Cocaine doing coke alone

[jessepinkman779]

You can say that again! My partner who I got into all the hard drug use with was my high school sweetheart.. got with her when I was 17, and remained together for like 15 years. Those 15 years were fueled by hard drug use, and a crazy lifestyle along with it. When we first got together, we both only smoked weed and drank. Little did I know, she already had experimented with hard drugs.. so it didn't take long before we were both using hard drugs. My mom used to always warn me, "you and that girls relationship is just sex and drugs" but being young, and dumb I didn't listen. Had multiple rehab, detox and prison stints during that time I was with her. She was super loyal(in a sense), as she always waited for me to get out.. but which was also a downfall, because as soon as I got out, I would jump right back where I left off at. It was one roller-coaster of a relationship and a lifestyle. While I regret some parts of it, I wouldn't change it if I could. I got to experience life in ways I never expected I would, and it has made me who I am today.

Once she was out the picture, lonerville it became. I was drug fueled, and had no desire to be around other people, nor to share my drugs. I would at times buy with other people out on the street(if we were all looking to score), but as soon as I got mine.. I was out! Lol. People would expect me to go with them wherever they were going to get high, since we all looked and found the drugs together.. but nope, I wasnt trying to hear it. Straight to a public bathroom to go get high. Or if I had enough money, I would get a motel room for a few days, and get high by myself in there.. while never feeling lonely, or having any desire to have company with me.

I like to geek by myself. I didn't want anyone else around me if I was all geeked up. That part you said about making a fool out of yourself, I know about that all too well. I don't know if you've ever IV'd coke.. but it's one hell of an experience, that I got super hooked on. When you shoot coke, you get a huge rush that feels amazing, but after the rush.. you get super paranoid, and usually start geeking. The more, or longer you continue to shoot bags.. the worse the paranoia and geeking would kick in. Me being a public bathroom king at the time, I would always go to any public bathroom I could find to shoot up.. while I preferred the one toilet bathrooms, they weren't always available, and would just hit up the last stall in whatever fast food place that was close(local hospital was also a favorite place of mine for a nice clean bathroom). I would tell myself everytime before I shot up.. just shoot the bags, and get out the bathroom before you get too geeked up and have to walk out the bathroom looking like a fool in front of a bunch of people. Unfortunately, it never worked out that way.. I would shoot 3 bags, and rather then leave the bathroom.. I would sit on the toilet geeked out my mind, preparing 3 more bags.. and would repeat this cycle until I been in the bathroom for well over an hour! By the time I walked out the bathroom, I would be geeked out my mind, sweating buckets(shooting coke makes you sweat profusely) and the paranoia would be on 100. So you can only imagine how many times I walked out a public bathroom looking completely wrecked, trying not to look at anyone, feeling like everyone was looking at me. Many times the workers of the fast food restaurants would have to repeatedly bang on the bathroom door, telling me to leave before they call the cops due to me being in the bathroom so long.. which would just make me more paranoid about leaving! When I say embarrassing.. it's an understatement. I did this same thing hundreds of times, in all types of public bathrooms. I went to the local college one time, because they have a nice private bathroom that no one really uses. I stayed in there for like 3 hours just shooting bags repeatedly.. when I was walking out the building, someone that I graduated from high school with was walking in the building.. omfg, embarrassing? I tried to not even look at them, and could hear them say repeatedly "you OK man?"... "why you look like that".. while I'm trying to power walk out the building super fast. I say all that to say this, I embarrassed myself in public countless times.. like seriously made a fool out myself. Many times sweat was dripping from my face like a mad man, my shirt would be soaking wet with sweat.. and none of this was enough to make me quit. I continued shooting coke for like 3 or 4 years. And I can't lie, I would love to shoot a bag right now just thinking about it, but I know better at this point in my life. I've done too much damage, but always nice to reminisce once in a while.

Sorry for the long rant!

This is an amazing and very eye opening comment. I've read it a couple of times now. And I'm going to think about everything you've said. You've done amazingly well.

 

[Ballu]

That's alright it was very interesting, I've never iv,ed anything ,plugged coke plenty times and it's pretty good but not something you'd do on a night out lol
Just out of curiosity how much is a bag that you would use at one time

Bags were $10 usd for a dime, which was like .15 of a gram. When I started out 1 bag was more then enough, when I quit I was doing 3 at one time.. one just didn't have the same kick. Never chanced anymore then 3, as its super easy to od from iv coke. Never tried plugging coke, I tried plugging H a few times, but it never worked out right and the liquid was just dribble down my legs. Got to the point I was just wasting it.

