay up. it's just like a horrible mess of giving up. i don't think anyone has a reply, but i gather BL staff is just letting me trip out, which i thank them for.


i've talked about my struggle with taking so much LSD that i had blood in my stool for a few months after taking it several times a week thinking i was going to have an issue with my spine. i have the type of stomach where LSD affects the serotonin... i haven't taken LSD in 8 years and i'd like to be done with it. i was fine with smoking as much pot as i want and drinking coffee... i always think about how i'd like to have cocaine in my life to use every month or so, and it's leaving a major gap in my life.

i was set to just start taking mushrooms, which i also haven't done in 8 years. i was thinking of going out to the city where mushrooms are legal and trying to make some friends and tripping a couple times of years legally. i don't really want to take LSD because i want to stay legal as well as it bothering my insides... it's legal to grow and give out mushrooms in cambridge and i was on the internet with people that before that thought my music was cool. one girl used to email me all the time. idk. i was talking on BL about that, but honestly. i fucking hate shrooms. that if i could just smoke as much weed as i wanted, i'd feel like that's psychedelic enough and i also enjoy the high. that i have to move to smoke free housing and can't really get high in the way i want. i figured making some friends in the city and maybe doing some improv music for you tube would be fun. i know there are people out there that would be down, and if not, i could probably cop some shrooms and go down the river with my guitar and battery powered amp by myself and do some you tube for the night... i was thinking that'd be enough to think about and keep me going when i'm not where i want to be.

every now and then i've also been thinking about ordering some LSD, and it's not a thought that's always with me. that i don't really want to think about it. it kind of bothers me because i'll very much be tempted to dose it more than seasonally, and I REALLY DON'T WANT TO START ORDERING IT IN THE MAIL ALL THE TIME at all! lol. but i'm really thinking about ordering a sheet and if the site stays up, maybe order some more every few years, or better yet, just use it slow and let a sheet last the rest of my life. i'm not really sure what type of will power i have.


honestly, i think about coke being legal a lot. it actually makes me cry. i don't know if i'd test illegal coke if it weren't for fentanyl, definitely not that fentanyl around. i wish i could just be done with LSD and use some coke every now and then and smoke weed daily.


that the thinking about trying the OTC stimulant which i've been revealed is benzadrex, i started to think about doing LSD again because hell, benzadrex could kill me. i don't really know what this. i know some people sniff a shit load of coke. i wouldn't do that much. wtf! lol. this thought process was super funny to me and all i've went through thinking about the over the counter stimulant. that really reviews of drugs on the internet baffle me. being on the internet and having to recall doing cough syrup kind of triggered me. that if i order LSD, i won't do cough syrup... but anyways, the reviews on the internet baffle me. i've said in this thread that i'm not down with MDMA, opiates, oral 5meo-DMT, booze, and probably some other drugs that people are all up on and loving. the stuff is really bad to me. that donald trump supposedly drinking 12 diet cokes a day really got to me. that i'm not sure if i'm in some type of truman show and this is all a joke. i'm very confused.




that i don't know. i was talking in another thread about wanting to make a government program that girls with out kids like my sister could go into and lose their minds/free their bodies with psychedelics, and i feel like my family or a gang stalks me through this website. i believe if i order LSD in the mail that i will get gang stalked. i'm fine with that. there's nothing that i can do... but i really want the world to know. that i don't even want to do shrooms.. i'm still gonna try to go to the city and make friends. i'm really not sure. maybe i'll do shrooms to and see how that goes, but i really don't remember loving them and i know i love acid. the more drugs that i can take that aren't gonna kill me the better... i don't see how if i do acid every now that it will mess with my stomach like it did. i did it three days in a row every week for 3 years before blood spots started to show in my stool.




i should've put this in the "words" section. even this style of writing is like poetry to me... i don't want to mess up the flow of how BL likes people to post in "Drug culture".... i don't know. writing this was one big poetry jamboree of drug feeling.


that drugs being illegal really makes you take stock in your priorities.


that if there were a legal place for me to really smoke enough pot and break through to where i want to be, i wouldn't be ordering LSD. idk. i'm sure i'll be able to get plenty high to be where i want on acid. hah....


i have more that i want to say. this is already long winded.. that's it.
 
Yeah, benzedrex often helped me go around stimming on things and helped me not eat so my crazy ass could feel like a stealthy toothpick, but I don't recommend swallowing cotton "as a 40 yr old man" or whatever
 
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