can you elaborate on the ibogaine and why it was not a good fit?
The experience was both traumatic and cathartic... mostly traumatic, with some critical catharsis later on. It was successful in getting me off heroin almost 20 years back, so it got the job done. However, I returned to lesser opioids years later, mostly kratom, 7oh, ODSMT, etc, but I never returned to heroin or anything harder. I did relapse on a few m30 fent presses about 7 years ago, but that was an isolated incident.
It is not an experience I want to repeat again, because I don't feel like I need to. Also because my psychonaut days are kinda over, which is a whole other topic I could get into.
A lot of the Ibogaine experience I honestly can't remember. Like a 16hr acid trip, you might remember just a few minute blips here and there. Its been almost 20 years. But what I do remember is the first few hours at times I felt like I was on fire, at times I felt like I was going to have a seizure, but mostly it was like this horrible fucked up trip where all of the worst memories of my life were center stage... and then it turned into 24hr or so of catatonic introspective despair (a la HST). The comedown was equally as brutal and long. It felt like a fucking chemical lobotomy in some ways, a bad trip in others, but the afterglow was strong, beneficial, and interesting in its own way compared to typical serotonergic psychedelics.
I did not crave opioids afterwards for a long time. It had its benefits afterwards, but in retrospect as an older man now, its not an experience I think I need to repeat. I am "mature" enough now where I can intervention myself if I need it. I can taper or cold turkey if needed. I am not the crazy reckless junkie I used to be. I no longer lease my soul to drugs.