 

[Ballu]

This is an amazing and very eye opening comment. I've read it a couple of times now. And I'm going to think about everything you've said. You've done amazingly well.

I'm glad that it resonated with you. Funny thing is, I read the comment a few times after I wrote it.. and then read it twice just now when I got back on the site. Just reminiscing about it makes me miss it, but the reality of how deep I was into addiction, that not even embarrassing myself like that repeatedly, was enough to make me quit.. is a true eye opener. I truly didn't even envision quitting at the time.. only thing I truly cared about at the time, was being able to get more bags.

My coke addiction was actually so bad, it allowed me to get off H without going into any withdrawal. I got so much into coke, that I just started to spend all my money on it and would only buy enough H to calm me down at the end of the night, which eventually lead to me just buying all coke without buying any H to come down with.. and before you know it, a week had gone by and I didn't even realize at first that I completely lost my H addiction, and was completely coke fueled. Didn't feel any type of withdrawal, which I didn't even know was possible. Coke is a powerful drug.

And thank you, I truly appreciate the kind words. I didn't think I would ever get sober, as I truly never had a desire to be sober despite how bad things had gotten.

 

[jessepinkman779]

I'm glad that it resonated with you. Funny thing is, I read the comment a few times after I wrote it.. and then read it twice just now when I got back on the site. Just reminiscing about it makes me miss it, but the reality of how deep I was into addiction, that not even embarrassing myself like that repeatedly, was enough to make me quit.. is a true eye opener. I truly didn't even envision quitting at the time.. only thing I truly cared about at the time, was being able to get more bags.

My coke addiction was actually so bad, it allowed me to get off H without going into any withdrawal. I got so much into coke, that I just started to spend all my money on it and would only buy enough H to calm me down at the end of the night, which eventually lead to me just buying all coke without buying any H to come down with.. and before you know it, a week had gone by and I didn't even realize at first that I completely lost my H addiction, and was completely coke fueled. Didn't feel any type of withdrawal, which I didn't even know was possible. Coke is a powerful drug.

And thank you, I truly appreciate the kind words. I didn't think I would ever get sober, as I truly never had a desire to be sober despite how bad things had gotten.

I feel like that. I honestly can't see me stopping completely I enjoy it too much. I've never tried coke via IV it's been suggested by someone recently and I am tempted to try it just once.

Your story is inspiring though. It's crazy how the coke stopped your H habit. Do you still crave coke daily?

My dealer has crumbled and is letting me buy more today. Only a gram but it will do the job.

If I did try IV coke do you just wash it and pin it? Would a gram last longer if I used it via IV instead of sniffing it?

 

[jessepinkman779]

My dealer/old friend is a pushover. I managed to get 3.5 grams today. But he said no more until Monday. I've gotten so much good advice and I've got even more out of reading you guys stories. I don't feel like the odd one out on this forum like I do in my normal life. Everyone here understands and has been there and done it. I re-read a lot of the posts in this thread and gain so much insight and encouragement from them, thank you all. I hope all the guys are all well. I've got my hands on some DF's for tomorrow and Sunday but I'll have to take a breakthrough dose because I'm on bupe. I've got Naloxone just incase. I am seriously considering trying coke via IV just once I'm really curious on the difference in the high. However, I know that could be a slippery road. I'm guessing the high is so much more intense compared to snorting it. I'd have to get a mate of mine to show me how to do it though.

You guys are all awesome. And you've all been through so much. I have a lot of respect for you all.

My God I remember years ago when I only did coke weekends when I went out and thought it wasn't addictive. It was only when I started doing it daily that I realised just how wrong I was. I can't lie though I do love it. I just don't feel myself unless I've had some. Without it I'm usually low in mood, no very social and generally a bit numb. As soon as I have some I'm so much happier and I actually engage with people. Although I am losing some family and friends. One very old friend said he's happy to spend time with me as long as I'm not high, but I don't feel like I want to be around anyone when I'm not on it I feel very withdrawn. The only time I seriously consider stopping is when I crash and have a really bad time even on coke.

