PTSD I hurt myself yesterday. Self harm trigger warning.

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

Think we're straying a bit off topic mate. I appreciate your contribution. I'm talking about how I hurt myself as some form of fucked up coping mechanism - I didn't hurt anyone else.

Maybe I'm a bit confused about what you're getting at, but you didn't inflict the "bowl burn" on yourself, right? If you did, then I'm sorry and I may have misunderstood.

Fair enough. I dont harm myself -- I just take great risks knowing there is a good chance harm is going to happen. I feel like I relate though

 

[BK38]

Fair enough. I dont harm myself -- I just take great risks knowing there is a good chance harm is going to happen. I feel like I relate though

Yes, I get that. That you kind of take risks and almost beg for something to happen? Do you think of it as a kind of self-destructive motive? Essentially that you want to take some damage or at least risk it?

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

Yes, I get that. That you kind of take risks and almost beg for something to happen? Do you think of it as a kind of self-destructive motive? Essentially that you want to take some damage or at least risk it?

A little bit yea -- the risk makes me feel alive. I do "Wish a mother fucker would" kind of regardless of outcome. Since I was about 12 I have had a principle of "Only fight people who you should be able to kick your ass" --- lost a few that way playing way out of my weight class.

I dont want to be harmed or anything --- it just seems important people know I do not care if that is the way things go down --- so be it.

An example is I remember a fella sticking a knife to my throat while driving --- I put my foot on the gas pedal and said "Go for it man" at about 100. I didnt really care tbh, we can both die right now that is alright with me

 

[BK38]

An example is I remember a fella sticking a knife to my throat while driving --- I put my foot on the gas pedal and said "Go for it man" at about 100. I didnt really care tbh, we can both die right now that is alright with me

That's really intense. I get it to a degree. The "pick on someone your own size" mentality. I have a very strong sense of justice and if I perish defending people that can't defend themselves then so be it. I don't have a death wish or anything, but that kind of "loco indifference" I can relate to.

 

[abefourth]

I have an extensive history of self-harm (mostly cutting). My left arm had numerous scars from it now. At one point I had what may have been a suicide attempt - severed my jugular vein and a tendon in my wrist and had to have emergency surgery. I don't think I truly intended to end my life. But I was in a very hurting place and I had been hospitalized 2-3 times previously. Once was after I had a drunk driving incident where I flipped my car on a highway. My mental health teams think my depression and suicidal ideation gets much worse with alcohol use (so do I). I've been receiving mental help from a community mental health team for the past 4 years or so.

I don't know you especially well but I really like what I know of you. I can understand not wanting to check into the mental hospital and why it might not be the best idea. But if things get to where you consider extreme self-harm or have suicidal ideation please more carefully consider going to the hospital. They can be of some help (although as documented here in certain threads they can do more harm than good sometimes). I got help and now I'm in the best place I've been in in 5+ years.

 

[BK38]

I have an extensive history of self-harm (mostly cutting). My left arm had numerous scars from it now. At one point I had what may have been a suicide attempt - severed my jugular vein and a tendon in my wrist and had to have emergency surgery. I don't think I truly intended to end my life. But I was in a very hurting place and I had been hospitalized 2-3 times previously. Once was after I had a drunk driving incident where I flipped my car on a highway. My mental health teams think my depression and suicidal ideation gets much worse with alcohol use (so do I). I've been receiving mental help from a community mental health team for the past 4 years or so.

I don't know you especially well but I really like what I know of you. I can understand not wanting to check into the mental hospital and why it might not be the best idea. But if things get to where you consider extreme self-harm or have suicidal ideation please more carefully consider going to the hospital. They can be of some help (although as documented here in certain threads they can do more harm than good sometimes). I got help and now I'm in the best place I've been in in 5+ years.

Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it; it takes guts. It sounds like you've had a very rough ride, but I am sincerely happy you're in a good place now. I've also been hospitalized a number of times (including 2 where I was sectioned/5150'd - one hospitalization was about a year). I have also tentatively decided to quit drinking - certainly no heavy drinking right now (though today's a tough one given it's the 4th of July - I feel like I should shotgun at least 1 beer - is that wrong? haha, sorry bit of dark humor there).

You sound like a really nice person and I know thinking about self-harm and stuff can be very difficult, so thank you for reflecting and giving me some sage advice. I understand you have to think about those dark times to help me and that in and of its self is a form of selfless sacrifice or altruism. So from the bottom of my heart; merci beaucoup. I don't know you very well either, but I'd like to get to know you better

I do not have suicidal ideation or the urge to seriously harm myself right now, but if it starts getting bad, I will definitely check myself into the hospital.