I seem to have adjusted to the reduction in my bupe dosage now and it seems to be stopping me crashing again. I'm not sure how much a breakthrough dose of DF's I'm going to need tomorrow but I'll start low and slowly build my dosage up.

I'm aware how heavily addicted I am I'm just not sure I want to stop. I think why should I? I'm enjoying it and I'm not causing anyone any problems. I know how that sounds. Anyway, thank you all again for sharing your experiences and lives in this thread.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I am seriously considering trying coke via IV just once I'm really curious on the difference in the high. However, I know that could be a slippery road. I'm guessing the high is so much more intense compared to snorting it. I'd have to get a mate of mine to show me how to do it though.

I'm aware how heavily addicted I am I'm just not sure I want to stop. I think why should I? I'm enjoying it and I'm not causing anyone any problems. I know how that sounds. Anyway, thank you all again for sharing your experiences and lives in this thread.

The first bolded bit - mate please don't fucking do that. It's always a bad idea and given your relationship to insufflated coke it's a fucking terrible idea. Snorting will suddenly not do it for you anymore. You massively struggle to cope with any kind of boundaried consumption via nasal roa, it could be pretty much game over if you fall to the needle. You would not be doing it 'just once' guaranteed, and IV coke use is the very definition of unsustainable and will likely lead you to a place that's darker than your wildest nightmares. Keep a lid on that particular box brother, then cover the box in concrete, throw it in a deep lake and forget all about it

Second bolded - Yeah I know how it sounds, a lot of us on here will know - it sounds exactly like an addict in denial, which is exactly what it is. Almost every reflection on your situation that you post has a ton of red flags

All best wishes as ever man - do yourself a massive favour and swerve that fucking needle

 

[jessepinkman779]

The first bolded bit - mate please don't fucking do that. It's always a bad idea and given your relationship to insufflated coke it's a fucking terrible idea. Snorting will suddenly not do it for you anymore. You massively struggle to cope with any kind of boundaried consumption via nasal roa, it could be pretty much game over if you fall to the needle. You would not be doing it 'just once' guaranteed, and IV coke use is the very definition of unsustainable and will likely lead you to a place that's darker than your wildest nightmares. Keep a lid on that particular box brother, then cover the box in concrete, throw it in a deep lake and forget all about it

Second bolded - Yeah I know how it sounds, a lot of us on here will know - it sounds exactly like an addict in denial, which is exactly what it is. Almost every reflection on your situation that you post has a ton of red flags

All best wishes as ever man - do yourself a massive favour and swerve that fucking needle

I'll take your advice and stay away from coke via IV. Thank you.Genuinly thank you. I know it's a terrible idea and I was still going to try it FFS. I'll stick to snorting.

 

[Auranova]

I double- bold ageingpartyfiend’s post. His advice is gospel and I also guarantee you will become a human pincushion if you decide to try IV even once. Enjoy it just the way you do now and you will be all the wiser and safer. When you let the genie out of the bottle, there’s no going back.

 

[CptCook]

@jessepinkman779
Listen to the other more experienced users and don't go IV
You're a lucky guy and got this bitcoin thing going on. With an IV addiction, I'm pretty sure you could also lose this source of money and get to an even worse hole, as IV is proved to increase even more the obsessive behavior that insufflated coke already causes
Today I bought some cheap coke and I already feel kinda regretful. It had been a year that I didnt't snort
Wishing you strength

 

[jessepinkman779]

@jessepinkman779
Listen to the other more experienced users and don't go IV
You're a lucky guy and got this bitcoin thing going on. With an IV addiction, I'm pretty sure you could also lose this source of money and get to an even worse hole, as IV is proved to increase even more the obsessive behavior that insufflated coke already causes
Today I bought some cheap coke and I already feel kinda regretful. It had been a year that I didnt't snort
Wishing you strength

Thank you. And I'm sorry to read you've had a lapse. I wish you all the very best.

 

[jessepinkman779]

I double- bold ageingpartyfiend’s post. His advice is gospel and I also guarantee you will become a human pincushion if you decide to try IV even once. Enjoy it just the way you do now and you will be all the wiser and safer. When you let the genie out of the bottle, there’s no going back.

Thank you.

 

[jessepinkman779]

Well, I couldn't go a day without it. I managed to get some today, well about 10 minutes ago. The cravings were just to intense. I crave coke like I crave nicotine. I wish I could stop but I just can't. I got some off a guy I know in the. Town next to my town because my dealer wouldn't give me anything until tomorrow. How do I beat the cravings? I feel amazing now I've had some and I feel empty and depressed when I haven't got any and the craving drive me mad. I can't sit still when I haven't got any. The guy I got it off today doesn't get it off my dealer but it's clean coke. I. Was ok today until about 2om then the cravings started. My mate gave me some Pregabalin to try and help but they didn't help. I've got to see my drug counsellor on Wednesday she wants me in rehab but I don't think that would help. I've thought about moving far away from where I live now but idd still find the local dealers. I need it to feel normal, but at the same time I do want to stop, I can't cut down because I'll just start having more eventually. I'm trapped in coke addiction. If my dealer finds out I've bought off someone else he won't be happy. Where I live there's loads of coke dealers so my dealer trying to cut me down won't work. He's stopped the dealers he supplies selling to me that's why I went to a dealer in another town. I'm fucking obsessed with coke. I don't knows how to get out of this trap I've put myself in. A day without coke is horrible. As soon as I order some I feel better knowing it's coming. First thing in the morning most mornings I want a few lines. To be honest at the moment coke is all I think about and I've got responsibilities which I carry out but I'm on coke when I'm doing them. I think I'm going to find out where the local NA meetings are and go to them to see if they help me. I'll try anything to stop at the moment but my brain just craves coke constantly it's horrible, well horrible when I've got none. When I've got some I feel normal again. I'm not doing anything once a week anymore but I'm doing it most days. Like I said I love having a few lines in the morning it really makes me feel like a better person I'm more helpful and talkative with friends and family. I think NA meetings is a must at this point. I really respect you guys for heating addiction. I'm trying but I just can't stop. Maybe I'm just not ready but I want to stop so the cravings eventually stop. The dealer in the town next to our town asked me to get it off him all the time but I'm loyal to my dealer I only went to the other guy because my dealer wouldn't do me any until tomorrow I was desperate. I had to wait 3 hours because he was busy and those 3 hours were horrible. I'm high now and I feel great, but I'm also scared about the cravings when I run out. I've only bought 2 grams so I've cut down. Definitely NA meetings I think. I'll try anything to stop the cravings. The 2 grams were 200 because it's Peruvian flake 10 pound a point. He said he'd do me 3.5 for 300. My dealer does me 3.5 for 180 straight of a kg block. But the stuff I've got tonight is very nice too. I'm fucking obsessed with coke.

I'm really sorry for the rant. I'm high and I feel trapped. Like I said I'll try anything to stop the cravings. As soon as I got this coke I did a few lines in one go. I'm deep in addiction and I want to get out. Sorry again for the rant.

 

[jessepinkman779]

I'm going to search Google for my local NA meeting and contact them asap. I might be high when I go to my first meeting but I'm hoping NA will help. I think I need to give my brother control of my money and cryptocurrency so I can't buy any. But the thought of that scares me. Plus my dealer will loan me no problem so there's no point giving my brother control of my money. I'm trapped, I've built my own prison that I can't escape from. Yet I feel great at the moment and.im thinking straight. When I've got no coke Im a mess. I'd try rehab but ii don't think it would work. Maybe I'm not ready to stop even though I want to. 1 day without it was horrible and that's pathetic I know. I'm 46 years old and my drug counsellor said at my age in already at risk of a heart attack and I'm playing with fire doing coke because it increases my chance of heart attack. The thing is that doesn't scare me when I'm on it noting scares me I feel invincible when I'm on coke. But I do want to stop I can't live with cravings and I can't sniff coke every day. I told my mate if I do have a heart attack on coke I want him to know I died happy that's how bad my addiction is. Sorry again for the rant as I said I'm currently high.

 

[streaM Freak]

@jessepinkman779 - it's impossible to quit when high because the drug is doing the talking. NA will help you see that the drugs voice and your voice are two very separate things, so that sounds like a great start.

Drugs don't discriminate, so don't beat yourself up too much. You're strong for taking these steps toward getting better.

 

[Ballu]

I feel like that. I honestly can't see me stopping completely I enjoy it too much. I've never tried coke via IV it's been suggested by someone recently and I am tempted to try it just once.

Your story is inspiring though. It's crazy how the coke stopped your H habit. Do you still crave coke daily?

My dealer has crumbled and is letting me buy more today. Only a gram but it will do the job.

If I did try IV coke do you just wash it and pin it? Would a gram last longer if I used it via IV instead of sniffing it?

Tbh, I don't really have drug cravings anymore.. not like I used to. Sitting here writing about it, makes me reminisce about it probably a little more then I should.. but I believe that im at that stage where I wouldn't allow myself to get back into it.

To IV coke, you mearly add water to it, and add a filter, and then draw up the solution in your rig, and shoot it. It's rather simple. I'm not one to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do.. so my only words of advice would be if you're going to try it, start really small on your first one.. because you're going to feel it no matter what on your first try, and it will be super intense. I wouldn't do anymore then 0.1 your first time, I would even suggest doing less then that on your first time..as I remember I did a fraction of a dime on my first time, and it was super intense, made me feel nervous at first.. as I had never felt anything like that prior.

I almost fell in love with it right away. Once the rush wore off, I was ready to try it again. If you think snorting coke is fun, shooting coke is like 100x more fun.. but also 100x more dangerous. There is a really thin line between enjoying your high and overdosing. And its not like H, where you can take narcan and reverse the OD. Once you OD on IV coke.. it's over. There is no reversing it. So you have to be extremely careful when choosing how much you will do, and being careful to not shoot too much back to back, as you'll be chasing the rush.. despite being already high.

 

[jessepinkman779]

Tbh, I don't really have drug cravings anymore.. not like I used to. Sitting here writing about it, makes me reminisce about it probably a little more then I should.. but I believe that im at that stage where I wouldn't allow myself to get back into it.

To IV coke, you mearly add water to it, and add a filter, and then draw up the solution in your rig, and shoot it. It's rather simple. I'm not one to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do.. so my only words of advice would be if you're going to try it, start really small on your first one.. because you're going to feel it no matter what on your first try, and it will be super intense. I wouldn't do anymore then 0.1 your first time, I would even suggest doing less then that on your first time..as I remember I did a fraction of a dime on my first time, and it was super intense, made me feel nervous at first.. as I had never felt anything like that prior.

I almost fell in love with it right away. Once the rush wore off, I was ready to try it again. If you think snorting coke is fun, shooting coke is like 100x more fun.. but also 100x more dangerous. There is a really thin line between enjoying your high and overdosing. And its not like H, where you can take narcan and reverse the OD. Once you OD on IV coke.. it's over. There is no reversing it. So you have to be extremely careful when choosing how much you will do, and being careful to not shoot too much back to back, as you'll be chasing the rush.. despite being already high.

Thank you for the reply. You've put the fear of God into me by pointing out it's not like an opiod overdose there's no narcan. Once you OD on IV coke it's over. So thank you again.

I've been off coke for 2 days, well today is my second day. I've joined NA and a couple of Tiktok drug recovery groups. I'm planning to stay off it, but only time will tell

 

[streaM Freak]

Yeah and that's honest that time will tell, it is constant work. But over time the work load decreases, and the stability and natural dopamine increases.

 

[jessepinkman779]

I'm on my 4th day off coke but the cravings are really bad. I keep thinking about messaging my dealer and thinking about how nice I'll feel after a few lines.

 

[streaM Freak]

I'm on my 4th day off coke but the cravings are really bad. I keep thinking about messaging my dealer and thinking about how nice I'll feel after a few lines.

I wonder, what outside of drugs interest you? Are there things that you are drawn toward or was drawn toward in the past that you visualize yourself doing in the future?

Because as time goes on, the small little things sort of stack up. And when your brain gets free from being hijacked you see things that you wouldn't have otherwise.

I know that's sort of abstract, but yeah what do you enjoy doing?

 

[jessepinkman779]

I wonder, what outside of drugs interest you? Are there things that you are drawn toward or was drawn toward in the past that you visualize yourself doing in the future?

Because as time goes on, the small little things sort of stack up. And when your brain gets free from being hijacked you see things that you wouldn't have otherwise.

I know that's sort of abstract, but yeah what do you enjoy doing?

I like and enjoy anything to do with computers or technology in general. I use to enjoy going to the gym too.

I've ordered some coke. I feel like shit and it hadn't even arrived yet.